Recently in Competitive Eating Category
By Krista
Someone blue and furry once said, "Sometimes me think what is love, and then me think love is what last cookie is for. Me give up the last cookie for you."
Truer words have never been spoken...unless you are in the midst of an eating competition, in which case you can't give up your last cookie...because then it would be cheating.
It had been a long time since Liz and I had covered and eating competition together. A really long time, but boy did it bring back memories. Awesome memories of meatballs and Atlantic City, grilled cheese in Time Square, and corned beef and cabbage in Boston. This weekend found us in yet another location: Denver, Colorado among mountains...of cookies. Chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies to be exact. And there were even more differences. This contest wasn't being photographed by the Associated Press and Badlands Booker and Crazy Legs were nowhere to be found. In their place was a trio of Asian brothers, aged 7 - 15, and the only cameras snapping photos were those attached to family and friends of the contestants.
The contest took place at Olde Tyme Drafts and Dawgs and anyone could enter as long as they donated $5 to charity - in this case the charity benefitted was Operation Smile. Liz had been to one of their eating contests before, so thought it would be great if we all went this time and perhaps even got one of our friends to enter. So who to ask, who to ask....well there was really only one choice and that choice was Micah.
Micah, who I happen to think is the bees knees, can eat mad quantities of food. He usually finishes all of my meals, meaning once he eats his, he then proceeds to clean my plate as well. I think he may have been a seal in a past life...a seal who couldn't swim...or something like that. Anyway, he wakes up hungry and he goes to bed hungry. This man seems to never feel full. I would think he had Prader-Willi syndrome, but he's never eaten so much he has made his stomach explode, so he does seem to have a handle on it somewhere.
So Liz and I somehow talked Micah into entering the contest. I think it had something to do with the words chocolate, chip, and cookie. However, I don't think he expected us to take it as seriously as we did. As soon as Micah agreed, Liz proceeded to contact tons of professional eaters for advice for him. Micah got a little scared, but I assured him on the drive over, we would love him unconditionally if he lost, which funny enough was Tim "Eater X" Janus' advice.
I also told him that Liz and I don't do things half-assed. If we are gonna do something, we are gonna DO something. Besides, who would turn down advice from someone at the top of the field? Crazy people that's who! Who wouldn't want to know that Pat Bertoletti, ranked 2nd in the world, thinks you should try to fold the cookie in half like a slice of pizza and suggested bringing warm beverages to dunk the cookies in. Which we totally did. Before we left Liz's place we made two containers of mint tea. Eric "Steakbellie" Livingston also offered advice in the way of "don't over stuff your mouth" and "dunk". Wise words.
While we were gearing Micah up for the competition we never thought the competition would include Marco "Mongo" Marquez, currently ranked 20 in the world or Andrew "Skinnyboy" Lane, ranked 35. Eeek. But in they walked. It was terrific to finally meet them, but bad news for Micah. However, we still had faith that our little eater had the guts to give them a run for their money. Other contestants included the three brothers mentioned above, one unnamed man who disappeared quickly after the contest, and a big-boned woman of a certain age, who seemed to enter the contest just to sit quietly at the corner of the
table and slowly eat and dunk a few choice cookies.
After the tables were set up with one glass of water, one glass of whole milk, and 2 plates containing 20 cookies each, the contest began. Micah came out swinging and nearly ate 10 cookies in no time flat. In fact, he seemed to be keeping pace with Mongo, the front runner. Could this be happening? He was doing everything we told him to: dunking, drinking, not overstuffing his mouth, not rushing too fast at the beginning. Before you knew it, he hit 15!
And then we saw it. The pause, the hand to the stomach, and the look of pure agony. It reminded me of the look Joey Chestnut gets late into every contest. The look that seems to say, I can go no further, yet that's what makes Joey a champion. He hits that wall and just charges through, Micah on the other hand, knew it was the end. He wasn't going to push through. It called an end to his brief flirtation with competitive eating. He's not willing or able to push past that internal wall that screams, No Mas!
In the end Mongo won with 26.5 cookies, Skinnyboy came in second with 22. Micah came in an impressive 3rd with 15.
Micah recovered pretty quickly after a night of laying on his side and watching TV with vows that it would be a long time before he ate another cookie. However, the next day while going into the fridge and grabbing one for me I asked him if he wanted a cookie. His reply: "Yeah, sure." Spoken like a true champion.
See Liz's Westword blog post about the competition!
There is a time change from Nashville to Chattanooga.
