By Krista

Someone blue and furry once said, "Sometimes me think what is love, and then me think love is what last cookie is for. Me give up the last cookie for you."

Truer words have never been spoken...unless you are in the midst of an eating competition, in which case you can't give up your last cookie...because then it would be cheating.

It had been a long time since Liz and I had covered and eating competition together. A really long time, but boy did it bring back memories. Awesome memories of meatballs and Atlantic City, grilled cheese in Time Square, and corned beef and cabbage in Boston. This weekend found us in yet another location: Denver, Colorado among mountains...of cookies. Chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies to be exact. And there were even more differences. This contest wasn't being photographed by the Associated Press and Badlands Booker and Crazy Legs were nowhere to be found. In their place was a trio of Asian brothers, aged 7 - 15, and the only cameras snapping photos were those attached to family and friends of the contestants.

The contest took place at Olde Tyme Drafts and Dawgs and anyone could enter as long as they donated $5 to charity - in this case the charity benefitted was Operation Smile. Liz had been to one of their eating contests before, so thought it would be great if we all went this time and perhaps even got one of our friends to enter. So who to ask, who to ask....well there was really only one choice and that choice was Micah.

Micah, who I happen to think is the bees knees, can eat mad quantities of food. He usually finishes all of my meals, meaning once he eats his, he then proceeds to clean my plate as well. I think he may have been a seal in a past life...a seal who couldn't swim...or something like that. Anyway, he wakes up hungry and he goes to bed hungry. This man seems to never feel full. I would think he had Prader-Willi syndrome, but he's never eaten so much he has made his stomach explode, so he does seem to have a handle on it somewhere.

So Liz and I somehow talked Micah into entering the contest. I think it had something to do with the words chocolate, chip, and cookie. However, I don't think he expected us to take it as seriously as we did. As soon as Micah agreed, Liz proceeded to contact tons of professional eaters for advice for him. Micah got a little scared, but I assured him on the drive over, we would love him unconditionally if he lost, which funny enough was Tim "Eater X" Janus' advice.

I also told him that Liz and I don't do things half-assed. If we are gonna do something, we are gonna DO something. Besides, who would turn down advice from someone at the top of the field? Crazy people that's who! Who wouldn't want to know that Pat Bertoletti, ranked 2nd in the world, thinks you should try to fold the cookie in half like a slice of pizza and suggested bringing warm beverages to dunk the cookies in. Which we totally did. Before we left Liz's place we made two containers of mint tea. Eric "Steakbellie" Livingston also offered advice in the way of "don't over stuff your mouth" and "dunk". Wise words.

While we were gearing Micah up for the competition we never thought the competition would include Marco "Mongo" Marquez, currently ranked 20 in the world or Andrew "Skinnyboy" Lane, ranked 35. Eeek. But in they walked. It was terrific to finally meet them, but bad news for Micah. However, we still had faith that our little eater had the guts to give them a run for their money. Other contestants included the three brothers mentioned above, one unnamed man who disappeared quickly after the contest, and a big-boned woman of a certain age, who seemed to enter the contest just to sit quietly at the corner of the
table and slowly eat and dunk a few choice cookies.

After the tables were set up with one glass of water, one glass of whole milk, and 2 plates containing 20 cookies each, the contest began. Micah came out swinging and nearly ate 10 cookies in no time flat. In fact, he seemed to be keeping pace with Mongo, the front runner. Could this be happening? He was doing everything we told him to: dunking, drinking, not overstuffing his mouth, not rushing too fast at the beginning. Before you knew it, he hit 15!

And then we saw it. The pause, the hand to the stomach, and the look of pure agony. It reminded me of the look Joey Chestnut gets late into every contest. The look that seems to say, I can go no further, yet that's what makes Joey a champion. He hits that wall and just charges through, Micah on the other hand, knew it was the end. He wasn't going to push through. It called an end to his brief flirtation with competitive eating. He's not willing or able to push past that internal wall that screams, No Mas!

In the end Mongo won with 26.5 cookies, Skinnyboy came in second with 22. Micah came in an impressive 3rd with 15.

Micah recovered pretty quickly after a night of laying on his side and watching TV with vows that it would be a long time before he ate another cookie. However, the next day while going into the fridge and grabbing one for me I asked him if he wanted a cookie. His reply: "Yeah, sure." Spoken like a true champion.

See Liz's Westword blog post about the competition!

There is a time change from Nashville to Chattanooga.
I hadn't realized that there was a time difference between Nashville, where I flew in, and
Chattanooga, where I was headed for the fourth annual Krystal Square Off taking place the next day. But suddenly my cell phone's clock automatically updated and I was an hour late for the welcome reception for all the eaters. However, since the car rental agency gave me a little red Mustang--a surefire speeding ticket in the waiting--and I had already decided I couldn't risk more than five miles over the speed limit, I just settled in and accepted the fact that I'd get there when I'd get there.

The Krystal organizers are serious about putting on a good show.
Brad Wahl, the vice president of marketing for Krystal, welcomed everyone on Saturday night and went over the plan for the next day. I thought he was joking as he went down the list of pyrotechnics involved on stage-fireworks, 30-foot flames, confetti cannons-but they were all very real. The stage would be on the water and perfect for gathering a huge crowd.

Those Krystal people sure give out good swag.
It was like what I imagine going to a Hollywood award show would be like. All the eaters got bags filled with Krystal coasters, shirts, head and wrist bands, beach chairs, and a lifesize crystal Krystal. The headbands were a little on the small size, but Pat Bertoletti finally figured out they worked pretty well as throat warmers. Football jerseys without padding kinda look like pirate shirts. When Hall Hunt first put on the Krystal jersey, I have to admit the first thing I thought of was Seinfeld's puffy shirt.

It also turns out that there is a lot of thought that goes into competition jersey design. Kenny, of Krystal Lovers Blog fame, said they watched hours of competition footage to determine that the best logo placement on a shirt is on the front of the shirt sleeves, right below the shoulder. They tried to do that for these jerseys, but it would have required a special order that was just too expensive in the end. Except for the puffy sleeves, the jerseys looked great, with each eater's last name written across the back of their own shirt above a list of this year's competitors. It's good they focused on the last names, because poor Erik "The Red" Denmark is doomed to always have his first name spelled with a "c", as it was in tiny letters.

Even competitive eaters the night before a huge competition have a hard time turning down a free trip to Krystal.
Kenny took a big group of us out to a Krystal down the street after the welcoming reception. Last year, only a couple people took him up on the offer, but this year it was a full fieldtrip. Though a lot of eaters say they fast the night before a competition, I can attest to the fact that there were several burgers, a few orders of fries, some milkshakes, an apple turnover, and a couple gallons of diet soda consumed. Maybe they were thinking there was no way they'd eat as much as Tim "Eater X" Janus, Rich LeFevre, Crazy Legs Conti, and Allen Goldstein had eaten in any case. Those hardcore competitors couldn't turn down a ramen noodle competition that went down earlier that afternoon and would have to face their trays of Krystals with a bellyful of noodles a very recent memory.

Kenny can beat Joey in a Krystal competition.
But only if Joey doesn't know they're actually in competition until Kenny has finished his one Krystal and announced to Joey that he won. Even though Kenny is teasing, Joey will get a little defensive, but can be placated if you point out that by those rules, he beat Kenny in the apple turnover competition he didn't know they were having. Score's even, boys.

Two TVs in your room doesn't mean there's anything good on.
I watched "It", a couple episodes of "Law & Order" and a good 20 minutes of the making of that new bee movie. Then my brain tried to make an escape and I had to turn them off.

High heels are a poor footwear choice for being a Krystal Counter/Bunnette.
I knew I would be counting for Pat Bertoletti and wasn't sure how the stage would be set up. He's a tall dude, and I am but 5'4. I figured heels would be a must in this situation. I did not, however, really account for the fact that the entire competition would be outside and there would be a lot of walking around on grass and up and down giant stairs/seating arranged along the giant hill in front of the stage. I didn't think I'd be magically teleporting from the hotel room to the stage, but I sure didn't think this one through. I spent a lot of the pre-competition running around with heels sinking into the grass and tottering up and down those giant freaking stairs. The other Counters were looking particularly cute and practical in sneakers and flip flops.

Even if you are told there is a very specific schedule, sometimes you're just kinda thrown out there.
There was some rushed instructions about the eaters all arriving to the staging area in Corvettes and that we would each escort one eater to the autograph area. That sounded simple enough, but I'm the type of person that functions really well with numbered directions and colorful maps. But there was no time for that, because one minute we were all milling around, and the next minute Kitty-the head Krystal Counter-was lining us up and telling us to go. I got Allen Goldstein's car and bumbled around for a few seconds not knowing if I should open the door or hold his arm or what. And was this being filmed? It turned out not to matter much, as it all worked out. Allen was so pumped I don't think he realized he had a bunnette on his arm that he knew. He jogged ecstatically to the autograph tent. About ten minutes later, he turned to say hi to me.

George Shea loves Gwen Stefani's "Sweet Escape."
That song got played a lot. At one point, George Shea, who was announcing, brought all the
bunnettes on stage and everyone danced to it, including George. This was also when he announced I was the winner of the bunnette search and everyone cheered. That will probably be my only time being the recipient of cheers on a competitive eating stage, so I took it all in and shook my pompoms like no one's business.

You don't get a very good view of the competition from behind.
Even though I was right in the thick of it, I couldn't really watch the competition. My eyes were trained on the official judge parked in front of Pat who was feeding me totals so I could flip the right number up on my counter. I could catch Joey and Bob's numbers because their judges were also right in front of me, but the rest of the contest happened just outside my periphery. Obviously, I wasn't in a position to take any pictures or anything, so I was more amped up than usual with nowhere to put my excitement except into my cheering.

I really enjoyed cheerleading.
Like, maybe I should have been a cheerleader. I mean, if I hadn't gone to the hippie high school with no cheerleading. Or sports. And if I hadn't quit gymnastics in middle school after hitting my head trying to do a back handspring. And that I would never have been caught dead cheerleading when I was 16. I mean all that aside, I would have made a killer cheerleader.

An eating competition is a rollercoaster of emotions when you're part of it.
There's all the anticipatory build up, then there's the actual competition, then all the craziness
surrounding the theatrics of it all: the streamers flying around, the confetti raining down, the fireworks and flames shooting out. And while I'm not usually rooting for one particular eater over another, in this case, I had something invested in Pat. People pretty much thought this was Joey's competition to win, but I was really holding out for Pat. And I was there for every Krystal he ate and felt every one he didn't, and could tell where his closest competitors were edging him out. At the end, when Joey broke 100 and Bob beat Pat by a single burger, I knew how hard that third place finish would hit him. But then: holy fuck, 103 burgers! And where did Bob come from! Total excitement, disappointment, and exhilaration all rolled together.

Pic by Curt.

103 Krystals will make Joey one happy guy.
Eaters don't usually stop to smile in the last precious seconds of a competition, but there was no holding back the pure happiness that broke over Joey's face as he shattered the world record and went into triple digits.

It doesn't matter how many Krystals you ate; afterwards, there's always room for beer.
And in a few hours, fries and wings.

Yo! I'm here in Chattanooga, holed up in a very luxurious hotel room. There's a trip to Krystal in a few minutes and I'm heading out to see the legendary place for myself. I've been in transit since 8:30 this morning and haven't eaten anything except a bag of Sun Chips on the plane. I see some french fries and a shake in my very near future.

I got a very big preview of tomorrow's events. Here are a few of the key elements: fireworks, 30-foot flames, Corvettes. Also, I'll be counting for one Pat Bertoletti, so keep your eyes on the mohawk.

Turns out the biggest build up of the Krystal Competition is a bust: Kobayashi announced this week that he would be forced to bow out of the finals on Sunday due to persistent jaw pain. This leaves the competition wide open for two remaining favorites: Joey Chestnut, who wants to set a new world record by eating over 100 burgers, and Pat Bertoletti who had a taste of beating the giant and is hungry for more. Both eaters expressed disappointment at Koby's withdrawal, wanting the chance to go bite to bite with the champ. No doubt, Kobayashi's injury--to his jaw and ego--will be haunting him as he watches from the sidelines.

Rumor has it that Kobayashi had to leave the Thanksgiving Invitational (another segment that was taped for Spike TV earlier this month) midway through the competition because of his jaw. Knowing how mentally hard that would be for an eater, especially one of Koby's caliber, it's clear that the injury must be serious.

As for me, I'll be behind the table for the first time--counting burgers for one lucky eater. Be sure to tune into ESPN on Sunday to catch what I'm sure will prove to be a record-setting event.

Here's a snapshot of your competitors (info supplied by Krystal)

Joey “Jaws” Chestnut
Hometown: San Jose, CA
Personal Record: 92 Krystals (87 to Qualify)
MLE Ranking: 1

Pat “Deep Dish” Bertoletti
Hometown: Chicago, IL
Personal Record: 85 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 2
(2006 Picture)

Tim “Eater X” Janus
Hometown: New York, NY
Personal Record: 73 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 4

“Humble Bob” Shoudt
Hometown: Philadelphia, PA
Personal Record: 69 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 7

Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas
Hometown: Alexandria, Virginia
Personal Record: 62 Krystals (51 to Qualify)
MLE Ranking: 5

Chip “The Phenom” Simpson
Hometown: Birmingham, AL
Personal Record: 55 Krystals (49 to Qualify)
MLE Ranking: 6

Rich “The Locust” LeFevre
Hometown: Henderson, NV
Personal Record: 52 Krystals (51 to Qualify)
MLE Ranking: 8

Hall “Hoover” Hunt
Hometown: Jacksonville, FL
Personal Record: 49 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 9

“Crazy Legs” Conti
Hometown: New York, NY
Personal Record: 44 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 11

Tim “Gravy” Brown
Hometown: Chicago, IL
Personal Record: 43 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 15

Erik “The Red” Denmark
Hometown: Seattle, WA
Personal Record: 43 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 12

Allen “Shredder” Goldstein
Hometown: Plainview, NY
Personal Record: 42 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 14

Juliet Lee
Hometown: Germantown, MD
Personal Record: 41 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 10

This Sunday will mark two weeks until one of the biggest competitive eating events of the year will throw down: the annual Krystal Square Off in Chattanooga, Tennessee. It's considered one of the big ones because, like Nathan's, it's nationally televised and has historically been one of the few competitions that Takeru Kobayashi participates in. Additionally, none of the eaters can shut up about how awesome the Krystal organizers are. Catering specifically to the eaters isn't something that all sponsors do, but Krystal--perhaps because they've built an entire fan base around eating ridiculous quantities of burgers--knows and loves their competitive eaters. Nathan's might be your longtime buddy that you always clear your calendar for, but Krystal's is that crazy friend who invites you to visit for the weekend and then throws a killer party and ends up giving you that one sweatshirt of his that you always kinda liked and--hey--might as well take these cookies and beer because they'll just go to waste otherwise.

2007 seems to be the year for upsets. It was only a few short months ago that Joey Chestnut took the crown from Kobayashi and triumphant cheers were heard around the world: the giant could be beaten. But who guessed it would be so soon that a new champion might emerge. While one wouldn't really call Pat Bertoletti an underdog, he wasn't the name on everyone's tongues when talking about beating Kobayashi on the 4th, and he was only coming up occasionally when talking about beating Joey in Chattanooga--until recently.

The mohawked eater stunned the competitive eating world, and made major headlines, when he recently won a grits competition by putting down 21 pounds of the stuff. While a newsworthy win, it was the third place winner that had people in a tizzy: Joey Chestnut had been beat by not only Pat Bertoletti, but by Tim "Eater X" Janus, who came in a solid second at 20 pounds, a whole pound more than Joey.

Then, as if answering the taunts of people who would guess the win was a fluke, Pat beat the number one eater in the world at waffles and took away the title, eating 29 to Joey's 28.5.

This week, the big buzz is the happenings in Las Vegas. Spike TV and the IFOCE selected 16 eaters to come and compete in a series of eating events that will be televised at later dates. Because of the nature of the pre-recording, the 16 eaters were kept a secret and told not to let it leak what they were up to. But the seal has been broken and news started trickling in from the city of sin. And the news was big. The word was that Kobayashi was there, still nursing a bit of the jaw injury we saw in July, and that the former champion was hurting in competition. But this time, not just to Joey Chestnut, but to Pat Bertoletti, too.

SPOILER!

The initial results came in from a chicken wing competition which gave Pat the win with 4.1 pounds of wings, Joey 2nd with 4.05, and Kobayashi in an unheard-of-for-him 3rd place with a mere 3.1 pounds.

This certainly spices up the competition in Chattanooga, once again making a big competition even bigger. Assuming, of course, Joey qualifies for the Krystal competition, a feat he's yet to complete this year. With only two qualifiers left, it's no doubt the he'll come out with guns blazing, but only time will tell how his hard work will pay off.

With Krystals season starting up strong, you'd think the last thing on people's minds would be the Nathan's hot dog competition, a full 11 months away. But apparently a little enthusiasm at the Saratoga Springs Race Course goes a long way because they hosted a qualifier for the 2008 competition on Monday (making this perhaps the only time the banner for this blog will make sense for competitive eating--history!). Crazy Legs Conti won the qualifier handily with 21.5 HDBs (the second place winner ate 10). Tim "Eater X" Janus accompanied his roommate and competitive eating collaborator, but only sat in on the neat eating competition, a contest usually reserved for the under 10 crowd.

Crazy Legs caught up with True Fan after the oddly-timed qualifier and gave us a run-down of the event, which amounts to a veritable who's who in competitive eating. I thought we'd go bold names for this one. Enjoy!

Seriously, what was the deal with this qualifier? Why so early?

I was a fan long before I turned pro so I have an appreciation for the archival history of the Saratoga Qualifier. (A quick tangent for pro eating historians - "A Hot Dog Program", the PBS Rick Seback documentary has the full 1998 Nathan's contest as a DVD extra). As you can read at MosesNews.com, Saratoga was Don Lerman's territory in the early 00s. He was known as the Saratoga's Secretariat. As carpetbagging became necessary to qualify we all went there and lost to Don (Subich, Janus, myself, many others), but the one year that Don suffered a reversal, the importance of the second and third place finish became very evident as a lot can happen in the ten months leading up to the big show. Some years it's not even scheduled, so it's special when it happens. I believe it was three or four years ago that I planned to exit the Kennebunkport Lobster Contest to traverse the dirt roads from Maine to Saratoga on a very tight schedule. The Saratoga Qualifier is like the NFL pro-bowl. The super bowl just happened and most guys don't want to put the pads back on and take the hits, but you do get to go to Hawaii...Or Saratoga, which I find to be just as lovely.

Usually, everyone has some time to get into "hot dog mode" before hitting the qualifier. How did you mentally spring into action when this opportunity came up?

I knew that Joey Chestnut would be closely following the Saratoga qualifier and I figured why tip my hand with seventy. Now he's got ten months of bedwetting fear when we meet on stage in '08.

I think it boils down to a mentality that doesn't really exist for most on today's circuit. It a notion that harkens back to the trophy era, pre-prize money when you showed up because you wanted to be there or be a part of something . You are somebody like Tim Janus, who is really the last eater to come from the trophy era, who says, "Eating hot dogs under a tent sounds good to me anytime, I'll go". I do see it in eaters today like Kevin Ross and Pat Bertoletti, who just seem glad to be at the table to have the opportunity to compete and continue on the strange and wonderful journey that pro-eating can provide. As for Nathan's there have always been non-qualifying contests and it's interesting to see who shows up. I've never made it to Kansas or the UMass Amherst contest (where Darren Rovell set the current all time journalist record with twelve hdbs in regulation time), but I went to Boston the year it was downgraded from an official qualifier. Cookie had crushed me the previous two years when it counted towards Coney and besides being a great charity run by the Andleman family to benefit Cystic Fibrosis and the Joey Fund. I just wanted to win the thing in my hometown. I ate eighteen, got a small plaque, and felt great about the day. The next year Peter Davekos and Justin Mih showed up just to see what eating too many hot dogs is all about and put up around the same numbers .

The moment Saratoga was announced Janus and I wanted to attend. I'm thrilled it was an official qualifier, but I think we would have gone anyway. Janus is a big Tobey Maguire fan, and I didn't even know that Jeff Bridges was in "Seabiscuit". Nathan's more than any other circuit or contest is as cutthroat as it gets, but it's important to remember that you have to enjoy the sport or the event, otherwise what's the point? There are plenty of bitter foods, we don't need bitter eaters. If it's not a good time, then find some other activity to engage you...I hear remolding Victorian Era Bidets has its appeal, but I'm content with Pro-Eating for the time.
As for the week leading up to the contest, I prepared as I always do. Physiologically, no meat, lots of Japanese Ramen and mentally, I watch a lot of cheerleading films on VHS.

You were the only pro-ranked eater to compete at this qualifier (not including Tim Janus's participation in the neat eating competition). While this isn't unheard of--Chip and Juliet both took their qualifiers this year with no pro competition--it must be a little strange for you. Were you expecting other ranked eaters to show up? Were you glad when they didn't or did you miss the neck-and-neck?

With Krazy Kev and BB in hot dog retirement, I've eaten in more qualifiers than any other active MLE'r. I ate before the 3 qualifier limit and recall one season eating dogs five weekends in a row. It was maddening and grueling, but it gave me an appreciation for each one as its own wonderful strange entity. It made me savor both the wins and the losses. I believe the hot dogs gods make it all work out as it should. I was there to appreciate the nuances of Sonya's 18 at Molly Pitcher (I felt physically ill before the contest as I had been pulling all nighters cleaning the widows of the Kuwait consulate). Or Joey's rookie 21.5 in San Fran (vanity would lead me to mention Hungry Charles and my attendance at Mr. Ping's until 6 am the day of as a contributing factor, however, the hot dog gods knew we were better off with the Tiki umbrella drinks and Joey might have a future at Coney).

I can also truly appreciate that Stu Birdy would eat eight just for the fun of it or Hollow Hal Schimmel for the free lunch. If you are lucky enough to eat against Superpaul, you are a winner in more ways than one. I'm not belittling the importance of it all. The desire is obviously more than just fun. Some are concerned with totals, I've always cared more about making the final table. People that assume it's only worth it if you are eating stratospheric numbers in the center of the table, should talk to guys who paid their dues on the road like Humble Bob and Birthday Boy, The Shredder. Do you think it was easy for them to convince their families, to convince their bodies and minds to think, "I'm getting to that stage and when I do I'm going every year until I don't want to anymore". Long before Tim Janus stole everyone's groupies, he would throw down his buns in disgust at himself in places like Hartford and Belmont Race Track and think, "I'm going to get better because it's the most important thing to me." It's never an easy road to Nathan's and sometimes it can years.

That's where the intestinal fortitude comes in, and some have it, some don't. Or like Larry Bird diving out of bounds for a loose ball, some are willing to make the sacrifices. To eat hot dogs for twelve minutes straight, you've got to have a dive headfirst loose ball mentality. Most would disagree with me, but the most exciting hot dog minute in '07 wasn't Joey/Koby on the 4th, but the Shredder's 12th at Civil Service. With sixty seconds he had a seemingly impossible dog and 1/2 to reach a number that would make Coney. I truly believe it was the loud support of his wife Greta that willed him to the finish line.

It was magical, I was thrilled to be there, and Gravy Brown still made it on the 4th (but in 08 would be wise to not eat against Tim, Joey, or The Colonel). Only The Shredder was displeased, because he wanted an outright win. I can't blame him, what a roller coaster '07 was for him. With prize money never being a factor with Nathan's (and I believe never will) it has always been the greatest stage to ascend, even long before ESPN coverage. Ed Kratchie's sweat, Hungry Charles' pumping arms, Nakajima's calm presence, Kobayashi's joy, Joey's stenciled name on the board...these are indelible images in my mind, much like I would imagine today's fan's discover when they join the throngs at Stillwell and Surf. Sonya Thomas' wave, The Locust's trot...that's the electricity that powers competitive eating. They are eating to honor those who didn't make it, but tried, and off stage or at home, hopefully those watching are thinking, "I'll get my twelve minutes one day, whether its at Coney or Saratoga". Steakbellie, of course, is thinking, "I've got to stay focused otherwise I won't get to my next twelve pack". What most don't realize are the yearlong moments each eater has when they awake in the middle of the night wondering what they have to do to make it to high noon. As the current crop of eaters outpaces my improvements, I have to enjoy each noon as it comes.

