Catching up
Posted on: May 4, 2005 9:08 PM
I've never blogged in formation before, but this week promises to be a week of firsts. You see, in the Army, you have a number of different positions you can be in while in formation. Starting from the most formal to the least, there is attention, parade rest, stand at ease, at ease, and rest. At rest, you remain in formation, but have to keep one foot in place. You can talk, laugh, cough, sneeze, smoke a cigarette, and in my case, blog.
I checked out the ultimate blogger site a few minutes ago, and was surprised by how much had been written in the last 24 hours. I'd like to think that I would have written more given the opportunity; but I only had eight minutes online since leaving Afghanistan and most of that was spent reading e-mails from my old commander. I think I'll be okay with my short entry though...after all, it's not the size that matters, right?
So okay, lets talk about the trip so far. It started on a C-130. Seven years in the Army, and I finally take my first C-130 ride. I would have taken more pictures, but it was dark inside and I don't have any programs to edit them while on leave. I'll try to back-post all of the pictures when I get back if I remember. Anyway, highlights of the flight include figuring out how to use the seatbelt and the 6-hour nap afterwards. I woke up at various points during the flight, including one time when the bird started to shake a little and another when the guy sitting next to me had to get up to throw up. I appreciate his effort in keeping the smell as far away from me as possible. Oh, one last thing...I noticed that a sergeant just three seats down from me was studying the exact same French phrase book that my sister had sent me. Having earplugs in and not being able to hear over the humm of the engine, though, I just dug into my left cargo pocket and pulled out my own copy to show him. Small world, huh?
Anyway, I just finished the customs search and I am now in hour four of our eleven-hour lockdown before the plane departs. This is so that we don't go out and stuff anything illegal in our bags and pockets before the flight. So instead, we now have 300+ soldiers sitting in the middle of a warehouse bored out of their minds. Gotta love the Army, right?
Also, the quote of the day comes from our customs brief. "If you have any hand grenades to turn in, don't just drop them in the amnesty box. Place them softly on the counter instead." Again, probably something you'll only hear in the Army.
*looks at watch* Okay, so only seven hours left before the plane takes off. Let's talk about food. I know the deadline for challenge one is over, but I feel like I let down the Army fans out there; so here goes...
Having worked closely with the mess section for the last few years, I feel like I'm practically an expert on the topic. Well, not really, but I know more than your average joe. To begin with, the Army has been trying to change the image of army food for years now. The first step was getting rid of the term "mess hall." Just think about those words. With just the name of the establishment, you have already detracted from the overall presentation. So enter "dining facility" or D-Fac for short. It doesn't fix everything, but it's at least a step up.
Now let's take a small sample of the chow out there, namely the stuff I've had the pleasure of consuming over the course of my short career. We'll start from the field and move slowly back to the rear.
First, there's the MRE or meal-ready-to-eat. When you are so far ahead of your supply channels and don't have a mess section out there to support you, you have your trusty MRE in your cargo pocket that you can always count on. Twenty-four menus in all, this last year, I saw the introduction of the veggie burger and craisins, two things I never thought I would see in MRE form. A small footnote to the MRE is the cold-weather MRE. It comes in a white package instead of the usual brown, and consists of dehydrated food that won't freeze in sub-zero temperatures. The only catch is that you need a bottle of unfrozen water to get started. Go figure.
Next is your mess section. If you're lucky enough to have one supporting you, they can use burners that run on JP-8 (a high grade diesel fuel) to cook your food. So yeah, you're basically cooking with jet fuel. Often times, you will have a mobile kitchen trailer (or MKT) that you can haul behind your 5-ton truck. Wherever you go with these mobile kitchens, you can heat up a variety of UGR-As. I have no idea what UGR-A stands for, but they are just boxes of pre-made food, each box designed to feed 50 PAX. Some of my favorite UGR-A meals include the large bags of "eggs" that you can boil/scramble, sweet potato pancakes, chicken nuggets, hot dogs, chili mac, and teryaki chicken. Like the MREs, it's good stuff; but with a limited number of menus, it's easy to grow tired of the lack of variety.
So that's when you visit the rear. No one likes it in the rear, but it has its perks, one of them being civilian-contracted chow. In Bagram, you have KBR, but I think Kuwait has it contracted out through the local ministry of the interior or something like that. Anyway, it's not that civilian cooks are better than Army ones - they just have more to work with. For one, there's less of a chance that you will come under direct fire...always a bonus. Two, you have a permanent structure to work out of, complete with stoves, griddles, ovens, and running water. But on top of that, you get to work with A-rations instead of UGR-As. So instead of pre-cooked meals, you actually have ingredients to work with...stuff you can use to make cinnamon rolls and fresh bread. For my one breakfast in Kuwait, I had a cinnabon, pancakes with cherry topping, eggs, hazelnut bread, and hash browns. Not bad, huh? Sometimes it pays to be a REMF (a Rear Echelon Mother F_____).
