True Fan

Merritt Teases, Pleases, and Confirms Our Worst Fears

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 07:35:30 -0800

At one point in the evening, describing the position the Portland Beavers and Portland Timbers were in upon buying the teams, owner Merritt Paulson says "now, I don't want to speak ill of the previous management..." Before he can finish, however, a chorus of "Please do!"s erupt from our table. "Our table" in this case is the de facto Timbers Army table, four of us doing the representing (two hairy, two non, if you must know) at a cozy chat over brews and finger food at the Bridgeport Brewery. To an audience of about 25 people for just under two hours, Merritt took questions with aplomb and grace on everything from MLS, MLB, his Treasury Secretary father, even touching on the Blazers at points, and reminded us just how much of everything the previous owners did wrong. "I don't think absentee sports ownership works," he says, explaining his decision to jump in with both feet and change his zip code to the 972's. Later he will repeat his quote from the Tribune feature, "the community owns the team," and it seems Paulson takes that to heart in just about everything he does for the teams. But enough exposition, you want some updates on the Timbers, right?

The Teasing

- The Timbers are in negotiations to bring two Mexican teams, one English team, and one Spanish team to Portland for exhibitions. Only one of these is confirmed signed and will be announced, the others are in the works. - The entire Timbers defense will return for 2008. This surprised us a bit, and we weren't sure regarding Leonard Griffen (who left to fulfill his contract with the Columbus Crew) whether he meant Leo would return or if it was a forgotten omission. Regardless, Merritt was very bullish on the Timbers roster for '08, and Justin Thompson will be back! - The team has signed an asian international who's scored World Cup goals! One easily found on youtube! And a "young guy," not on the tail end of his career! Touted as the biggest signing in Timbers history, this one set the intertubes ablaze with rank speculation. Did Togo score any goals last time around?

The Pleasing

- Paulson laid a lot of groundwork to set the context for his MLS plan. Merritt has been looking for an MLS opportunity for years. Contrary to what we in the TA suspected, that Paulson bought a baseball team, found out he had a soccer team and got hooked, Merritt painted a picture of having his eyes open for an MLS deal, and then saw the opportunity with Portland. Most specifically, Merritt saw PGE Park as a leg up in having a facility ready as fast as possible for MLS. (It should be also noted that Paulson had very high praise for MLS, calling it the best opportunity in sports right now, and specifically praising the work of Don Garber and Mark Abbott.) - Merritt's MLS economic plan is practically ready, and it "all will be out there in a short amount of time." Paulson stated again that he would pay the MLS expansion fee and associated costs, but is looking to "raise about $100 million" to make it work. Some of this would be for adding the east side stands and converting PGE to a horseshoe instead of its current boomerang layout, and the rest (probably majority) of that would go to building the Beavers a 8-10,000 seat park of their own (which would be upgradeable for MLB, of course). Paulson's group has four or five sites in mind, but didn't want to name specifics for fear of the debate over locations overtaking the discussion at hand. Paulson contrasted this $100 million figure against the cost of a new MLB team and park starting at around $600 million. Merritt was unequivocal in his assessment that Portland is not ready for MLB, and even if it were, Paulson wouldn't really be the guy to do it. He's here for the MLS action. - Many conversations have been happening in all directions between MLS, the City, and Merritt's group. Even though Merritt hasn't been talking to the mayor (it is an election year, after all), he has been very engaged with the city. There shouldn't be much surprise on 4th Ave when the plan finally hits the street. - There are a number of different funding options, and Merritt has been approached by more potential partners than he can conceivably include. This tells me that Portland's business community would get behind the MLS Timbers rather quick. - MLS "may" tolerate sharing PGE Park with the Beavers "for 5 years" or so. I read this as "will tolerate" myself, but that could be wishful thinking. The Trib reporter who quasi-moderated led off with a question about MLS policy requiring "soccer-only stadiums" and Paulson called that "a simplification," going on to explain that the league would most likely work with the teams co-existing on a short-term basis. - PSU Football is very enthusiastic about the plan. The horseshoe configuration helps them as much as it helps the Timbers, and the stadium is a good selling point for recruiting, believe it or not. Increasing the number of 50-yard line seats is gravy for them, and they may be a good ally to have as this plan winds through city hall.