As for other eaters at Saratoga. I knew that a Monday at 2 pm at a racetrack was going to be difficult for anyone who is gainfully employed or doesn't work in the strip club industry. I assumed up-and-coming eaters would see it as an opportunity to strut their peacock feathers, but I can't say I was disappointed with the turn-out. I'm not that cocky. I'm not a name caller. I take the victories where I can get them. I was channeling Jeff Leibowski, "Just take it easy man". I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the vitriolic resentment that seems prevalent by people who live life in front of their computer screens. I genuinely feel bad that Mike Landrich didn't make it. I've never met him, I don't know what he put up in Vegas, but if it's any consolation to him, I didn't get an email confirmation either. There is no grand IFOCE conspiracy afloat, I saw an event I wanted to go to so I picked up the phone and found out the info and showed up. In high school it took six calls before I got a girl to agree, but I made it to the prom. I arrived at Saratoga to learn that instead of the usual seventy people, only seven preregistered for the contest. I wasn't even the headliner. The Saratoga crowd crowned the guy they called, "The General" as the favorite. He put on one of the most entertaining qualifying performances ever. I think if the dogs were soaked in beer beforehand the General might have taken me. He did 9.5 while talking to the crowd the whole 12 minutes and he did beer tricks (which did not, despite the crowds urging, count towards his total).

As for Tim "Eater X" Janus' performance. I say it all the time, I believe in the camaraderie of the brotherhood and sisterhood of the stomach. I perceive his actions as one of great altruism, but the truth lies in his motivation. He only wanted a personal best, but didn't want to be locked into a number that ten months from now he could top (but wouldn't be allowed to if he already qualified with a paltry forty something). If he had gone for numbers that only two humans have ever achieved, I would have been as happy for him as he was for me. To me it was like he was hopping on an HDBs grenade and I'm grateful for my '08 livelihood, however he shrugs it off. He felt he wasn't going to achieve his goal that day and his chances were better in the neat eating contest. At first I thought he had a solid strategy (there were only three other ten year olds in the contest), but after his ninth packet of Heinz ketchup, I knew he was in trouble. As an avid follower of neat eating stats I believe Bailey Shoudt has notched the only single winner victory (Shea '05) and now Eater X will go down in annuls with the only single person loss in neat eating history. Those three ten year olds defeated the fourth ranked eating in hot dogs, and they defeated him soundly. And true to form, we couldn't find a single napkin after the contest.

Do you think you'll feel sad when hot dog season rolls around next year and you don't have a qualifier to look forward to. Or will you just show up with a beer in hand to the east coast ones and gloat?

I think we can all agree that 21.5 will be the lowest qualifying total in '08. Likely by four or five dogs. I believe Hot dogs and buns to be the hardest discipline and qualifying for Nathan's to be the most difficult. For an eater like me, who only improves a couple dogs a season, it can be terrifying. The Krystal format is more accessible for some because one eats against his/herself for a number. That's why a Krystal roadtrip is always worth it, it doesn't matter who shows up. Plus, you get to see some beautiful Southern cities. I didn't even attend the first Krystal Square Off circuit because every Northerner, like Don and El Wingador, who went down was sadly sent packing by Southerners who were weaned on the fluffy goodness and meaty square. Things have changed obviously and Krystals may not be nationwide, but hungering for them is. Sorry, I digress...it is lunch time.

At the 08 Nathan's qualifying circuit, I'll be at every qualifier I can make, as a fan. I loved this year's Badlands "Hungry and Focused" Tour. Plus I got to eat cheese steaks in Philly and New Haven Pizza after Hartford. And I'll show up with a beer in hand for everyone who competes (and joins me at the afterparty). If you can't do karaoke with Wild Bill Meyers, a couple of cheap beers with Wing Kong and Steakbellie ranks a close second. The Dude abides.

I look guys like Pete Davekos and Steakbellie and want to see them get their first deuce because I believe it will really make them happy. Davekos needs to hone in on his focus and Steakbellie needs to stop rubbernecking so much and clear his mouth more. Those are the things I look forward to seeing on the '08 Nathan's circuit. I also think it's going to be tough to wait ten months for another edition of TrueFan's HDQM. It has become the definitive post-qualifier interview, despite not have a glossy print edition; Joey's goofy grin on the cover with the quote below, "Hot Dog Qualifier Magazine? Not only do I read it, I'm a subscriber!" - Joseph Chestnut.

C'mon, you can tell us: was the guy in the alligator costume really Jed Donahue?

He introduced himself as James, but I actually think he was a Florida Gator emissary sent by Colonel Hall Hunt to deliver the message that I should never ever come to Florida again for hot dogs or Krystal burgers. He was firm, but eloquent when he mentioned that Hunt is going to own Florida in '08. I agreed with him and will head his warning. As for his performance, he had the greatest chipmunking potential in history, he could fit a lot in the bill, but he had trouble chewing.

Did your luck extend to the tracks afterwards?

Saratoga Dogs are boiled so they tend to go down a little easier, but sit a little heavier. I staggered over to the track like Bukowski and bet my usual, the three horse to show. I then got cute with the exotics and boxed a few trifecas. Two of the last three races were run on the grass, but the one on the dirt was the photo finish. It was a wet day at the track and I couldn't see anything through the dark sunglasses. Not one of my horses came in, but based on the soggy bun detritus in one of my dreadlocks, I'd say I'm more of a mudder at the hot dog contest.

Tell me a little about this year supply of hot dogs you win. Is there a Nathan's delivery guy who shows up to your apartment with the supply and some balloons, or is it more of an unmarked frozen pallet thing? Didn't you and Tim each just win a year supply a couple months ago, making it so you have three years of hot dogs in one apartment? Isn't that, like, A LOT of hot dogs?

We run an unaccredited hot dog savings and loan union. From the days when Hungry Charles (who installed a restaurant deep storage freezer to allow for all his hot dog winnings) and Badlands would loan us a few forty packs, we return the favors. Mostly their kids are now the beneficiaries. I also give as many as appropriate to the Bowery Mission which is around the corner from us it's a pretty amazing place and I've spent some Thanksgivings there (followed by hedonistic activities at the Village Idiot Bar so that my karma always ended up at the equator). Because the freezer at Coleman's Bar and Grill didn't have a door for the last five years, like Joe Gould's secret we have dogs stashed all over the five boroughs including an undisclosed bunker location. Tim has a phenomenal idea that ESPN should cover July 3rd and the Hot Dog Draft. The twenty eaters would be allowed to draft numbered lots of hot dogs for the following day. Obviously the dogs are precooked, but not grilled yet, so the tension wouldn't be in the snap of the natural casing, but the folly of ended up drafting too many misshapen ones or the evil errant hanging nub. If you've ever lined up a bag of forty you realize the lengths vary from cigar stubs to widowmakers. Liz for you, I suppose the prom analogy would work here too.

Dirty!

If the fading whiff of grilled hot dogs means the height of summer is passing, then the scent of tiny square hamburgers can only mean the start of the autumn competitive eating season with the inimitable Krystal Square Off. Here are the stops the tour will make for qualifying rounds. The date ranges represent how long they will be in the particular city doing several mini-qualifiers. The winners of those mini-qualifiers head to the main qualifier on the last day and the winner of that qualifier goes on to the finals (um, got that?). Anyway, who lives in the south and wants to do some on-the-scene reporting/eating!

Krystal Square Off IV

Aug. 22 – 25: Chattanooga, TN

Aug. 31 – Sept. 3: Jacksonville, FL

Sept. 7 – 9: Nashville, TN

Sept. 14 – 16: Knoxville, TN

Sept. 21 – 23: Atlanta, GA

Sept. 28 – 30: Memphis, TN

Oct. 5 – 7: Perry, GA

Oct. 12 – 14: Jackson, MS

Oct. 19 – 21: Birmingham, AL

TBA: Chattanooga, TN (Nationally Televised on ESPN)

In a press release Brad Wahl, vice president of marketing for the Krystal Company, kept the boxing analogies going strong:

“Like following the ‘Fight of the Century’ between Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier, the world is craving a rematch between Takeru Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut. Before that can happen though, Chestnut still has to qualify for the World Championship at one of our nine regional qualifiers. And it won’t be easy for the new number one ranked eater in the world. We anticipate more than 2,000 hopefuls to compete in our circuit events, including all of the top eaters in the world, and the competition will be fiercer than ever as guys like Patrick Bertoletti and Tim “Eater X’ Janus are out to prove that this is more than a two man contest.”

Though the eaters all aspire to be at the big Nathan's table, the Krystle Square Off still stands as one of the favorite competitions among the gurgitating elite. This is in no doubt due to the company's unwavering enthusiasm for the contest and for the eaters. What other eating competition can boast webcams airing all the qualifiers, a website that profiles all the eaters, and--new this year, my friends--the ability to pick your own fantasy eating team for the finals? (You might remember the True Fan's fantasy eating idea was born for last year's Krystal Square Off finals, though we were assured that the Krystal PR peeps were brewing a similar plan around the same time and needed a year to get it in working order.)

The site will be live Friday, so log on to www.KrystalSquareOff.com and click on the "Fantasy League" section. (Even if you are already on one of True Fan's fantasy eating teams, go ahead and join another! Mix it up a little. Since when are we in the business of moderation here?) From there, you'll be able to draft your own team of competitive eaters. If you have lots of buddies into this, go ahead and create a league--we aren't fancy here!. In fact, who wants to be in my league?

Some rules:

Leagues can have a maximum of seven teams but no fewer than four. Once teams have been drafted, owners can drop, add or trade their competitive eaters up until midnight on the day before the regional qualifier final. Eaters cannot be dropped, traded or added once they've competed. Points will be accumulated based on the average number of Krystal Hamburgers that each eater consumes in the local qualifier finals and their total at the Krystal Square Off IV World Championship.

Back in the real world, Kobayashi seems to be committed to participating, but will his jaw allow it? Furthermore, after his hard-won victory in hot dogs, will our new American hero, Joey Chestnut, allow himself to beaten by the reigning champ? Questions to ponder over tiny square burgers in the months to come.

Once in awhile, the IFOCE sponsors a competition that's just really cool. Don't get me wrong, all of them are interesting or fun in their own right, but when it gets down to it, a pizza competition in a mall will never hold a candle to a reenactment of the blueberry pie eating contest in the classic movie, "Stand By Me." This is the scene in the movie where Gordy tells the story of Davy "Lardass" Hogan, who seeks revenge on the town that ridiculed him by entering a local blueberry pie competition. Except he secretly prepped for the competition by eating a few raw eggs and downing some castor oil, thus bringing about the most famous barf scene in all of cinema history when his reversal triggered a "barf-o-rama.

Yesterday, the town of Brownsville, Oregon had a "Stand By Me" Celebration, complete with dead body scavenger hunt, movie showings, and--of course--blueberry pie competition. Though someone (coughCrazyLegscough) kept insisting Corey Feldman would reside as guest judge, the real judge was in fact eater Ray "The Bison" Meduna. In keeping with the movie's tradition, it was a no-hands competition, the first of its kind to be sanctioned by the IFOCE. In the rules sent out beforehand, it was stated that water would also have to be consumed sans hands and that the competitors would be required to eat at least 3/4 of a pie before moving on to the next one.

Pat Bertoletti, the third ranked eater in the world, won the competition with 9.17 pounds of pie. There were some surprises in the follow-up order, suggesting that a perfected technique in this unorthodox competition counted for a lot. Rookie of the Year candidate, Tim "Gravy" Brown came in second with 8.47. Third place went to Mongo Marquez with 6.56; fourth to Kevin Ross with 5.58. Crazy Legs and and Erik "The Red" Denmark tied for 5th with 4.88.

True Fan caught up with Pat after the competition to get the lowdown.

Were there any reversals, any castor oil incidents?
Crazy Legs and I did in fact buy castor oil before the competition and champagne for after the competition, but we had no reversals.

Was Corey Feldman really there? Were there Coreys present?
The Coreys were not there.

So it was a lie?
I did cry at first. Crazy Legs was a little devastated; that's why his score was a little lower than expected.

Oh, I see. The "No Corey Syndrome"--happens to the best of us. Tell us a little about the technique. Did the "no hands" rule make it really hard?
It did. It was hard because the top layer was kinda dry. You could drink water, but the straws were too short for the water bottles, so you had an assistant behind you who could give you water.

Like in a boxing ring?
Yeah, they'd put it to your mouth. Then if you needed to have your face wiped, they'd wipe your face, {laughs} which I thought was absurd...

But people utilized it?
Yeah, I did at one point because I got a blueberry stuck up my nose. I turned around to my towel-holder--I kinda did one of those, when your dad, when you have a bloody nose and your dad holds the towel up to your nose.

Were these male pie assistants or female?
Mine was male. But he was cheering me on the whole time and I could hear him through my headphones.

Was it difficult to judge? With lots of detritus and messy faces and pie and hair?
Crazy Legs had about 18 oz. of pie stuck in his dreadlocks. We rang out the dreadlocks after the competition. [laughs] No, I did have some debris, but the Bison was really good about that. We had a pie scare, like we weren't going to have enough, but we ended up having enough in the end. I had to go back to my first pie at the end, but that was alright. You couldn't really get all the pie out; it was hard getting past all the crust.

So the Bison did a good job judging?
The Bison did an excellent job.

What was the crowd like? Were they all excited for the competition?
It was awesome. The crowd was really good. There was probably like 500 people there? It was packed. They had about four sections up on a hill. It was really cool.

Did people dress up like characters?
There were a lot of people in weird-ass antelope hats. [checks with people in car] The Benevolent Order of the Antelopes.

Did anyone chant "Lardass?"
No nobody did.

What are your plans now?
We're going to go back and shower. Then we're going to go back and see the movie.

At the weigh-in, I found myself next to Gersh Kuntzman's young daughter, Jane, who was right up next to the stage, ball cap on and pen and paper poised in imitation of her reporter father. I couldn't help sneaking a peek at her notes to see what she had deemed worthy of taking down for posterity. It was only two words, written in bubble letters: "hot dogs." There was a tiny heart over "dogs."

And though this was the beginning of the busiest and most exciting two days of my trip to New York, by the end of it all I would feel like I had been hit by some fantastic storm that left me reeling a bit, and left my notes in an eerily similar state as Jane's. I learn more at each competition I attend--more about the eaters, more about the sport, more about the politics--and find there are less things I'm taking notes on. I'm not sure if that means my reporting skills are slipping, but in some cases I know its because I'm getting more interesting information. Though maybe in the end, "hot dogs" is all you really need to know.

But what am I talking about? I'm making it sound like this wasn't the most exciting upset to hit the competitive eating world in a long time. So let there be no mistake: this shit was edge-of-your-seat from the beginning. There was a lot of hype before the competition surrounding Kobayashi's jaw and whether he'd be in competition condition by the 4th. I heard everything from TMJ to "jawthritis," but the final and most plausible explanation I heard was that he had been having jaw pain and they removed a wisdom tooth to try and relieve the pain. This happened approximately eight days before Kobayashi was scheduled to compete in his biggest competition of the year and defend his title against the man who recently smashed his hot dog world record.

Everyone at the weigh-in, held on July 3rd at City Hall as a way for press to get a sneak peak at the competitors, was anxiously holding their breath to see in what condition the champion would show up. His usually upbeat demeanor was noticeable dampened as he climbed the stage to be weighed in at 154 pounds. He goofed around with the Frankster, who was in high form the entire day, but the lighthearted enthusiasm that was behind his eyes at last year's weigh-in was definitely not there. When they brought him and Joey Chestnut face-to-face for the traditional stare down and single hot dog eating for the cameras, Joey downed the dog easily, while Kobayashi visibly struggled, mushing the bun into his cupped hand rather than in his mouth. After the cameras had their shots, Koby removed an intact, uneaten dog from his mouth and rubbed his jaw.

During the question and answer session, when asked if his jaw was up for the challenge, he was only able to say that it would be a game day decision. They asked him to demonstrate how wide he could comfortably open his mouth at this point and the reporters swarmed in to get this pic:

But even if Kobayashi was a bit down, the mood was still heightened for the rest of the competitors, who had all worked hard to make it there and were eager for the next day. Erik "The Red" Denmark confided that this was the worst day, really. Stuck in a city with some of the best food in the country with some of the best eaters in the country, and trying not to ruin your stomach for game day.

There was also more sad news from the international front. The Indian giant who was slated to appear on stage, was not able to make it after all. After a nasty fall, a test showed he had a blood clot and he was unable to travel. When I expressed skepticism about the Indian giant's existence, Dale Boone whipped out his camera and showed me a picture of himself next to a very tall man. I can only attest to the fact that Dale Boone does in fact know someone who appears to be an Indian giant, but I hope he is an eating champion, and I hope he recovers successfully.

* * *

On the morning of the 4th, weather was the topic on everyone's minds. Before leaving the house, a local newscast pretty much went back and forth between the two big stories of the day: whether or not the storm prediction and cloud coverage would prevent the fireworks display and whether or not Kobayashi's jaw would prevent him from winning. Reports were coming in that the champ was planning on competing after undergoing a series of acupuncture treatments, and everyone revved themselves up for a real competition.

The gray skies weren't keeping away the crowds, and Coney Island swarmed with people hoping to get a good spot to see the hot dog competitors tear into their HDBs. Near the front, by the stage, family, friends, and other VIPs milled around, catching up with one another. "Beautiful" Brian Seiken was there, in spite of threats that he wouldn't attend this year if he didn't get a good spot to view the competition, along with Cookie Jarvis in his coat (more flowing than ever), and Don Lerman, dressed to the nines in his bright yellow Nathan's outfit. The area set aside for these lucky folks (and one non-bunnette-status blogger) is a strange one. Set off to the left of the stage, it allows people close to the action, but at such an angle that a clear view of the main action is almost impossible.

We all had excellent seats for the hot acts prior to the competition. There were many things included in last year's line-up that never made it to the stage due to time constrains, but this year, it was all about stalling. When the big clock was about to start the one hour countdown, the crowd noticed and began chanting down the numbers. Unfortunately, there was a groan where the cheer should have been--instead of heading into the final hour, the clock suddenly had 20 minutes added to it. Which is great if we're talking about getting to finally witness the presentation of Joe Mullen's teeth or Clogtastica!, two events in particular that Krista and I had been sad to not see last year. But let's just say there was a moment where George Shea danced with the three Bunnettes to "My Humps" that might have reeked a little bit of sheer desperation to fill time.

But before that had to happen, there was the presentation of Rookie of the Year. Three strong contenders were up for the distinction: Arturo "The Natural" Rios, who we met at last year's Thai qualifier, "Beautiful" Juliet Lee, the amateur pizza champ, and Tim "Gravy" Brown, who had had strong showings all year (and who, in a gray suit, looked either ready to take a meeting or slip into a Beastie Boys video). Though I have to admit my money would have been on Juliet, the first female to break through on the competitive eating scene in a long time, the award was presented to Arturo, who looked beyond thrilled.

Okay, let's back up and talk about the Bunnettes. As you probably know, I tried out to to be a Bunnette, and was denied in light of Nathan's decision to use professional models. First of all, everyone I ran into in New York had only the nicest things to say about my entry video. Seriously, I was blushing the entire time. My personal highlight of the day was Eric "Badlands" Booker getting on stage to sing his new hit, "She's My Bunnette" and dedicating it to me and Dani, who was Koby's Bunnette last year and who submitted a great video to the competition (four words: "underground lesbian pinata parties."). Take that, hot leggy models! Oh yeah: there were some hot leggy models. Yawn. No, actually I'm lying when I say "yawn" because what I really said was, "Holy shit, that Bunnette was on America's Next Top Model!" It's true!

Bunnette #1 = Sara Racey Tabrizi from cycle 2.

Besides that being exceptionally hilarious for me, the Bunnettes on average were...average. They did what they needed to do (though I noticed our ANTM friend flipping the numbers the wrong way a couple times before catching herself--don't worry; they're not actually counting, just reflecting the referees' counts). My main issue was that there were only three, one for Joey, one for Kobayashi, and one for Pat Bertoletti. I don't think that traditionally there's been a Bunnette for every eater at the table, but three seemed like an exceptionally sparse showing. Why wouldn't the crowd be interested in knowing how the other eaters are doing? In a situation like this, the organization dictates the public's interest; if there are no Bunnettes, and no announcement of totals, then the people can't care how the other eaters are doing because they have no means to. Especially when there were willing dog counters in the audience :-)

The word on the street is that the Bunnette videos will be kept around for a future competition in the fall. Hmmm, Krystal burgers have buns...

Lucky for me, I was in the section where there were a lot of people who cared. Joey's family wore shirts with a lurking shark image on the front; Tim Janus's family came in face paint and matching shirts; Erik Denmark's family outfitted themselves with red headbands that matched his; Carlene LeFevre pressed herself up against the stage when her husband got to the table, yelling out "Rich! Rich! I'm over here!" until he turned and acknowledged her with a smile and wave. There were two entrances for all the eaters. The big splashy one with intro songs and rattled off stats for the crowd, and a more mellow one for the ESPN cameras.

The entrances are always a fun way for the crowd to get to know the eaters' personalities a little. Juliet came out and demonstrated her extreme flexibility with a little stretching, Dale Boone came out in his famous fur hat, waving an American flag, Pat Philbin did his usual goofy mugging, there was some serious muscle flexing between Erik Denmark, Hall Hunt, and Kobayashi, while Chip Simpson opted for some more dancey moves. There were also subtle dedications: Pat Bertoletti wore a headband bearing the name of his grandfather who passed away, and Erik Denmark wore the number 11 on his wristbands, in memory of his mother's birthday. The eater who managed to make his entrance the most controversial was Tim "Eater X" Janus, who came out with a sign that said, "And on the 7th day god created HARTFORD!" which got cheers. Then he flipped the sign over:

This got boos (though also a lot of laughter). The most common reaction I heard to the sign was a worried, "Does she really?" (Yes, America. J.K. Rowling, a secret competitive eating fanatic, decided that the sole copy of her unpublished manuscript should go directly to Tim. Boy did be blow that one!)

As the last eater joined the stage, George Shea officially began the competition. Pat Bertoletti was off like lightening and even led Joey and Koby briefly. The two caught up and headed neck and neck into the final moments. The Bunnettes flipped furiously, but when the final second hit, it wasn't clear who had won. Both cards showed a glowing 63, indicating both eaters had shattered the new record, but who had actually eaten more? Adding to the controversy was something I couldn't see from my spot: a slight reversal on Kobayashi's part. Though that can be grounds for disqualification, the eater contained the explosion and...uh..un-regurgitated it. There aren't hard and steady rules for something like this, mostly because there aren't very many instances where this happens. Usually if an eater suffers a reversal of fortune, they do so absolutely. Ultimately the judges decided that since the expulsion did not hit the table and since it was reabsorbed, Kobayashi would not be disqualified.

What I could see was Joey arguing definitively with his judges. He had an intense look on his face, and he would later tell me that he was keeping count of the number of plates he had eaten, so knew he had at least consumed 65 HDBs, which is what he was relaying emphatically.

This went on for a minute and then the arguing stopped. Joey closed his eyes and broke out into the the most heartbreaking smile. In that split second, I knew he had it. George Shea regained his composure and announced the new winner, with 66 HDBs and a new world record, Joey "Jaws" Chestnut! Confetti rained down against the cloudy sky and the Mustard Yellow Belt and trophy were brought out for presentation.

Kobayashi was gracious as always. Through his translator he said the new record was amazing and agreed that Joey is a true champion. When asked if he would be returning next year, he said, "Of course." And would he beat Joey? Kobayashi smiled for the crowd. "I will definitely beat him next year."

More photos here and here.

It's a day some thought would never come: yesterday the great Takeru Kobayashi fell to the superior eating skills of another, America's own Joey Chestnut. With the crowd chanting his name during a nail-biting pause for judging, it was finally announced that Joey had not only crushed the world record, but had beaten Kobayashi by three HDBs. Under the cloudy sky, the mood was nothing short of electric as everyone burst into elated cheers at the news of the soon-to-be-famous 66 HDBs. Kobayashi, always a good sport, said he was in awe of the number and can't wait for his next opportunity to try and beat it.

Full scores:

Joey Chestnut: 66
Takeru Kobayashi: 63
Pat Bertoletti: 49
Tim "Eater X" Janus: 43.5
Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas: 39
Bob Shoudt: 35
Chip Simpson: 35
Rich LeFevre: 31
Hall Hunt: 29
Juliet Lee: 26
Dale Boone: 25
Pat Philbin: 24
Crazy Legs Conti: 23.5
Erik "the Red" Denmark: 23
Tim Brown: 22.5
Arturo Rios, Jr.: 21
Allen Goldstein: 21

I forgot my camera cord and can't seem to figure out how to download my pics and videos without it, so a full write up with visuals will have to wait until next week. I promise to make it worth the wait!

The last HDB has been consumed in the fight to the Nathan's finals in a few days. "Humble" Bob Shoudt ate 32 HDBs to grab the QVC qualifier yesterday, and rookie Arturo Rios took the Civil Service qualifier on Wednesday. Rios's win caused a bit of a disturbance, since traditionally the Civil Service qualifier has been reserved for only civil servants, and Rios--a driver for the Daily News--didn't exactly fall into that category. Additionally, the second place winner, Allen "The Shredder" Goldstein, finished with 26 HBDs in what was his third qualifier, which made him the overall wild card winner.