I hadn't realized that there was a time difference between Nashville, where I flew in, and
Chattanooga, where I was headed for the fourth annual Krystal Square Off taking place the next day. But suddenly my cell phone's clock automatically updated and I was an hour late for the welcome reception for all the eaters. However, since the car rental agency gave me a little red Mustang--a surefire speeding ticket in the waiting--and I had already decided I couldn't risk more than five miles over the speed limit, I just settled in and accepted the fact that I'd get there when I'd get there.
The Krystal organizers are serious about putting on a good show.
Brad Wahl, the vice president of marketing for Krystal, welcomed everyone on Saturday night and went over the plan for the next day. I thought he was joking as he went down the list of pyrotechnics involved on stage-fireworks, 30-foot flames, confetti cannons-but they were all very real. The stage would be on the water and perfect for gathering a huge crowd.
Those Krystal people sure give out good swag.
It was like what I imagine going to a Hollywood award show would be like. All the eaters got bags filled with Krystal coasters, shirts, head and wrist bands, beach chairs, and a lifesize crystal Krystal. The headbands were a little on the small size, but Pat Bertoletti finally figured out they worked pretty well as throat warmers. Football jerseys without padding kinda look like pirate shirts. When Hall Hunt first put on the Krystal jersey, I have to admit the first thing I thought of was Seinfeld's puffy shirt.
It also turns out that there is a lot of thought that goes into competition jersey design. Kenny, of Krystal Lovers Blog fame, said they watched hours of competition footage to determine that the best logo placement on a shirt is on the front of the shirt sleeves, right below the shoulder. They tried to do that for these jerseys, but it would have required a special order that was just too expensive in the end. Except for the puffy sleeves, the jerseys looked great, with each eater's last name written across the back of their own shirt above a list of this year's competitors. It's good they focused on the last names, because poor Erik "The Red" Denmark is doomed to always have his first name spelled with a "c", as it was in tiny letters.
Even competitive eaters the night before a huge competition have a hard time turning down a free trip to Krystal.
Kenny took a big group of us out to a Krystal down the street after the welcoming reception. Last year, only a couple people took him up on the offer, but this year it was a full fieldtrip. Though a lot of eaters say they fast the night before a competition, I can attest to the fact that there were several burgers, a few orders of fries, some milkshakes, an apple turnover, and a couple gallons of diet soda consumed. Maybe they were thinking there was no way they'd eat as much as Tim "Eater X" Janus, Rich LeFevre, Crazy Legs Conti, and Allen Goldstein had eaten in any case. Those hardcore competitors couldn't turn down a ramen noodle competition that went down earlier that afternoon and would have to face their trays of Krystals with a bellyful of noodles a very recent memory.
Kenny can beat Joey in a Krystal competition.
But only if Joey doesn't know they're actually in competition until Kenny has finished his one Krystal and announced to Joey that he won. Even though Kenny is teasing, Joey will get a little defensive, but can be placated if you point out that by those rules, he beat Kenny in the apple turnover competition he didn't know they were having. Score's even, boys.
Two TVs in your room doesn't mean there's anything good on.
I watched "It", a couple episodes of "Law & Order" and a good 20 minutes of the making of that new bee movie. Then my brain tried to make an escape and I had to turn them off.
High heels are a poor footwear choice for being a Krystal Counter/Bunnette.
I knew I would be counting for Pat Bertoletti and wasn't sure how the stage would be set up. He's a tall dude, and I am but 5'4. I figured heels would be a must in this situation. I did not, however, really account for the fact that the entire competition would be outside and there would be a lot of walking around on grass and up and down giant stairs/seating arranged along the giant hill in front of the stage. I didn't think I'd be magically teleporting from the hotel room to the stage, but I sure didn't think this one through. I spent a lot of the pre-competition running around with heels sinking into the grass and tottering up and down those giant freaking stairs. The other Counters were looking particularly cute and practical in sneakers and flip flops.
Even if you are told there is a very specific schedule, sometimes you're just kinda thrown out there.
There was some rushed instructions about the eaters all arriving to the staging area in Corvettes and that we would each escort one eater to the autograph area. That sounded simple enough, but I'm the type of person that functions really well with numbered directions and colorful maps. But there was no time for that, because one minute we were all milling around, and the next minute Kitty-the head Krystal Counter-was lining us up and telling us to go. I got Allen Goldstein's car and bumbled around for a few seconds not knowing if I should open the door or hold his arm or what. And was this being filmed? It turned out not to matter much, as it all worked out. Allen was so pumped I don't think he realized he had a bunnette on his arm that he knew. He jogged ecstatically to the autograph tent. About ten minutes later, he turned to say hi to me.
