CHALLENGE 1: ShiTool 2.0 by Alex M.

February 28, 2006 5:48 PM Permalink

Dear Yahoo, Google, AOL, Microsoft, Rupert Murdoch, Et Al.

There's been a lot of buzz about "Web 2.0" and "Social Software" lately. And there's been a whole lot of cash changing hands - $15 mil for Measure Map, around $20 million each for Flickr and del.icio.us, and a whopping $580 million for Myspace. Obviously, these new technologies need to be "dynamically leveraged" in order to create new business paradigms and exploit the capital potential that exists in online social networks.

So how do today's busy Internet users find the time to update all of their social software applications? That's just the problem - they often don't. A typical web-savvy college student might have all or a combination of the following: Myspace page, Friendster page, Facebook site, Flickr account, del.icio.us link library, Blogger blog, Vimeo or YouTube video account, and the list continues. Add schoolwork, part-time jobs, relationships, and band practice into this "Media Mashup," and you've got a recipe for Web 2.0 overload on your hands.

But wait! There's hope for these information-clogged arteries. We're proud to announce the launch of a new application that will revolutionize and forever simplify social software: Social Hierarchy Integration Tool for Web 2.0, or ShiTool 2.0 for short.

ShiTool (pronounced Shy-Tool) is a web application that updates absolutely everything for you. Haven't got time to take pictures and upload them to Flickr? Let ShiTool scour the web and upload other people's photographs that match your personality and aesthetic style. Can't update your Myspace friends list because your cat is sick? Let ShiTool choose your friends for you. Can't go number 2? Well, even ShiTool has its limits, but the app comes standard with a set of future-proof APIs (Application Programming Interface) so that it can be extended to any online or "offline" situation.

The 5 steps to using ShiTool are simple:

1) Fill out the initial "personality test." Users' personalities and preferences will be rated, graded and sorted according to our top secret open source algorithm. Then the program will develop a psychological profile of the user, which will be used to determine the content of the user's social interactions. Freudian, Jungian, and Zizekian psychological theories will be employed in building this profile.

2) We will then integrate your personalized profile into our massive RAID array, which contains every word in every language ever written or spoken in the history of the world, and every possible social or personal scenario that has occurred or will occur at some point in the future. This allows for infinite interactions and possibilities. We like to call it "THE MIND OF GOD."

3) Once your profile integration is complete, you'll have a personal page available on our secure site which allows you to minutely adjust your preferences and mood indicators. This provides for a more accurate social computation representation. You can change these as frequently or as infrequently as you like.

4) Now ShiTool goes to work updating your social software accounts, wherever and whenever you choose. All content posted by ShiTool is witty, entertaining, useful, instructional, comforting, and deeply meaningful. Yes, all at the same time. It is the perfect program, again, THE MIND OF GOD.

5) Voila! All of your social software responsibilities have been filled by ShiTool, and you can spend your extra time on the things that truly matter: hanging out with your cat, listening to Enya, eating Kettle Chips, or driving your hybrid to the mall.

Extra Features:
* Perpetually in BETA!
* The logo sports a gradient background, rounded corners, clean sans-serif font, and a drop shadow for that awesome Web 2.0 look!
* Speaks your mind!
* Writes better than you!
* Knows everything about you!

By: Alex M. | Challenge 01 | February 28, 2006

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