This entry...IS gossip.
Posted on: May 24, 2005 9:19 PM
As we all know, the best part about gossip is partaking in it. To hear gossip with one's own ears, or to see gossip with one's own eyes, is truly the King of Kings when it comes to dirty and shameful pass-times. I myself know hardly any gossip, because I live a sequestered life in a small fishing village and have few outlets/inlets to the outside world.
For my entry, I determined that I would go directly to the source of all gossip in my life. Her name is Madam X, and she lives a sequestered life in a large city teeming with people (and not fish) which shall remain unnamed. She has seen many celebrities at their best and worst. She is friends with them. She goes to weird parties with them. Her friends are sleeping with them. She stays in their homes and rifles through their belongings. She is truly an asset to the gossiping community and I am honored to have reached her tonight in light of her busy schedule.
Madam X was gracious enough to bestow her "wicked hot traxx" on my lucky eyes via the modern miracle known as i-chat. You may now experience gossip along with us in all its glory--sometimes boring, sometimes confusing, always scandalous-- as we are whisked down a magical gilded road lined with talking chokecherry bushes that tell us the way to our destination:
Gossipville: Population: Ultimate Blogger
Discussion of what we are drinking is here eliminated: also a great story about a friend of hers who got dissed by a guy in a band--but for brevity's sake (if you call this "brief" (I have been chastened by negative comments regarding my voluminous output)), I cut it.
Special Thanks To:
Tara Reid
the Curves franchise
Nicole Richie
DJ AM
certain dark brooding star of a recent cult hit
that dude in the punk band
Famous Gay Singer
Tom Cruise
Bruce Willis
Paul Newman
Robert Redford
Neil Hamburger
The actress/model/clothing designer who also starred in a hit sci-fi film
Audrey Hepburn (not featured)
singer friend of mine who talks about speedos and who also helped me with Photoshop today
The Loveable George W. Bush Family
and special guest star Owen Wilson
Ummm, kids, hit the back button on your browser. I just did. Ritch, you just totally posted like, THE PERFECT POST! I have not seen yet, nor discussed the posts of your fellow competitors, but I gotta say: "YOU WIN!"
Love,
Joel
Posted by: Joel Conrad Bechtolt at May 25, 2005 2:12 PM
Fuckin' A, man! You really didn't pull any punches. I am seething with jealousy that you met Owen Wilson. I was enjoying the entry, then WHAM: jealous. I think that's the mark of a true gossip. Excellent work!
Posted by: Liz at May 25, 2005 2:54 PM
I am in awe, Ritchey.
Why I have not heard of you until this UB thing popped up?
Owen Wilson...I think I just drooled.
Posted by: J at May 25, 2005 4:09 PM
http://www.newsmeat.com/celebrity_political_donations/Owen_Wilson.php
Posted by: Kevin Ferguson at May 25, 2005 4:18 PM
This would be way better if you named names. Luckily it is still awesome.
Posted by: Kevin Erickson at May 25, 2005 4:27 PM
Ritchey, you know that I am in love with Owen Wilson. Are you trying to psych me out? Just wait until you get my Michael Showalter dirt! Hoo, buddy!
Trash talk aside, I love this Ritchey. Gossip can be SO satisfying, and after reading this entry I feel like I ate 9 Tofutti Cuties. Mmm. In a good way.
Posted by: willow at May 25, 2005 4:54 PM
I wanna know who the people you talked about are. I'm bad at figuring it out!
I know who is the singing style man who talks about speedos....it's BOBBY BIRDMAN. Style Idol.
Posted by: Steve Schroeder at May 26, 2005 1:22 PM
You are a gossip!
I love it!
I am sorry you could not use my gossip.
I will make it up to you with those 'fishy photos'.
Love,
KS
Posted by: ksouth at May 25, 2005 11:49 AM