George Shea loves Gwen Stefani's "Sweet Escape."
That song got played a lot. At one point, George Shea, who was announcing, brought all the
bunnettes on stage and everyone danced to it, including George. This was also when he announced I was the winner of the bunnette search and everyone cheered. That will probably be my only time being the recipient of cheers on a competitive eating stage, so I took it all in and shook my pompoms like no one's business.
You don't get a very good view of the competition from behind.
Even though I was right in the thick of it, I couldn't really watch the competition. My eyes were trained on the official judge parked in front of Pat who was feeding me totals so I could flip the right number up on my counter. I could catch Joey and Bob's numbers because their judges were also right in front of me, but the rest of the contest happened just outside my periphery. Obviously, I wasn't in a position to take any pictures or anything, so I was more amped up than usual with nowhere to put my excitement except into my cheering.
I really enjoyed cheerleading.
Like, maybe I should have been a cheerleader. I mean, if I hadn't gone to the hippie high school with no cheerleading. Or sports. And if I hadn't quit gymnastics in middle school after hitting my head trying to do a back handspring. And that I would never have been caught dead cheerleading when I was 16. I mean all that aside, I would have made a killer cheerleader.
An eating competition is a rollercoaster of emotions when you're part of it.
There's all the anticipatory build up, then there's the actual competition, then all the craziness
surrounding the theatrics of it all: the streamers flying around, the confetti raining down, the fireworks and flames shooting out. And while I'm not usually rooting for one particular eater over another, in this case, I had something invested in Pat. People pretty much thought this was Joey's competition to win, but I was really holding out for Pat. And I was there for every Krystal he ate and felt every one he didn't, and could tell where his closest competitors were edging him out. At the end, when Joey broke 100 and Bob beat Pat by a single burger, I knew how hard that third place finish would hit him. But then: holy fuck, 103 burgers! And where did Bob come from! Total excitement, disappointment, and exhilaration all rolled together.
Pic by Curt.
103 Krystals will make Joey one happy guy.
Eaters don't usually stop to smile in the last precious seconds of a competition, but there was no holding back the pure happiness that broke over Joey's face as he shattered the world record and went into triple digits.
It doesn't matter how many Krystals you ate; afterwards, there's always room for beer.
And in a few hours, fries and wings.
Yo! I'm here in Chattanooga, holed up in a very luxurious hotel room. There's a trip to Krystal in a few minutes and I'm heading out to see the legendary place for myself. I've been in transit since 8:30 this morning and haven't eaten anything except a bag of Sun Chips on the plane. I see some french fries and a shake in my very near future.
I got a very big preview of tomorrow's events. Here are a few of the key elements: fireworks, 30-foot flames, Corvettes. Also, I'll be counting for one Pat Bertoletti, so keep your eyes on the mohawk.
Turns out the biggest build up of the Krystal Competition is a bust: Kobayashi announced this week that he would be forced to bow out of the finals on Sunday due to persistent jaw pain. This leaves the competition wide open for two remaining favorites: Joey Chestnut, who wants to set a new world record by eating over 100 burgers, and Pat Bertoletti who had a taste of beating the giant and is hungry for more. Both eaters expressed disappointment at Koby's withdrawal, wanting the chance to go bite to bite with the champ. No doubt, Kobayashi's injury--to his jaw and ego--will be haunting him as he watches from the sidelines.
Rumor has it that Kobayashi had to leave the Thanksgiving Invitational (another segment that was taped for Spike TV earlier this month) midway through the competition because of his jaw. Knowing how mentally hard that would be for an eater, especially one of Koby's caliber, it's clear that the injury must be serious.
As for me, I'll be behind the table for the first time--counting burgers for one lucky eater. Be sure to tune into ESPN on Sunday to catch what I'm sure will prove to be a record-setting event.