The Confirming of Our Worst Fears

- Jordan and Wicks are gone. Merritt couldn't disclose what we got for them, but did confirm they were gone and that the team was well compensated. I wake up this morning to find that Bob's already on the case. Big props to Merritt for taking our questions.I haven't been this excited about MLS to Portland in a long time, and I put it down to the enthusiasm and organization of Merritt Paulson, . He's incredibly bullish about the league, about Portland, and about the Timbers, and it sounds like he's done his homework and has a plan of action. There's no question that we couldn't have asked for a better owner to lead us into this challenge. All in all, a great night to be a Timbers fan, made even better by returning home to find my 2008 season tickets awaiting me. Mmmmm, the smell of fresh Timbers tickets.....

Soccer Links

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:17:31 -0800

Freakonomics links to a post about Applying Economics into Malaysian Football. And an amazing map of the 1969 moon landing transposed onto a soccer field to show how much of the moon was explored.

J League Soccer

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 02:00:20 -0800

J League Soccer from Mike Merrill on Vimeo.

We're Going to Win the (Soccer Blogging) League

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:39:54 -0800

Roberto once dished out the goods regularly with large portions over at OregonLive, and things were good. Then he left to concentrate on building The Offside, and things were less good for Timbers fans, but were good for Soccer fans far and wide. And then Roberto stepped aside again, to concentrate on building Open Meadow schools, which didn't concern soccer fans at all, but still sounds pretty cool (and some of those students are probably players and fans themselves, i'd bet). And since Bob left that blog pulpit at the GoryOnion, there's been a vast gulf between the blogging that PDX soccer fans need and the blogging they've been getting. Don't get me wrong, Donald bleeds Timber green and does a fine job at the helm, and talktimbers is still the first source for breaking news, and this blog is... um.... still around, i guess? But Bob wrote with gusto, timeliness, and detail, with a workrate that is and was unmatched. All of which is a long-ish way of throwing double devil-horns and pumping our fists that Timbers Roberto is back where he belongs, enshrining PTFC at the top level of The Offside team blogs, and getting off to a cracking start already. It's almost like he never left! Welcome back, Bob! The Timbers season just got a bit easier to follow.

