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Significant other white meat by

Posted on: May 3, 2005 12:26 PM

Amongst a guy's closest friends--the inner circle, if you will--it is appropriate to brag about one's girlfriend's sexual prowess. The more she does to you in the sack (or in creative places outside the bedroom), the more she's into you/loves you/likes the way you make her feel, etc.

However, this measuring stick is inappropriate when it comes to telling casual acquaintances, family members, and clergymen about your significant other's dedication, and that is why the ability to cook is a major barometer in any relationship.

Whereas I might brag to my best friend that my girlfriend made me breakfast in bed between blowjobs, that is not likely to be the topic of conversation with my mom. What I would tell her, though, is that my girlfriend made the most awesome chicken dish I've ever had (chicken and broccoli braid) or that she made me a banana cream pie (a significant time investment) because she knows that's my favorite dessert.

Food is a lot like sex in that way. Sometimes we go out of our way to do things we don't like because we know it will make our partner happy, and in no other arena is that more true than in the bedroom or the kitchen.

It can extend to beyond just your partner, of course. When I traveled 75 minutes south to ask my now fiancee's parents for their daughter's hand in marriage, my now future mother-in-law made pasta with meat sauce--one of life's simple pleasures. I'm sure she knew I liked it (I've often bragged on my grandmother's Italian dishes), and it was a nice way of making me feel comfortable and welcome. On several occasions, my future sister-in-law has noticed what I order at restaurants (meat loaf or hot brown) and invited me over her house for similar meals to amazing success.

Having my fiancee's family cook for me shows that they have welcomed me into their family, and that means a lot, but nothing can replace the satisfaction of a wonderful meal for two either prepared by or prepared for the love of your life.

I remember the first time she cooked for me. It was 3 1/2 months into our relationship but a week after our first major fight. We had long since made up, but I'm a milestone kind of guy, so I remember those sorts of things. Anyway, she made dinner, then we went out for some drinks with friends, then to a bookstore for a coffee nightcap. It was easily one of our best dates ever, and going out to dinner rather than staying in definitely would have detracted from it.

We've been dating 27 months now and engaged for a year, and making food together never gets old. Sex never gets old, either, but I'd only tell that to my friends. As far as my parish priest is concerned, my fiancee loves to cook.

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this is a very decent post. i don't like the word "blowjob" though. its weird!

Posted by: james at May 3, 2005 12:37 PM

Ha! Sucker!

Posted by: Joel Conrad Bechtolt at May 3, 2005 12:38 PM

Hot Brown!!!! So awesome. That sandwich is featured in the great documentary "Sandwiches That You Will Like." I lived in Kentucky (Western) for a while, but I can't remember ever having one. It will definitely be on the the top of my list of things to do the next time I'm in the bluegrass state.

Posted by: Steve Schroeder at May 3, 2005 12:45 PM

Ha! Sucker! (again) but this time to James, not Eddie. Eddie, PLEASE tell me this isn't your post for the challenge. And James, Haven't you heard the new things that the kids are sayin' about sticks and stones? Is BLOW JOB a word and/or phrase? Do girls and boys give boys BLOW JOBS? Does it happen? Why can't it be said. Are you kidding? How is that weird? Do you need a tutorial? I believe the phrase originates from the idea that when A: A girl or boy puts a penis in his or her mouth, then "blows" his or her head pops back up. If he or she repeats this motion, it is a "BLOW JOB". It feels rad. And from what I'm to understand, some girls don't like doing it, for a variety of reasons, hence the term "JOB". Like work. I mean, c'mon. Who really likes work? Not me, that's for damn sure. I'm glad we had this little talk.

Always Thinkin'
Joel Conrad Bechtolt

Posted by: Joel Conrad Bechtolt at May 3, 2005 12:50 PM

I don't agree with this comment "Food is a lot like sex in that way. Sometimes we go out of our way to do things we don't like because we know it will make our partner happy, and in no other arena is that more true than in the bedroom or the kitchen." If you love anyone, (Joel speaking now), and/or everyone, cooking, or anything sexual, is a "non-problem". Maybe not for the uptight, but fo reals, doe, fucking (in all of it's capacity) and cooking, for those you love, should never be a problem. Wait for my challenge entry to learn more about this. And in the meantime, ask yourself this: "Do I really love this guy/girl if something as simple as cooking for them of fucking feels like "something we go out of our way to do (even though) we don't like (it) because we know it will make our partner happy"

Just A Thought,
Joel Conrad Bechtolt

Posted by: Joel Conrad Bechtolt at May 3, 2005 1:00 PM

sigh... at least this one had food, memories that included food, wasn't too long to lose interest, and tied the end up nicely with the beginning, without complaining or making excuses about the contest. By default, does that make you the winner?

I will look forward to more posts from this writer in future. I think...

Posted by: DrScoundrel99 at May 3, 2005 1:07 PM

I like how you combined the personal and the edible here, with a splash of philosophy. Nice clean premise, well delivered, with deliberateness and spellchecking for all. Not to mention a final sentence that actually sounds like a conclusion. And as a huge fan of sandwiches ( ), I applaud your reference to the hot brown (as yet mythical for me, but someday...)