Here's a snapshot of your competitors (info supplied by Krystal)
Joey “Jaws” Chestnut
Hometown: San Jose, CA
Personal Record: 92 Krystals (87 to Qualify)
MLE Ranking: 1
Pat “Deep Dish” Bertoletti
Hometown: Chicago, IL
Personal Record: 85 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 2
(2006 Picture)
Tim “Eater X” Janus
Hometown: New York, NY
Personal Record: 73 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 4
“Humble Bob” Shoudt
Hometown: Philadelphia, PA
Personal Record: 69 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 7
Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas
Hometown: Alexandria, Virginia
Personal Record: 62 Krystals (51 to Qualify)
MLE Ranking: 5
Chip “The Phenom” Simpson
Hometown: Birmingham, AL
Personal Record: 55 Krystals (49 to Qualify)
MLE Ranking: 6
Rich “The Locust” LeFevre
Hometown: Henderson, NV
Personal Record: 52 Krystals (51 to Qualify)
MLE Ranking: 8
Hall “Hoover” Hunt
Hometown: Jacksonville, FL
Personal Record: 49 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 9
“Crazy Legs” Conti
Hometown: New York, NY
Personal Record: 44 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 11
Tim “Gravy” Brown
Hometown: Chicago, IL
Personal Record: 43 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 15
Erik “The Red” Denmark
Hometown: Seattle, WA
Personal Record: 43 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 12
Allen “Shredder” Goldstein
Hometown: Plainview, NY
Personal Record: 42 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 14
Juliet Lee
Hometown: Germantown, MD
Personal Record: 41 Krystals
MLE Ranking: 10
This Sunday will mark two weeks until one of the biggest competitive eating events of the year will throw down: the annual Krystal Square Off in Chattanooga, Tennessee. It's considered one of the big ones because, like Nathan's, it's nationally televised and has historically been one of the few competitions that Takeru Kobayashi participates in. Additionally, none of the eaters can shut up about how awesome the Krystal organizers are. Catering specifically to the eaters isn't something that all sponsors do, but Krystal--perhaps because they've built an entire fan base around eating ridiculous quantities of burgers--knows and loves their competitive eaters. Nathan's might be your longtime buddy that you always clear your calendar for, but Krystal's is that crazy friend who invites you to visit for the weekend and then throws a killer party and ends up giving you that one sweatshirt of his that you always kinda liked and--hey--might as well take these cookies and beer because they'll just go to waste otherwise.
2007 seems to be the year for upsets. It was only a few short months ago that Joey Chestnut took the crown from Kobayashi and triumphant cheers were heard around the world: the giant could be beaten. But who guessed it would be so soon that a new champion might emerge. While one wouldn't really call Pat Bertoletti an underdog, he wasn't the name on everyone's tongues when talking about beating Kobayashi on the 4th, and he was only coming up occasionally when talking about beating Joey in Chattanooga--until recently.
The mohawked eater stunned the competitive eating world, and made major headlines, when he recently won a grits competition by putting down 21 pounds of the stuff. While a newsworthy win, it was the third place winner that had people in a tizzy: Joey Chestnut had been beat by not only Pat Bertoletti, but by Tim "Eater X" Janus, who came in a solid second at 20 pounds, a whole pound more than Joey.
Then, as if answering the taunts of people who would guess the win was a fluke, Pat beat the number one eater in the world at waffles and took away the title, eating 29 to Joey's 28.5.
This week, the big buzz is the happenings in Las Vegas. Spike TV and the IFOCE selected 16 eaters to come and compete in a series of eating events that will be televised at later dates. Because of the nature of the pre-recording, the 16 eaters were kept a secret and told not to let it leak what they were up to. But the seal has been broken and news started trickling in from the city of sin. And the news was big. The word was that Kobayashi was there, still nursing a bit of the jaw injury we saw in July, and that the former champion was hurting in competition. But this time, not just to Joey Chestnut, but to Pat Bertoletti, too.
SPOILER!
The initial results came in from a chicken wing competition which gave Pat the win with 4.1 pounds of wings, Joey 2nd with 4.05, and Kobayashi in an unheard-of-for-him 3rd place with a mere 3.1 pounds.
This certainly spices up the competition in Chattanooga, once again making a big competition even bigger. Assuming, of course, Joey qualifies for the Krystal competition, a feat he's yet to complete this year. With only two qualifiers left, it's no doubt the he'll come out with guns blazing, but only time will tell how his hard work will pay off.
With Krystals season starting up strong, you'd think the last thing on people's minds would be the Nathan's hot dog competition, a full 11 months away. But apparently a little enthusiasm at the Saratoga Springs Race Course goes a long way because they hosted a qualifier for the 2008 competition on Monday (making this perhaps the only time the banner for this blog will make sense for competitive eating--history!). Crazy Legs Conti won the qualifier handily with 21.5 HDBs (the second place winner ate 10). Tim "Eater X" Janus accompanied his roommate and competitive eating collaborator, but only sat in on the neat eating competition, a contest usually reserved for the under 10 crowd.
Crazy Legs caught up with True Fan after the oddly-timed qualifier and gave us a run-down of the event, which amounts to a veritable who's who in competitive eating. I thought we'd go bold names for this one. Enjoy!