If Rios hadn't competed, Goldstein would have won outright, leaving the wild card slot open for Tim "Gravy" Brown, who also had a strong showing across three qualifiers. While everyone was happy to see Goldstein and Rios advance, there was a general grumbling about the apparent bending of the rules. Someone must have been listening, because the IFOCE announced they would be sending both Goldstein and Rios to the finals.

With Kobayashi still insisting he'll be there to eat off against America's best on the 4th, the final slot at the table went to someone new: a giant from India! Apparently, the 7'8" P. Theyagarjan is "the eating champion of India," holding titles in chicken tiki masala and hot dogs. Uhhh....weird! Of course, how much of this is hype and how much is the real deal will be revealed on th 4th.

This reporter--still pending Bunnette status confirmation--is heading to New York on Tuesday and will be faithfully bringing you competition stories in the days to come.

The rematch between Joey Chestnut and the Japanese champ, Takeru Kobayashi--the one that has been hyped since the closing minutes of last year's hot dog competition--may not happen this year. First, rumors were swirling that Kobayashi might not compete due to the recent passing of his mother. Then came word that the eating athlete had contracted some type of jaw arthritis. Though he seems determined to get better in time for the competitions, he admits that it hurts him to open his jaw more than a just a little bit, and likens the condition to tennis elbow.

The competitive eating community's reaction has been mixed about this announcement. While some have offered sympathy and concern for the star, others are speculating that it is a manufactured diversion, an excuse for Kobayashi not to beat Joey. Of course, this latter thinking is most likely the result of a shocked community. Though many people have been eagerly anticipating the championship that would bring the Mustard Yellow Belt back to the States, the thought that Joey would do it without a fight to the finish with Kobayashi at his side has everyone down.

This new comes on the tail end of what was a rather exciting weekend in competitive eating. Pat Philbin ("Pat from Moonachie") won the Molly Pitcher qualifier for the second year in a row, with 24 HDBs. Allen "The Shredder" Goldstein, who made it to the finals last year, was hot on his trail, but couldn't catch up enough to pull ahead for the win.

The Atlanta Zoo qualifier held a surprise for most fans when competitive eating bad boy Dale Boone won with 21 HDBs. Boone is a curious character, who was banned from the IFOCE and then reinstated. He spent time in India before returning to the states to continue his eating career. This will be his first trip to the big table since 2004.

On the west coast, Rich LeFevre finally won his qualifier in San Francisco. After being beaten out in two other qualifiers by Pat and Joey, despite putting up record numbers, this last qualifier must come as a relief to the 64-year-old eating pro. With his traveling and winning finally behind him, he can go into this final week with his mind at ease.

Back on the east coast, there was a departure from hot dogs, as handfuls of amateur and pro eaters competed with shoo fly pie (a heavy molasses-based pie with a crumb topping). The title for this sweet concoction once belonged to Tim "Eater X" Janus, but it was taken from him last year by "Humble" Bob Shoudt. This year, Bob would have to defer to Pat Bertoletti, who smashed the previous record of 9.25 pounds of pie by almost 2 pounds to win with an astounding 11.1 pounds.

And in what would certainly be the weirdest competition of the weekend (if not the year), several top eaters gobbled up pigs' feet in Rutherford, NJ. Arturo "The Natural" Rios won with 2.875 pounds of the cold trotters, and Erik "The Red" Denmark followed with 1.875 pounds for second place. Crazy Legs came in third with 1.187, and Pat Philbin--who was coerced up on stage--picked at a couple, somewhat unwillingly. Erik "The Red" described a foot as a "cold mass of bone, skin and chewy meat." Mmmm!

This week will bring a close to the Nathan's qualifiers, with three more official competitions.

The Nathan's table will hold at least two women this year, as Juliet won the Norfolk qualifier over the weekend with 26 HDBs, and will be sitting alongside Sonya and the big guns this year on the 4th. As a woman, she joins an elite few who have made it there, and she is surely in contention for the Rookie of the Year Award, which Joey walked away with in 2006.

This interviewer must have had one drink too many over the weekend, because I don't even remember calling Crazy Legs to talk to him about his win at the Minnesota Mall of America Nathan's qualifier with 24 HDBs (a personal best). Luckily for me, he was kind enough to transcribe our conversation:

MOA (Mall-On-Arrival) True Fan Interview

Liz,

Here is the transcript from our lengthy interview, thanks for calling. Sorry for running up the long distance bill.

Long Winded Answer to first question:

What better place to have a roller coaster of emotion than a 4 million square foot mall with two actual roller coasters in its glass ceiling center. The pressure was more than just on my stomach; with the DVD release of "Crazy Legs Conti: Zen and the Art of Competitive Eating" all lot of folks were hoping that I would be on stage for the big eat July 4th. Plus the movie is in Taste-O-Vision. Years ago Kobayashi told me that focus comes from thinking about the contest every moment of every day. For the 007 hot dog qualifying campaign, I would say I was more haunted, consumed, and overwhelmed than simply focused.

So after four months of agonizing waiting, mindflips and stomach butterflies, I found myself moments before the Minnesota qualifier. Four tiers of fans packed the Rotunda; in the distance a ferris wheel slowly turned above their heads. I excused myself from the circle of Mall of America eaters and sat on a plush square and stared away. I felt the nerves tighten in my throat. Trying to relax, I made a mental checklist of the last words of advice from Badlands, Hungry Charles, X, The Bun Fairy, and my Uncle Dinshaw, but it wasn't helping. My eye caught the display in the bookstore. Appearing at this very spot tomorrow was going to be Sid Hartman, author of the book on the display, "Great Minnesota Sports Moments." I couldn't see the thickness of the book, but I thought, "Hey this hot dog contest could be another one." I mean, Mongo Marquez is no joke. Any wing specialist who can turn his knowledge to the hardest discipline and put up great numbers is not to be loved, but feared. Frank Wach, Justin Mih, and The Hammer (Cookie 2.0) all solid doggers too.

I thought, all right Sid, it's you and me, "We are gonna make this Minnesota sports history." I took a walk to the bathroom and was overcome by that electric feeling of confidence. I'm just walking and talking to my main man, Sid. We are gonna make this happen, You and me, Sid.

I walked back, just before my introduction and was curious, as to how thick really was Sid's book. It wasn't very thick, plenty of room for more great Minnesota sports moments. Then I noticed Sid had written another book; this one called, "Sid." Wait a second, Sid's book, "Sid" was a lot thicker than the Minnesota Great Moments Sports book. How could Sid have the hubris to think that "Sid" should outweigh all the great Minnesota sports moments in history?

And then, I noticed that Sid didn't even write "Sid" by himself. He only co-authored it.

I heard Mike Castellano calling my name, but I just stood and stared at the book display. I thought to myself, "Screw You Sid, I'm gonna eat these hot dogs by myself."

And that's what I did. Then I went to aquarium in the Mall and petted a shark (rough) and a sting ray (smooth). I also rode the roller coaster, but not the spinning one due to my assessment of my stomach and the large group of school children on the log flume below.

Shorter answer to follow up:

Of course, it's hard waiting to eat so late in the qualifying circuit and seeing the numbers skyrocket. Especially this year. I mean, Colonel Hall Hunt with 28 1/2 , My God! I may need to start going to Church or at least start wearing a, "Jesus is my bun dunker" tee shirt. And Shredder and Denmark? Those guys are animals. It's no wonder I passed on a two dollar metrocard trip to Shea Stadium and had to fly a thousand miles to the Midwest. I knew what Philben and Juliet Lee were capable of, but some of these other guys are standing on Joey's shadow looking for the sunlight. It's got to be demoralizing to those of us who can only improve a couple of dogs a year. If I don't get to thirty by next year, I'm going to be like Dennis Hopper's character in, "Hoosiers".

Can I get a word in edgewise as the interviewer?

How do I think it will affect the rankings? Well, as we have seen in the past a lot of emphasis is placed on Hot Dog season. I generally never cared about the IFOCE rankings, but those historical archivist have probably noticed that I debuted in 2002 at #15, bounced around to #13, dropped to #17 and then have spent around 3 1/2 years at #11; more than anyone one else in the history of the sport. Do I think I can crack the top ten and realize one of my last competitive goals? I think it depends on what happens on the 4th. The corn title certainly helps me, but I wouldn't begrudge the Halls and Denmarks who if they hit thirty on the 4th would certainly get the nod. I suppose it would be nice to be in the top ten, that way, when all the bogus internet pundits bash the MLE, saying, "It's only worth it if you are in the top ten...or Crazy Legs" at least they no longer would have to mention me by name. I'd already be included.

Last question due to exasperation (I called you, but I really have to get off the phone. I have a life you know):

Prediction for the fourth? Of course the record will be broken and really it's the only record that matters...the record number of eaters, fans, families, bunnettes, grandmothers and groupies attending the official hot dog contest after-party @ Ruby's on the Boardwalk. Everyone's invited.

Ice cold drinks, light food. Eat (and at the after party and after-after party drink) all you can.

Ruby's Bar and Grill
Coney Island - Boardwalk
between Stillwell and 12th
JULY 4th. Coney Island, USA
1:33PM
www.coneyisland.com

Last year's rookies are certainly this year's stars. Hall Hunt, who won the wild card slot in the Nathan's competition last year by eating the highest combined total from three qualifiers, slid into the competition this year by winning his first qualifier in Charlotte. Though he put down an impressive 28.75 HDBs, a personal best, he was followed very closely by newcomer Juliet Lee, who ate 28. Juliet's total marks the highest ever Nathan's debut by a woman, but she'll have to keep at it in order to make it to this year's table, where no one is holding back. True Fan caught up with Hall a few days after his qualifier to see how the success was sinking in.

Like Erik, you had to battle three qualifiers to make it into the competition last year. Did it feel good to win your first one this year? How do you think that affects you differently (mentally or physically) going into the final weeks?

It felt very good to be able to win in my first qualifier this year. I just have to thank the Lord for letting me do well right off the bat. Last year I was so exhausted from traveling what felt like every weekend to a qualifier, by the time I got to the finals I just wanted to relax and pull a Jed. This year I am hoping to be able to rest up some and get refocused for the finals.

You were going head-to-head with Juliet, who I think surprised the competitive eating community with such a strong Nathan's debut. Were you surprised she came out of the gate so strong? Did it feel any different with a woman as your main competition?

I was not surprised at all that she did so well in Nathan's. I was impressed and happy to see how well she did though. She has had a few good results in other contests, so I was anticipating it carrying over to Nathan's.

Woman, man...if you can eat, you can eat. I felt very comfortable eating up there. This maybe a bit of a tangent, but it reminded me of a time in college when I was dating this one girl who was a big eater herself. She and I after getting a good workout at the gym would rent a good movie, buy a couple large containers of food from the local wholesale grocery store and see who could eat more. I must admit that one time she beat me. That was the only time I ever lost to anyone in an eating contest before I joined the MLE and it was to a woman. Ever since then I have never underestimated females.

It used to be eaters were more territorial around their home turf, but this year everything seems a little more shaken up. Why skip out on Sunrise this year?

Anywhere within driving distance I consider my territory. I really wanted to go to Florida, but something came up. Its name is Chip Simpson. Plus it ended up being the weekend after Saint Patrick's Day. I think I was just waking up a few days before the Florida qualifier started.

Once I saw they were having a NC qualifier this year, I knew I had to go to that. NC is always good to me. I went to my first ever MLE contest in NC and met Joey Chestnut, Sonya Thomas, Booker, Rich LeFevre, Carlene LeFevre, and Joe LaRue. I ate about 4 lbs, but just finished outside of the money. NC is also where I won my first contest. My dad was born and raised there. I have an uncle that is a state senator there, Neal Hunt. Plus the main time I go there is to visit relatives for Thanksgiving, so I always associate NC with food. My family strongly encourages eating a lot. One of my cousins in NC owns a supermarket and always brings tons of food to his farm where the whole family gathers to eat for Thanksgiving. So, as you can see, NC is my home away from home. I also get to visit all my family on my mom's side just across the border in Columbia, SC! It always makes for a nice trip! :o)

Okay, seriously: is this Joey's year to win it?

Takeru is amazing. He has never lost and has held the Nathan's belt for the last 7 or 8 years. However, Joey now has taken the world record from Takeru so you have to believe he has the ability to beat him. I say if Takeru shows up, they trade the lead a few times and keep it close all the way to the end. Either that or Takeru eats 100 HDBs and then ascends into heaven in a beam of light. Of course the beam of light thing may happen regardless. After all, nobody knows what might happen if he looses. Takeru loosing could possibly knock the planet
earth out of orbit and send it flying towards the sun.

What about the 4th of July contest are you looking forward to most now that you know you're in the competition?

First off I would like to thank my manager for giving me the entire week off! I was afraid I was going to have to fly up and back all on the 4th since I am new at this company and haven't earned any PTO yet. I was trying to suggest maybe a half day before and after at minimum, but he cut me off and said I should have the entire week off. No argument here. In answer to your question I am mostly looking forward to just enjoying the whole experience this year. Last year I was way too nervous to enjoy anything. Now that I have been there before I think I will get a
lot more out of it and have a lot more fun. SEE YOU AT CONEY!

To say the Nathan's qualifying rounds are still going strong would be the understatement of the season. Saturday saw the best showing yet, when American champ Joey Chestnut ate 59.5 HDBs at the Tempe qualifier and broke the world record. That's right; for at least one month (though hopefully more), the Americans will hold the hot dog title, an honor that we haven't enjoyed since 1997. If you thought people lost their shit when the boy ate 50 at last year's qualifier, you haven't even touched the excitement that's coursing through this year's competitive eating community. It's less of an astounded response as a tremendously excited and hopeful one. This could be our year...

Sadly, Rich LeFevre, who won this qualifier last year, had to settle for second place, even with his amazing showing of 33 HDBs. We always feel for the eaters that have to go to three (or in some cases, four) qualifiers, and when you're putting back numbers like that, it's no easy feat. Though currently in first place for the wild card slot, it would be a shame for Rich's vast talents to not receive a win and the community is fairly confident he'll come through in an upcoming qualifier.

Sonya Thomas held strong in Philadelphia last week, winning that qualifier with a whopping 36 hot dogs. It was a tight one, with Bob Shoudt coming in a close second.

And on Sunday, the Shea Stadium qualifier ushered in Erik "The Red" Denmark as its new champ with 26.5 HDBs, plus 3.5 additional HDBs in an overtime. For Erik, whose road to Nathan's was much more difficult last year, this marks a tremendous personal growth. He chatted with True Fan after his win.

So, it seems like you have a thing for stadiums. Do you credit your environment at all for your qualifier successes?

I have to say I am drawn to the competitions that are associated with some sporting event. I think my interest comes from a combination of a more educated fan base when it comes to a sporting event and the fact that it puts me into the subconscious mindset of a serious sporting event that I relate to more - as opposed to a lazy fair or a general venue. But every Nathan's contest has an aura about it that gets the juices flowing.

Did hearing about Joey's amazing victory the day before affect your mindset?

I was inspired by Joey's performance YES. I am still trying to beat the 2005 version of Joey so my timetable is a couple of years behind Mr. Chestnut's right now. I can't wait for the fourth, to see what I can do and to be able to feel that intense competition between Koby, Joey and Pat on stage.

Last year, you had to eat in four qualifiers, one the night before the big competition! This year, it's easy breezy with one. Are you relieved?

Easy breezy? Haha, that was the most intense and pressure packed contest I have ever been in. Goldstein was pushing all of us and beating us through the majority of the contest - he really had an awesome contest. Philbin snuck up and came on strong at the end and I don't know, there was not an easy moment in the entire contest. But yes, I am relieved to get 'er done and have some more time to prepare for July 4. Maybe this year I will actually have a name tag at the table.

Okay, not quite "easy breezy": you had an intense overtime finish--the first of the season; how did you psych yourself up to eat those extra dogs?

Honestly, the final minutes of regulation were so frantic for me because I was trying to catch up and I knew I had more in me and I was so afraid of running out of time. I knew it was close but when they said that Pat and I had tied, Charles Hardy came over and asked me: "how bad do I want this?" I knew that meant we were going to overtime, and my answer was "I want it, let's do it."

I was actually somewhat relieved just to know that I hadn't run out of time and I felt confident that I could eat more in OT. I know Pat wanted it bad as well, we both put down 30 HDB's in 13 minutes of competition. And when Charles told us whoever swallowed it first would win, it was a pure adrenalin rush that helped me get that mess out of my mouth and down my throat. I think it probably took me about 20 seconds to swallow everything, it was painful I am not going to lie.

J and I had a debate going about which competition was easier: the qualifier or the main competition ("easy" being a relative term, of course). I said the qualifier because you have a higher chance of winning, the hot dog quality might be better, and the stress levels are lower. J said the main competition had to be easier, with the roar of the crowd, the adrenalin, and the do-or-die pressure in your favor. Maybe we have no idea what we're talking about. What's your
take?

Unless I can double my capacity in the next month, I would have to say the qualifier is more stressful for me. The crowd on the fourth is so huge and pumped up that I think it motivates you to have an awesome performance. But for those who might have a shot to win this year, aka Joey, Koby, Pat, it will be exhilarating, but a pressure unlike anything anyone has ever felt - trust me that is not a lie, there will be more pressure in that 12 minutes than in any contest in competitive eating history. But you have to want that pressure if you think you are the best in the world, that will bring out the best in you.

As Steakbellie put it in a recent EatFeats.com comment, when it comes to hot dogs, 40 is the new 20. Just last year, Tim "Eater X" Janus took his hometown qualifier in Hartford with 27.5 HDB. He went on to the big table to eat his personal best on the 4th: 34 HDB. His success with the food seems only to have accelerated and he won his qualifier this year with 41.5, an amazing number to join Pat's 46 and Chip's 39.5. This year may include the highest total of winning qualifier dogs yet.

Just two days after his stunning feat, Tim went on to compete in a chicken wing competition held in Grand Central and co-hosted by SNL's Kenan Thompson. Having not competed in a wings competition since 2005, Tim's performance was all the more amazing. Though he placed third behind Joey and Sonya, he managed not only to eat a pound over his personal best, but to surpass the world record.

True Fan caught up with Tim to ask a few burning questions.

Three short years ago, Don Lerman won the Hartford qualifier with 20 HDBs and you finished a question marky 4th; this year you took it with 41.5, and the second and third place finishers both did the deuce. Do you feel like competitive eaters' abilities will always improve exponentially or do you think eaters' abilities are reaching an inevitable plateau?

I feel pretty confident there's a ceiling.

At-home physical training isn't endorsed by the IFOCE/MLE, but what about mental training? Have you considered the lucrative business of competitive eating meditation retreats? Who would you hire to run the seminars?

Sometimes I think it would be fun to coach other eaters myself. But not right now. I don't want to help anyone beat me. So I'd probably hire my brother Cheeky because he needs the work and doesn't really know anything. Cheeky, if you're reading this, GET A JOB! I don't want you bringing me down no more.

Over the years, the crowd has grown and the Bus of Champions has shrunk. How much does the anticipated awesomeness of the Bus of Champions factor into your desire to make it to the big table? Like, if you knew they were talking sweet reclining seats and a live orchestra and hand massages would you eat more hot dogs than if you knew for sure it was just going to be a rented U-Haul van with no ventilation?

I'm pretty happy riding in any vehicle that's called The Bus of Champions. It doesn't have to be a bus, and it doesn't have to be for champions. I like the name, the romance of it. You know you don't sell the steak; you sell the sizzle.

Who are we going to see at the Nathan's table this year that we didn't see last year?

God willing, Beautiful Brian Seiken.

Your glorious return to wings was marked not only by surpassing the world record and by beating your personal best by over a pound, but also by being joined by Kenan. Tyra, Kenan...which celebrity would you most like to see emceeing a competition next?

Tyra talks too much, and Kenan doesn't say enough. I'm partial to George and Rich. Can't we just stick with them.

On May 3rd, while most of us were gearing up for Cinco de Mayo, Pat Bertoletti, now the 3rd ranked competitive eater in the world, ate 46 HDBs at the Vegas Nathan's Qualifier. That number makes him the only other person besides Joey Chestnut and Kobayashi to eat over 40 HDBs. It was at the Vegas competition last year that Joey ate a groundbreaking 50, so maybe the second qualifier of the year is a charmed one (though not so much for local Rich LeFevre, who for a second year in a row ate over 30 HDBs in his home state and was powered out of a win). But Pat didn't stop there, he went on to celebrate Cinco de Mayo properly on the 5th with a tamale eating competition outside Houston, eating 51 of the hefty treats and coming in second place to Joey's 53.5. After being disqualified at last year's tamale eating competition for a reversal of fortune, this marks a strong return to a difficult food.

True Fan caught up with Pat on during his recent trip to Mexico. And though he was kind enough to answer some questions for us, due to some technical difficulties involving pina coladas, we had to run Pat's answers through our patented Beer-terpreter.

So, holy shit: 46 HDB. Were you gunning to break Joey's Vegas record specifically?

start this interview off right I must say that I just won the cancun taco eating contest followed by the pina colada drinking contest. I'm pretty sure I drank like 20+ pinas in 2-3 hours. I think that my typing ,spelling and grammar will justify this. 46 was a good number but I trully wanted to break joeys vegas record of 50. There is no bs here, I am certainaly not happy with 46 and hope to improve on it on the 4th, 50 or bust, that is all I say.

Beer-terpretation: Always glad to talk with you, True Fan. I just returned from a lovely dinner. While my score of 46 was certainly noteworthy, no real competitor can ever truly be satisfied knowing he didn't live up to the potential he set forth for himself. Thusly, having not met my goal of defeating Joey's Vegas record, my quest continues unsated.

Last year, when Joey busted out his 50 HDB, some people wondered if he should have kept his talent quiet until the big day, so as not to tip off Kobayashi that he'd improved so much. Obviously he felt differently, and it seems you're in the same camp. Why blow your cover now? Or is it that you are unable to eat below what your talent allows?

I dont think that joey blew his hand too early last year because I think that kobey was a better eater last year. I think that joey has a better chance this year and really could be kobey this year. Joey has awaken the sleeping giant inside of kobey, look at krystals, 97, are you kidding me, I am still in awe of that. I only did 76 my grandmother could eat 76, well when comparing it to joey and kobey is seems possible, not shite against anyone else but they put on a f****** great showl. I hope to break that 20 unit barrier because they normally beat be by 20+ units of food I e nathans and krystal last year. I'm drunk by the way. Speaking of joey, he sets goals for himself and will not rest until be accompishes them. He is by far the best eater america has ever seen. I am not even in the same paragrasph as him, he is a god. Last year he wanted to set a presedent and to prove all the haters and ne sayers.

Beer-terpretation: It is not a matter of tipping one's hand, but a question of whom is the better eater. Last year, Kobayashi demonstrated that he was the superior gurgitator, though he appears to be fueled by Joey's rising capabilities. One clear result of this competitive nature is Kobayashi eating 97 Krystal burgers. My grandmother, from whence my competitive eating skills came, can eat an impressive 76 Krystals, which is coincidentally the same number I was able to consume in the same contest. I hope to break free of the genetic restraints and close the gap between myself and Joey and Koby. I keep a poster of Joey in my room for inspiration.

Do you feel any more pressure with the slick new MLE website, knowing that your audience is growing? Is there any downside to the extra press?

I think the audience is growing and it making us all better eaters. Rios, seaver, and juliet, along with denmark, mongo, and numerous others are all nipping at our heels. This makes us and pushes us to improve. If there wasn't more talent we would settle for mediacrety and less then our best, fresh talent is ideal to keep it interested and to challenge us. More press equals more press, notoriety, contests, and prize money.

Beer-terpretation: I love pina coladas. With the coconut? And the pineapple? And the rum. The rum is totally the best part.

Last year, you had a rather unfortunate time with the Baja Grill tamale competition. Did it feel good to rebound from that so successfully this year?

The tamales is a sore subject. I am not happy with 51, not throwing up yes, but not eating our projected 55-60 really let me down becuase it's only logical that we would all jump to 55-60. I am happy for not puking but not happy that I didn't win or eat up to my potential. That's how I feel for all contests, I cannot and will not eat up to my potential. I know it's stupid but I take this very seriously and anytime i don't eat up to my percieved potential I become unhappy and want to redeem myself. I think all eaters that are serious are only happy with there totals for 20 minutes but are then questioning why they didn;t jump to 80 krystals instead of 76. At least that is how i feal usually a day after all contests. That must be what drives all eaters, a percieve improvement and a lack of content with usual totals. The future of mle and competitive eating should be quite exiting, i'm exited to see how it all plays out.

