The Day the Men Stopped Hissing at me.
Posted on: May 4, 2005 11:54 PM
I'm cheating by posting stuff from my own blog. But I wanted to apologise to everyone who's been frantically trying to get hold of me today and explain why I've been a little elusive....
Like the majority of those in possession of a vagina, I have become accustomed to the hisses of the Latino and Caribbean community whilst wandering around my neighbourhood. Whilst I must profess my initial irritation at being communicated with as if one were a python, I never noticed how much this had become an affirmation of my superlative physical appearance, until... the day the men stopped hissing at me.
The day started off badly. I woke up at 6.30 am and was unable to get back to sleep. Hungover and concerned about the loss of our new communal cat, whom I had unfortunately lost after taking for a small promenade earlier the previous day, I lay in a stupor until forced into activity by a phonecall from the BBC, whom were interviewing me for an online features article. After the supreme effort of managing coherence for an entire half-hour, I relapsed into hungover apathy which culminated in a violent vomiting session. I blame over-exposure to Stephanie Klein's blog.
I was eventually forced to leave my apartment, and take the long trek to Bedford Avenue Station. It was then that the reality hit me. Noone was hissing at me or molesting me for blow jobs and/or sex. This could have been due to the encounter I had with a Homeboy on the street last night.
"Hey baby, you're hot baby! What about you and me together baby?"
"Right sweetheart, get your fucking cock out and let's do it here and now. Come on. I'm waiting. Get it out. I want eight inches or nothing."
Pause.
"You have a good night baby."
Today - nothing. The truth was evident. I had aged over night and hit the nearly-thirty mark. It wasn't that I smelt of vomit, had on no make-up and had failed to shower that morning. I had somehow become unworthy of the men who hiss at you on the street. Combined with writer's block, the day has not been charitable.
When in doubt, locate some latin loving. I found myself in front of Bon Giorno, ready to be drooled over by the Venezuelan bar tender who kindly provided me with my SS number. Jorge greeted me with a hug and a kiss, and then proceeded to fill me in on the details of his new affair with Monique, the stony-faced Belgian bitch behind the bar. He looked at me with doe-like eyes.
"I think it's love Mimi."
I had been overlooked for a permanently menstruating younger frigid cow. Reality is cruel. Giovanni the Italian hipster waiter appeared, fresh from his marriage to the delightful Delilah and invigorated from a week of honeymoon shagging in Florida and the imminent arrival of his Green Card.
"Mimi! 'Ow are you Mimi? We meess you Mimi. You must come work wi' us again."
He pinched my cheek and hugged his new wife adoringly. Finding this display of genuine affection truly nauseating, I instead turned to the bottle and sat outside on the street with a brown paper bag and shared a cigarette with Jo-jo, the hobbit-like cuatralingual French drug dealer.
A fine figure of a man.
When proximity did not even produce so much as a faint hard on, I knew it was time to invest in some super-power Clinique reverse ageing products, and reconsider the effects of vomit-breath upon one's pulling power. Lucia, large-assed slut waitress, joined me outside, and sighed deeply. Lucia did not find a husband in ten days, and instead overstayed her tourist visa to join ranks with the status-less. After attending a meeting at the New York Immigration Coalition last night, I found it hard to sympathise with anyone who voluntarily chooses this route. Oh the irony, I hear you cry, you dirty little illegal, you... Well, actually, I'm still in status, and when my visa arrives, I'll be a little more legal than previously. Whatever happens, I am not leaving this country. But then neither will I disempower myself any more than I already have done by living the life I've lived for the last eight weeks.
Lucia looked at me with huge dilated eyes, opened her mouth, closed it, and slunk against the wall.
"Mimi. I 'ave no fuckin' drugs Mimi. This country steenk."
I got up to leave. On the subway ride home, a guy gave up his seat for me.
It is official. I have joined the ranks of the ancient.
A little note for you all... the REAL ID act, which you may all be familiar with through my article on the DREAM act (located on my blog under 'articles') has just been presented in Congress, and looks set to go through. This act has serious repercussions for immigrant rights and immigrants' recourse to the judicial system, and is in a similar vein to the Patriot Act in its violation of civil rights. I urge you all to read up about this, and if you're in the States, start kicking your Congressman's behind. It is a lot more than an act involving driver's licences, which is what Congress would like us to believe. If you're not in the States and you're a journalist, get onto it. There was a huge front page article about this on the front of The New York Times yesterday. Please educate yourself, especially any American readers, who may or may not be aware of the gradual erosion of civil rights under the present administration.
well, maybe these are more appropriate
Chiclit Gone Really Bad
When (Do) Mean Girls Grow Up
Posted by: Don2 at May 5, 2005 5:48 AM
mimi- i'm really glad you mentioned the REAL ID Act in your post. i've been doing advocacy work on this for a non-profit, and it's been difficult to get people to spread the word through avenues other than the mainstream press (and they're focusing only on the license provisions).
good job!
Posted by: laura at May 5, 2005 6:34 AM
Well I read that article and it didn't say much more about the negative implications other than the privacy issue.
As a Canadian citizen on a temporary visa that I renew once a year, it seems unfair that I would have to renew my license (and presumably pay the fee) annually.