Seriously, what was the deal with this qualifier? Why so early?
I was a fan long before I turned pro so I have an appreciation for the archival history of the Saratoga Qualifier. (A quick tangent for pro eating historians - "A Hot Dog Program", the PBS Rick Seback documentary has the full 1998 Nathan's contest as a DVD extra). As you can read at MosesNews.com, Saratoga was Don Lerman's territory in the early 00s. He was known as the Saratoga's Secretariat. As carpetbagging became necessary to qualify we all went there and lost to Don (Subich, Janus, myself, many others), but the one year that Don suffered a reversal, the importance of the second and third place finish became very evident as a lot can happen in the ten months leading up to the big show. Some years it's not even scheduled, so it's special when it happens. I believe it was three or four years ago that I planned to exit the Kennebunkport Lobster Contest to traverse the dirt roads from Maine to Saratoga on a very tight schedule. The Saratoga Qualifier is like the NFL pro-bowl. The super bowl just happened and most guys don't want to put the pads back on and take the hits, but you do get to go to Hawaii...Or Saratoga, which I find to be just as lovely.
Usually, everyone has some time to get into "hot dog mode" before hitting the qualifier. How did you mentally spring into action when this opportunity came up?
I knew that Joey Chestnut would be closely following the Saratoga qualifier and I figured why tip my hand with seventy. Now he's got ten months of bedwetting fear when we meet on stage in '08.
I think it boils down to a mentality that doesn't really exist for most on today's circuit. It a notion that harkens back to the trophy era, pre-prize money when you showed up because you wanted to be there or be a part of something . You are somebody like Tim Janus, who is really the last eater to come from the trophy era, who says, "Eating hot dogs under a tent sounds good to me anytime, I'll go". I do see it in eaters today like Kevin Ross and Pat Bertoletti, who just seem glad to be at the table to have the opportunity to compete and continue on the strange and wonderful journey that pro-eating can provide. As for Nathan's there have always been non-qualifying contests and it's interesting to see who shows up. I've never made it to Kansas or the UMass Amherst contest (where Darren Rovell set the current all time journalist record with twelve hdbs in regulation time), but I went to Boston the year it was downgraded from an official qualifier. Cookie had crushed me the previous two years when it counted towards Coney and besides being a great charity run by the Andleman family to benefit Cystic Fibrosis and the Joey Fund. I just wanted to win the thing in my hometown. I ate eighteen, got a small plaque, and felt great about the day. The next year Peter Davekos and Justin Mih showed up just to see what eating too many hot dogs is all about and put up around the same numbers .
The moment Saratoga was announced Janus and I wanted to attend. I'm thrilled it was an official qualifier, but I think we would have gone anyway. Janus is a big Tobey Maguire fan, and I didn't even know that Jeff Bridges was in "Seabiscuit". Nathan's more than any other circuit or contest is as cutthroat as it gets, but it's important to remember that you have to enjoy the sport or the event, otherwise what's the point? There are plenty of bitter foods, we don't need bitter eaters. If it's not a good time, then find some other activity to engage you...I hear remolding Victorian Era Bidets has its appeal, but I'm content with Pro-Eating for the time.
As for the week leading up to the contest, I prepared as I always do. Physiologically, no meat, lots of Japanese Ramen and mentally, I watch a lot of cheerleading films on VHS.
You were the only pro-ranked eater to compete at this qualifier (not including Tim Janus's participation in the neat eating competition). While this isn't unheard of--Chip and Juliet both took their qualifiers this year with no pro competition--it must be a little strange for you. Were you expecting other ranked eaters to show up? Were you glad when they didn't or did you miss the neck-and-neck?
With Krazy Kev and BB in hot dog retirement, I've eaten in more qualifiers than any other active MLE'r. I ate before the 3 qualifier limit and recall one season eating dogs five weekends in a row. It was maddening and grueling, but it gave me an appreciation for each one as its own wonderful strange entity. It made me savor both the wins and the losses. I believe the hot dogs gods make it all work out as it should. I was there to appreciate the nuances of Sonya's 18 at Molly Pitcher (I felt physically ill before the contest as I had been pulling all nighters cleaning the widows of the Kuwait consulate). Or Joey's rookie 21.5 in San Fran (vanity would lead me to mention Hungry Charles and my attendance at Mr. Ping's until 6 am the day of as a contributing factor, however, the hot dog gods knew we were better off with the Tiki umbrella drinks and Joey might have a future at Coney).