Beer-terpretation: To quote Theodore Roosevelt, "It is only through work and strife that either nation or individual moves on to greatness. The great man is always the man of mighty effort, and usually the man whom grinding need has trained to mighty effort."

After a bit of a dry spell throughout the winter for the IFOCE, a pack of new competitions were recently announced, and March marked the official start of the 2007 Nathan's hot dog season. As you'll recall from last year, the eaters have to win a qualifier in order to be guaranteed a spot at the final Nathan's table in Coney Island on July 4th. As per tradition, the first qualifier was held in Sunrise, FL. You may remember a bit of an upset from last year in Sunrise, when Crazy Legs Conti overtook the local favorite, Joe LaRue, in a controversial overtime. This year, neither Conti nor LaRue showed up. In fact, the only pro-ranked eater who showed up was the current 6th ranked eater in world, Chip Simpson. Through a rain storm, Chip seemed to be eating not against the other eaters present, but against those top competitors he know would be watching this performance closely. He closed out the qualifier with a whopping 39.25 HDB in 12 minutes, beating his personal best and giving him the second highest American qualifier total (surpassed only by Joey Chestnut's astounding feat of 50 HDB in last year's Vegas qualifier).

Chip is also wracking up the points for his Fantasy Eating team. Out of 50 members across five teams, Chip currently holds the third highest individual score of 44 points (Joey is in first with 103, and Tim "Eater X" Janus in second with 46). But of course Fantasy Eating is all about the team, and Chip's points combined with team member Pat Bertoletti's fourth highest score of 34 points, puts their team--The Hungry Hooligans--into second place overall.

Chip has certainly stepped up his game in the 2007 season and let it be known that he's a force to be reckoned with. He was kind enough to answer a few probing question for True Fan.

Did this competition feel different for you? Was there a point where you knew you were going to surpass your personal best?

I felt like I was going to surpass my best about the halfway point. Even though it was pouring rain and literally buns were flying off the table that I had to bend over and pick up while eating... I knew somehow that I would at least better my mark by one... I just had to after my pitiful performance at Coney last year.

Do you credit your success to better physical training or better mental training? You can tell us: have you been reading "The Secret"?

I credit it totally to mental training. Just telling myself to push through any pain and keep eating.

Why Sunrise and not a different qualifier?

The Sunrise qualifier fit my schedule best. I will be in Italy most of June and will miss most of the qualifiers. I wanted to qualify and not have to worry about it if something went wrong right before I left because then I would not be at Coney at all this year.

It seems like you were the only pro-ranked eater who attended. Did people hear you were coming and decided to stay home?

I have heard that some pros did not show up but I can not validate nor deny those claims at this time.

Who do you predict we'll see at the finals that we didn't see last year?

Juliet Lee will most certainly be there... also I believe Arturo Rios will make his presence felt.

Pat Bertoletti is right on Joey's tail, and you're right on Pat's tail. Koby aside, are you going into these next months thinking of your most immediate competition as Joey or Pat?

I think I am close to Pat in some foods and close to Joey in some foods. I feel my worst foods just seem to be the ones that they are best at. Any sandwich type food seems to give me trouble and those seem to be primarily what the majors (Nathan's and Krystal) are.

Your performance at Sunrise pulled your fantasy team, The Hungry Hooligans, ahead of the previous front runners, The Manitoba Meatsweats. With you and Pat B. on the same team, will there be any way to stop your team's ascent?

I believe our fantasy team when it is all said and done will definitely come out on top.

The competitive eater can take many forms: the professional, the amateur, the aspiring, the weekend warrior. While their goals and aspirations may vary, what they all have in common is a love of eating and a desire to test the limits of their bodies by doing what they love. Head-to-head competitions are one way to indulge their hungry side, but not all eaters can participate in all competitions, and often they look for other ways to keep their stomachs in competitive mode. The IFOCE restricts their eater to competing in officially-sanctioned contests only; outside of these, the next best thing an IFOCE eater could look forward to was a solid challenge offered by a local restaurant. An oversized hamburger. A twelve pound pizza. A dare to down as many malts as possible.

Unfortunately for those who loved this individual aspect of the sport, this week officially marks the end of an era. Earlier in the week, the IFOCE released an email to its members, banning their participation in restaurant challenges. Ostensibly, the ban is about upholding standards. The IFOCE has always taken a strict stance on safety measures. They disallow (to the extent possible) training at home, and are careful to adhere to standard safety guidelines for all their sanctioned competitions. Their website clearly states that they believe "speed eating is only suitable for those 18 years of age or older and only in a controlled environment with appropriate rules and with an emergency medical technician present." So, they may believe that by allowing eaters to participate in restaurant challenges where they have no say in safety measures, IFOCE concerns are undermined.

But of course, there's a bigger driving force at play here: money. The organization's concern is that restaurants offering these challenges cash in on free publicity when a top IFOCE eater comes in and slaughters a record (see Joey Chestnut and his recent conquering of the Heart Attack Grill's Quadruple Bypass Burger). Because the IFOCE has contracts with sponsors who are paying money for advertising at appearances and competitions, they want to make sure these sponsors don't feel like their exclusivity is in jeopardy or that they're paying for what others are seemingly getting for free. Eric "Steakbellie" Livingston, 39th ranked eater in the US and recent Wing Bowl participant, put it this way, "The IFOCE needs a certain amount of exclusivity (or rareness) for them to be able to sell their product (the events) to their customers (the Sponsors). If an Eater shows up at a restaurant challenge and creates his own Spectacle (especially in front of press), then no one is getting paid for what the IFOCE perceives as their product."

While on the surface, this ban shouldn't come as a surprise to eaters familiar with the organization's strict policies, it hit home with many eaters who looked forward to these challenges as a way to test their eating capabilities and wow local restaurant owners and fans. There's a long history of eaters with professional accomplishments or aspirations seeking out establishments that offer big challenges. Often the prize is little more than a name on a wall or getting the challenge item for free, but for the eaters it represents a different kind of personal accomplishment. There are certain ones, like Denny's Beer Barrel Pub's burger challenges, that have become legendary within the competitive eating community, acting as a rite of passage for newbies and also as a bit of a litmus test for how good a seasoned eater really is.

And while some of the challenges, like aiming for Rockford Corner Bar's Hot Dog Hall of fame (chili dog title held by Tim "Eater X" Janus) or demolishing the Sasquatch Challenge at Big Food Lodge (most recently killed by Pat "Deep Dish" Bertoletti), are solo attempts, many others, such as Pointer's and Schiappa's pizza challenges, rely on team efforts. Adding another layer to the challenge, eaters can then build "dream teams" amongst themselves to shatter records. Sometimes it's not just about the solo eater--it's about two freakin' great solo eaters putting a standing record to shame together.

As it often is in this sport, where the big motivation behind eating isn't always the money and the fame (and how could it be for those who don't regularly grace the top ten lists?), sometimes eaters just want an excuse to hang out with other people who share their love of the food. And for those who can't afford, with money and/or time, to attend all the competitions their hearts desire, local challenges have always been there to fill the void. Steakbellie puts it this way, "Eaters eat like climbers climb. Because it's there. A restaurant challenge represents almost everything they eat for in the purest form...to be able to say, 'I made it to the top.'"

The IFOCE seems to be concerned about new places offering challenges in order to grab the attention of their top competitive eaters and gain publicity for it, but some of the more famous challenges have been around for years. The Pointersaurus debuted in ten years ago, Denny's has been challenging large appetites since 1991, and the Rockford Corner Bar's Hot Dog Hall of Fame has been up since 1968.

The restaurants that offer these are often mom and pop operations that started their challenges as a fun way to attract customers. While disappointed about the ban, there doesn't seem to be any illusion that it's not about the bottom line. Jon Basso, founder of the Heart Attack Grill in Phoenix, which opened its doors a year ago and specializes in oversized challenge burgers, expressed a deep admiration for the professional eaters and seemed sorry they wouldn't be allowed to wolf down his challenges in an official capacity anymore. Basso claims he is willing to put down a prize of $10,000 for anyone who can beat Joey Chestnut's recent win, and said he spoke to the IFOCE about sponsoring a competition. The IFOCE declined to comment for this article, but allegedly Basso was temporarily turned down due to the organization's current ties with Krystal. Basso stated, "I think it's sad that these athletes are bound by an organization that only allows one hot dog place, one burger place, one burrito place."

Dennis "Denny" Liegey, owner of Denny's Beer Barrel Pub echoed this sentiment, saying "I'm sorry to hear about the IFOCE ban. We offer a great product with unique challenges. The problem, as in many things today, is money. We would gladly work with Mr. Shea of the IFOCE if the price was affordable. We however will continue to be a spring board for all competitive eaters as they prepare themselves for bigger things."

For an organization that has been criticized in the past for being too controlling with their eaters, is this most recent ban going a step too far? Some eaters are questioning the set boundaries as somewhat arbitrary and confusing. One eater, who wished to remain anonymous, said, "A 'restaurant challenge' -- in most cases -- is just a oversized menu item. As a ranked eater, if I go to a restaurant and see a three-pound burger on the menu, am I not allowed to order it? And where do you draw the line? If it were only a one-pound burger, would be okay for me to order it?" Steakbellie added, "What if I just show up at a restaurant and order a big meal? How big is too big? I can see their point, but lets not squeeze all of the fun out of this."

Most eaters understand and support the IFOCE's desire to cater to paying sponsors; after all, it is they who attract ESPN, create recurring competitions, and pay out the big prizes. However, some wonder if the organization's tight reigns aren't a bit shortsighted at times. Can publicity for a top-ranked eater completing a restaurant challenge ever be bad publicity? Steakbellie sees it this way, "I don't believe that [competing in restaurant challenges] dilutes the IFOCE brand in the same way that I expect they do. I think that an eater finishing something like Denny's Burger, does more to support 'The Legend' of the eater and makes them more marketable and of more interest to the public. Look at Kate Stelnick--she's done a single challenge and we all know her name. A boy seeing a plaque on the wall for the time Steakbellie ate the 50-pound pterodactyl burger, might just Google that event and become a fan." Dave "Mega Munch" Shoffner, an unranked eater who has competed in IFOCE events and regularly participates in casual competitions among friends and restaurant challenges, believes the IFOCE can benefit from having a top competitor win a challenge. "It's good publicity for the organization and the more publicity the IFOCE gets, the more fans they attract. The more fans they attract, the more sponsors they can sign."

From a restaurant owner's point of view, the money-making aspect of it is pretty cut-and-dry. Basso is offering the $10,000 dollars for the person who can beat Joey's time, he says, because he knows he'll see $11,000 in business as a result. His dream right now is to have Kobayashi, the world's #1 ranked eater, come in and claim that money. He says after Joey did the stunt, he had someone teach him the correct Japanese phrasing in the hopes that the Kobayashi would hear the challenge he broadcast over the television. "And if someone can beat Kobayashi's time, I'll give them $12,000," he said. Though for now, that challenge will have to be put on the shelf.

Will this open the doors for non-IFOCE affiliated eaters to dominate the restaurant challenge scene? Of course, the top-ranked eater competing in these challenges has always been the exception, not the rule. Those with big dreams and bigger stomachs will continue to face the burger behemoths and impossible pizzas, but the IFOCE may lose some of them among their lower ranks. "I believe the IFOCE will have some success with the eaters who are winning money at events," said Steakbellie, "and a harder time controlling eaters who are strictly 'The Faithful'."

Update: The full Fantasy Eating League website and group can be found here. Download the score card and keep up on your favorite team members!

Welcome to the 2007 Fantasy Eating League! We decided that it would be fun to have teams made up of the top IFOCE eaters that would compete against one another throughout the year. The IFOCE recently announced that they would be using a new scoring system to award points to the top 10 finishers in every competition. While this doesn't necessarily mean that judging will be more objective, it DOES mean that they're at least dedicated to scoring the top ten finishers, which is a big improvement.

Teams will accrue points throughout the year by competing in competitions. Teams will get points for every point a team member earns from the IFOCE. Additionally, points can be earned and deducted in the following way:

Positive Points

Setting a new record: +5 points
Setting a personal best record: +1 point
Breaking an established record: +10 points
For every five competitions an eater competes in: +10 points
For every 20 pounds or 100 units of food consumed: +5 points

Negative points

Reversal of fortune: -5 points
Finishing outside the top 10: -1 points

Teams!

After submitting their top 45 competitive eater team wish list, the captains had their choices narrowed down to the following teams. The lowest-ranked captain, Dave "Mega Munch" Shoffner, was given his first choice. He chose Pat Bertoletti, who was then crossed off all the other wish lists. The next highest-ranked captain, Steakbellie, then got his first choice after Pat, and so on until all five captains had a team of 10 eaters. They now have the opportunity to trade any team members amongst themselves. This first open trading session will end on Friday, February 2nd, at which point the teams will be set until the next trading session (TBD). Teams may also be allowed trades later on if a team member retires or new rookies emerge.

Trading will take place over at our Google group page, so feel free to check in on the progress.

Once teams are set, team names, logos, shirts, and websites may emerge! (I mean, one can only hope.)

Mega Munch (Captain)
Patrick Bertoletti
ChipBurger Simpson
Arturo Rios, Jr.
Frank Wach
Jim Hammer Hamrick
Chris Abatsas
Jim Reeves
El Toro Jimenez
Paul Barlow
Kevin Ross

Eric Steakbellie Livingston (Captain)
Timothy Janus
Sonya Thomas
Seaver Miller
Micah Collins
Yellowcake Subich
William Myers
Andrew "Skinnyboy" Lane
Russ Keeler
Pete Davekos
Brian Seiken

Hall Hunt (Captain)
Joey Chestnut
Crazy Legs
Pat Philbin
Ron Koch
Larry The Legend McNeil
Marco Marquez
Brickhouse Braunstein
Kevin Carr
Kevin Lipsitz
Todd Yeates

Erik the Red (Captain)
Takeru Kobayashi
Rich LeFevre
Joe LaRue
Jed Donahue
Jason Erb
Tim Brown
Juris Shibiyama
Sam Vise
Molly Zakarian
Pat Bruss

Justin Mih (Captain)
Bob Shoudt
Juliet Lee
Dale Boone
Loren Yarbrough
Allen Goldstein
Mongo Federighi
Don Lerman
Paul Sakelarides
Pete Miernicki
Donovan Busta

Note: if anyone is included here that doesn't wish to participate, please let us know and we'll remove you from the game. Also, let us know if we spelled your name wrong or there are any other changes to be made.

After seeing the new comment on our Ebay post, we think it's safe to announce the winner of the magnets was none other than our favorite dreadlocked eater, Crazy Legs Conti! Being the sweet son he is, and it being the giving season, he had us make an eater monster magnet in the likeness of his mom and number one fan, Rona Conti. J had a lot of fun designing this one, ultimately pulling art from her website and using the same color palate as we used for Crazy Legs.

It's been a rough year for Sonya. Just as she was recovering from her second place world ranking being overtaken by Joey Chestnut, she was bumped to fourth place by Pat Bertoletti. It used to be she represented a certain level of excellence in eating skill, one that few could touch. But something must be in the lemonade, because one by one, the pros have been stepping up their game and it's no longer a sure thing who will walk away with the trophy and giant check at these competitions.

This year's meatball competition, held at Carmine's in Atlantic City, could have been Sonya's chance to redeem herself and hold onto one of the titles she was most proud of. Or would it go to Joey, who seemed the likely winner? Or would Pat Bertoletti show up last minute and pound them all? There was the newcomer to consider, Juliet Lee, an ameteur off the pizza circuit who would represent the first (real) female with pro goals to join the IFOCE table in a long time. And what about the slew of others in the top rankings who also seem to get better with each contest? Would this be a breakout performance for one of them?

As it turns out, it was "Humble" Bob Shoudt's turn to shine, winning the competition with 9.97 pounds of meatballs. The controversy came during the weighing, where Sonya actually looked like she had won by only a tenth of an ounce. But, this year in particular, the judges have been stern about applying rules about prolonged dunking and messiness. After surveying the eaters' places, a one ounce deduction was taken from Sonya and from Joey for excess debris, leaving Bob in the lead. When George Shea announced the deduction and awarded Sonya second place, she stood with her arms crossed and simply said, "It's not fair." Much cheering greeted Bob as he came out to accept 1st prize. Humble as always, he reached out his hand to congratulate Sonya, but she turned away--arms still crossed--and stalked off stage. The crowd interpreted this as bad sportsmanship on Sonya's part and started booing her. Quick to remind the crowd of what they should be focusing on, Joey came over to hug Bob, while 4th place winner Chip Simpson raised Bob's arm in triumph and encouraged the crowd to cheer for him. Video can be seen on Beautiful Brian's site.

Usually after a competition, eaters are told to scrape any remaining pieces of food onto their plates so an accurate total can be weighed. While the IFOCE claims this was done, it's unclear why they didn't make sure each eaters' place was clean before weighing the plate. Taking deductions taken after the plates are weighed seemed to cause problems that could have been easily averted.

In any case, this was a well-earned victory for Bob, and we were lucky enough to snag a few words with the humble one after his big win.

1st Bob Shoudt 9.97 lbs, $2500
2nd Sonya Thomas 9.91 lbs, $1000
3rd Joey Chestnut 9.35 lbs, $750
4th Chip Simpson 9.23 lbs, $500
5th Rich LeFevre 9.03 lbs, $250
6th Tim Janus 8.93 lbs
7th Juliet Lee 5.53 lbs
8th Allen Goldstein 4.96 lbs
9th Seaver Miller 4.75 lbs
10th Pat Philbin 4.73 lbs
11th Crazy Legs Conti 4.71 lbs
12th Bill Myers 3.83 lbs
13th Larry McNeil 3.77 lbs
14th Kevin Lipsitz 3.34 lbs
15th Pete Davekos 3.32 lbs
16th Brian Seiken 2.73 lbs
17th John Bulin 2 lbs

TrueFan: First off, how did it feel to come in first place?

Humble Bob: I felt stuffed. That was the most stuffed that I have ever felt.

TF: The placing was controversial; did you know you were going to come in first after you finished eating, or were you waiting with everyone else to learn the results?

HB: George said that I was leading through the first plate (6 lb) and through the 2nd (2 lb) so I knew that I had to be in the mix at the end. Like any food that has to be weighed, you never know till all of the results are in

TF: Usually, they have everyone clean up their areas, scooping detritus onto their plates before weighing. Was this not done at this competition? It seems like it would have given you a cleaner win instead of seeming like they were penalizing Sonya.

HB: Everyone was told to clean up their area after the contest. I cleaned up mine but I can not speak for any others. I was spending 100% of my time trying to find a position that was less uncomfortable then the others. I didn't really speak to or look at other eaters while on stage. I was just trying to find "my happy place."

TF: How did you feel about Sonya's reaction when you offered her your hand?

HB: I was in so much discomfort afterwards that I did not realize all that was going on. Sonya has always been a great competitor and has been super supportive of me from the day that we meet. She obviously had her concerns. I took this as absolutely no slight to me. She is every bit as much of a friend and competitor to me today as she was before this contest.

TF: How were the meatballs this year? Did you employ any different strategies from last year?

HB: The meatballs seemed like they were slower then last year. They seemed colder and less moist. My goal was 10 lbs before the start and after the first meatball, I knew that it would be tough to get. My strategy this year was the same as last year - eat as many meatballs
as I could.

TF: What was Joey's reaction to coming in third after he's been finishing so strongly?

HB: To me he is the same Joey that he always is. He is a guy that loves the sport and the competition. He shows up and gives it his all. He did not win but that did not mean he was not happy. You can see from the different videos the sincere congratulations he extended to me
after the contest. He is a good guy and if anyone deserved the nickname "Humble" it would be him.

TF: How did Juliet do? Were people welcoming to a new female pro?

HB: I think Juliet did well for her first pro event. I think she was every bit as welcomed as every other eater. The CE community is really a big family and everyone welcomed her into it.

TF: Anything else you'd like to add?

HB: This was another event in which both of my parents attended. They also were there when I set the Shoofly pie record. I think that I must do better when they are both there. Maybe they could both come to Wing Bowl this year so I can win two cars!

TF: What will you spend the prize money on?

HB: My wife and I have our eye on a 15 acre "ranch" in Argentina. It is a nice area with lush vegetation and 3 buildings. A main house, a small guest house (that needs much work) and the barn. Believe it or not this will give us our 20% down payment that most foreign nationals need to get a mortgage. Most people do not pay it off outright as we really will only get to spend 3 - 4 weeks there a year for quite sometime. It is a beautiful country though. Now if I could just get the IFOCE to have some contests down there, I could write of the travel on my taxes...

This post was originally titled "Meatball results!" so we could call J and he could post the everything remotely. But now we'll have to be in the back bleachers with the rest of the world who won't be in Atlantic City.

Stupid weather!

I watched helplessly as my 1am flight drifted to 4am, then into the dreaded CANCELLED zone, from which there's no return. I'm seriously depressed about this. The good news is that I do have JetBlue credit to be used towards a future trip, so hopefully I'll be traveling again soon.

On Friday afternoon, while most people were recovering from turkey and stuffing overload (some more than others), a quiet bidder won the complete set of eater magnets we posted on Ebay. The set ended up going for a whopping $51, and we are thrilled. The money will be put towards the travel expenses for our Atlantic City adventure on Saturday (not slot machines, we promise).

We'd love to tell you who the winner is (it's actually pretty interesting!) but the magnets are going to be a gift, so we can't ruin the surprise here. We'll tell you this much: the new custom magnet will be a female...

Thanks for everyone who lent their support for this venture! We'd love to be able to offer personalized magnets to everyone, but we might have to clear a few hurdles first. We'll keep you posted.

Happy Meatballs, everyone.

On Saturday, November 18th 2006, it was announced on EatFeats.com and the official IFOCE website that one Ms. Helen Haggerty, a recent Bryn Mawr graduate and field hockey enthusiast, had come in second place in the Posole eating contest in Acoma New Mexico - defeating Rich LeFevre and Eric Denmark, amongst others.

At first glance this seemed like an extraordinary occurrence. Not only had a newcomer to the sport beaten a very talented field of competitors, but she was a woman. No mean feat.

However, after True Fan had time to review the video, offered by Mr. Andrew "Skinnyboy" Lane we have come to the sad conclusion that Ms. Haggerty does not exist and in fact this is just another one of Mr. Tim Janus' alter-egos.

We have made multiple attempts to reach several of the competitors and the IFOCE for comment, but at the time of this post, none have responded.

There seems to be a conspiracy afoot - one that has multiple layers of duplicity and co-conspirators. We are not sure what alumni or current students of Bryn Mawr and their field hockey team (currently ranked 21st in their division) would think about this deception. A deception that looks like it had legs. It was announced this morning that Ms. Haggerty had started a blog. How far were they willing to take this?

We will be reporting more on this as more details arise.

We really hope you were home glued to your ESPN2 (or at least to your TiVo later) for the Krystal Square Off on Saturday. The nation witnessed some real world class eating when Kobayashi polished off his 97th slider, with Joey only half a Sackful behind, slaying the world record by 30 burgers. Impressive.

Even more impressive was the total efforts of the Krystal Killers, who ended up beating the Squeezable Buns by over a hundred points. I know this might seem like a sound beating, and we guess it was, it was only because a lot of people performed even better than our expectations!

We broke down the score card into some hard numbers, tallying the amount of burgers each player ate, comparing it to their personal best, adding in points for the sign-toting fans, and giving players points for pulling into the lead. Points were deducted if players ate under their personal best or had any small reversals. Subjective points (1-5) were awarded for how well the players fulfilled the positions given to them by their coach (or how well they coached). Points were also given for how well the teams' bonus players seemed to add to the overall effectiveness of the team. A subjective one point deduction was taken away from any player who had a "look of defeat" and while we were going to originally deduct for prolonged dunking or general sloppiness, we thought it was too hard to judge based only on who the camera was focusing on. Although we will say that Kobayashi is very neat eater, while Joey had a bit of a burger buns facial.

Here's a look at the final score card (click to enlarge):

We thought by giving players points for how many over their personal best they did would really give an advantage to non-Koby players, but holy crap if Koby and Joey both ate about 30 over their personal best, making Pat's super achievement of doing the same look negligible on the score card. We would like to note that Pat (Squeezable Buns) made the best improvement, eating 58% better than his personal best. Joey rounds in second (he can't catch a break!) with a whopping 47% improvement, while Kobayashi held on to a 41% improvement. Those are some serious numbers. Almost every eater made an improvement on their personal best, except Seaver (ate one less), Justin (ate the same), and Sonya, who had a 15% falloff.

True Fan extends big congratulations to all the Krystal Square Off stars this year. The way things are going, we know we have group more powerful than ever heading into the winter eating season, and we can't wait to be there for it all.