Honestly it's no surprise to me that something like this would come up. The US is hardly welcoming to any type of immigrant, legal or not. Every time I cross the border with my VALID paperwork I have to deal with attitude from those pricks at Customs. And now the vigilantes patrolling the Mexican border are talking about doing the same on the Canadian border! Talk about insular and ignorant.
Posted by: karina at May 5, 2005 8:11 AM
Hey Don,
What about -
'Fuck you motherfucking small pricked cunt'
I kinda like that as my next headline.
xx
Posted by: mimi at May 5, 2005 9:41 AM
This ended up being kind of long, but it's a decent sample of the harmful provisions of the RIA.
A big issue with the RIA is that an asylum seeker or refugee would have to deal with much stricter interview processes when trying to make their claim. Someone's facial expressions, demeanor, attitude would be taken as a sign of their actual need. For example, a woman who fled rape by a uniformed soldier in her country might show visible discomfort in the presence of a uniformed DHS border guard, which would make her vulnerable to denial. Her post-traumatic stress could easily give her an evasive demeanor and emotionless presentation as she related her trauma.
asylum seekers would have to prove that a “central reason” their persecutors have for harming them is because of their race, nationality religion, political opinion or membership in a particular social group, e.g., a union or student group. A child seeking asylum, who would have a hard time understanding or meeting such a requirement, could be denied asylum. Asylum seekers whose persecutors have mixed motives could be denied, e.g., a woman raped by a government soldier who acts both out of personal hatred for her and to carry out his army’s campaign of ethnic cleansing.
Sections 103 and 104 allow victims of terrorist or militant groups to be deported or barred from receiving asylum based on overly broad definitions of what constitutes engaging in terrorism. Some people who come to the United States seeking asylum are doing so because they were forced at gunpoint to pay money to a terrorist organization or may have given money to a school or hospital without knowing the ties to a terrorist organization. Under the REAL ID Act, these innocent people would be barred from asylum for the same reason they are seeking it.
Posted by: laura at May 5, 2005 9:48 AM
Lucky old New York, Mimi. Got a writer that's equal to its infinite variety. The Damonyetta Runyon of the modern age. Yeah, lucky old NY.
xx
Posted by: Dan Flynn at May 5, 2005 10:54 AM
wow that's awful
although I'm not sure if America would be my first choice if I were seeking asylum
so many crazy laws are being made right now with hardly anyone noticing. It just reminds me that the current government is far more incidious than it seems (and I already have a low opinion!)
Posted by: karina at May 5, 2005 10:57 AM
yeah, and unfortunately it looks like this thing is going to pass straight through. it's already been passed by the house, and then it skipped the senate to go into conference committee. 'our' side had pretty much no chance to make changes to the bill, because all the republican reps. locked out the democrats. there was no way to talk to people...and now it's going to vote very soon.
***************
dear people seeking help in the U.S,
i'm sorry. we don't want you here.
sincerely,
the hateful right wing
Posted by: laura at May 5, 2005 11:05 AM
jesus god! I can't keep track of all the crazy shit my dumbass country is doing. It's hard enough to remember all the third-world nations we're bombing into oblivion. I am befouled and disgusted.
Posted by: ritchey at May 5, 2005 11:35 AM
I think that reposting verbatim from your regular blog is probably not a good idea. There were parts of this entry that I thought were really fantastic and I was ready to really love it, but then it just got confusing. Please consider all of us new to you and your blog. I see a lot of potential and I will probably start reading your regular personal blog as a result.
Posted by: james at May 5, 2005 1:28 PM
Mimi, if you'll forgive me for diverging from the political: Lots of fun to discover your flickr site.
Do other players have flickr sites? If so, it would be fun for us spectators to see them and get to know you better. Please share!
And I think the flickring and the blogging go together so well. If you want any explanation or help in setting up a flickr account, feel free to email me.
Posted by: freddy at May 5, 2005 1:30 PM
Yes, Mimi, that's the spirit. "Fuck You Motherfucking Small Pricked Cunt" would be an excellent name for your lackluster blog. Become what you are. Tacking one paragraph of political commentary onto the end of your posts, well, it's just holding you back from reaching your full potential.
Posted by: Don at May 5, 2005 2:44 PM
Don,
I fail to comprehend how any of your criticism can be construed as even remotely constructive. Are you suggesting, perhaps, that I email you and get you to tell me what to write? Would that not, perhaps, undermine the concept that this is my writing, the views and manner in which they are expressed of my choice? I've written many many times on my disappointment that it's easier for me to get schlock about dating in print than hard-core journalism looking at unpopular but important issues. My way of dealing with that is to combine the two on my blog. I enjoy writing both, and I fail to see how my being a 'chick' precludes me from having a valid political opinion and the ability to express my views any way I choose. One major problem with these issues is there inaccessibility to the general public. One thing about my writing is its general accessibility. What exactly do you do with your life apart from shoot off puerile comments to women on the internet?
Posted by: mimi at May 5, 2005 3:24 PM
and yes I saw the typo, 'their', I'm sorry.
Bad news about the act.