I can also truly appreciate that Stu Birdy would eat eight just for the fun of it or Hollow Hal Schimmel for the free lunch. If you are lucky enough to eat against Superpaul, you are a winner in more ways than one. I'm not belittling the importance of it all. The desire is obviously more than just fun. Some are concerned with totals, I've always cared more about making the final table. People that assume it's only worth it if you are eating stratospheric numbers in the center of the table, should talk to guys who paid their dues on the road like Humble Bob and Birthday Boy, The Shredder. Do you think it was easy for them to convince their families, to convince their bodies and minds to think, "I'm getting to that stage and when I do I'm going every year until I don't want to anymore". Long before Tim Janus stole everyone's groupies, he would throw down his buns in disgust at himself in places like Hartford and Belmont Race Track and think, "I'm going to get better because it's the most important thing to me." It's never an easy road to Nathan's and sometimes it can years.
That's where the intestinal fortitude comes in, and some have it, some don't. Or like Larry Bird diving out of bounds for a loose ball, some are willing to make the sacrifices. To eat hot dogs for twelve minutes straight, you've got to have a dive headfirst loose ball mentality. Most would disagree with me, but the most exciting hot dog minute in '07 wasn't Joey/Koby on the 4th, but the Shredder's 12th at Civil Service. With sixty seconds he had a seemingly impossible dog and 1/2 to reach a number that would make Coney. I truly believe it was the loud support of his wife Greta that willed him to the finish line.
It was magical, I was thrilled to be there, and Gravy Brown still made it on the 4th (but in 08 would be wise to not eat against Tim, Joey, or The Colonel). Only The Shredder was displeased, because he wanted an outright win. I can't blame him, what a roller coaster '07 was for him. With prize money never being a factor with Nathan's (and I believe never will) it has always been the greatest stage to ascend, even long before ESPN coverage. Ed Kratchie's sweat, Hungry Charles' pumping arms, Nakajima's calm presence, Kobayashi's joy, Joey's stenciled name on the board...these are indelible images in my mind, much like I would imagine today's fan's discover when they join the throngs at Stillwell and Surf. Sonya Thomas' wave, The Locust's trot...that's the electricity that powers competitive eating. They are eating to honor those who didn't make it, but tried, and off stage or at home, hopefully those watching are thinking, "I'll get my twelve minutes one day, whether its at Coney or Saratoga". Steakbellie, of course, is thinking, "I've got to stay focused otherwise I won't get to my next twelve pack". What most don't realize are the yearlong moments each eater has when they awake in the middle of the night wondering what they have to do to make it to high noon. As the current crop of eaters outpaces my improvements, I have to enjoy each noon as it comes.
As for other eaters at Saratoga. I knew that a Monday at 2 pm at a racetrack was going to be difficult for anyone who is gainfully employed or doesn't work in the strip club industry. I assumed up-and-coming eaters would see it as an opportunity to strut their peacock feathers, but I can't say I was disappointed with the turn-out. I'm not that cocky. I'm not a name caller. I take the victories where I can get them. I was channeling Jeff Leibowski, "Just take it easy man". I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the vitriolic resentment that seems prevalent by people who live life in front of their computer screens. I genuinely feel bad that Mike Landrich didn't make it. I've never met him, I don't know what he put up in Vegas, but if it's any consolation to him, I didn't get an email confirmation either. There is no grand IFOCE conspiracy afloat, I saw an event I wanted to go to so I picked up the phone and found out the info and showed up. In high school it took six calls before I got a girl to agree, but I made it to the prom. I arrived at Saratoga to learn that instead of the usual seventy people, only seven preregistered for the contest. I wasn't even the headliner. The Saratoga crowd crowned the guy they called, "The General" as the favorite. He put on one of the most entertaining qualifying performances ever. I think if the dogs were soaked in beer beforehand the General might have taken me. He did 9.5 while talking to the crowd the whole 12 minutes and he did beer tricks (which did not, despite the crowds urging, count towards his total).
As for Tim "Eater X" Janus' performance. I say it all the time, I believe in the camaraderie of the brotherhood and sisterhood of the stomach. I perceive his actions as one of great altruism, but the truth lies in his motivation. He only wanted a personal best, but didn't want to be locked into a number that ten months from now he could top (but wouldn't be allowed to if he already qualified with a paltry forty something). If he had gone for numbers that only two humans have ever achieved, I would have been as happy for him as he was for me. To me it was like he was hopping on an HDBs grenade and I'm grateful for my '08 livelihood, however he shrugs it off. He felt he wasn't going to achieve his goal that day and his chances were better in the neat eating contest. At first I thought he had a solid strategy (there were only three other ten year olds in the contest), but after his ninth packet of Heinz ketchup, I knew he was in trouble. As an avid follower of neat eating stats I believe Bailey Shoudt has notched the only single winner victory (Shea '05) and now Eater X will go down in annuls with the only single person loss in neat eating history. Those three ten year olds defeated the fourth ranked eating in hot dogs, and they defeated him soundly. And true to form, we couldn't find a single napkin after the contest.