Competitive Cookies

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 14:19:54 -0800

By Krista Someone blue and furry once said, "Sometimes me think what is love, and then me think love is what last cookie is for. Me give up the last cookie for you." Truer words have never been spoken...unless you are in the midst of an eating competition, in which case you can't give up your last cookie...because then it would be cheating. It had been a long time since Liz and I had covered and eating competition together. A really long time, but boy did it bring back memories. Awesome memories of meatballs and Atlantic City, grilled cheese in Time Square, and corned beef and cabbage in Boston. This weekend found us in yet another location: Denver, Colorado among mountains...of cookies. Chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies to be exact. And there were even more differences. This contest wasn't being photographed by the Associated Press and Badlands Booker and Crazy Legs were nowhere to be found. In their place was a trio of Asian brothers, aged 7 - 15, and the only cameras snapping photos were those attached to family and friends of the contestants. The contest took place at Olde Tyme Drafts and Dawgs and anyone could enter as long as they donated $5 to charity - in this case the charity benefitted was Operation Smile. Liz had been to one of their eating contests before, so thought it would be great if we all went this time and perhaps even got one of our friends to enter. So who to ask, who to ask....well there was really only one choice and that choice was Micah. Micah, who I happen to think is the bees knees, can eat mad quantities of food. He usually finishes all of my meals, meaning once he eats his, he then proceeds to clean my plate as well. I think he may have been a seal in a past life...a seal who couldn't swim...or something like that. Anyway, he wakes up hungry and he goes to bed hungry. This man seems to never feel full. I would think he had Prader-Willi syndrome, but he's never eaten so much he has made his stomach explode, so he does seem to have a handle on it somewhere. So Liz and I somehow talked Micah into entering the contest. I think it had something to do with the words chocolate, chip, and cookie. However, I don't think he expected us to take it as seriously as we did. As soon as Micah agreed, Liz proceeded to contact tons of professional eaters for advice for him. Micah got a little scared, but I assured him on the drive over, we would love him unconditionally if he lost, which funny enough was Tim "Eater X" Janus' advice. I also told him that Liz and I don't do things half-assed. If we are gonna do something, we are gonna DO something. Besides, who would turn down advice from someone at the top of the field? Crazy people that's who! Who wouldn't want to know that Pat Bertoletti, ranked 2nd in the world, thinks you should try to fold the cookie in half like a slice of pizza and suggested bringing warm beverages to dunk the cookies in. Which we totally did. Before we left Liz's place we made two containers of mint tea. Eric "Steakbellie" Livingston also offered advice in the way of "don't over stuff your mouth" and "dunk". Wise words. While we were gearing Micah up for the competition we never thought the competition would include Marco "Mongo" Marquez, currently ranked 20 in the world or Andrew "Skinnyboy" Lane, ranked 35. Eeek. But in they walked. It was terrific to finally meet them, but bad news for Micah. However, we still had faith that our little eater had the guts to give them a run for their money. Other contestants included the three brothers mentioned above, one unnamed man who disappeared quickly after the contest, and a big-boned woman of a certain age, who seemed to enter the contest just to sit quietly at the corner of the table and slowly eat and dunk a few choice cookies. After the tables were set up with one glass of water, one glass of whole milk, and 2 plates containing 20 cookies each, the contest began. Micah came out swinging and nearly ate 10 cookies in no time flat. In fact, he seemed to be keeping pace with Mongo, the front runner. Could this be happening? He was doing everything we told him to: dunking, drinking, not overstuffing his mouth, not rushing too fast at the beginning. Before you knew it, he hit 15! And then we saw it. The pause, the hand to the stomach, and the look of pure agony. It reminded me of the look Joey Chestnut gets late into every contest. The look that seems to say, I can go no further, yet that's what makes Joey a champion. He hits that wall and just charges through, Micah on the other hand, knew it was the end. He wasn't going to push through. It called an end to his brief flirtation with competitive eating. He's not willing or able to push past that internal wall that screams, No Mas! In the end Mongo won with 26.5 cookies, Skinnyboy came in second with 22. Micah came in an impressive 3rd with 15. Micah recovered pretty quickly after a night of laying on his side and watching TV with vows that it would be a long time before he ate another cookie. However, the next day while going into the fridge and grabbing one for me I asked him if he wanted a cookie. His reply: "Yeah, sure." Spoken like a true champion. See Liz's Westword blog post about the competition!

PSU Viks & the EPL?

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 16:39:39 -0800

While watching the Fulham/Blackburn/GoTeamAmerica match on tape delay today, Ryan, Gene and myself noticed something interesting in the crowd of Fulham FC supporters after the match. First, there were the usual members of Roy's Army:

then this woman appeared at Ewood Park:

That looks an awful lot like the Portland State University Vikings logo, as seen here:

Is someone from PSU cheering on our boys in the EPL? Ryan suggested it could be a Kasey Keller relative/fan, but then we agreed they would most likely be sporting a Pilots hat. Hmmm, anyone know the answer to this mystery? Curt Kentner care to investigate?

I Hate the World: Jerseys Edition

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 14:26:48 -0800

Pop quiz, hotshot: what sport are we playing in this monstrosity? yegods, Nike, get a goddamn clue! Read this, please, and go back to the drawing board. And Adidas, what are you doing to the new DC United shirt? where are the iconic stripes? This is my sad face. And I'm not even a DC diehard, i just think they play teh pretty football.

While My Chainsaw Gently Weeps

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:21:06 -0800

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew he would hang up the saw and slab for good. But I didn't want to believe that it would be anytime soon. Timber Jim is retiring.

"I have loved celebrating with Timbers community throughout the years,” said Serrill. “Words simply fall short in summarizing my experiences. I have truly been blessed."