Here's a closer look at the two fantasy team that will face off at Saturday's Krystal Burger competition.

"Humble" Bob made a grab for Badlands Booker to take the final spot on the Team Krystal Killers, calling him a "personal hero and a first ballot Hall of Famer." While Badlands won't be able to add hamburgers to the team's final count, his overall (fantasy) effectiveness as coach will be taken into consideration. We think bringing in the retired eater was a smart move on Bob's part. Who wouldn't be inspired by Badlands?

As for the team positions, the captain broke them down like so:

Position Chew
Joey: He did not get the nickname Jaws for nothing. After Brats he
bit a piece of car tire right off of a Ford Mustang that was parked at
the event. I saw it with my own eyes.

Position Stomach Capacity
Kobayashi: Best capacity in the business - to quote Eric on his first CD, "He ate 21 pounds of noodles in Japan."

Position Swallow
Arturo Rios: at the ducks qualifier I think he was swallowing the dogs whole and it did not seem to faze him.

Position Personality
Seaver: who else could this be - the guy has a custom made fire fighter outfit. The women will be flooding ESPN with marriage proposals when they get a look at him.

Position Finesse
Chip: he has those Oakleys with the mp3. He looks like he is just chillin' while at the same time he is throwing down the food.

Positions End, Guard, and Tackle
Boone: He will sit at the END of the bench, GUARD the Gatorade and TACKLE anyone that tries to take any.

Seaver "The Achiever" and Arturo "The Natural" Rios seemed pleased with the results, while Dale "Mouth of the South" Boone lashed back with a stronger opinion: "THE BENCH???????? LOL. [A]fter I beat JASON CONTI AND MILLER AND RIOS AND JUSTIN WE SEE WHO LAUGHING." Indeed, Boone. Although we're concerned about the fact that he seems to be trying to defeat members of his own team. However, we have to give Bob points for putting Boone in charge of defense and offense. Very clever.

You may hear Krystal Killer's team song echoing in the crowd on Saturday:

Taking care of business (every day)
Taking care of business (every way)
We be been taking care of business (it's all mine)
Taking care of business and working overtime

But how will they stack up against their rivals, Team Squeezable Buns?

Crazy Legs surprised us by picking competitive eater Paul Barlow to take up the extra spot on their team as mascot and coach. He added another nickname to Paul's growing list and had this to say about his choice, "We believe 'Super' Paul 'Bonebreaker' Barlow; 'The Krystal Ball' to not be the Nostrodamus of Noslowdunking, but rather a delusional Kreskin of Crunch. When 'Super' Paul 'Bonebreaker' Barlow; 'The Krystal Ball' gazes down at twenty Krystals he thinks he can eat them in two minutes, but then realizes it's much better to enjoy them over eight minutes. We think all his predictions will be wrong, but that his love of the game (the fantasy game particularly) is what will make us prevail."

But will Paul's love of the game trump Booker's skills? And will Carlene really step in as team cheerleader, as rumored? We'll just have to see!

Here's how Captain Conti set up his team:

Position Chew: Tim "Eater X" Janus. What a lot of eating fans don't know is that Tim is a candy nut. He would love to work in the product think tank of a major candy producing company. Because of his lifelong pursuit of esoteric sweets (recently he sampled Economy Candy's Turkish Delight ala Narnia) his teeth have thinned and become brittle. To compensate for this he has been working his jaw with two 1/3 pound dumbbells that attach via straps around his ears. If only technology would catch up to competitive eating, then you could see the X Jaw X ray box on your TV and computer screen. And what you would see, would astound! Tim would also like to consult on the team logo...he's felt a lot of buns.

Position Stomach:
We don't believe in water training and as for your diaper comment. Team Bertoletti (aka Team Spacedock) will be resplendent in diapers in Chatty. They wear Adult Depends mostly for post-contest party issues, but they wear them well. The deadly Black Widow is our Stomachgirl and if Rich Shea doesn't say during the broadcast that, "Sonya has the stomach capacity of the Grand Coolee Dam" I'll eat my hat. Her stomach is a bottomless sinkhole of destruction. Because of the coin toss that gave the Krystal Killjoys Kobayashi, we have asked Sonya to open up her rarely used west wing of her stomach to accommodate the plus sixty Krystals she will throw down.

Position Swallow:
Pat Bertoletti. Rumor has it that Disney has optioned the life rights to, "The 48th Tamale." This amazing tamale will be featured in an animated movie of the same name. It is the story of a little tamale that gets separated from its parents and is raised in a Habanero Chili filled volcano. From the molten ash combined with the hot peppers, a little bland tamale grew into a spicy tamale adult; hotter than the sun. This tamales place in history was cemented when it made the unflappable Spacedocker reverse in 2006. It gave Whitebread Simpson his first win and set him on a path of confidence. At the same time, the little tamale left some of its magical spice dust on the inside of Pat Bertoletti. It has allowed him to compete in hot peppers with no ill effects and is like a built in Keep-Elvis-In-The-Building safeguard. Look to the other side for your reversal...Standing near Dale Bufoone is like trying to get Shamu's autograph at Sea World, watch the spray. My only advice for Hubris Bob is to keep The Mess from The South on the bench where he can only make so much of a mess.

Position Personality:
There was only one true star of, "The smaller screen" - the webcast internet Krystalcam. And in this contest there will be one true star of the small screen on ESPN. Know what every drunk Philly fan realized when they watched the Jumbotron at Wing Bowl, when the retired accountant throws off his falling glasses and works the mandibles that he calls hands, Women swoon and men break down in tears. He is a cross between Hugh Hefner and Mr. Magoo...and the future constellation that will burn so bright this week-end is Rich "The Las Vegas Locust" LaFevre.

Position Finesse:
The webcams don't lie, armchair eating critics who post on eatfeats do. Go back and watch Atlanta. Watch Perry. Watch Jackson...Bustin' Justin Mih is, as George Shea would say, "Poetry in Motion". He is the Linda Blair of pro-eating and will be performing a Krystal exorcism on Saturday; possessed, his stomach will spin 360 degrees. You asked, "Ease and Beauty" I answer Bustin' Justin!

Some interesting choices for Squeezable Buns! Will Bertoletti be able to avoid a tamale-esque return for Position Swallow? Will Tim be able to come up with a better logo ("I want our logo to be a pair of pink butt cheeks. And I want them to have a little brown smear on them.")? Will Justin be step up now that he finally has a nickname?

Maybe their motto, a quote from Bill Murray's Tripper Harrison, says it all:

"More important than the score of this game is to score at the big social at our place tonight."

We would like to announce the launch of Fantasy Eating to commence during the Krystal Burger competition on October 28th in Chattanooga Tennessee.

Two teams will face each other for a head-to-head fantasy eating battle. This idea is based on the Fantasy Football idea (Krista would like to thank her new job at the NFL for the inspiration), but we are modifying it to fit the sport of competitive eating...because that's how we roll. However, there is a twist, unlike Fantasy Football, the actual eaters will be participating in our fantasy contest.

The two team captains will be "Humble" Bob Shoudt and Crazy Legs Conti. Each team captain was randomly given an equal number of people (with one exception because of the uneven number of contestants) and will select which person will be in what eating position. The positions are as follows:

Position Chew (good jaw strength)
Position Stomach Capacity (they have been water training since they were in diapers)
Position Swallow (not one to ever have a reversal)
Position Personality (someone who looks good in front of the camera and/or knows how to use their God-given charisma)
Position Finesse (an ease and beauty when eating)

Each team can also choose one person, not competing at Krystal Burger Finals, to serve as the team mascot or coach. The captain not only gets to decide what position each person will play, but they also got to name their team.

The two teams are as follows:

Team Krystal Killers
Captain "Humble" Bob
Joey Chestnut
Chip Simpson
Seaver Miller
Dale Boone
Arthur Rios
Kobayashi

Team Squeezable Buns
Captain Crazy Legs Conti
Pat Bertoletti
Sonja Thomas
Tim Janus
Rich LeFevre
Justin Mih

The winning team will be chosen using normal fantasy sport scoring. Players earn points based on their performance during the competition. Criteria for each point earned will be revealed during the close of competition.

Lots more to come. We have fight songs being selected, logos being designed, and team captains ready to come to fantasy blows for their fantasy team.

Chip Simpson is going to the Show.

Though Tim "Eater X" Janus was just a burger or two behind for most of the eight-minute contest, the official results put Simpson half a Krystal ahead to win the trophy and a guaranteed spot at the Krystal Square Off champsionship table.

Janus was visibly disappointed with the result after IFOCE chairman George Shea was overheard ordering one burger to be discounted from his total (Shea was also heard ordering one burger from Simpson's total). As the final seconds ticked away, both eaters crammed liquid-soaked burgers into their mouths. Shea asked Janus multiple times to remove some of the excess Krystal, which was protruding from his mouth. With one burger presumably deducted from each eater's total, it is unclear whether the adjustments affected the final standings.

Third-place masticator Justin Mih (ranked 33) had an impressive showing with 33, beating out local favorite Bubba Yarbough, who finished fourth with 26 burgers.

With three more qualifiers to go, here's how the final table looks:

• Takeru Kobayashi
• Sonya Thomas
• Chip Simpson
• Joey Chestnut
• Humble Bob Shoudt
• Pat Bertoletti
• Winner of qualifier in Memphis, TN
• Winner of qualifier in Perry, GA
• Winner of qualifier in Jackson, MS
• Wildcard

Janus's impressive showing puts him far ahead of the pack in wildcard race, virtually guaranteeing his spot at the championship.

Eric "Badlands" Booker. Father, husband, conductor on the 7 train, competitive eater, rapper, and one of the nicest guys you'll ever hope to meet.

Booker announced his retirement late last month, but he will not be entirely absent from competitive eating. His next album drops (we've always wanted to say that) at Thanksgiving and he plans to continue rapping before events and work behind the scenes as much as possible. On a message posted on eatfeats.com Booker said, "I'm not going to be retired and gone; like the Godfather [Charles Hardy], I will still be a driving force in the competitive eating community." Like anyone would let him disappear! Hello, it's Badlands! There also is a chance this might not be the end of the competitive eating road for Booker. When we asked the man himself for his thoughts on retirement he said, "Right now I'm in a reframing stage in my career and life, and I feel that the fans deserve the very best from me at the table. So I've put my fork down to take steps to be better than I ever was before, should I decide to pick up my fork again." Booker also has a dream that extends beyond the table, "If ESPN would have me, I would love to be a commentator when they air eating events, that would be a dream come true y' know." ESPN, are you listening? What a coup! That would rock and definitely be better than those golf commentators they normally ship in for the events.

To honor this occasion we asked some eaters to give us their thoughts on Booker's retirement and we've assembled those thoughts below. Together they show us a man who was generous with his eating tips, a person who taught others to stand up for what they believe in and remain true to themselves, and a man who was amazingly well-liked and respected. It is clear from the heartfelt responses we received from eaters that Booker will remain a very large presence in the competitive eating circuit. He might not physically be at the table, but he will definitely be held in the hearts of every eater.

Joey Chestnut : "Booker is a great eater and brought a lot more to the table than an appetite. Booker was the first to recognize the mental aspect of competitive eating and the need to focus. I have nothing but
admiration and positive feelings for Booker."

Crazy Legs Conti : "Booker rocked Buffalo like a Hurricane. People who thought they were rooted to the ground in the freezing rain were blown away, literally, when Badlands roared some "Ingestion Engine." Some 12-year-old kid named Scooter was blown all the way back to Rochester. Scooter had to hop a bus back to catch the Buffet Bowl (Scooter is a huge Arturo Rios fan). Badlands got up and did his thing. People left cover and charged the stage in the gale force wind and whipping rain just to get close to the big man's mouth. And his son, Brandon was like the lightning in the storm. If the IFOCE was going to hire Booker into some sort of official role it would have to be Traveling Bard. Trade in the ocarina, and pick up the microphone....and Badlands the Traveling Bard is, "All good".

Pat Bertoletti : "I will miss the big man. He will be missed and never forgotten, I hope he stays promoting the sport. He is a big man but has an even bigger heart."

Humble Bob : "Eric's retirement? That is too tough for me. You are going to bring me to tears. After I won the Buffet Bowl, I dedicated my victory to him on stage. This is but a tiny gesture to what he means to my eating career. This is a man who literally took me under his wing and made me feel like a truly special eater. One of my favorite moments I have had in competitive eating: it was our last night in Vegas at the US Open. We were in a karaoke bar. There were about 7 or 8 groups of people in the bar, not mixing outside of their group. Someone would get up and only their group really cared. No one in another group paid any attention to them; they were just waiting their turn. Then Eric gets up there and almost brings down the house. Literally everyone in the place is up there on stage moving to a karaoke song. That was special. But then again, so is Eric. To be honest, that night really wasn't so special. It was just another day, in another town hanging out with Badlands, as Eric has a way of making every day and everyone seem special. I will miss him at the table, we all will."

Don "Moses" Lerman : "When I first met Eric it was at the Belmont Nathan's qualifier in 2000. I said then that he was a very dangerous eater because in a contest he eats for pleasure. H'es one of the true pioneers in the sport; he will be succeeded but never replaced."

Chip Simpson : "Any time you lose a great eater and person like Booker to retirement, it is tough. I loved it when I saw Badlands walk up to the table. He was always all smiles and the first person to congratulate you when you got the victory. Not only was he a great eater but a great friend as well. He will be missed at the table but I know we will see him at events and hear much more from this great man. All the best, Badlands; we miss you and good luck with your future endeavors."

Tim "Eater X" Janus : "I was very disappointed to hear that Badlands retired, but I know he won't deprive us of his presence. The greatest thing about eating with Eric was that I got to hang out with him. He's gonna stay involved with the sport, and he'll be around, so I'll continue to have many opportunities to see him."

Erik "The Red" Denmark : "...Booker is so loved by everyone on the circuit and he is a worthy ambassador of our sport. Booker can't go far because he is an entertainer and that is what we all are and there will always be a place for him at contests and with the IFOCE - he IS competitive eating."

Seaver "The Achiever" Miller : "Badlands Booker was one of the first eaters I ever met and right off the bat he was really nice to me. The competitive eating world is definitely losing a great competitor. However, we can always look forward to his musical entertainment at events. The only reason I am upset by his retirement, is that I was able to share a table with him just once, which was a true honor."

It's been a busy few weeks in the competitive eating world, and we thought we'd give you the recap to end all recaps. See, if you were a good little competitive eating fan, you'd already be reading eatfeats daily and getting your scoop there. But since you're already here, we're gonna serve you, like, 3,000 words of competition goodness. That's the reading equivalent of eating about 15 cannoli, so strap yourself in. Plus, no offense to our dear OJ Rifkin, the pseudonymous mystery man who runs eatfeats, but he's not giving you killer quotes like, "I threw up twice in my mouth," or "Just when you think the Masked Avenger is out for the count, he comes back like Barbara Streisand."

What OJ is giving us, however, is an award! Yes, you are looking at the two winners of the 2006 Trenchy Award for the Best Non-Eater Writer! Hel-lo! We feel really honored for getting the votes (um, over two freakin' published authors!), so thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Although, what's with this "no monetory or tangible award" bit? We were picuring a little something like so:

We can dream, can't we? Anyway, on to the competitions!

It wasn't long after the competitive eaters recovered from the Nathan's hot dog competition that they were already revving up for the 2006 Krystal Square Off World Hamburger Eating Championship. Krystal burgers, for those of us not in the south, are tiny square burgers cooked with an onion flavoring and served on little fluffy buns. They go down fast and have become a favorite competition food among the serious eaters. "Humble" Bob Shoudt says, " In my mind, there exists no bigger single contest then Krystals. I marked 10/28/2006 as taken on my PDA as I was waiting for the final totals to be calculated on stage last year at the 2005 Krystals Finals. I live for Krystals. Everyone has a contest that they prefer, this is mine."

This is also one of Kobayashi's favorite competitions and he'll be back this year to battle it out for the $30,000 in prize money (1st prize is $10,000 of that). As champion, he gets an automatic seat at the finals, leaving every other soul out there with a competitive eating streak in them left to battle their way to an accompanying seat. And, dude, there are a LOT of 'em. Krystal has a following of "Krystal Lovers," average customers who have a passion for stacking the little burgers high on a regular basis. The chain has a bit of a cult following, even inspiring things like Krystal wedding platters (totally different than crystal wedding platters).

Anyway, it seems simple: there are eight local qualifiers (8-minutes long), with the winner of each, plus four wild cards, going on to take a seat at the big table in Chattanooga, TN. But then it gets more complicated: (deep breath) in order to go to compete in a local qualifier you can either a) be a professional eater or b) sign up for a 2-minute pre-qualifier, of which there are about 20 per city. The top 10 pre-qualifiers in each city go on to compete in the local qualifier with the pros. As Brian Cooley, who does PR for the Krystal Square Off says, "The 2-minute events are loaded with passionate customers that just want to have fun and be part of the excitement." So, if the talent is ripe, it is possible for a Krystal Lover to win his or her way to the big finals with the pros. You got all that? You wanna watch all of it? Helloooo webcams!

Because yo! Joey Chestnut and Sonya Thomas won the first two local qualifiers, in Jacksonville and Chattanooga, respectively. I know, I know, no big surprises there. Although, in the past, Krystal Lovers like Sam Vice have been known to stride past respected pros like Don Lerman in local qualifiers, so there may be shockers yet to come.

Although, since Joey's rise to 2nd best eater in the world, there has been some harsh Sonya doubting. Of course, her loyal fans and supporters know she's as determined as ever and her numbers are showing it. She ate 62 burgers in the 8-minute contest, a number that matches Joey's American record in last year's finals and that beats Joey's local Jacksonville win this year by 10 burgers. Joey doesn't discount Sonya's abilities going into this competition saying, "Sonya is an amazing eater and should never be doubted. She consistently puts up huge numbers and forces me to push myself. As far as Sonya being a threat at Krystal finals...I know she will put up a big number, I just hope it is not as big as the number I am going to be training to hit at the finals." And if there's anyone who's focused, it's Joey, who took his last loss to Kobayashi pretty hard. "I don't talk about Nathan's," he says. "I just want to walk away from the Krystal finals happy."

Sonya may have have been feeling like she had something to show her closest competitor, as he had narrowly beat her in a gyoza competition on August 19th. They battled it out right to the end, but Joey overtook The Black Widow at the end, beating her with 212 dumplings to her 210.

And our rising Phenom, Chip Simpson, certainly hasn't been sitting around twiddling his thumbs these past few weeks. On August 26, he stormed the GoldenPalace.net World Sausage Sandwich Eating Championship in Syracuse, NY. With 13.25 sandwiches, he won $2,000 and beat out Humble Bob by a quarter of a sandwich. Then only a week later, Chip had his real moment in the sun at the Buffalo Wing Festival when beat Sonya Thomas for the first time.

Did you catch that? Chip. Beat. Sonya.

"There is no competitive eating contest more elegant than the Buffalo Wing contest and no victory more important. The essence of the human struggle to survive is on display in Buffalo on Labor Day Weekend."

The quote above was taken directly from the IFOCE website and is attributed to convivial IFOCE Chairman George Shea. It speaks directly to the significance of this contest and the importance of paying attention in English class.

Sonya and Bob tied for 2nd place with 146 wings each, but it was a clean victory for the young gun, who downed 158 (though Sonya's record of 161 from last year still stands). Will Chip be the next eater to enter the Kobayashi level of eating? Joey admits it could happen. "I think the gap between Koby and America's top eaters is closing. Chip and Pat [Bertoletti] are great eaters and will most likely qualify for Krystals with a higher number than me."

There was some controversy surrounding this contest, apparently stemming from the bad weather. The method for cooking and delivering the wings had to be changed because of the rain and this, it's been said, caused the wings to run out before the contest ended--a big no-no. Hopefully, next year will be rain and controversy free.

Chip was understandably excited about this win. "The Buffalo wing competition was a huge step for me, as it is recognized as big contest to win," he said. "I actually was an alternate in the contest last year which would have been my eating debut. I went with the hopes of getting in, but all of the eaters showed up. I watched it from afar and thought to myself, 'I think I can hang with these guys, eventually.' I was extremely excited to compete, and finally beating the great Sonya Thomas was another HUGE step in my eating career. Of course she whooped my butt the next day, but at least I got one victory."

The whooping in question happened at the Waffle House World Waffle-Eating Championship, held in Atlanta on September 3rd. Never one to miss out on a good whooping himself, Joey got in on that action, breaking his own world record by consuming 23 buttermilk waffles in 12 minutes, and beating both Sonya and Chip.

"Humble" Bob sees a comparable competitive streak in the two eaters, "Sonya is very similar to Chip...She is a great eater and an even better competitor. She backs down from no one and does not allow anyone any advantages. She always plays for keeps. Whenever anyone can keep themselves near her totals, they should take that as a moral victory."

And Bob's been on his own winning streak. While Chip was busy winning the wing competition, Bob was getting ready to kill at the Buffalo Buffet Bowl. This contest is unique because it doesn't just focus on one foodstuff. Plates made up of 5 pounds of food, including roast beef sandwiches, buffalo chicken strips, pierogies, and chicken wings were given to participants; the first to complete their plate won the $500 prize. "Humble" Bob came out on top in just over 5 minutes.

(A fun side-note: Jammin' Joe LaRue won most creative wing sauce for his apple chipotle chutney at the same festival. Way to OWN the festival, IFOCE peeps!)

But Bob wasn't done winning yet. He went to The Indiana State Fair held the Toyota Trucks Chowdown Championship (couldn't they come up with a longer name?), which was held to promote Indiana food products like pork sandwiches, turkey legs, and grilled cheese sandwiches. "Humble" Bob was victorious and won $1500 in cash. Is it us, or shouldn't have Toyota have thrown in a truck or something? The contest was held in five rounds and Bob ate the following:

1st round--3 grilled cheese sandwiches
2nd round--3 pork sandwiches
3rd round--3 rib eye sandwiches
4th round--2 turkey legs
5th and final round--3 cupcakes

We sorta love that they ended on cupcakes. It's almost...cute! Unlike, say...jalapenos.

Holy Jalapenos! Competitors were given 15 minutes and all the jalapenos they could eat at this year's 3rd Annual Sabor Caliente Salsa and Chili Championships at the Sky City Casino in Acoma, New Mexico. Pat Bertoletti took his "tongue" in his hands and a possible lifetime of stomach lining problems to win with an amazing 177 jalapenos. Going into the competition Pat told us he expected the winner to eat anywhere from 140 to 160, so his winning with 177 surprised the hell out of him.

However, fellow competitor Erik "The Red" Denmark said he wasn't really surprised. He said he was more surprised by the fact that, "three eaters ended up over 140 and that (he) was not one of them." Erik went on to say, "It is a shame that this contest was not held at a bigger venue with more attention because it was definitely one of the most grueling and entertaining tests of first speed, than capacity, and than especially resistance from the vinegar, heat, and flavor of the jalapenos."

This next detail from Erik is not for the weak stomached so please don't fault us if you start feeling as if you had just eaten 100 jalapenos. However, we are keeping it in because it really gives readers, who don't compete, real insight into what it feels like to do this. "I personally was not that impressed by my own total of 107 because I was doing really well in the first 8 minutes of the contest, I had about 90 down and I was probably 25-30 behind Pat. The taste and the vinegar hit me suddenly and my body reacted violently - I threw up twice in my mouth and my cheeks were bulging as I was trying to keep it in, the regurgitated jalapeno juice started coming out of my nose! I managed to compose myself and swallow what was in my mouth but I was walking a very thin line the rest of the contest, I did not push it at all after that because a reversal and disqualification would have been devastating to me. That contest was a test of will; the last 5 minutes were a struggle for everyone."

Thank you Erik...for that lovely, um, vision. But still, it's refreshing to hear someone say "I threw up in my mouth" and really mean it. Also, Erik liked our interview so much, he's posted it up on his blog, so now you can read about throwing up in mouths in several locations on the interweb. Isn't the future awesome?

Don Lerman, who was hoping to reclaim his title and who raised some eyebrows when he claimed on his website he would win in New Mexico said he "was taken aback by the peppers in New Mexico; the shell was soft and it was made for speed. I knew the numbers will be in the upper 100s." He also wishes he would have brought milk to drink in the contest instead of water. Lerman finished with only 48 jalapenos.

Pat, who told us that the burn wasn't as bad as he had anticipated during the contest, paid dearly for his antics the next day. Apparently, after the contest, egged on by Erik Denmark, he added tequila, tamales, and burritos into the mix and didn't have the best of trips back to Chicago...it is here we will leave the rest up to your imagination.