Do you think you'll feel sad when hot dog season rolls around next year and you don't have a qualifier to look forward to. Or will you just show up with a beer in hand to the east coast ones and gloat?
I think we can all agree that 21.5 will be the lowest qualifying total in '08. Likely by four or five dogs. I believe Hot dogs and buns to be the hardest discipline and qualifying for Nathan's to be the most difficult. For an eater like me, who only improves a couple dogs a season, it can be terrifying. The Krystal format is more accessible for some because one eats against his/herself for a number. That's why a Krystal roadtrip is always worth it, it doesn't matter who shows up. Plus, you get to see some beautiful Southern cities. I didn't even attend the first Krystal Square Off circuit because every Northerner, like Don and El Wingador, who went down was sadly sent packing by Southerners who were weaned on the fluffy goodness and meaty square. Things have changed obviously and Krystals may not be nationwide, but hungering for them is. Sorry, I digress...it is lunch time.
At the 08 Nathan's qualifying circuit, I'll be at every qualifier I can make, as a fan. I loved this year's Badlands "Hungry and Focused" Tour. Plus I got to eat cheese steaks in Philly and New Haven Pizza after Hartford. And I'll show up with a beer in hand for everyone who competes (and joins me at the afterparty). If you can't do karaoke with Wild Bill Meyers, a couple of cheap beers with Wing Kong and Steakbellie ranks a close second. The Dude abides.
I look guys like Pete Davekos and Steakbellie and want to see them get their first deuce because I believe it will really make them happy. Davekos needs to hone in on his focus and Steakbellie needs to stop rubbernecking so much and clear his mouth more. Those are the things I look forward to seeing on the '08 Nathan's circuit. I also think it's going to be tough to wait ten months for another edition of TrueFan's HDQM. It has become the definitive post-qualifier interview, despite not have a glossy print edition; Joey's goofy grin on the cover with the quote below, "Hot Dog Qualifier Magazine? Not only do I read it, I'm a subscriber!" - Joseph Chestnut.
C'mon, you can tell us: was the guy in the alligator costume really Jed Donahue?
He introduced himself as James, but I actually think he was a Florida Gator emissary sent by Colonel Hall Hunt to deliver the message that I should never ever come to Florida again for hot dogs or Krystal burgers. He was firm, but eloquent when he mentioned that Hunt is going to own Florida in '08. I agreed with him and will head his warning. As for his performance, he had the greatest chipmunking potential in history, he could fit a lot in the bill, but he had trouble chewing.
Did your luck extend to the tracks afterwards?
Saratoga Dogs are boiled so they tend to go down a little easier, but sit a little heavier. I staggered over to the track like Bukowski and bet my usual, the three horse to show. I then got cute with the exotics and boxed a few trifecas. Two of the last three races were run on the grass, but the one on the dirt was the photo finish. It was a wet day at the track and I couldn't see anything through the dark sunglasses. Not one of my horses came in, but based on the soggy bun detritus in one of my dreadlocks, I'd say I'm more of a mudder at the hot dog contest.
Tell me a little about this year supply of hot dogs you win. Is there a Nathan's delivery guy who shows up to your apartment with the supply and some balloons, or is it more of an unmarked frozen pallet thing? Didn't you and Tim each just win a year supply a couple months ago, making it so you have three years of hot dogs in one apartment? Isn't that, like, A LOT of hot dogs?
We run an unaccredited hot dog savings and loan union. From the days when Hungry Charles (who installed a restaurant deep storage freezer to allow for all his hot dog winnings) and Badlands would loan us a few forty packs, we return the favors. Mostly their kids are now the beneficiaries. I also give as many as appropriate to the Bowery Mission which is around the corner from us it's a pretty amazing place and I've spent some Thanksgivings there (followed by hedonistic activities at the Village Idiot Bar so that my karma always ended up at the equator). Because the freezer at Coleman's Bar and Grill didn't have a door for the last five years, like Joe Gould's secret we have dogs stashed all over the five boroughs including an undisclosed bunker location. Tim has a phenomenal idea that ESPN should cover July 3rd and the Hot Dog Draft. The twenty eaters would be allowed to draft numbered lots of hot dogs for the following day. Obviously the dogs are precooked, but not grilled yet, so the tension wouldn't be in the snap of the natural casing, but the folly of ended up drafting too many misshapen ones or the evil errant hanging nub. If you've ever lined up a bag of forty you realize the lengths vary from cigar stubs to widowmakers. Liz for you, I suppose the prom analogy would work here too.