No, Jim, it's we who have been blessed. I can't think of anyone who has such enthusiasm for life and his team, and no one more synonymous with the Portland Timbers. You have left behind some sequoia-sized shoes to fill. You'll get your last chance to pay respect and see the man in action at the Timbers' home opener against Puerto Rico on April 17th. Tribute thread on TalkTimbers is here.

Yank Number Five; This Barrell Has A Bottom, Doesn't It?

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 10:19:37 -0800

Yank #5 comes to Fulham: Eddie Johnson's work permit is approved. But more on that in a bit. Gallons of ink has been spilled, by better writing talent than I, about the woes of supporting a terrible team. Teams that try your patience. Teams that fill you with malaise and ennui, yet you still spend too much of the day refreshing news sites and message boards for bits and scraps of hope. Teams mired in relegation battles, constancy found only in the giant sucking sounds they make each game. My English team, Fulham (yes, i stopped denying it to myself, they are my team after the Timbers) has been the embodiment of the team only a mother could love. and only lowly Derby County have kept Fulham from last place. Watching Fulham is already hard enough when they aren't on FSC. I've hauled myself over more than once to the local Frat Guy Sports Haus in the Pearl District because it's the only place i can find a free TV with setanta. If they drop to the colaship, i'll be reduced to listening to poor quality audio streams each week. For which i will probably obsessively make time for. sigh. A few numbers to lend perspective: 13 games without a win. 2 wins in the entire season. 4 wins from the last 40 games. haven't won away since 2006! and just yesterday, went scoreless over 120 minutes, losing on penalties to a team two leagues below! who are in 18th place in that league two levels down! How much farther can the slide go? Lynda and Derek, what was it like last year for West Ham fans? At least you guys had your illegal player to bail you out at the last minute (no, i'm not bitter). What's most infuriating and depressing to me about the situation is how spectacularly Lawrie Sanchez ran the ship against the rocky coastline, resulting in complete demolition. It was a strategy that really had no middle ground, shipping out a fair number of the existing team in order to bring in half the Northern Ireland side (where Sanchez had just managed them to some acclaim) and talent unproven in the Premiership. On top of that, he enforced a truly repugnant style of football that the players were ill-equipped to execute. I can't describe the exasperation i was feeling seeing Bocanegra or Konchesky hoof the ball up once again to absolutely no one because the boss insisted that square passes were a waste of time. Once Brian McBride went down, the gig was up. So now Sanchez is out (a month too late) and Roy Hodgson is in and has had the squad for a number of games, how's that turned out? well, so far not too well. of course, when your first three league games in charge are Chelsea, Arsenal, and West Ham away, you don't expect to rack in the points, but being unable to beat Bristol Rovers over two games has to be a red flag. All i can hope is that Roy wanted the cup out of the way so he could concentrate on the league, and i wouldn't blame him if so. But on the other hand, this team needs a win so badly. ANY win. The squad has completely lost confidance and has no chemistry anymore. The thing is, though, I'm still cautiously optimistic about Hodgson and Fulham: - Before Roy was named, a somewhat usual list of managerial suspects was trotted out by every tabloid. Venables (eh), McClaren (dear god), Hoddle (dunno), Souness (run screaming), etc. The pick of Hodgson quieted some of the bigger fears because of two things: 1) experience at all levels: Blackburn, Inter Milan, Copenhagen, Switzerland, Finland, etc. this was definitely a man who wasn't going to panic because he's never been in a dogfight before. 2) because of that experience, he should have plenty of contacts to find new players in the January window. - Those new signings are starting to come in, and though they're still not Premiership standbys, they show more promise than Sanchez' NI squad. Brede Hangeland is a 6'5" central defender with some size. Height has been completely missing from Fulham's back line. Andreasan should go a lot towards filling the gaping hole in midfield left by the departure of Papa Bouba Diop, and to a lesser extent, Luis Boa Morte. Why Sanchez thought Steven Davis and Danny Murphy could replace them is beyond me. - which brings me back to Eddie Johnson. Eddie is the sort of player that's always infuriated me, much in the same way that Landon Donovan does. He's obviously talented and faster than all get-out, but he's traditionally played with a sense of entitlement because of his past exploits, and mentally takes himself out of games. I've never seen him in the McBride/Dempsey mold of battling hopelessly for 90 minutes, and that's actually what Fulham need a few tons of right now. BUT, the other side of it is that he's faster and more of a goal poacher than anyone else at Fulham save McBride, who is probably still a month away from being back and match fit. Also, i think that partly what Landon and Eddie both have needed was a kick in the shorts from someone who really knows the game and knows how to develop young players with loads of potential upside. If Roy can provide that for Eddie, good things can and will happen. - and finally, the single biggest thing that gives me hope is this: the league has spread the suck around. Usually, there's a handful of clubs that prop up the rest of the table, and the relegation fight is fairly limited. This year, slots #13-19 are separated by just 7 points! any two of Bolton, Middlesboro, Wigan, Sunderland, Birmingham, Reading and Fulham can conceivably join Derby in going down. Rather than being a foregone conclusion, it's a mad scramble for points. Which makes next Tuesday's fixture at Bolton so much more important. It's an absolutely must-win game for Fulham, and just happens to be the first game that Hodgson's signings can get in. Bolton have just sold Anelka to the zombie army (terrible decision from Bolton's view if you ask me... where are their goals going to come from now? but i suppose you don't just turn down £15 million lightly), so there's nothing forgone about the fixture, 6 points are at stake. Here's hoping Eddie can score the game-winner in his debut! (Bolton v. Fulham is on FSC Tuesday the 29th at 3pm Pacific time.)