You found my flickr site? Cool. Not very interesting at the moment though.
xx
Posted by: mimi at May 5, 2005 3:26 PM
and yes I saw the typo, 'their', I'm sorry.
Bad news about the act.
You found my flickr site? Cool. Not very interesting at the moment though.
Yeah James, I get your complaint, I'll try to keep the posts pertinent. I'm spreading myself a bit thin at the moment with too many hours in work and not enough sleep.
xx
Posted by: mimi at May 5, 2005 3:27 PM
Just so you know, Mimi, the james who made that constructive criticism was not james the contestant.
maybe either james the commenter should go by james s. or squeaky
or
james the contestant should go by james v. or james the contestant.
Posted by: Steve Schroeder at May 5, 2005 3:47 PM
ha... i was just trying to decide that myself when i saw your post steve. its starting to confuse even me.
Posted by: (contestant) james at May 5, 2005 4:13 PM
No problem, dude. We are really enjoying your comments.
Posted by: Steve Schroeder at May 5, 2005 4:33 PM
i consider myself the simon cowell of this competition.
Posted by: (not contestant) james at May 5, 2005 4:37 PM
Mimi, I really enjoyed your post. I think it was a great mix of personal experience, social commentary, and political analysis. I spent 6 months studying in the Dominican Republic, and was constantly amazed and a little intimidated by the amount of catcalls/hissing/whistling/and general references to my not-dark hair (rubia!) that I received on a daily basis. It was actually something that I was very uncomfortable with at the time, and in my youthful, feminist-inspired indignation, I couldn't imagine how any Dominicana could possibly put up with that kind of (in my mind) degrading, objectifying treatment. One day I asked a young Dominican woman how she managed to handle it, and she just kind of looked at me like I was stupid and said, "that's how I know I look good." Like, hellooo... its a compliment.
The idea that you can question your beauty by whether or not guys leer at you on the street still seems kind of fucked up to me, but consider this: wasn't it like 7 am? Does anyone get whistled at after rolling out of bed with a hanover at 7am? Is there even anyone out there to whistle at you? I guess I obviously don't live in new york.
p.s. sucks about the RIA
Posted by: fiona at May 5, 2005 4:45 PM
Mimi,
If we are to adhere to the elements of realism that exist in this competition, you need to learn to deal with criticism from various anonymous sources. It is part and parcel of the Interweb experience, and one of the aspects of Ultimate Blogger that differentiates the medium from TV-based reality competitions like Survivor. Furthermore, your reaction to negative comments from hecklers in the audience may give people a more well-rounded idea of your personality.
You're not the first person I've heckled in this competition, and you certainly won't be the last. You are, however, the first to take it to heart and respond.
- Don
Posted by: Don at May 5, 2005 4:46 PM
Actually, Eddie was the first to respond to one of my comments. He devoted an entire post to it. Eddie was also the first voted off.
Posted by: Don at May 5, 2005 4:48 PM
Personally I love the way Mimi's writing boomerangs from bitchiness to in depth political analysis and then back to anal sex. This is real life, people really do talk about / get interested in "high" culture one minute, "low" the next.
Doesn't it get tedious to read men with philosophy degrees spouting oh-so-worthily about their Important Opinions and never straying from the highbrow path?
Give me Mimi any day. And as she so astutely points out: chicks can be intelligent too. Hell, they can even have valid political opinions. And be interested in talking about blow jobs. Get over it.
[apologies to anyone who attempts to follow the link, but fails to access my blog - the site is down at the mo; I'm afraid I don't know why]
Posted by: Clare at May 5, 2005 4:51 PM
I think it's really sweet that you're getting so into this. Aw. Cutey.
It's a game you retard.
Posted by: mimi at May 5, 2005 4:57 PM
Don, it's quite arrogent to feel like it is you are destined to seperate the wheat from the chafe with your brilliant heckles. Just because this game is on the internet doesn't give you carte blanche to be a total jerk.
That's not why the internet is cool. That's why the internet at times is uncool.
Posted by: Steve Schroeder at May 5, 2005 5:06 PM
Every internet space needs its pet troll. And bless their little cotton socks, where would they go otherwise?
[p.s. my new link should work now, or at least in 3 hours' time...]
Posted by: Clare at May 5, 2005 5:22 PM
Mimi-
There is a song by a New Yorker, Maggie Esteep, called "Hey Baby, Yo Baby" about what she really wanted to say to the cat-callers, etc. She whips around and says, "Alright lets do it!" and launches into a diatribe that gets increasingly twisted and ridiculous. Also, when teenage boys quit checking me out, I will take it v. hard. This is my first day as a 28 year old.
Posted by: Sara Nan Nokes at May 6, 2005 11:11 AM
Ugh, but sometimes men just creep me out. Check out the insane stalker dude I have posting on my blog and proclaiming I 'plagiarised' his work. The internet is amazing, but also can be a scary place sometimes.
Happy Birthday Sarah!
Posted by: mimi at May 8, 2005 8:07 PM
Chiclit Gone Bad
When Mean Girls Grow Up
Just suggesting some titles for your future blog entries.
Posted by: Don at May 5, 2005 4:57 AM