And while we're on Mexican treats, we should mention Tim "Eater X" Janus's big win at the 2nd annual World Tamale Eating Championship in Lewisville Texas. The eater broke the world record by eating 51 tamales in 12 minutes during the competition. Only one tamale separated Tim and the second place finisher, Rich LeFevre, who we hope isn't too crushed by the close finish. We bet the $1000 cash prize helped ease his troubled mind and full belly.

This victory marks a bit of a come back for Eater X who was talking about "taking a break" before eating his personal best on July 4th. "Did I get a boost from the Fourth of July? I guess so, at least a little bit, but I don't think it lasted very long, although the feeling of accomplishment did. I'm still very pleased with my performance that day, even though like most guys, I'm looking forward to trying to improve upon it," he said.

Crazy Legs, on the other hand, attributes the change in attitude to the gift basket Jennifer Aniston bestowed on him. (Several phrases in that last sentence should be read with air quotes around them.) He thinks Tim's switch from Jodie Foster is healthy for the ego, and sums up his friend this way: "Janus is an enigma wrapped inside a riddle wrapped inside a cornhusk wrapped inside a conundrum. Just when you think the Masked Avenger is out for the count, he comes back like Barbara Streisand. You are nice to him, and he crushes you. You challenge him, and he crushes you. You can't win so its best to cross to the other side of the street and let him be. There is a reason he is the Sybil of the Stomach. Maybe I should attribute the Bruce Banner line to him...except it would be, 'Don't make me melancholy, you don't want to see me when I'm melancholy.'"

Seaver "The Achiever" Miller placed a strong 3rd and we think this bodes well for his future. When asked about his thought process going into a competition Seaver stated, "Being so new with so few competitions under my belt, I don't go into competitions to beat other people or to keep an eye on other people. I have a personal goal I set for myself before the competition. Whether I reach that goal or not I walk away from the table always learning something new." A very thoughtful answer, from a very thoughtful competitor.

Though Crazy Legs had this to say about the new guy, "It is as if he stepped out of the fifties into a technicolor 06. He goes from the "Leave it to Beaver" soundtrack to Nine Inch Nails in 8 - 12 minutes. He looks like an action figure. Maybe he is just his own action figure except bigger. He is the next class of great eaters, guys like him and Denmark improve not in years, but in circuits. It took me four years to go from 14 hot dogs and buns to 22, and those guys made it happen in their rookie outings. Seaver is too polite for his own good, I'd love to see him mug an old lady or push somebody down the stairs, but he is coming out of his shell."

And then there's Pat Bertoletti, who killed at the World Kolache Eating Championship. If you are anything like Krista, when someone says "kolache," your immediate reaction is: kolache-who? And then you take yourself to the knowledgeable pages of Wikipedia where you find a kolache is actually a type of pastry with a variety of fillings from cheese to fruit inside a bread roll. And then you say to yourself, I always thought that was a danish, to which Wikipedia replies, no you imbecile a danish is a layered pastry similar to a croissant, but topped with icing or maybe custard. To which you finally reply, note taken, Wikipedia (you know-it-all)...I stand corrected.

It seems the kolache/danish confusion is pretty common since Pat Bertoletti, the winner of the competition, with 44 kolaches referred to the pastry as, "dinner biscuits with the middle cut out with cherry pie filling; kind of like cheese danishes." Weighing in at 2.5 - 3 oz each Pat said they went down pretty easy, but were a little sweet and rich towards the end...hmm, the end of a 44 pastry eating frenzy gets a bit rich towards the end...who would have thought? Just kidding, we love the Pat here at True Fan.

Hall "Hoover" Hunt upped his web presence in August by launching his own blog and he's made a good start with four entries so far. Pretty good for a guy who says he doesn't "have a clue how all this works." In his blog, Hall professes his love for eating, which he proclaims is one of, "the greatest sports of all time" and his reasons for competing, "It combines many of my great loves such as eating mass quantities of food, traveling, and competing." We wish Hall the best of luck and welcome him to the blogger family.

And if you can believe it, we're not even done. Stay tuned for our tribute to one of competitive eating's favorite gurgitators, who announced his retirement in August. You'll be missed, Booker!

There were some tense moments about an hour before the pros were scheduled to start the Three Brother's pizza competition. Rumors flew that a delayed flight for Pat Bertoletti, coming in from Chicago, might hold him up indefinitely. Of course, adding to the drama was the recent airline policy changes about bringing liquid on board, which "Big" Brian Subich speculated might have been the problem. "It was probably his competition drinks!" he joked to Chip Simpson, as they milled in the audience before the amateur contest. Looking over the crowd and then back at Chip, Brian cracked a half smile, "I like Pat, but I wouldn't cry any tears..." He trailed off. "I'm sure you wouldn't either."

Even though many of the eaters are close with each other, no one was forgetting this was a competition, and a star-studded one at that. The pizza competition brought out not only ranked gurgitators like "Humble" Bob Shoudt, Larry "The Legend" McNeil, Allen "The Shredder" Goldstein, David "Brickhouse" Braunstein, and Pat from Moonachie, but also the blogging crowd: Steakbellie, Dave "MegaMunch" Shoffner, and Andrew "Skinnyboy" Lane. The table was going to be packed with talent and personality, and certainly there was some relief that Sonya Thomas wouldn't be a threat that day, as originally thought. Though she was billed to come to the contest on her home turf, she ended up overseas in Hong Kong winning a lotus seed bun eating contest.

With the number three ranked eater off the table, the bets were on Pat Bertoletti to take the title (if his flight ever arrived), though no one was ready to write off Bob or Chip just yet. In the meantime, the eaters buzzed about the specifics of the day's rules, namely that there would be no dunking or water baths, and that four crusts would equal an entire slice of pizza. Though this last rule was intriguing, it bothered some eaters that the final numbers would represent an approximation rather than a solid total. It may have been instituted as a way to penalize those who left pieces behind or to account for bread debris, but the thought among the eaters was that it would be too tempting to just skip the filling crusts all together and take the deduction instead of eating whole slices. While eaters are usually concentrating on just eating as much as possible, in this competition, they could now play a strategizing math game. No one seemed entirely pleased with the rule, but it didn't mean they wouldn't adjust and take advantage of it.

The stage was set in the middle of the Beltway Plaza Mall in Greenbelt, MD. And when we say "mall," we mean the most old school mall you can possibly imagine, complete with Kay-B Toys and a piecing pagoda. A large, translucent dome in the ceiling arched over the table, bathing the participants and spectators in a dim suggestion of daylight, but the air remained stuffy with the wafting scent of pizza mixed with commerce. Before the pros took the stage, a 10-minute amateur competition for Maryland residents was set to commence. The IFOCE's Mike Castellano, our emcee for the day, boomed out over the speakers - cranked to maximum volume - to welcome the big crowd that had gathered at the foot of the stage.

The pizza for the day was supplied by Three Brother's Italian Restaurant, who were celebrating their 30th anniversary. If it wasn't for the fact that we were in an enclosed area bordered by shoddy gold jewelry shops, the festive air, clowns, balloon animals, face paint, free Italian ices, and prize giveaways would suggest the atmosphere of a fair or festival. But as it was, we felt merely depressed, and scenes from Dawn of the Dead kept popping in our minds as we walked mindlessly through the mall's murky corridors.

We took advantage of our early arrival to sample a couple slices of the famed pizza, so we'd know firsthand what the competitors would be up against that day. Not to mention we were hungry after driving in from Manhattan early that morning. We ordered our slices and piled in one of the red vinyl booths lining the walls. The slices had a crisp bottom, holding their shape when you picked them up, but their overall density didn't seem to be too intimidating. Even with the added layers of cheese and sauce, the pizza lacked heft, which we deemed good for the competition. After we had our fill of pizza we made our way back to the main stage for the amateur competition.

The amateurs took the stage and we picked arbitrary favorites based on who seemed to look the most hungry and focused. Each were given two pizzas to start with and, as they began to eat, it was evident that most of the eaters had taken the crust rule as an allowance to leave behind a pile of pizza bones. Mike Castellano quickly realized the consistency problems this was going to cause as he instructed various eaters on how much crust was too much to leave behind. Standing in the crowd with Chip, he seemed bothered by this, too. "Who's to say where the crust starts?" he wondered. "They're not going to do it in this competition, but they should have it so you have to finish your whole pie first before moving onto your next one."

This made us wonder about the creation of food standardization guidelines that would be the official ruling in cases like this. It would be handy to have a standard definition of the size of a pizza crust or a way to translate the winner of an 18-inch-pizza competition to be meaningful for a winner of a 16-inch-pizza competition. We realize this might me more trouble than its worth for sponsors to worry about, but it's another one of those things (like giving final numbers to all the participants) that would mean something to the eaters. Three Brothers announced they are in talks with the IFOCE about the possibility of creating a circuit event, which would really bode well for pizza consistency.

Amid a flurry of crusts and sauce, an amateur winner emerged: a tiny 39-year-old woman dubbed "Beautiful" Juliet Lee, won with 11 pieces of pizza in 10 minutes. The crowd freaked out because she demolished her male--and much larger--competition by almost doubling the amount eaten by the second and third place winners (6.5 and 6 slices, respectively). Offstage, her children, two adorable young girls, happily clung to the giant trophy. Their eyes were wild with excitement as they told us yes, they knew she ate a lot, but no they didn't expect her to win. Juliet, for her part, had more than a bit of bravado. There's no false modesty when she tells us she could have eaten more, easily. We ask if she knows about Sonya Thomas and she replied, "Oh yes. But I can eat more than her." Juliet says she would look forward to an oyster competition or cheesecake, which she thinks she'd do well in. We hope Brian Seiken doesn't mind sharing his nickname, because we think the circuit will be welcoming a new trencherwoman soon.

As the stage was cleaned up for the pro competition, which was delayed to make more pizzas, we got a chance to make our rounds with the eaters. Justin Mih approached with a smile but immediately announced, "You guys outed me to my dad!" Oh no! It turns out Mr. Mih DOES like to google, and found out about his son's competitive eating when he came across our interview with Justin at corned beef and cabbage. Naturally, we were pretty horrified to have played a part in any real family drama and added that we hoped it was okay now. "Well, he thinks I'm disgracing the family name." Yikes! Okay, there's only one solution to this problem: Justin needs a nickname now more than ever.

Despite the family controversy, he continues to build his capacity by downing canned vegetables and using his medical and science connections to research ways to improve his eating. His brother, a doctor, advised him against competing, but his boss, who works for a medical journal, told him that "no one really knows what eating a lot in [in competition] does to your body," which Justin took as encouragement. A friend in speech therapy also gave him stretching techniques that help make one's throat more pliant. We talked about how amazing it would be to see what the body was doing on the inside during competition, and briefly fantasized about a competition between the top eaters held - cartoon style - behind an x-ray screen so you could see what was happening in the throat and stomach. "Maybe for Halloween," said Justin.

Allen "The Shredder" Goldstien passed by with a soft pretzel in a paper bag. When asked if he was planning to eat it before the competition he said, "It's for my wife." The couple was celebrating their 5th year wedding anniversary, and Allen promised he had more planned for the weekend than the eating competition. "Tomorrow's going to be all about her," he said with a smile. He opened the bag and took a deep whiff of the warm pretzel to rev his stomach, then left to deliver the treat.

Steakbellie, decked out in his trademark kilt, and Dave “Megamunch” Shoffner, sans hat, talked to us about how they felt their Internet presence connected them to the sport of competitive eating. Steakbellie, who works as a director of IT, says his blog is a real mental release for him and that he enjoys reading about other competitors and learning new techniques and training exercises, like stretching one's stomach with water to expand capacity. Dave says he's up-front about not expecting others to divulge their trade secrets, but that he also enjoys the camaraderie and community that comes from those who leave comments and like to talk about their experiences on the circuit.

We also met some newer eaters on the block, Pete Miernicky, a 20-year-old Drexel undergrad, who said he had wanted to compete since he was 11-years-old. He competed in crab cakes as well, but was getting ready to take some time off to train. He said he decided to take some time off in order to train and improve after watching that memorable scene from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure where they decide that if they actually practiced their guitars they might actually be able to play them one day. A guy who called himself "Big" Dan was also in attendance and when asked how much pizza he thought he could eat he answered with a cool, "Let's just say I can win the contest." He didn’t win, but with that much conviction we hope he sticks around.

We found Larry "The Legend" McNeil sitting alone on a bench before the contest, sporting his usual mirrored sunglasses and looking forlorn. He's not what you would call a "mixer" but when you get up the nerve to approach him he is always pleasant and forthcoming. He'd come up from Atlanta to compete and had to fly right back after the contest. He said his problem isn't quantity, it's speed and assured us that if the contest was a bit longer he might be a contender for first place.

Around this time we spied a black Mohawk peeking up at the edge of the crowd, and the eaters knew a late flight wasn't going to keep the top eater from making his appearance. With his bag strapped to his back, Pat quickly dispelled the rumors about being stopped for carrying liquid. He did have to check his bag, which he doesn't usually do, and was concerned not for his drinks (which he brings in powdered form), but for his hair supplies. Mike Castellano came over and looked visibly relieved to see that his top-billed gurgitator had made it after all. The show was ready to start.

We got our front row seats, nestled in between eaters' family and friends. The balloon animals and Saturday afternoon timing made the venue a perfect place for kids, and two of "Humble" Bob's were there wearing t-shirts featuring their dad's face and holding a sign that read "Humble Bob Shoudt is my Daddy." The Three Brother's marketing director's daughter turned out to be Steakbellie's biggest fan; she was having trouble containing her excitement as she hovered near the foot of the stage, getting his attention and making the thumbs up sign to him over and over. All the kids were thrilled to watch their parents on stage. We sat next to Chip Simpson's girlfriend, Katie, who was also there to cheer on her favorite eater. They started dating before he started competitive eating, and she said it has been fun to watch him excel at it. We asked if he ever tries to get her to compete and she laughed and said he does. She doesn't see herself in any contests anytime soon, but conceded that she might consider it if sushi or fat-free frozen yogurt were involved.

Castellano took to the stage and began the introductions. As always, they were entertaining and Mike did a good job as emcee. As the competitors were announced we saw the usual preparations: Steakbellie rubbed his jaws, eaters shook hands and arranged their drinks, and Mike began the countdown, trying his hardest to get the crowd revved up. Chip and Pat were both frantically trying to cue up playlists on their iPods and it looked for a second they might miss the buzzer. But the contest began, and if Pat missed a few moments, it was only seconds before he had his lead on the other eaters. At the 2-minute mark Pat had downed one whole pie and was reaching for his next. At around 5 minutes some of the newer eaters started to look panicked. The crowd, most of whom had never witnessed such a spectacle, stood silent, mouths agape, when Mike gave them instructions to cheer on the eaters. The crowd complied and the eaters began the home stretch.

At 10 minutes Mike called for the eaters to stop. With relief the eaters stuffed the remaining pizza in their mouths and stand up and away from the table. Though this isn't always standard at competitions, the eaters were given one minute to finish what was in their mouths. They were then asked to wait in the wings as the tedious process of counting the pizza began.

Some judges hovered over the slices, and after a few minutes, Mike announced he had the winners. In 4th place: Pat from Moonachie with 11 slices! This seemed a great victory for Pat P., though the 4th place total seemed low. Did this mean Juliet would have tied for 4th in the pro contest? Pat smiles and walks to the stage for photos and a plaque. 3rd place was announced as going to "Big" Brian Subich with 12 slices. And that's when the competitors in the back start to look at each other in confusion. Larry McNeil was sure he ate more than that and so were more than a few other people, which would mean there was a problem. Chip hopped on stage and pulled Mike and a Three Brothers Rep over to him. After some pointing and further counting Mike headed to the mic and sadly announced there was a mistake.

"Ladies and gentleman, I do apologize. Pat, Brian...I'm sorry guys. We didn’t get the right numbers. I misread it. I apologize upfront; I'm sorry guys, but I don't think you're in the runnings. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” Poor Pat and Brian returned the plaques and the crowd booed loudly to the sight of Pat leaving the stage all hangdog. Mike, clearly embarrassed, took the blame, "Boo me guys, it's entirely my fault. I'm sorry about that. We got a recount. A false alarm, a synaptic misfiring on my part."

The actual awards went to Larry McNeil with 13 slices, Humble Bob with 15, Chip Simpson with 17 and Pat Bertoletti winning the big prize of $2,500 with 19 slices. Pat bounded to the stage to pick up his giant check and held his trophy aloft.

After the competition, Pat from Moonachie decided to paint a giant L (for loser) on his forehead to further humiliate himself and make sure no one would mistake him for a winner for the rest of the day--or at least until the paint wore off. Pat Bertoletti signed autographs and the rest of the competitors sat around and chatt about the contest, their sore jaws, the heat on the stage, and who was going to compete ribs.

It was a big weekend for competitive eating. Later that same afternoon, a different set of top eaters were competing in a horseshoe competition (two pieces of toast topped with ham, French fries and cheese sauce) in Illinois, and the next day many of the eaters from both competitions were heading to Connecticut for another rib contest. Pat was ducking out of these events, though, to visit the LeFevres in Las Vegas and eat at the famed Aladdin buffet. He had a practice run planned for Sunday, before doing the whole thing for a television spot on "Attack of the Show." This meant he was staying the night in the area, but with no eating buddies to hang out with. It turned out Dave and his girlfriend, Heather, were staying in the area that night, too, so we rounded them up (Dave, Heather, Pat, the giant check and the three-foot trophy) and took them to a birthday party we were due at in DC.

Bringing competitive eaters to a party is way better entertainment than, say, a clown. Pat ("The pizza guy!") was quickly the hit of the evening and he and Dave spent the night answering all the curious questions that popped up during a lull. Pat's cell phone buzzed all night as he got calls in from other eaters, congratulating him and giving him results on other competitions. Though he's enjoying the fame and the crowds, he said he's not sure how long he'll stick with the sport. It's hard for him to see a long-term future with competitive eating, but at the same time he appreciates his time on top. Signing autographs is a novelty, plus it's just plain fun to wander around with a giant check. This giant check is only the second he's received, but he says nothing beats going through airport security with it; there's always a lot of good conversations born of a giant check.

Though we learned it can work against you, too. At the hotel later, the women behind the reservation desk were all excited when they caught sight of the trophy and were duly impressed with the amazing 19-slice feat. But when we tried to sweet talk them into cutting Pat a deal for a room, they balked. "I don't think we can," one of them said, taking in Pat's winnings, " But it looks like he can afford it."

Full set of pics here!

When you think of the word "beautiful," what comes to mind? A hot girl sunbathing on the bleached sands of Maui? Or perhaps a snow-capped vista and the clear blue rivers of Switzerland? You know what we think of? A big guy with a Brooklyn accent, a large stomach capacity, an Internet connection, and a lot on his mind.

Those new to the sport of competitive eating probably know "Beautiful" Brian Seiken mostly through his writing. He updates his website, beautifulbrian.com, weekly and is a regular commenter on the popular fan blog eatfeats.com (formerly trencherwomen.com, notorious for inspiring long exchanges of heated comments among the eaters). And those who have never met the 46-year-old eater, might assume that the somewhat volatile, trash-talking image he projects is what he's all about. But when one meets him in person, it's not long before a more sensitive side emerges. That's not to say Beautiful Brian is all bunny rabbits and rainbows, but what's revealed is a man with a tender spot for competitive eating--a sport he witnessed the inception of, and one he's afraid is leaving him behind.

Beautiful Brian was the first competitive eater we ever met. It was December 2005, just prior to the IFOCE Carmine's meatball competition in Atlantic City. We were nervous, not knowing what to expect from the eaters or the event. But it wasn't long before Beautiful Brian came over, shook our hands, and introduced himself and Kevin Lipsitz as the vying pickle champions. That competition proved to be a pivotal moment in what would soon be a future full of eating contests for us, and Brian has been a constant throughout. Over the past year, he has always been quick to email us updates or gossip, or the occasional complaint peppered with compliments.

So, late July, we met up with Brian for lunch at the original Junior's restaurant in Brooklyn. We figured a little authentic diner food and some famous cheesecake would be the perfect background for Brian's stories, and we weren't wrong. Brian was there when we arrived, standing out of the rain in the restaurant's breezeway, wearing a blue IFOCE t-shirt and supporting baseball hat. He greeted us warmly and we stood around for a few minutes inside while waiting for a table. "Looking at all this food really gets me thinking about competing," he said, casting a hungry glance at the shelves full of glistening pies and decadent cheesecakes. Competing with food is never far from his mind; Brian says every time he's eating a food, a part of his brain can't help wondering how fast the food would go in a competition.

It was clear Brian was eager to be interviewed, but nervous about how he might be portrayed in print. He noted that he enjoyed reading Eat This Book author Ryan Nerz's omitted chapter about him, but said it hurt him when Nerz referred to him as "disheveled" (his memory omitting the "pleasantly" that qualified Nerz's passing description). "I mean, did he have to write that?"

This may strike you, as it did us, as a tad overly sensitive. After all, this is the guy who has a website dedicated to fueling the fire of ongoing controversies and airing grievances; no one's ever said Brian doesn't like a little trouble. A recent entry on his website entitled, "The new kids show no respect" debates whether some of the younger eaters might have used older eaters for eating tips and then "dumped" them. Pretty strong words, but it turns out this tough-guy persona is only good in writing. In person, Brian is as quick to dole out compliments as he is criticisms (usually following the latter with the former), going over a situation several times from different perspectives, and underlining it all with gently self-deprecating humor.

The service at Junior's was excruciatingly slow that day, and we didn't get the pickles that usually adorn the tables. Being that pickles are one of Brian's triumphs, it didn't seem right that we wouldn't have any, so we requested them…several times. Eventually our food came (Brian: corned beef and pastrami, Krista: tuna melt, Liz: grilled cheese), and we finally got the harried waiter to bring over some pickles. He set the dish down and Brian slid it over by his plate, "And one for the table, too!"

We all dug in as Brian reminisced about his foray into competitive eating.

His first competition was a Nathan's qualifier in 1997. His sister Kara told him about it and he went because it seemed like fun and he liked Nathan's hot dogs. Though he only finished with 8.5 hot dogs, there was something in the excitement of the event and the eaters that piqued his interest. He says he mentioned to George Shea that he should start some sort of club for the eaters, to which Shea apparently replied: "I'm just a PR guy for Nathans; I'm not really into this stuff." Brian swears that exchange took place, but readily admits that Shea certainly wouldn't remember it. But in any case, that was the year the IFOCE was born.

Brian remembers these early years of the IFOCE as being particularly fun. George called him up the year after his first competition and asked him to come eat at another Nathan's qualifier, making him feel like he'd somehow impressed the Sheas with his presence the year before. He recalled how excited they were to have Don Lerman, known for his matzoh ball eating, join them and become the first "marquee eater."

"The contracts back then were beautiful," Brian said, referring to the forms the eaters have to sign when participating in IFOCE events. "You could do anything you wanted to." The Sheas had what Brian called a "little crew" of eaters that they were slowly building up, including Mike DeVito, Charles Hardy, Ed Jarvis, Kevin Lipsitz and Eric Booker, among others. He liked the people and was having fun. He had some successes, winning the pickle championship title in 2002, giving a good show in matzoh balls, but these were often followed by defeats: the pickle title was taken from him by Jarvis in what he thought was an unfair contest the following year; he never made it to the Nathan's finals. What he thought was going to be a promising career in competitive eating was turning out to be a bit of a bust. He was feeling frustrated with having to eat loads of food and never winning. So when Eric Booker suggested he start a website, Brian was intrigued. Booker told him he could get his feelings out and bare his frustrations online. With Eric's help, he started beautifulbrian.com, and suddenly he felt like something of his spirit had been restored.

"With the website, I felt like I had to impress." He worked hard on it, trying to update it at least weekly with little articles, thoughts on contests and other competitive eaters. He'd get his information firsthand, or from informants who would call to chat. "Ed Jarvis was really my knight in shining armor," Brian said, referring to the amount of gossip Cookie was good for. Brian would feature the eater on the site in exchange for the more juicy bits that Jarvis came across. The site began getting about 250 hits a day, and he gained some respectability among the Shea brothers who were working hard to promote the IFOCE and sponsors' events. In his eyes, Brian went from being an eater who was overlooked, to one the Sheas began to promote, all because of the website. The website was mentioned at competitions and he thinks it helped get him into a chicken nugget exhibition with Sonya Thomas and Tim Janus.

But along with his fame for his fun, tabloid-esque writing, came the criticisms. He remembers fellow competitive eater and friend, Kevin Lipsitz, warning him that the website was "going to make him a lot of friends and a lot of enemies." Ironically, it would be Kevin that he would make angry with some biting remarks and Dave "Coondog" O'Karma and he almost came to blows over some things Dave wanted edited out of a post about him. Brian became reflective about those moments. "Coondog is a good guy. He's down to earth. And now that I think about it, I probably wrote some things I shouldn't have." He took small bites of his corned beef and pastrami sandwich, "Words like that don't sound like much, but they can hurt."