I could have done with a photo of the broccoli braid, but hey, you probably didn't know you'd have to deliver later. HOWEVER! You totally left us hanging on the first meal your girlfriend cooked for you! It felt like you were building up to that as the climax (if you will) of the whole piece...and then you just said "she cooked for me"! If that's as symbolic (or almost) as the first time you had sex, wouldn't you want to linger over the details? Tell us how great it tasted, how you wanted to linger over every bite yet also wolf them down so you could get to the bedroom (or, what the hell, the kitchen table)? How it inspired you to reciprocate with a lovingly-planned meal you cooked for her?

I feel gypped.

Nevertheless, sandwiches. Bonus points.

Posted by: freddy at May 3, 2005 1:25 PM

While this post does get extra points for embedding a link that affords the reader an opportunity to "Learn About the History of the Hot Brown Sandwich," I must say the entry itself is upstaged by said delicacy.

Would liked to have seen a post on the Hot Brown itself, in lieu of an awkward metaphor.

As for Dr. Scoundrel, you sir, clearly have no taste.


Posted by: Dr. Retarded at May 3, 2005 1:27 PM

Dr. Scoundrel is clearly someone who wanted desperately to be in this contest, but, somehow, failed to make the cut. He is bitter and is taking it out on the rest of us--an action I thoroughly respect and support.

Posted by: ritchey at May 3, 2005 1:41 PM

Also, 27 months?? I think it's only ok to count babies' ages in months after the first year.

Posted by: freddy at May 3, 2005 1:52 PM

Are we allowed to comment on our own posts? I would think so.

It's funny, I almost decided to write about Hot Brown, but I've already done that on my own blog, so I thought that might be cheating, and I liked this topic better.

I never really saw it as a metaphor. It's not food AS sex. It's food as an expression of your love for someone--as sex is.

I think Joel missed the point, which could be my fault since it's my job as writer to deliver the point. Sex and food are both human needs, but there are selfish means to the end and there are unselfish means to an end. Of course having sex with my partner is not a chore, but maybe a certain position that she likes is. It's give and take. It happens in the bedroom, and it happens in the kitchen.

But yeah, Hot Brown is yummy. I tried to find a picture of the C&BB, but to no avail. The one I found was too small and never loaded anyway.

Posted by: Eddie D. at May 3, 2005 1:54 PM

"Sex and food are both human needs, but there are selfish means to the end and there are unselfish means to an end."

That's a nice sentence.

And of course, comment away on your own stuff. That's what turns blogs into a dialogue unlike print media.

Posted by: freddy at May 3, 2005 2:01 PM

Wow, that's not what I expected.

Posted by: freddy at May 3, 2005 2:05 PM

I was also waiting to find out what the meal was in that second to last paragraph. I liked the overall theme of the post though.

That chicken and broccoli braid looks amazing... I'm getting hungry. :)

Posted by: enjanerd at May 3, 2005 2:16 PM

Eddie - You didn't fail as a writer. You delivered your point very well.

Nice post.

Posted by: crash at May 3, 2005 2:27 PM

just to make sure others don't get confused, there are two different james' posting. this james does not find 'blow jobs' to be weird at all. what i do find weird, is that such a absolutely delicious looking sandwich could have ever gone so long without catching my attention.

and eddie,i agree you should have an image in your post, even if its just a picture of you. something about posts with nothing to look at make it hard for me to want to read. anyhow... just a though.


Posted by: james at May 3, 2005 3:03 PM

Oh! That's important!! Maybe you could add a last initial or something so we don't get confused?

Posted by: freddy at May 3, 2005 3:08 PM

this is a really SWEET story =) and your blowjob comment makes me laugh! funny funny

Posted by: anonymous at May 3, 2005 5:14 PM

Eddie, I wouldn't worry about Joel missing your point. It was a nice story. It seems everyone else commenting got it. It's very kind of you to take accountability for Joel's lack of reading comprehension. Great post. Congratulations on your engagement. Your fiance sounds like a lucky woman. When's the big day?


Posted by: kirsten at May 3, 2005 7:31 PM

Ritchey, you're totally right, this Dr Scoundless is unabashedly and malevolently stirring. I too, am pleased that someone has seen fit to do this, as I am very tired and need to go to bed. Otherwise I would have been happy to oblige.

Eddie, I don't think you should get married. But nice post. x

Posted by: mimi at May 3, 2005 7:42 PM

Kirsten = one of those really REALLY mean girls in high school.

Posted by: Carrie at May 3, 2005 7:56 PM

Without prompting from me, even, KT wrote about cooking her boyfriend dinner for their 18-month anniversary.

KT and I know each other from college, and while we read each other's blogs, I'm not entirely sure whether she knows about Ultimate Blogger, so I think her post might just be coincidental.

At any rate, I thought it interesting as it applied not only to what I wrote about but also because she referred to her anniversary in terms of months. :)

Posted by: Eddie D. at May 4, 2005 4:32 AM

To me, it's neither strange nor normal to count in months. "You're not supposed to say this" wouldn't be a comment of mine to a writer.

Posted by: boggart at May 4, 2005 8:25 AM

It was the counting-in-months thing that did him in.

Just kidding. Eddie, your entry was definitely worth reading; best of luck from here on out!

Posted by: freddy at May 5, 2005 9:36 AM