Trumpington Lives Again
Posted on: May 25, 2005 11:25 PM
It's inconceivable to believe that one could possibly be unfamiliar with the infamous Trumpington, the anonymous gossip columnist of Cambridge University, but one must face the facts, and realize that perhaps one's fame did not extend outside the lonely Fens, or even outside East Anglia, and thus a little introduction may be desirable...
Yes, in a former life I was one amongst a long line of gossip columnists for Varsity, one of those tawdry student rags headlining drunken idiots and privileged boaty types who spent their students days idling away life on the River Cam, drinking Pimms and fucking skinny rich girls with obsolete titles. After thirty years of gleeful rumor-monging, the treasured column passed on secretly from writer to writer, Trumpington was mercilessly killed by a fat editor called Jane who now writes for the Guardian, and whom I despise. I should find nothing more satisfying than revealing to you all Jane's little obsession with small mammals and plastic tubes, but alas the photographic evidence was destroyed by her fearsome breath. But Trumpington lives on in his many guises, of which I was one. And Trumpington, like the Phoenix, shall be reborn from the ashes of Jane's tindered celluloids, to give you the latest hot gossip from New York.
Oh where to begin dearest readers?
It has come to Trumpington's increasing attention the rather alarming obsession one prominent U.N. diplomat and former Bill Gates consort has with a small, Brazilian stripper in a seedy Midtown bar named after an appalling eighties movie. Said diplomat was seen escorting the young lady to a local wine bar in a state of heady intoxication several evenings ago, only for the young lady to cause rather a raucous by her youthful looks, lack of I.D., and habit of falling off chairs onto nearby customers. Could the Irish charmer be losing his touch in his attempts to touch-up the young slut? Or perhaps he's merely thinking of moving deeper into politics, and is consequently researching the darker side of Manhattan in an attempt to bond with his illustrious counterparts at the U.N. You can't hide from Trumpington children. You're rather big, but you're certainly not clever after that amount of tequila.
A prestigious Manhattan firm is facing rather a crisis at the present time due to an anonymous blog found on one of the company computers. After a quick scurry through the online archives, it was discovered that all fifty employees of the company were addicted to the blog - which detailed one employee's successful perpetration of the company despite her lack of a valid working permit for the U.S. The company is in a flurry of panic in its attempts to locate the brazen hussy and assuage the company fears of imminent bad press. Hmm. Who on earth could this be? One message for you all a little Mimi whispered in my ear... Catch me if you can!
It seems blogging and work certainly don't go together, after another New Yorker was recently hauled up before his company executives after foolishly revealing the name of his network station on his blog, with rather too many details regarding a certain right-wing talk show host. The poor little blogger is now facing rather a large law-suit - similar to that launched by STAR magazine against the delightful Stephanie, a former employee of theirs who just happened to pitch the draft of her novel to a relative of STAR magazine at a major publishing house. Poor Stephanie forgot to omit a few lairy details in the novel which centred around working for a celebrity obsessed publication... but news just in! Stephanie has just won the court case against STAR, rendering them liable for damages. Tut tut. It seems writers and the workplace just do not get along. When will the world realize there should really be a separate place designated for all the wordsmiths of this world - I suggest New York. Move the Republicans out to Afghanistan, and the writers in, and we could all get along...
Well, that's Trumpington for you. Short, sweet, and rather exhausted after 16 hours of dancing in six-inch heels. But from that lofty height, one gains a perfect view of New York sleaze...
Memories! students rags...Oh the days when gossip was focused on a few square miles rather than continents.
HOT from Bristol. A pensioner couple are launching a lawsuit against a Pakistani bed shop in Bedminster after the mattress they purchased from said asian store WAS TOO HOT TO SLEEP ON! The bed shop examined the purchase, but refuse to refund as the claims came AFTER the 30 day guarantee, and they believe there is nothing wrong with the sleepeazy mattress. Pensioner couple, in the spirit of true west country bulldogs, refuse to back down and are quoted to have threatened-
"we'll take this all the way to the sun if we 'arve to"
*For those in confusion, "The Sun" is a tawdry british rag featuring large breasts, torrid celeb affairs and cheap brits attempting to milk the government for money in some binale twist of the system (much like myself)
see ya mimi
piu piu x
Posted by: piu piu at May 26, 2005 3:24 AM
BOY KILLED BY GIANT SNOWBALL!
Trumpington- love it! do the yanks get this entry?
Posted by: PAUL at May 26, 2005 3:37 AM
This is why Mimi's is the best post....
"We should distinguish between rumor and gossip, as each appears to function differently in its pure state. Rumors have been described as public communications that are infused with private hypotheses about how the world works, or more specifically, ways of making sense to help us cope with our anxieties and uncertainties. More than rumor, gossip tends to have an "inner-circleness" about it, in that it is customarily passed between people who have a common history or shared interests. Popular usage defines gossip as "small talk" or "idle talk," but gossip is hardly inconsequential or without purpose. For example, it has been theorized that gossip played a fundamental role in the evolution of human intelligence and social life and that it continues to play an active role in cultural learning and as a source of social comparison information...."
Posted by: j at May 26, 2005 4:08 AM
I had not heard of Trumpington, and thank you so much for telling about it.
Posted by: Steve Schroeder at May 26, 2005 1:14 PM
Thanks, you are being very charitable, not my best post. There's a lot going on this end at the moment, sorry for that!
Posted by: mimi at May 26, 2005 11:24 PM
Claaaaaassssssy! Daaarling!
Posted by: claudia at May 26, 2005 3:11 AM