And the Angels Sang Hosannas

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 09:59:16 -0800

from today's Trib:

• Finally, PGE Park is getting a new artificial surface. The plan is to begin tearing out the old NeXturf today, with a new FieldTurf surface expected to be in place by mid-February – in time for the Oregon State-Georgia three-game baseball series beginning Feb. 29. It’s a $1.1 million project that will benefit the Portland Beavers and Timbers, Portland State and the local high schools to no end.

The turf at piggy has been one of the single greatest obstacles to getting better soccer in Portland. No big teams will come to play on it, players think twice about signing for the Timbers because of it, and the terrible lack of absorbtion means games look like a ragged game of net-less volleyball. While grass is obviously every Timbers fans' first choice, almost anything is better than that peach fuzz crap that's there now. On another note, I've been on record before about idiotic team names in MLS, and if you've prompted me "IRL", as the kiddos say, you've probably regretted asking my opinion of said names (short version: Burn, Mutiny, and Wiz are just as terrible as Real Salt Lake). But Emerald City Greens?! Are you fucking kidding me? I still can't stop laughing. Please please please don't be a rumor. Couldn't happen to a more deserving city!

Things Learned as a Bunnette

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 14:43:07 -0800

There is a time change from Nashville to Chattanooga. I hadn't realized that there was a time difference between Nashville, where I flew in, and Chattanooga, where I was headed for the fourth annual Krystal Square Off taking place the next day. But suddenly my cell phone's clock automatically updated and I was an hour late for the welcome reception for all the eaters. However, since the car rental agency gave me a little red Mustang--a surefire speeding ticket in the waiting--and I had already decided I couldn't risk more than five miles over the speed limit, I just settled in and accepted the fact that I'd get there when I'd get there. The Krystal organizers are serious about putting on a good show. Brad Wahl, the vice president of marketing for Krystal, welcomed everyone on Saturday night and went over the plan for the next day. I thought he was joking as he went down the list of pyrotechnics involved on stage-fireworks, 30-foot flames, confetti cannons-but they were all very real. The stage would be on the water and perfect for gathering a huge crowd. Those Krystal people sure give out good swag. It was like what I imagine going to a Hollywood award show would be like. All the eaters got bags filled with Krystal coasters, shirts, head and wrist bands, beach chairs, and a lifesize crystal Krystal. The headbands were a little on the small size, but Pat Bertoletti finally figured out they worked pretty well as throat warmers. Football jerseys without padding kinda look like pirate shirts. When Hall Hunt first put on the Krystal jersey, I have to admit the first thing I thought of was Seinfeld's puffy shirt. It also turns out that there is a lot of thought that goes into competition jersey design. Kenny, of Krystal Lovers Blog fame, said they watched hours of competition footage to determine that the best logo placement on a shirt is on the front of the shirt sleeves, right below the shoulder. They tried to do that for these jerseys, but it would have required a special order that was just too expensive in the end. Except for the puffy sleeves, the jerseys looked great, with each eater's last name written across the back of their own shirt above a list of this year's competitors. It's good they focused on the last names, because poor Erik "The Red" Denmark is doomed to always have his first name spelled with a "c", as it was in tiny letters. Even competitive eaters the night before a huge competition have a hard time turning down a free trip to Krystal. Kenny took a big group of us out to a Krystal down the street after the welcoming reception. Last year, only a couple people took him up on the offer, but this year it was a full fieldtrip. Though a lot of eaters say they fast the night before a competition, I can attest to the fact that there were several burgers, a few orders of fries, some milkshakes, an apple turnover, and a couple gallons of diet soda consumed. Maybe they were thinking there was no way they'd eat as much as Tim "Eater X" Janus, Rich LeFevre, Crazy Legs Conti, and Allen Goldstein had eaten in any case. Those hardcore competitors couldn't turn down a ramen noodle competition that went down earlier that afternoon and would have to face their trays of Krystals with a bellyful of noodles a very recent memory. Kenny can beat Joey in a Krystal competition. But only if Joey doesn't know they're actually in competition until Kenny has finished his one Krystal and announced to Joey that he won. Even though Kenny is teasing, Joey will get a little