the rumor mill by Willow

Posted on: May 25, 2005 9:39 AM

It's early morning here in Portland Oregon, but already the gossip is hot, hot, hot! I sent a request out on the gossip mill, asking my friends and associates to share their juiciest first-hand celebrity rumors. These tidbits may not be new, but man are they HOT! These are exclusive stories that you won't find on any website or newsstand! Ladies and gentlemen, flex your scrolling digits and prepare to have your mind BLOWN! It's all true baby, and you'll read it here first!

Activist Amy wrote in with this Liv Tyler gem:
Apparently Liv and Amy both had their hearts broken by the same playground playboy back in Portland, Maine! Liv still sites this man, a Mr. Galen Murton, as the "the only man who ever rejected me" in interviews. Amy's reaction? "Boo freakin' hoo. I, too, have been rejected by Galen Murton since second grade, but you don’t see me running to major tabloid press to feel prettier about it." Yeouch! Amy also reports that in 2000 Liv refused to buy a ticket or donate any money at a benefit for a former classmate. She tried to breeze by Amy at the front desk, claiming she 'knew the people throwing this party." Amy shot back, “Yeah, so do I and I can tell you none of them are pulling in a million a movie.” Liv quivered, trembled, and disappeared into into her entourage. Yowza, Amy! What a comeback!

Ever wonder how Patrick Stewart spends his evenings? My source Alana knows! She saw him drive by in a limousine in the middle of the night. His bald head was sticking out of the sunroof, and he was shouting, "I'm Jean-Luc Picard, Who wants to FUCK ME?" Thanks Alana, that is sizzling!





Sam reports that her friend Erin dated Steve-O (of Jackass fame) when they were students at an American high school in London. They were planning to go to the junior prom together, but Steve-O refused to ditch his giant stash of marijuana before boarding the prom boat (it was a floating prom.) He got searched, and the night was over. Drugs ruin lives, and Steve-O ruins proms. It's a sad and universal truth.





My dad dropped out of college on the same day as Bill Murray. They were standing in the parking lot together, saying thier goodbyes. Bill asked my dad what his plan was. "Well, I think I'll head up to Boulder, give it a go as a mime." Bill reported that he was headed to Chicago to try and make it doing stand up. They shook hands and went their seperate ways. A few months later my dad heard a rumor that Bill was freaking out. He was holed up in a Chicago apartment with just a hangman's noose, a crown, and a wooden chair. My dad and his buddies rallied. They decided to drive to Chicago in the middle of the night and "save Bill!" But they were too stoned. Good effort though, Dad!



But wait! I have more hot Bill Murray action! A certain Mercedes roadside repairman I know once got a call from Bill. His car was parked in a public garage, and a sewer pipe had burst just above it. There was literally shit all over the car! When they opened the door Bill's dog jumped inside, tracking it all over the interior! The mechanic said, "Oh man. That sucks." Bill's reply? "Shit happens!" Talk about grace under pressure!







This just in!! Jennie's coworker's best friends' sister (this is literally the source chain) is currently having a phone sex relationship with Leonardo DiCaprio! They met at a movie premier in New York last year and Leo invited her to enjoy a wild weekend with him and his posse in Atlantic City. We can only guess what happened in the hotel room that night, but the next day Leo had his limo drive her back to the city. He was smitten. He invited her to the Oceans 12 premiere in Los Angeles. She demurred, siting a final exam that conflicted. Leo generously offered to write a note to her professor on Leonardo DiCaprio letterhead, but again the lady declined. Apparently this road-bump didn't stop the pair from engaging in hot, hot phone sex, well into Leo's relationship with Giselle! Uh-oh! Jennie and Liz saw the vixen at a party, and overheard her say, "I watched the Academy Awards and just cried and cried!" I'm just waiting for ET to get wind of this. I predict it will blow up David Beckham/Posh Spice style. Remember, folks, you read it here first!

Now here's the news that will get Ritchey swooning. My roomate's best friend used to have a sexual relationship with Michael Showalter. He visited her here in Portland, and they all went to the zoo together. FACT: Michael Showalter likes the zoo. FACT: Michael Showalter eats Pirate's Booty while watching movies. FACT: Michael Showalter loves The Monkees.

Other hot tips? My future brother-in-law Marty once saw Michael Stipe give some lady the finger. Joey gave Wesley Willis a ride from Denver to Fort Collins; he tried in vain to talk to him about Otis Redding while Willis listened to Public Enemy on his head phones. My dad was friends with Rosanne in the 1970's. Her nickname was Chunky. A certain friend who works at a certain five-star hotel in New York was present when P-Diddy nearly walked in on Marc Anthony boning Diddy's then wife Jennifer Lopez. The hotel staff helped Anthony sneak out the service elevator while J Lo rushed to the lobby in her nighty to greet Puff Daddy. Rose McGowan showed up at a party when she was 15 with a much older man. She got wasted and was found under a table surrounded by empty wine-coolers oinking like a little piggy. And finally, I, Willow Wonder, rubbed elbows with cyber-celebrity Joel Conrad Bechtolt at the Holocene on Tuesday night. He is, in person, exactly as he seems on the Internet; charming, chatty, and mildly offensive. Here's the evidence:

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