You're right. I meant to add,
Make sweet sweet love to her all night long and treat her real nice.
Hope that helps.
Posted by: Craig at May 4, 2005 10:04 PM
Really interesting stuff! Thanks for telling us more about food in the army; I don't know anything about it, so anything you share is new.
Also, how do you blog with one foot in formation?
Posted by: freddy at May 4, 2005 11:33 PM
Maybe this is a lame question, but what exactly is "the rear?" Also, there have been some comments about Sonny's food post, ranging from it being too short and sparse, to people feeling like they aren't getting a sense of the 'real' Sonny and what he is trying to get across. Personally, I found his post to be refreshingly 'real.' Many of the other posts, while very interesting, felt almost excessive and contrived. Come on, folks. The average blog post isn't a full on essay (excluding Ritchey, who really makes an art of the post/essay). Sometimes a really good post is just a few lines long. Short. Concise. Funny. Although I didn't find his post completely fascinating, I really appreciated the genuine feel of it. I think that you really DO get a sense of place and mood from Sonny. He's in the fucking ARMED FORCES. He doesn't have all day to sit around and blog. He is brief, and sticks to the facts. I really like the stark contrast between his reality and the lifestyles of all the other bloggers. Anyway. As I said, even though his post wasn't the strongest, I am definitely interested in what he will do in future challenges.
Posted by: Sarah at May 5, 2005 12:30 AM
I said these things:
Sonny,
First off, thank you, sir, for putting your life on the line for whatever the hell you're doing it for. But I got a question: What are you doing with the coalition forces? Why are you there? What's really going on? Keep in mind, if I ever hear about you coming home in a body bag due to a misappropriation of funding that leaves your humvee powerless to enemy attack, I will be pissed. Any loss of life for nonsense is appalling to me. You seem so smart. Are you currently sentenced to be in active duty due to some felony you are not disclosing? If so speak now, or forever fight for "peace". If not, I remain yours, and confused.
-Joel
Posted by: Joel Conrad Bechtolt at May 4, 2005 06:01 PM
Sonny,
You have till eight to give me a reason not to vote you off, Sir. I don't understand "what's going on", as the late, great Marvin Gaye once said. I only hope your CO will let you post. Dude, if I'm missing something, tell me. Until then I find you guilty of participating in an Amerikkkan led holocaust. You are a goddamn Asian-American physics teacher, for buddah's sake. What is up, man?
-Joel
PS: If I am wrong I will be the second person to say so, right after you.
Posted by: Joel Conrad Bechtolt at May 4, 2005 06:11 PM
Posted by: Joel Conrad Bechtolt at May 4, 2005 06:14 PM
Maybe he simply signed up for the National Guard in college because 1) it paid nice money and 2) he thought it would be a change of pace from the usual school/home monotony. Then his unit could have possibly gotten shipped to Afghanistan since, you know, they don't really get to pick where and when they fight. And maybe he's actually the gentlest, least meatheadish guy you'd ever want to meet. And maybe you should actually mean the words "thank you, sir, for putting your life on the line..." if you're going to say it. Otherwise you just sound like a hyprocrite who doesn't know the first thing about this person you're so narrowly classifying.
Posted by: Craig at May 4, 2005 10:01 PM
Craig,
I meant every word. You sir, however. defend nothing. I simply wanted Sonny to " Be All That he Could Be" in posting, and in life. I wanted to know all about Sonny. Sonny either, A. Couldn't Hang, or B. Didn't Want to. Whichever is true, I was never cruel. Sonny got my vote as first to go.
Semper Fi, Bitches,
PFC JCB
Posted by: Joel Conrad Bechtolt at May 5, 2005 03:29 AM
Posted by: Joel Conrad Bechtolt at May 5, 2005 3:33 AM
Hey Sonny. Wow. Really Appreciate this post. Above and beyond the call of duty making another rad food post.
This one was even better than the first. I was really captivated. Thanks for all the info.
Posted by: Steve Schroeder at May 5, 2005 4:07 AM
Joel,
Well I must apologize then as I didn't realize that you simply had Sonny's best interests in mind the whole time, wanting him to "Be all that he could be" and all that. And here I was thinking you were just a self-righteous fuckwad who defines people based on the broadest stereotype possible and uses words like "Amerikkkan" without any apparent sense of irony. Boy do I have egg on my face!
Yours in Christ,
Craig
Posted by: Craig at May 5, 2005 11:38 AM
Joel, why did you re-post everything you've already said?.. I don't really get it.
In any case, I wasn't taking aim at you specifically. Plenty of other people also had questions about Sonny's post.
Posted by: Sarah at May 5, 2005 11:52 AM
Sonny, I really really like this post. It gave me insight into the Army, the actual day-to-day life of which I know nothing about. You write with an observant and compassionate voice. I think you should email me--there's some stuff I want to ask you about. When you get a chance? Thank you.