defensive, but can be placated if you point out that by those rules, he beat Kenny in the apple turnover competition he didn't know they were having. Score's even, boys. Two TVs in your room doesn't mean there's anything good on. I watched "It", a couple episodes of "Law & Order" and a good 20 minutes of the making of that new bee movie. Then my brain tried to make an escape and I had to turn them off. High heels are a poor footwear choice for being a Krystal Counter/Bunnette. I knew I would be counting for Pat Bertoletti and wasn't sure how the stage would be set up. He's a tall dude, and I am but 5'4. I figured heels would be a must in this situation. I did not, however, really account for the fact that the entire competition would be outside and there would be a lot of walking around on grass and up and down giant stairs/seating arranged along the giant hill in front of the stage. I didn't think I'd be magically teleporting from the hotel room to the stage, but I sure didn't think this one through. I spent a lot of the pre-competition running around with heels sinking into the grass and tottering up and down those giant freaking stairs. The other Counters were looking particularly cute and practical in sneakers and flip flops. Even if you are told there is a very specific schedule, sometimes you're just kinda thrown out there. There was some rushed instructions about the eaters all arriving to the staging area in Corvettes and that we would each escort one eater to the autograph area. That sounded simple enough, but I'm the type of person that functions really well with numbered directions and colorful maps. But there was no time for that, because one minute we were all milling around, and the next minute Kitty-the head Krystal Counter-was lining us up and telling us to go. I got Allen Goldstein's car and bumbled around for a few seconds not knowing if I should open the door or hold his arm or what. And was this being filmed? It turned out not to matter much, as it all worked out. Allen was so pumped I don't think he realized he had a bunnette on his arm that he knew. He jogged ecstatically to the autograph tent. About ten minutes later, he turned to say hi to me. George Shea loves Gwen Stefani's "Sweet Escape." That song got played a lot. At one point, George Shea, who was announcing, brought all the bunnettes on stage and everyone danced to it, including George. This was also when he announced I was the winner of the bunnette search and everyone cheered. That will probably be my only time being the recipient of cheers on a competitive eating stage, so I took it all in and shook my pompoms like no one's business. You don't get a very good view of the competition from behind. Even though I was right in the thick of it, I couldn't really watch the competition. My eyes were trained on the official judge parked in front of Pat who was feeding me totals so I could flip the right number up on my counter. I could catch Joey and Bob's numbers because their judges were also right in front of me, but the rest of the contest happened just outside my periphery. Obviously, I wasn't in a position to take any pictures or anything, so I was more amped up than usual with nowhere to put my excitement except into my cheering. I really enjoyed cheerleading. Like, maybe I should have been a cheerleader. I mean, if I hadn't gone to the hippie high school with no cheerleading. Or sports. And if I hadn't quit gymnastics in middle school after hitting my head trying to do a back handspring. And that I would never have been caught dead cheerleading when I was 16. I mean all that aside, I would have made a killer cheerleader. An eating competition is a rollercoaster of emotions when you're part of it. There's all the anticipatory build up, then there's the actual competition, then all the craziness surrounding the theatrics of it all: the streamers flying around, the confetti raining down, the fireworks and flames shooting out. And while I'm not usually rooting for one particular eater over another, in this case, I had something invested in Pat. People pretty much thought this was Joey's competition to win, but I was really holding out for Pat. And I was there for every Krystal he ate and felt every one he didn't, and could tell where his closest competitors were edging him out. At the end, when Joey broke 100 and Bob beat Pat by a single burger, I knew how hard that third place finish would hit him. But then: holy fuck, 103 burgers! And where did Bob come from! Total excitement, disappointment, and exhilaration all rolled together. Pic by Curt. 103 Krystals will make Joey one happy guy. Eaters don't usually stop to smile in the last precious seconds of a competition, but there was no holding back the pure happiness that broke over Joey's face as he shattered the world record and went into triple digits. It doesn't matter how many Krystals you ate; afterwards, there's always room for beer. And in a few hours, fries and wings.