Brian wants to continue writing, but he says it's hard to compete with eatfeats.com, which Brian said he helped discover and assisted in spreading the word about by linking it to his own website. ("It was like I hired [OJ Rifkin] and he was doing his job!") However, he's been taking some time off lately to focus on new things. Mainly his upcoming 28th Canarsie High School Reunion in August. He's been having fun thinking back to his younger days where he says he spent his time playing on the champion basketball team and dancing at Studio 54. He thinks if he went, he would get a lot of attention from former classmates for his eating career. Laughing he said, "I'd probably be the light of the freakin' thing. That's how pathetic it is!"

Brian is more multifaceted than some would assume. Over slabs of famous Junior's cheesecake, he tells us that he runs four miles a day, likes to fish, and collects sports videos and rare movies ("No porn!" as he is quick to point out) to resell on eBay - his favorite movie is Rocky IV. He doesn't own a dog like Don Lerman, but he does have a cat "to keep the mice away." He's made some great acquaintances in the eating world; he and Allen Goldstein are good friends and they like to kid each other a lot about their eating careers. He said he's met so many interesting people he had to put old friends on the back burner to make more room for his eating friends.

Brian is impressed with the younger eaters, though he believes that with every new champion that emerges, he slips further from the minds of the IFOCE and the public. "If it wasn't for the website, I'd just be another Joe off the street," he said. But he's not ready to throw the towel in yet. Inspired by Joey Chestnut's recent triumphs and his new technique, described by Brian as resembling a conveyor belt heading into a juice machine, he would like to try out some new things. "Joey Chestnut doesn't chew," Brian said, looking contemplative. "I'm going to try that next time." Like other eaters who may buy into the "belt of fat" theory, Brian is trying to drop some weight. "I'd have to drop 85 pounds to be where I want to be. But not too much weight. Once I weighed 230 and I looked almost anorexic at that weight."

As he discussed on his website, he wishes there were more communication between him and the younger eaters. In fact, he wishes there were more communication in general between the IFOCE and all the eaters. Asked if he could change anything about the organization, he answered, "Just that they'd take care of each and every eater, so no one felt unwanted."

He has a part-time girlfriend Shona; part-time because she refuses to come to his cramped apartment, so all of their interaction happens at her place or out on the town. He was married briefly out of high school, but as young love is apt to do, it fizzled quickly. He pays the bills by working as a postal worker and seems pretty content with his life. He's got a lady friend, a close family, good friends, and a hobby that gets him some occasional publicity.

As for the future of the website, he's not sure what will happen, but he will continue to write for now. "One thing is for sure," he says laughing, "No one should take anything I say personally." He loves debate, whether it is about him or coming from him, "That's what makes it so beautiful, everyone is different." When asked what he was going to do after he left Junior's he said, "Tonight I'm gonna go home, relax, and go on the website and figure out how to entertain people."

My relationship to food is entirely based on the concept of volume. Growing up with two brothers meant that the concept of "seconds" was a territorial battle of the serving dish fought night after night. Each of our strategies was different. Gene would alternate between his brain and his brawn. Being a year older he could both physically intimidate us and gain the right to seconds, or he would talk his way into winning by somehow convincing our parents he was the rightful heir. Curt's concept of the game seemed to lack behind somewhat, he being the youngest. But I suspect his meek attitude was nothing but a ploy for sympathy, which meant my own attempts at seconds would be thwarted with the worst words to be spoken by my parents at the dinner table, "Save some for your brother." My method was what I called "first rights," based loosely on the concept of the Oklahoma Land Run of 1889. By finishing my meal first I was able to jump in for seconds before anyone else had come close to finishing. Any suspicions I was getting more than my fair share were allayed upon seeing my empty plate. The unforeseen consequence of this method was something of an arms race with my brothers. We were inadvertently training for speed in order to win more volume.

Now I am 29 years old, and I no longer live with my brothers, nor do i ever need to eat any faster than anyone else. I rarely eat seconds anyway. The concepts of speed and volume in my eating are not just a leftover of my childhood, but actually a detriment to my enjoyment of food. I am still the first one done at any table I am eating at. The pattern of eating my meals quickly is so ingrained into me that it feels like some sort of primal survival urge. Eating to me is an activity best done quickly.

Which I feel explains my interest in competitive eating. The IFOCE not only validates my compulsion to eat fast, they show me that my eating is nothing in the grand scheme of people who live to eat. I am humbled.

The Rib Eating Competition was my first real-life experience at a live IFOCE event. I knew it was one of the smaller events, and I braced myself for a bit of a disappointment. I've read Horsemen of the Esophagus: Competitive Eating and the Big Fat American Dream and Eat This Book: A Year of Gorging and Glory on the Competitive Eating Circuit, watched Nathan's on ESPN, and seen the Tour De Gorge on HDNET. I knew my favorite gurgitator, Eater X, wasn't going to be there... and then I learned that neither of the Shea brothers would be there.

But now, after the event, I feel more enthusiastic than ever. Michael Castellano was fantastic, he rallied the crowd and kept interest high even during the long pauses. I got my picture taken with Joey Chestnut! And perhaps the greatest moment of the weekend was when I mentioned that we were friends of Liz and he mentioned excitedly, "You're from UrbanHonking?"

The first day was the amateur competition, where the locals battled it out to sit at the big boy table the next day. Only four would be moving forward from the six minute competition to the twelve minute real deal. The great part about catching the amateur event was that we got to see the format of how the Big Show would play out tomorrow.

In person, the excitement of an eating competition is opposite from what you'd expect. This is no doubt why the IFOCE employs people like Michael Castellano to be the MC at these events. The introductions were amazing, doubly so considering that Michael Castellano didn't know anything about these people until hours before the competition started. He talked them up, gave them great nicknames, and gave the whole introduction the feel of a professional and important event. At the same time, he wasn't too serious. He'd crack the occasional joke, usually at the eaters expense, making it feel like he was on our side.

The ribs themselves didn't look that great. Part of the reason being we were at a BBQ-competition event, where people from all over the region were fighting for the right to declare themselves the "Best BBQ." So while mere feet away from the competitors was award-winning BBQ, the ribs the eaters were attacking seemed to be much more 'cafeteria-style'. As the amateurs dug in for the six minute competition, there was little to do. It was difficult to determine who was in the lead as the only indication of progress was the number of plates. Each plate represented 2.5 pounds of ribs, but because ribs is a "debris sport" the weight of the bones and leftover meat was subtracted. It seemed that just about everyone made it to two plates, and no one made it to three. So other than the schedenfraude of watching the contestants smear BBQ across their face, the actual event was more of a waiting game.

In the end, the final contestants were all relatively close to each other. The winner, Ronto, finished 2.2 pounds of rib meat in six minutes. This didn't bode well for the amateurs tomorrow, as Joey Chestnut's 2005 record was 5.5 pounds in twelve minutes. Ronto and his friends would have to eat more meat at a faster pace for a longer period.

The main event happened on Sunday at 3:00 pm. It was a little cooler, with a strong wind blowing in off the ocean. Michael Castellano looked even sharper than yesterday, wearing a four button suit and a tie in addition to the signature hat. While he did repeat some of the facts, trivia, and stats from the previous day, the larger crowd and presence of the "professionals" seemed to up his already fantastic MCing to new heights. The crowd was eating up every feat of the stomach that he mentioned and it became quickly apparent that the locals were not going to really be a part of the days events.

Right away the professionals were clearing the chairs out of the way and pouring the water from small water bottles to larger mouthed cups, presumably for easier access. Erik The Red had his own gallon of what looked like lemonade, and also a smaller bottle of what looked like sparkling water. Perhaps to enhance his ability to catch a belch? (was this a performance enhancer?) The main action was centered on the table. Joey Chestnut held the position of the Christ figure in the center, to his left in the position of John was LeFevre, and on his right in the position of Thomas stood Erik the Red. Further down on each side were less notable figures such as the "Pork Slayer" and Jason the Herbivore, but the table was set to draw our attention to the savior of American Competitive Eating, Joey Chestnut.

The crowd helped count down to the start and right away you could see something was going on. The amateurs were eating a rib like you or me. Richard LeFevre was hunched over, shoveling the food in his mouth in the style that earned him the nickname, "Locust", making it hard to see his method, but it seemed to involve chewing the meat off the bone. Erik the Red, standing tall with his special drinks and also chewing the meat off the bone. But then Joey... he was doing something else. He was stripping all the meat off the bone and shoving it into his mouth. It was so clearly obvious from the audience that this was a MUCH faster method, and yet only one man had thought of it? This was a reinvention of eating ribs which enabled Joey to speed past all the competition. As we watched his plates his pile up the only question was how much meat he was leaving on the bones.

My theory was that it didn't matter. Each bite of meat from the bone made that rib more difficult to eat from. While you could easily get five or six bites from a rib, number seven might be just a nibble, and that is a wasted bite. Better to toss the bone in the bucket and move on to the larger easier bites of the next rib. Cleaning the meat from the bone was a waste of effort, but the idea of not wasting food is also ingrained in American eating culture.

At some point their was a reversal of fortune. Thankfully this happened on the far end of the table (I think he was sitting in the Last Supper place of Judas). Cabel bravely investigated, but was kind enough to not show me the pictures. It did seem to hamper Jason "The Erbivore's" abilities, as he was sitting next to Judas. It was mentioned that Puker McPukerson may have been a plant, but as he only seemed to affect Jason's performance, that seems unlikely. :)

It was becoming clear that Joey was leading. He had four plates stacked up, which represented 10 pounds minus debris. How much meat at he stripped off? Was he just taking the easy meat, playing a psychological game? Unlikely, as he really seemed to be playing against his own record from last year. We had to wait for the weighing and the official results.

After the introductions and twelve minutes of eating the weighing of the debris was painful. For reasons I don't understand they only announce the top three places (these being the places that win cash prizes). It seems like they could weigh the contestants is reverse order of their expected performance, announcing to the crowd the official number. We'd be cheering as the numbers rose to the final astounding number of Joey Chestnut.

The man ate 8.4 pounds of rib meat. That's about the average weight of a human's head. All weekend I had been speed-eating my meals in an attempt to gauge how I compared to the professionals on the IFOCE circuit, but he ate 8.4 pounds off the bone in 12 minutes. That seems like an impossible feat to me. Except it's not impossible, I watched it happen. I watched a man eat the weight of his own head in rib meat.

Note: More to come! Stay tuned for a link to Cabel's movie footage and Josh's pictures.

Joey Chestnut may have won ribs over the weekend, but he was ready to get to work on some burgers today. At a press conference held in Chattanooga, the rising star set a new world record in an eating sprint, putting down 28 Krystal burgers in just two minutes to beat the previous record by 7 burgers. Okay, yes the burgers are tiny, but we're still talking a lot of meat and bun!

The Krystal Square Off is another eating competition that ranks among Nathan's and Wing Bowl in its intensity. It's also one of the only other US competitions Kobayashi regularly competes in. Last year, there was some foreshadowing of the greatness to come when Joey actually led Koby by several hamburgers up until the last minutes. Now, with his narrow loss at Nathan's, Joey is pushing harder than ever to own this year's Krystal title.

His technique seems to be mostly "stuff as fast as you can," no meat and bun separation. Though there's the added challenge here of freeing the little guys from their packaging.

Of course, rules are rules, and he'll still have to qualify to make it to the final round. Unlike Nathan's, every eater who makes it through the qualifying round will walk away with some cash in hand. Granted, the $300 prize for 13th place is a far cry from the $10,000 prize for first place, but a little guaranteed money never deterred anyone.

Everything gets underway next month, gearing up for the finals on October 28th, which will be aired live on ESPN.
The dates and cities for the qualifying circuit and championship final are as follows:

Aug. 24-27 Chattanooga, Tenn.
Sept. 1- 4 Jacksonville, Fla.
Sept. 8-10 Nashville, Tenn.
Sept. 15-17 Knoxville, Tenn.
Sept. 21- 24 Atlanta, Ga.
Sept. 29-Oct. 1 Memphis, Tenn.
Oct. 5-8 Perry, Ga.
Oct. 13-15 Jackson, Miss.
Oct. 28 Chattanooga, Tenn.

My first IFOCE event in the flesh, and it couldn't have been more epic! Just a quick update on the results, and we'll be posting a full report tomorrow:

3rd Place: Erik The Red of Seattle with 4.1 lbs. I like this guy, plus he's so close he might as well be a "hometown hero"!
2nd Place: Rich The Locust, who placed second with 5.05 lbs. We all caught the LeFevre!!
1st Place: No surprise it was Joey "Jaws" Chestnut, what was a surprise was the new world rib eating record of 8.4 pounds of rib meat.

And the Viewer's Choice award goes to IFOCE Announcer Mike Castellano. He did an amazing job and made the whole event even more spectacular and fun (and his suit looked great!).

This is it. The Super Bowl of competitive eating. The US Open, The Masters, the World Series...for a sport with no season, trying to find a suitable analogy for the Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest is a little rough going. Unlike other competitions throughout the year, this one offers no prize money-only a belt, a year's supply of hot dogs, and a title that earns the respect of eaters across all disciplines. Widely considered to be one of the most difficult competitions, and surely the one most steeped in tradition and fanfare, it's known for lighting an insatiable fire inside eaters as they chomp their way through grueling qualifiers to earn a place at the big table.

And this year, everyone agreed, was particularly demanding, with qualifying numbers through the roof for pros, and fresh-faced rookies coming in with 18+ HDBs. This year also offered up something not felt amongst the eaters and fans in the past five years: hope of an American regaining the title. Joey Chestnut, known as an incredible eater, but one ranked solidly behind Sonya Thomas, suddenly emerged with the ability to power down a mind-blowing 50 HDBs. Everyone freaked out. The fans buzzed excitedly, the Sheas had their angle for the entire competition, somewhere out in California, Jed Donahue wondered if this might be the year someone would get hurt, and the world rallied around the idea that there would finally be a worthy competitor for Takeru Kobayashi.

We were psyched. There are certain advantages to living in the same city as the IFOCE headquarters, and we were prepared to reap all the benefits our press access would allow.

The day before the competition is reserved for the weigh-in, a tradition that allows the press a first peek at the eaters. Everyone was crowded onto a hotel rooftop, with the midday sun beating down. The eaters were introduced, and a handful were weighed and "certified for competition." We were anxious, along with a roof-full of restless press, to finally lay eyes on the famed Kobayashi. When he finally came out, cameras went wild. He seemed, the way people do when you've only known them through photographs or television, different than we expected. The images most often associated with the famed Japanese eater are those of him with arms raised in victory, with muscles bared, with a wicked grin over a platter of hotdogs. The public no doubt views him through these lenses, and we're not sure the press knew what to do with the demure-looking man with the shock of yellow hair. What they eventually did was shape him into the ferocious competitor they came to photograph. "Show us your muscles!" "Flex!" "Lift your shirt! No, lift your shirt and LOOK UP!" "Look up!" "Give us a mean look!" He acquiesced, but not without a bit of...was that embarrassment?

We've learned there's a fine line some eaters walk, as they make a name for themselves and then have to deal with the attention that name garners. Many people find they fall short of the famed Cookie Jarvis ability to both actively self-promote and revel in the attention. Often there's a bit of a disconnect that we might identify as merely human. (Speaking of which, Cookie was on hand, too, gamely shoveling dogs in his mouth for the cameras. I asked one of the eaters, "Didn't he retire?" The answer: "He didn't retire from the cameras!")

Things got even stranger when George Shea lined up Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut to do a "face off" for us. He handed each of them a hot dog, had them face each other and race to stuff their face, coaching them from the side, "Glaring! Glaring!" Frankster, the Nathan's mascot, grinned goofily behind them, tongue wagging. The cameras snapped away before both of them fell away with hot dog stuffed smiles. They shook hands. George Shea asked if that was enough, if the press wanted anything else. They wanted it again. But closer this time! Nose to nose! Joey and Koby obliged, but the shot kept falling away to half-shy laughter from both sides. Shouts of "Closer!" kept coming from the press; so much so that we began to wonder if what they really wanted was to see the two stars kiss. Come to think of it, THAT would have been a shot worth waiting for.

We caught up with the eaters again later that evening, where a bunch of them gathered at Coney Island's KeySpan Stadium to cheer on the entrants in the final qualifier before the big day. There was a little picnic laid out for everyone and the eaters picked their pre-game dinners carefully (that is, those who weren't planning on winning the qualifier and ending their night with a bellyful of Nathan's). We could have sworn we saw Rich LeFevre go back and forth with at least three plates of three hamburgers each, but he later swore he only ate two sausages. Hmm.

We got the chance to talk to Robert Andersson, who came all the way from Sweden to compete in the 4th of July competition. A bright-eyed, friendly guy, there with his girlfriend, Anna (who did her part to uphold the beautiful blond Swedish stereotype), Robert was confident he'd put down at least 40 HDBs the next day. He explained that he was a champion eater of varm korv, a hot-dog-like "rubbery Swedish sausage." The Swedish version were very tough, but were without buns. He hadn't had the chance to try a real Nathan's until that day, and he was elated with what he found. The hot dogs, at least in comparison to varm korv, "melt in your mouth" and the buns were a very "simple bread."

We don't think we've ever heard any of the eaters use the words "melt in your mouth" to describe the Nathan's dogs, so we thought some of this optimism might be warranted. Was this like a swimmer who's only trained in heavy clothes being released into a race wearing a Speedo?

Not that there weren't a few points he wasn't clear on. As they set up the cups for the qualifier and eaters filled them up with various drinks, he got a worried look on his face. "Are we supposed to bring our own water?" he asked, to no one in particular. There were also some small customs of the eating circuit he seemed oblivious to. "After the competition, I'm going to throw up!" he told us with a huge smile. When we informed him of the taboo associated with giving up your lunch voluntarily after a competition, he seemed unfazed. "That's too much for your stomach! Oh yeah, I will throw up."

The final qualifier went by without a hitch. Erik "The Red" solidly beat who he thought was his biggest rival, "Jammin" Joe LaRue, 22 to Joe's 14.5. Eyes were also on fan favorites, Krazy Kevin and Don Lerman. No one seemed to realize a quiet rookie, Arturo Rios, at the end of the table had eaten 18. Even Arturo didn't realize he'd done well. We told him later that if he ate 18 HDBs at only his second try at competitive eating, he most likely had a bright future ahead of him in other foods. His face visibly brightened. "Really?" he said. Watch out, world.

Pat Bertoletti was intent on getting to ride the Cyclone. Erik also mentioned he'd be along for some rides, but we're not sure he successfully convinced anyone to sit next to him and his 22 hot dogs and buns.

The next day, we arrived at Coney Island bright and early at 9:30 am, two and a half hours before the show was scheduled to start, in order to get a good spot. Even at that hour there were a good hundred people or so filling the cordoned-off fan-designated area to the left of the stage, with more arriving each minute. The press box was filling up too, but we were not to be pushed out of a prime position by the likes of Reuters and the Associated Press! No, we were resolved to hold our ground and try not to feel out-gunned by large professional camera equipment and microphones to our 17-inch tripod and Panasonic PV-GS200 camcorder. And why do we do this? For you, the True Fans of competitive eating. We were representing the people; the closest we've come to eating lunch with Rupert Murdoch is reading the cover of the NewYork Post at the deli.

Celia (Krista's sister tricked into assisting us during this oppressively hot July 4th) and Krista worked the trenches as Liz and her husband, J, staked their claim on a spot on the raised press platform directly in front of the stage. We've been to some big eating events, but nothing of this scale. Crazy Legs warned us to plan ahead so we wouldn't be surprised by the crowded venue, ruthless press, and severe dehydration. But nothing could have prepared us for the spectacle we were about to witness. The fan presence was the first big difference. A lot of eating contests are held at odd hours or during the weekday, when many people don't have time to attend random sporting events. And even at bigger competitions (save, perhaps, only Wing Bowl), the crowd is drawn from the main event hosting the contest (a fair or festival). So observing throngs of people showing up hours beforehand, complete with crazy hats, signs, shirts, and cameras, just for hot dogs, was truly awe-inspiring.

Most of the eaters were taking the Bus of Champions into Coney, but Eric "Badlands" Booker was on hand to greet some fans. Cookie Jarvis and Don Lerman, who weren't competing but had places in the opening ceremonies, were also milling around. We first approached Badlands, who we never would have guessed had only got off working the 12 to 8 AM shift. You would think the darn MTA would be able to get someone to cover for everyone's favorite civil servant eater! But Badlands wasn't complaining; his eyes were bright, and he seemed upbeat and, of course, hungry and focused.

We weren't sure how the Nathan's contest would affect some of the eaters. We didn't want to get in the way of their preparation and we approached Badlands with caution. However, that was all thrown out of the window when he gave us a huge hug hello. (They like us! They really like us!) Badlands was signing autographs and laughing with fans: the mark of a true sportsman.

Cookie Jarvis was also there to greet fans, and took a moment to talk to us about the part he was to play in the festivities. Sadly, the IFOCE was officially announcing his retirement and there was to be a special rising of his beloved trench coat above the Nathan's table. He seemed upbeat about it all, though. It was his decision after all. His plan is to lose 200 pounds and get healthy. When asked how he planned to do it, he answered with a smile, "I'm going to eat a lot less and exercise more." Good answer Cookie; if only more people tried to lose weight the logical way.

The next eater we said hello to was the ever-sweet Don Lerman, who was wearing his special plaid fez/hot dog hat with an embroidered "Don Lerman" scrawled across it. He was keeping cool in the eater tent with bagpiper Larry Vinson, who looked every bit the part in kilt and white beard. The occasion for their formal attire was simple: they had been asked to present Jim Mullen's teeth to George Shea before the contest. A tradition at this competition, Jim Mullen is the apocryphal winner of the first Nathan's hot dog competition in 1914 (though he was supposedly Irish, which makes the presence of the bagpipes a little less clear. But who are we to argue traditions of heritage when we're talking about a fake dead guy's dentures?) Don Lerman told us he's just too heavy to be in tip-top eating form right now. His plan is to lose 80 pounds by January, and he knows exactly how he's going to do it: one meal a day, the luncheon special at his neighborhood Chinese restaurant. His menu favorite is the Kung Po Ding, one portion, excluding the egg roll and soup. If he follows this regimen, Lerman is confident he will be in eating shape for 2007.

After running out of eaters to interview, we turned our attention to the fans. Dave Shoffner of the great fan blog, MegaMunch, was in attendance, as well as super fan, Greg Packer, who has returned to the same prized corner spot to watch the contest for the past five years. Packer, looking relaxed and cool in only a pair of shorts and chest hair, said the Nathan's contest is an American tradition and he wouldn't dream of missing it.

As Celia and Krista were taking it all in, an event coordinator asked if we would help her out for a moment. As we are generally helpful people, we agreed. And then got really excited as we realized we were being asked to be stand-ins for the ESPN run-through of the event. Whoa! We waited in the wings as George Shea practiced his spiel for the cameras; as he announced our "names," we strode up the steps and across the stage, Celia doing her best Eater X, and Krista working it out as Crazy Legs Conti. There was considerably less face paint and shaking of dreadlocks than the real thing, but this may be the closest we'll ever get to getting cheered on a competitive eating stage. We soaked it in.

A few other fans caught our attention because they were sporting hot dog hats similar to Don Lerman's and seemed to be bubbling over in anticipation of watching the contest. The women, Nicki, Lisa, and their friend Yvonne, came all the way from California to see the Nathan's contest for themselves. They said they planned their entire trip around attending the competition and bought their hot dog hats online, weeks in advance, just to make sure they had them for the big day. We aren't sure if they obtained their goal of meeting each of the eaters individually, but they did manage to get their faces on the closing ESPN coverage.

Sadly, even the fans who made it to the corner of Surf and Stillwell early in the morning were not able to get a good view of the contest. The prime viewing space, directly in front of the stage, was reserved for press. The fans had to make due with craning their necks to see just a piece of the entire table. It seems too bad that no one's figured out a way to ensure both adequate press coverage and satiate fans' desires to be closer to the action.

As 10:30 approached we saw several large groups approaching the VIP area. One of the groups were decked in "I [Heart] My Deep Dish" shirts, while another were wearing "My Brother Can Eat More Than Your Brother" tee shirts. This could only mean one thing--the eaters' families had arrived! Up until then we had only met a handful of eaters' family members, but we've learned they are usually a big treat. The always delightful Rona Conti was there sporting her "Crazy Legs' Mother" hat, Tim "Eater X" Janus was represented by a big crowd comprised of mother, father and assorted friends and family. The threesome wearing the bold, "My Brother Can Eat More Than Your Brother" shirts, seemed a bit overconfident until you saw the "Chestnut" written on the back. There is no denying it: their brother CAN eat more than your brother (unless, of course, your brother is a Japanese phenom named Takeru). Hall Hunt's family got into the act by wearing matching day-glo orange shirts. "Big" Brian Subich had some signs too. It seemed everyone had at least one person there to root them along. Not that they would need anymore cheering as the crowd surged to 15,000 strong, with signs of their own: slightly dirty ones ("Swallow, Sonya!"), hopeful ones ("I'm eating next year!"), punny ones ("I've got the LeFevre!" "I'm crazy for Crazy Legs!"), and specific ones (Kobayashi's head on a stick. In a good way.)