Posted by: ritchey at May 5, 2005 12:04 PM
I like this post best out of all the posts so far because I feel like I actually got information from it that I did not have before.
D-Fac sounds like a good name for a very not famous rapper!
Posted by: james at May 5, 2005 1:23 PM
Wow Joel,
After reading the first two copies of your post, I was thinking to myself, "Man this guy is a jerk." But after having the entire thread re-posted yet again, I can see how clever you think you are. It's a shame not everyone can be all that you can be. I hope some day I can brag about going to prison too. Get a life.
-j.
Posted by: enjanerd at May 5, 2005 1:26 PM
I've never heard them called craisins before. Cool that they're incorporating new foods into the MREs. Also, looked up UGR for you: Unit Ground Rations.
You made it to France yet? Couldn't tell which leg of the trip you were writing this during. Hope you're having fun! :) -j.
Posted by: enjanerd at May 5, 2005 1:35 PM
enjanerd said:" I hope some day I can brag about going to prison too. Get a life."
I say: I hope someday enjanerd can get a craisin! They're good!
-Joel
Posted by: Joel Conrad Bechtolt at May 5, 2005 3:07 PM
Reeeeaaarr! I'm gone for maybe 24 hours and look at this place. I'll try to answer all of the questions that were posted, but that may prove to be too difficile with this French keyboard. You see, in France, the letter Q is used so often, they swap it with the letter 'A' on the keyboard. Can you imagine that? There are maybe a half dozen other swaps, so this'll take some getting used to. The other thing throwing me off is that you have to hold shift down in order to get any of the numbers, unlike in the US when the numbers are automatic and you hold shift for all of the characters. That really throws me off because I don't actually know my password for my e-mail. I just know the numbers associated with the character...which screws me in France because they mix them all up over here. I actually had to ask the guy next to me for help typing the '@' key...which really hurts my pride being a nerd and all. I felt like Ben Stiller near the end of Zoolander trying to figure it all out.
*takes breath*
Posted by: Sonny at May 6, 2005 12:20 AM
Okay, at 3 euros per hour, you all should be honored that I am taking the time to write. With that out of the way, I hit the ground in Paris yesterday afternoon, though I posted my last entry at the USO in Germany. Right now, I am at the XS arena, one of the only places with extended internet hours. The rest of Paris doesn't seem to wake up before 9:00.
Moving on, the rear is what we call any area that is not forward on the battlefield...and depending on what you do, you may have a different interpretation of the rear. But the main reason why people don't like it in the rear is because it tends to be very tight...as in there is a lot of brass around and they tend to be very strict and formal when it comes to regulations.
To answer Joel's question, my decision to join the National Guard came after the summer after my first year of college. It was the first time in my life when I was not either employed or going to school. I didn't like the feeling of being useless, so I decided to enlist. That was actually second on my list as I wanted to be a firefighter as well...but I'm happy that I made the decision that I made. It's been very rewarding and I get to make a very different impact on my soldiers' lives compared to the kind I have on my students' lives.
I think that takes care of the questions. Keep them coming if you have more.
Posted by: Sonny at May 6, 2005 12:44 AM
hi sonny-
What do u feel about the war in Iraq? and about the belligerant moves the US is making towards other countries like Afganistan, under the guise of protecting US security? and to refer to Mimi's post, the REAL ID act that is up for vote in the Senate next week?
Not trying to be controversial, just genuinely interested. i like your posts Sonny, its good to get a different perspective on life, and I don't know anyone in the forces (tho an old Uni friend is joining the marines over here in a month). Me? I'm just sitting at home in my underwear, eating cinnamon grahams, enjoying the imminent summer and planning my afternoon's work....
Posted by: unemployed at May 6, 2005 4:48 AM
Okay, Iraq and Afghanistan...I think if you saw some of the footage of what a majority of the soldiers are doing in those places, you would have a different view of the war. Do you ever hear stories of the US attacking or taking over cities any more? That happened for a very short period in both theaters and now you'll see that the civil affairs teams have taken over. In Afghanistan, they're called the PRTs, which stands for the Provincial Reconstruction Teams.
These days, the majority of what is on the news with regards to Iraq and Afghanistan are accidents and attacks on US service and support personnel. What's really going on though? Well, out of the dozen or so combat missions that I've been fortunate enough to take a roll in consist of putting ourselves in harm's way to make it possible to build a school or dig a well for the local populace. Only twice have I gone out to get bad guys, and that was only because they were setting up explosive devices in the middle of the road for soldiers like myself and two of the men in my unit who gave their lives to help them. So yeah, being an infantryman, it's frustrating...but you also see how much of a difference your work makes to these people, and that kinda balances it out in the end. Hope that helps.
Posted by: Sonny at May 6, 2005 10:52 AM
Have fun in France you bastard. Steal some affected Eurotrash guy's girl.
Posted by: Craig at May 4, 2005 9:49 PM