Arrived in Chattanooga

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 16:35:04 -0800

Yo! I'm here in Chattanooga, holed up in a very luxurious hotel room. There's a trip to Krystal in a few minutes and I'm heading out to see the legendary place for myself. I've been in transit since 8:30 this morning and haven't eaten anything except a bag of Sun Chips on the plane. I see some french fries and a shake in my very near future. I got a very big preview of tomorrow's events. Here are a few of the key elements: fireworks, 30-foot flames, Corvettes. Also, I'll be counting for one Pat Bertoletti, so keep your eyes on the mohawk.

Kobayashi Out!

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:22:32 -0800

Turns out the biggest build up of the Krystal Competition is a bust: Kobayashi announced this week that he would be forced to bow out of the finals on Sunday due to persistent jaw pain. This leaves the competition wide open for two remaining favorites: Joey Chestnut, who wants to set a new world record by eating over 100 burgers, and Pat Bertoletti who had a taste of beating the giant and is hungry for more. Both eaters expressed disappointment at Koby's withdrawal, wanting the chance to go bite to bite with the champ. No doubt, Kobayashi's injury--to his jaw and ego--will be haunting him as he watches from the sidelines. Rumor has it that Kobayashi had to leave the Thanksgiving Invitational (another segment that was taped for Spike TV earlier this month) midway through the competition because of his jaw. Knowing how mentally hard that would be for an eater, especially one of Koby's caliber, it's clear that the injury must be serious. As for me, I'll be behind the table for the first time--counting burgers for one lucky eater. Be sure to tune into ESPN on Sunday to catch what I'm sure will prove to be a record-setting event. Here's a snapshot of your competitors (info supplied by Krystal) Joey “Jaws” Chestnut Hometown: San Jose, CA Personal Record: 92 Krystals (87 to Qualify) MLE Ranking: 1 Pat “Deep Dish” Bertoletti Hometown: Chicago, IL Personal Record: 85 Krystals MLE Ranking: 2 (2006 Picture) Tim “Eater X” Janus Hometown: New York, NY Personal Record: 73 Krystals MLE Ranking: 4 “Humble Bob” Shoudt Hometown: Philadelphia, PA Personal Record: 69 Krystals MLE Ranking: 7 Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas Hometown: Alexandria, Virginia Personal Record: 62 Krystals (51 to Qualify) MLE Ranking: 5 Chip “The Phenom” Simpson Hometown: Birmingham, AL Personal Record: 55 Krystals (49 to Qualify) MLE Ranking: 6 Rich “The Locust” LeFevre Hometown: Henderson, NV Personal Record: 52 Krystals (51 to Qualify) MLE Ranking: 8 Hall “Hoover” Hunt Hometown: Jacksonville, FL Personal Record: 49 Krystals MLE Ranking: 9 “Crazy Legs” Conti Hometown: New York, NY Personal Record: 44 Krystals MLE Ranking: 11 Tim “Gravy” Brown Hometown: Chicago, IL Personal Record: 43 Krystals MLE Ranking: 15 Erik “The Red” Denmark Hometown: Seattle, WA Personal Record: 43 Krystals MLE Ranking: 12 Allen “Shredder” Goldstein Hometown: Plainview, NY Personal Record: 42 Krystals MLE Ranking: 14 Juliet Lee Hometown: Germantown, MD Personal Record: 41 Krystals MLE Ranking: 10