Adding to the cacophony of the day's events were the Blues Devils, an old-fashioned blues foursome that rocked the stage with their version of edgy rhythm and blues, rockabilly, and swing. They were great, but as we watched them from the floor we just couldn't help thinking how hot their suit jackets, hats, and terry cloth pants must have made them. Our mothering instinct kicked in and we just wanted them to get off the stage, drink some water, put some shorts on, and sit in the shade and relax.

As Celia made one of her many water/Gatorade/hot dog runs for the team, the crowd let out a cheer. We were wondering what we missed when we turned to the stage and noticed a man bearing one plate of hot dogs; the FIRST plate of hot dogs. It was enough for the crowd to scream to the heavens. It meant things were gearing up. It meant the eaters were close.

After the Blue Devils sang their last song, Amos, the Bard of Brooklyn got on stage to sing a few songs about hot dogs. The chorus for one of them went something like:

Hot dogs, hot dogs, hot dogs - watch them, eat 'em up
Hot dogs, hot dogs, hot dogs - great with soda pop

After the Bard was finished Anne Marie Thomas got onstage to prettily sing the national anthem. We figured if this was anything like baseball, the show was finally getting on the road. (The music was fun, but it made yelling liveblog updates to Mike very difficult.) A representative from Nathan's gave City Harvest a donation of ten thousand hot dogs, which we are assuming was meant to assuage guilty gluttony feelings. We think it did the job. We looked hard for any trace of irony on the City Harvest rep's face, but there was nary a sideways glance. Ten thousand hot dogs is ten thousand hot dogs, I guess! The Gowanus Wildcats, a dance troupe made up of young girls, performed a dance on stage for the crowd.

The Frankster was also there adding to the general feeling of glee, as well as an Uncle Sam on stilts and a rival stilt-walking clown with a basketball and net. A miniature Uncle Sam was also in attendance. There were no photo-ops between little person Uncle Sam and stilt-walking Uncle Sam, but we think that would have been excellent.

The Frankster was trying his best to dance, but as George Shea pointed out, "The Frankster has no hips, which makes it very difficult." As noon approached the crowd was becoming more and more boisterous, and when the 60th Precinct escorted the Bus of Champions into the lot they could barely contain their excitement. Eaters later reminisced about past Buses of Champions that were full of last-minute camaraderie, nervous excitement, Beastie Boys songs ("No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn") blaring from the speakers and eating highlight reels played over television sets. It's a rite of passage for all who make it to Coney to get to ride in it, and we were eager to get a peek. Though, to be honest, the white minibus was looking a little more "Shuttle to the Retirement Home" than "Bus of Champions." We were able to get a quick peak into tinted windows as it arrived and we must say the eaters were looking hot and tired. A few little birdies told us the Bus of Champions was lacking air conditioning, smelled, and might have gotten lost a few times; not really the way these eaters deserved to be escorted to the event. However, they aren't ones to complain and nothing could stand in their way of being extremely happy to be there on the biggest day of the eaters' year.

Before the eaters could exit the bus, a man in a black suit and earpiece left the bus and reenacted a moment from a secret service agent's book of tricks. Looking both ways and speaking into a wrist mic as if there was a sharp shooter on the roof who had it out for the eaters. Leave it to the Shea brothers to find a way to add more theatrics to the day.

Badlands came out and rappped, only this time he brought out two younger versions of himself to help him out. Badlands was also supposed to sing with his wife's gospel choir, but that was nixed at the last minute due to time restrictions. Flipping through the press pack, we had been giddy with excitement for the promised lineup: a dance troupe called Clogtastica and starring the IFOCE's own Kate Westfall! A DANCE OFF with Pat Philbin! It was like WE had written the program for US! But as the main events started gearing up, it was clear a glitch of time mismanagement was going to rob us of these, along with the presentation of Jim Mullen's teeth. It's a shame; a lot of these cancelled events would have been fun to witness. We did hear rumblings that ESPN might have messed up a few things (the eaters had to enter the stage for the first time twice) but we weren't able to account for all the lost dancing and singing and teeth.

They did make time for the announcement of Rookie of the Year which, to no one's surprise, was awarded to Joey Chestnut. Hall Hunt (in an Uncle Sam getup) and Chip Simpson were also up for the honor, but Joey pretty much secured his place when he proved he was a 50-dog man.

With about 45 minutes until noon, it was finally time to announce the eaters. The platform George Shea was on suddenly rumbled and flew into the air, with George on board, hands raised and voice booming. All that was missing in the equation was Shea bellowing, "I am the great and powerful Oz!" The music started, the same pounding beat that usually begins these proceedings, but magnified over the expanse of Coney Island, it gained a new tenor of exhilaration. George used every ounce of showmanship he had in him; we've heard the same recitation of stats and legends at every competition, but somehow they didn't feel as familiar; he was clearly feeding off the energy of the crowd and giving them the show they were drooling for.

Erik "The Red" Denmark was the first eater to the stage, fresh from his win the previous night. The proximity of his qualifier to the main event was also was the reason why he had a handwritten nameplate at his table spot. A misspelled nameplate apparently, as the first thing Erik did was change the C to a K, in his first name. A lot of the eaters came to the stage with a little wave and a smile, but others chose to use this time to enter as only a true performer can, with personality and plenty of charisma. Allen "The Shredder" Goldstein, who entered to Night Ranger's "Sister Christian" did wonderful pump action arm movement right on beat with the music that we particularly enjoyed. Kenji Oguni, the Japanese qualifier winner, shocked us. Not from his entrance, but because he chose to wear a black leather jacket for the occasion. We were almost blinded by the heat, drowning in humidity, and there was Kenji in this jacket; it made us even hotter just looking at him, but he was looking pretty cool.

"Humble" Bob Shoudt, who is from Royersford, PA (interesting side note: this is the same town Krista attended 6th through 9th grades. She would use this space to say, Go Spring-ford Rams right now, but she didn't really like it there, so she will refrain.) seemed mostly concerned with staying cool, as he sported a Sharper Image Personal Cooling System neck cozy and wore a wet white towel over his head during the contest. Crazy Legs Conti, always a crowd pleaser, didn't disappoint with a red and yellow dyed goatee and his signature over-the-top stretching maneuvers. Tim "Eater X" Janus, stood his own in the personality department by coming to the stage holding bicycle handle bars and ringing a little bell as he pretended to steer an invisible bike. Something tells us this has something to do with his whole Invisible Man thing. On his, (or is it the Whaler's?) second entrance, he used a posterboard sign to promote his blog.

Chip "The Phenom" Simpson gave us a King Kong beating of his chest, and Pat "Deep Dish" Bertoletti threw out some quick hand motions that the crowd took for revelry, but which made Commissioner Charles Hardy shake his head and laugh on stage. A little inside joke can go a long way.

And the grandest entrance of all was reserved for Joey and Kobayashi who appeared on blue platforms. As George announced the accomplishments of both, their platforms rose higher and higher until they sat about fifty feet in the air, waving their arms for the crowd.

As we mentioned, it was discovered ESPN had not taped the first round of introductions, which meant they actually had to do the whole thing over again, at a quicker pace. The eaters had to file offstage only to be re-announced, only with a little less aplomb this time, including Joey and Koby simply walking on stage.

Once the eaters made their final entrance they finally got down to business. Brian Subich and Seaver Miller were outfitted with ESPN eater-cams, drinks were organized on the table, and the Bunnettes grabbed their number signs. It was then announced that the 60th Precinct was estimating the crowd size at a whopping 22,500. We weren't sure if this was the truth, or just another Shea exaggeration, but it did seem impressive. Up in the press stands there was a murmur amongst the radio reporters as to whether this was a number they could accurately report. They hemmed and hawed before going on air with "a record number of people." The Nathan's Contest Countdown Clock approached zero and George Shea instructed the crowd to countdown from 10...9...8...and it began!

Now, if you are still reading this, you probably already know the outcome, though it doesn't mean it was less of a battle. Joey and Koby were neck and neck, Joey leading by one or two dogs up until the last minute and a half. Pat Bertoletti and Eater X made tremendous numbers (34.25 and 34, respectively) and Sonya finished a respectable third place with 37 HDBs. It was great to watch. The suspense in the air was palpable right up until the last few seconds. Considering that no one has been able to touch Koby in years this was an amazing contest, even if the outcome was the same.

There was a bit of a commotion over what people were calling a small reversal. At about a minute left to go, Koby's cheeks filled up in the wrong direction and a piece of hot dog flew into his cup. It happened in a split second, and the next instant he had swallowed what was in his mouth, what was in the cup, and had moved on. It didn't happen too quick for Joey's eyes though, and he did a double take as he caught the action out of the corner of his eye, pointing frantically in Koby's direction. Pat Bertoletti also saw something happen and pointed, but no penalty was issued. Kobayashi went on to beat his own world record by eating 53.75 HDBs, with Joey close behind with a new US record of 52.

"Reversal" dispute happens at the 7 second mark on this video.

George Shea came up to present the awards, though both Joey and Kobayashi looked wrecked. In years past, a smiling, triumphant look is what the press has come to expect from the Japanese winner, but we watched as he struggled to keep his composure. He leaned over the table and gave a "#1" sign with his finger that was so feeble, we initially mistook it for a "gimme a minute here" sign. The live feed waits for no man, though, and George eventually grabbed the champion's arm and raised it triumphantly for him.

As the contest ended and the press all surrounded Koby and Joey on stage to get interviews, we noticed the police officers who had been on-hand to keep the peace immediately started chowing down on the leftover hot dogs on the table. Are New York's finest being paid with hot dogs these days? They seemed pleased with their bounty, in any case. It seems every contest ends with the eating of the leftovers - grilled cheese, crab cakes, ice cream, and now hot dogs (not so much meatballs or corned beef and cabbage). This is one of the perks of working these events: all the food you can eat once the cameras are turned off.

So everyone put in very solid numbers this year. Well, almost everyone. If you look at the final numbers and scroll all the way to the bottom you will see that Jed Donahue only ate one. That is 1 hot dog, 1 bun. We have to admit, amongst all the flurry of eating, we didn't notice this during the contest. Shea never mentioned it, as his dialogue was centered entirely on Koby and Joey, and we didn't hear anyone talking about it after the competition either. In fact, the only thing that brought it to our attention is the fact that Jed strolled up to the subway platform later eating a large turkey leg. We were flabbergasted. It was only about an hour later and here he was gnawing away, in a very dedicated fashion, on a roasted leg. It was then that Crazy Legs, who was also with us, told us Jed had only eaten one hot dog. We quickly grabbed Jed to get the lowdown.

He calmly told us how he didn't know going into the competition that he was only going to eat one hot dog, but something came over him when he took the stage. He looked out into the crowd and decided he was going to try something new. He'd never eaten a Nathan's hot dog that hadn't been soaked in water. He'd never truly enjoyed the very hot dog that this entire competition was in honor of. On stage the clock started and he evenly grabbed the spicy brown mustard that adorned the tables, and drew a streak down his dog. When he bit into the first one, it tasted so good he decided then and there that THIS was the perfect dog and he didn't want to ruin the experience by eating any more. He told us it takes a lot of focus to eat just one hot dog in 12 minutes, and described the whole thing as a "truly satisfying experience." Whether you chose to believe this or not is your prerogative. Jed seemed pretty pleased with his decision.

However, other competitors weren't so happy. Rich LeFevre made it no secret that he believed Jed's move was the wrong one. Shaking his head, he said that if his wife, Carlene (now retired), had been there, she would have taken advantage of the opportunity to eat as many dogs as she could, and that Jed wouldn't even be there if she had come to the San Francisco qualifier, an opinion that Jed graciously allowed. The thought that Jed took the place of another eater who really wanted to be at the table but didn't make it, seemed to bother Rich. "Those people would have given it their all," and he thought Jed owed it to those people to eat as many hot dogs as possible.

But Jed was feeling pretty philosophical about the whole competition. Later that night, with things swinging into after-party mode, he talked a little about his fear of the direction the sport of competitive eating is taking. "It used to be that natural talent was all you needed to excel," with the sport made up of people with big appetites and bigger stomachs. Now, with this new breed of eater, ones that do stomach-stretching exercises with water and set up training sessions for themselves, the bar has truly been raised. Now anyone can train and become a decent competitive eater, and those with natural talent can train to be superstars. He said he was only going to go out and do the best he could do in competitions and leave the training to those with more drive than he has to really become great. Rich, too, agreed with this sentiment, and kept saying, "I'm 62. I have to leave that for the younger guys." It wasn't clear whether they were longing for the days when competitive eating was a simpler, less adorned sport, whether there was a hint of envy of the accomplishments of the "young guns" coming up through the ranks, or whether this was just a comment on the passing and changing of trends.

Jed does worry about people getting hurt. It seems to us like perhaps competitive eating is becoming a sport faster than there can be adequate coaches or safe training knowledge, like there are in other sports. We should keep in mind that the marathon today is so-called because Phidippides ran the 26 miles from Marathon to Athens to announce the Greek victory. And then he died on the spot. Obviously, people run marathons today without dying on the spot, but a world of knowledge came about to help that happen.

The dusk grew longer and eaters began trailing in to get ready for the fireworks display over the city. Kobayashi sat on some steps with his girlfriend, Kumi, and were elated by fireflies that began to light up around their feet. Kumi chased the glow with her camera, hoping to capture the little lights. Tim showed up sans mask, with Erik, Hall, and Pat Bertoletti not far behind. Erik, one of the young eaters Jed and Rich referenced, seemed pleased with their comparison of him to where Tim was two years ago. Seaver Miller, there with his wife, couldn't be more pleased with the day's events. The mood was generally euphoric as the night slipped on and fireworks hissed and popped over the skyline. We remembered the giant countdown sign we passed on our way out of Coney Island, already reset and making its slow crawl towards next year. 364 days to go.

Pictures here and here!

Takeru Kobayashi 53.75
Joey Chestnut 52
Sonya Thomas 37
Patrick Bertoletti 34.25
Tim Janus 34
Chip Simpson 33
Bob Shoudt 30
Rich LeFevre 28
Badlands Booker 24
Patrick Philbin 23
Eric Denmark 22
Seaver Miller 22
Brian Subich 22
Crazy Legs Conti 21.33
Allen Goldstein 20.5
Robert Andersson 20
Hall Hunt 18
Kamil Hamersky 18
Kenji Oguni 16
Jed Donahue 1

as per reported by the IFOCE

Ladies and gentlemen, today is the day. The day when all the training and the hard work and the long lonely nights payoff. Today is the Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest, a day to remember.

Liz and Krista, who you know from their extensive coverage of eating competitions up to this point, are on the scene at Coney Island giving me live updates on what is happening. We'll be liveblogging for the next two hours.

7:30 - Cookie Jarvis, the number 8th ranked eater in the world, has announced his retirement! For competitive eating, this is like when Michael Jordan left the NBA the first time. Jarvis holds more titles than anyone in the world, a list too long to reprint here now. He has been a rock on which the current face of competitive eating was built, and his retirement is an earthquake shifting the tectonic plates of competitive consumption, which we can't help but think will open a huge gaping opportunity for the next generation of gurgitators.

Last night at the official weigh-in Jarvis was eating dogs for the cameras and playing with the media, causing Crazylegs Conti to remark that Cookie Jarvis has not certainly not retired from the media.

Hungry Charles Hardy and Eric Booker have already arrived and are enjoying the amazing spectacle this morning, which includes a nine foot tall Uncle Sam on stilts walking around with a contrasting midget Uncle Sam. Truly a heartwarming symbol of the variety of peoples that make up our great nation. And what better place to be celebrating on this most patriotic of days that the shores of Coney Island, which for today at least, is the center of the world.

7:57 - The man in the Nathan's Hot Dog has shown up! Always a dramatic moment and reminder to the already record breaking crowd of what they are about to witness today (in a word, HISTORY!). Krista tells me that it's a hot out there, though thankfully overcast. Official weather is 85 degrees, but the humidity and the massive and thick crowds already forming is making it feel much water.

There will be a ceremony for Jarvis, celebrating his career and featuring his long beautiful coat. A coat so wonderful, it's amazing he hasn't been thrown in a well. When announcing his retirement, Jarvis said he needs to lose 200 pounds and Krista asked about his plan to do it. His reply was the simple and stoic, "I'm going to eat a lot less."

8:08 - Liz has her spot on the stage and reports that the already massive crowd has tripled and is easily in the couple of thousands range. It's difficult to even guess how many as it's just people as far as the eye can see. A massive sea of humanity where occasionally you can spot a supporter, like Joey Chestnut's brother in his "My Brother Can Eat More Than Your Brother" t-shirt.

Liz also reports that the stage has been literally built form the ground up to highlight the battle between reigning World Eating Champion Takeru Kobayahi and Joey Chestnut. At the beginning of the competition they will be lifted a hundred feet in the air on separate lifts coming directly out of the stage.

8:18 The band has stopped playing and the Bus of Champions has arrived! THE EATERS ARE HERE!

You may remember from Liz and Krista's coverage that Joey Chestnut qualified with an amazing fifty (50) Hot Dog and Buns (HDBs), which is just shy of Kobayashi's world record 53 1/2 HDBs. The world record WILL be broken this year, and the Coveted Mustard Yellow Belt could finally come home to America!

8:35 - Krista reports that there is ANOTHER bus coming. The first bus arrived and now George Shea (a personal hero of mine) is on the stage. He is saying that today is the day. The day that the he beleives that the Covted Mustard Belt will be won by an American and end the reign of Kobayashi's Hot Dog Tyranny. He has mentioned three names as the possible Saviors of American Eating: Joey Chestnut of course, Sonya Thomas, and Chip Sampson.

8:44 - The eaters get a THUNDEROUS round of applause as they walk from the bus to their dressing rooms beneath the stage. Liz is telling me the names of the eaters she can see, but all I can hear is the amplified and still sooth sounds of George Shea and the manic screaming thunder of the thousands and thousands of fans.

8:49 - Badlands Booker has taken the stage and is now rocking the mic with two kids.

8:50 - George and Shea rapped "Shea A Little Prayer For You" together! OH NO! Booker fell!!! But he is okay. He Is up. Everything is fine.

8:54 - The official retirement ceremony of Cookie Jarvis is happening. It is a sad to see him leave, but with his retirement they also announce the Rookie of Year award to Joey Chestnut. This moment is like the rebirth of the bright phoenix, a moment that heralds the next generation of professional eaters. Think of it as Eaters 2.0.

9:03 - Steve Schroeder reporting from in front of my television where the live TV coverage on ESPN has begun with Paul Page and Rich Shea bringing you all the action. Rich Shea predicts that the world record will fall either to Kobayashi or Joey Chestnut. George Shea reports from the stage that there are 16,000 people on hand.

9:05 - Paul Page says that they do this entire event with their tongue firmly planted in cheek, which I do not appreciate at all. The IFOCE is have a banner year, and is gaining respect by the second. I don't see any advantage to ESPN cutting down the competitive eating at all.

9:09 - Eaters get off the bus! Crazy Legs with crazy hair. Eater X emerges with a Hartford Whalers sign! The ESPN correspondent pulls Joey Chestnut aside and asks him when the last time he ate was. He hasn't eating a full meal in a couple days. They go to a pre produced piece on Joey and his history with IFOCE.

9:12 - Interview with Sonya. She likes the heat. Wants to focus on swallowing very quickly. Can she break her own record and get near Kobayashi and Chestnut??

9:15 - KmikeyM says Watching live on ESPN! The announced that Kobayahi has never lost to a human (only a bear). Will we see a 10 dog minute?

9:18 - Short introduction package on hot rookie eaters Chip Simpson and Pat Bertoletti leads into a live interview with Bertoletti who says he does this for the "fun, camaraderie with other eaters, and to push himself."

9:20 - Three different eating techniques profiled: Solomon Method (break each hot dog in half, eat both halves at once, then the bun), Tokyo Style (eat the hot dogs & buns separately), and Dunking (dip the hot dogs and buns in liquid). New 5 second dunking rule has been introduced to minimize flotsam in the liquid.

9:29 - George Shea now introduces the eaters!
Rookie out of the wing circuit Erik The Red.
Wild Card winner Hall Hunt.
From The Czech Republic Kamil "The Hague" Hamersky. Robert Andersson from Scandanavia got skipped by Shea...whoops.
Kenji Oguni aka DARK WATER looks very tough in a leather jacket.
The Jalapeno Pepper champ, Jed Donahue.
Brian "Yellow Cake" Subich, father of 3, a football coach.
Patrick "Moonachie" Philbin is being goofy as I have ever seen a human. He sorta looks like Chunk from the Goonies. In a good way.
Seaver "The Achiever" Miller is one of the new good looking eaters from the crab cake circuit.
"The Shredder" Allen Goldstein looks seriously pumped. Look out he has the strongest jaw in the sport.
Here comes everyone's favorite Crazy Legs Conti, red goatee and all. "He has leveraged the sport to find worldwide celebrity" says Rich Shea of Conti.
Here comes the 2004 Rookie of the Year, Urbanhonking's favorite, EATER X!!!!!!!!!!
Here comes the man who shows that age isn't a factor in competitive eating..."THE LOCUST" Rich Lefevre.
Next up, the only vegetarian on the circuit "Humble" Bob Shoudt (he strays for competition).
Here comes the man who is most likely the best rapper on the circuit Eric "BADLANDS" Booker.
The Rookie with the mohawk, a culinary student PATRICK BERTOLETTI.
Here comes the Gloria Steinem of the gullot "THE BLACK WIDOW" Sonya Thomas.
Another awesome rookie...CHIP SIMPSON.
Here comes the man who is America's hope today "JAWS" JOEY CHESTNUT!
And then there was one. Never beaten on US soil. The Man. The Myth. The Legend. 5 TIME CHAMPION. TAKERU KOBAYASHI!

9:36 - Kobayashi has mustard colored hair.

9:41 - The competition begins!!! Who will it be? Kobayashi? Chestnut? Sonya? A more unknown like Chip Simpson???

9:43 - Joey Chestnut has a brother overseas in the military who he would like to bring the title home for. 2 minutes in and Chetnut and Kobayashi both have 14 dogs eaten. Simpson has 11 and so does Bertoletti.

9:45 - 4 minutes in and Chestnut is on record pace!! He has 27 down. Kobayashi has 26. Simpson, Bertoletti, and Thomas round out the top five. The pace will obviously slow down a bit as the competition continues but the pace is incredible. The average amount of dogs eaten to qualify this year was 29, up from 24 last year. This is truly a watershed year for the sport.

9:47 - Halfway done! Chestnut 37, Kobayashi 35, Simpson 25, Bertoletti 24, Thomas 24.

9:48 - Chip Simpson is sitting down and listening to music. Chestnut looked like he was rearranging hot dogs in his stomach with his hand.

9:50 - 3 minutes left and Kobayashi has regained the league from Chestnut. Kobayashi is looking much more comfortable than Joey "Jaws" right now. Can I just say that I'm not a big fan of the "helmet cam". I don't think it adds a lot of insight and it looks a little goofy.

9:52 - 1 minutes left. Kobayashi 50, Chestnut 48, Thomas 35, Janus 32, Bertoletti 32. VERY EXCITING!!! Eater X is coming on!

9:54 - Kobayashi wins his 6th in a row!!!!! What a close competition. It went down to the wire. It looks like right now that Kobayashi got 54 hot dogs and bun down. A NEW RECORD! Chestnut ate 52! Kobayashi almost looks like he is crying as he is handed the mustard belt by George Shea.

9:57 - The numbers have been refined slightly. Kobyashi got down 53 3/4 hot dogs and buns. Still a new record. Interview with Joey Chestnut. He says he is really tired and hit a wall around the 9 minute mark. He says he will be back.

9:59 - Kobayashi is interviewed. He says he felt the pressure from Chestnut heavily and that is motivated him. Sonya finished 3rd with 37 hot dogs and buns. I am looking for the final tallies from all the eaters. I am assuming Eater X finished 4th. What a great comeback from him. What a great competition. That's it from me and the TV. I hope we get some more reports from Liz and Krista soon.

10:25 - Looks like the Gothamist was livebloggin' it was well.

Looking for the IFOCE coverage? We moved it from the food blog Digest to the sports blog True Fan.

You can find all the past entries on Digest here.

You can find all the future entries on True Fan here.