Koby slips another ranking?

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 20:27:27 -0800

This Sunday will mark two weeks until one of the biggest competitive eating events of the year will throw down: the annual Krystal Square Off in Chattanooga, Tennessee. It's considered one of the big ones because, like Nathan's, it's nationally televised and has historically been one of the few competitions that Takeru Kobayashi participates in. Additionally, none of the eaters can shut up about how awesome the Krystal organizers are. Catering specifically to the eaters isn't something that all sponsors do, but Krystal--perhaps because they've built an entire fan base around eating ridiculous quantities of burgers--knows and loves their competitive eaters. Nathan's might be your longtime buddy that you always clear your calendar for, but Krystal's is that crazy friend who invites you to visit for the weekend and then throws a killer party and ends up giving you that one sweatshirt of his that you always kinda liked and--hey--might as well take these cookies and beer because they'll just go to waste otherwise. 2007 seems to be the year for upsets. It was only a few short months ago that Joey Chestnut took the crown from Kobayashi and triumphant cheers were heard around the world: the giant could be beaten. But who guessed it would be so soon that a new champion might emerge. While one wouldn't really call Pat Bertoletti an underdog, he wasn't the name on everyone's tongues when talking about beating Kobayashi on the 4th, and he was only coming up occasionally when talking about beating Joey in Chattanooga--until recently. The mohawked eater stunned the competitive eating world, and made major headlines, when he recently won a grits competition by putting down 21 pounds of the stuff. While a newsworthy win, it was the third place winner that had people in a tizzy: Joey Chestnut had been beat by not only Pat Bertoletti, but by Tim "Eater X" Janus, who came in a solid second at 20 pounds, a whole pound more than Joey. Then, as if answering the taunts of people who would guess the win was a fluke, Pat beat the number one eater in the world at waffles and took away the title, eating 29 to Joey's 28.5. This week, the big buzz is the happenings in Las Vegas. Spike TV and the IFOCE selected 16 eaters to come and compete in a series of eating events that will be televised at later dates. Because of the nature of the pre-recording, the 16 eaters were kept a secret and told not to let it leak what they were up to. But the seal has been broken and news started trickling in from the city of sin. And the news was big. The word was that Kobayashi was there, still nursing a bit of the jaw injury we saw in July, and that the former champion was hurting in competition. But this time, not just to Joey Chestnut, but to Pat Bertoletti, too. SPOILER! The initial results came in from a chicken wing competition which gave Pat the win with 4.1 pounds of wings, Joey 2nd with 4.05, and Kobayashi in an unheard-of-for-him 3rd place with a mere 3.1 pounds. This certainly spices up the competition in Chattanooga, once again making a big competition even bigger. Assuming, of course, Joey qualifies for the Krystal competition, a feat he's yet to complete this year. With only two qualifiers left, it's no doubt the he'll come out with guns blazing, but only time will tell how his hard work will pay off.

Keep This Train Rolling

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 09:53:54 -0800

This is a thing of beauty, Timbers 2007 regular season highlights: The boys in green are in Atlanta tonight in leg 1 of the second round, kickoff being at 5pm Pacific Time. This Sunday, mass hysteria erupts at PGE Park, 5pm again for leg 2, where the Timbers get the job done and move onto their first ever USL First Division Championship Final. This one will be broadcast on FSC once again, so set your DVRs accordingly.