Dirty!
If the fading whiff of grilled hot dogs means the height of summer is passing, then the scent of tiny square hamburgers can only mean the start of the autumn competitive eating season with the inimitable Krystal Square Off. Here are the stops the tour will make for qualifying rounds. The date ranges represent how long they will be in the particular city doing several mini-qualifiers. The winners of those mini-qualifiers head to the main qualifier on the last day and the winner of that qualifier goes on to the finals (um, got that?). Anyway, who lives in the south and wants to do some on-the-scene reporting/eating!
Krystal Square Off IV
Aug. 22 – 25: Chattanooga, TN
Aug. 31 – Sept. 3: Jacksonville, FL
Sept. 7 – 9: Nashville, TN
Sept. 14 – 16: Knoxville, TN
Sept. 21 – 23: Atlanta, GA
Sept. 28 – 30: Memphis, TN
Oct. 5 – 7: Perry, GA
Oct. 12 – 14: Jackson, MS
Oct. 19 – 21: Birmingham, AL
TBA: Chattanooga, TN (Nationally Televised on ESPN)
In a press release Brad Wahl, vice president of marketing for the Krystal Company, kept the boxing analogies going strong:
“Like following the ‘Fight of the Century’ between Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier, the world is craving a rematch between Takeru Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut. Before that can happen though, Chestnut still has to qualify for the World Championship at one of our nine regional qualifiers. And it won’t be easy for the new number one ranked eater in the world. We anticipate more than 2,000 hopefuls to compete in our circuit events, including all of the top eaters in the world, and the competition will be fiercer than ever as guys like Patrick Bertoletti and Tim “Eater X’ Janus are out to prove that this is more than a two man contest.”
Though the eaters all aspire to be at the big Nathan's table, the Krystle Square Off still stands as one of the favorite competitions among the gurgitating elite. This is in no doubt due to the company's unwavering enthusiasm for the contest and for the eaters. What other eating competition can boast webcams airing all the qualifiers, a website that profiles all the eaters, and--new this year, my friends--the ability to pick your own fantasy eating team for the finals? (You might remember the True Fan's fantasy eating idea was born for last year's Krystal Square Off finals, though we were assured that the Krystal PR peeps were brewing a similar plan around the same time and needed a year to get it in working order.)
The site will be live Friday, so log on to www.KrystalSquareOff.com and click on the "Fantasy League" section. (Even if you are already on one of True Fan's fantasy eating teams, go ahead and join another! Mix it up a little. Since when are we in the business of moderation here?) From there, you'll be able to draft your own team of competitive eaters. If you have lots of buddies into this, go ahead and create a league--we aren't fancy here!. In fact, who wants to be in my league?
Some rules:
Leagues can have a maximum of seven teams but no fewer than four. Once teams have been drafted, owners can drop, add or trade their competitive eaters up until midnight on the day before the regional qualifier final. Eaters cannot be dropped, traded or added once they've competed. Points will be accumulated based on the average number of Krystal Hamburgers that each eater consumes in the local qualifier finals and their total at the Krystal Square Off IV World Championship.
Back in the real world, Kobayashi seems to be committed to participating, but will his jaw allow it? Furthermore, after his hard-won victory in hot dogs, will our new American hero, Joey Chestnut, allow himself to beaten by the reigning champ? Questions to ponder over tiny square burgers in the months to come.
Once in awhile, the IFOCE sponsors a competition that's just really cool. Don't get me wrong, all of them are interesting or fun in their own right, but when it gets down to it, a pizza competition in a mall will never hold a candle to a reenactment of the blueberry pie eating contest in the classic movie, "Stand By Me." This is the scene in the movie where Gordy tells the story of Davy "Lardass" Hogan, who seeks revenge on the town that ridiculed him by entering a local blueberry pie competition. Except he secretly prepped for the competition by eating a few raw eggs and downing some castor oil, thus bringing about the most famous barf scene in all of cinema history when his reversal triggered a "barf-o-rama.
Yesterday, the town of Brownsville, Oregon had a "Stand By Me" Celebration, complete with dead body scavenger hunt, movie showings, and--of course--blueberry pie competition. Though someone (coughCrazyLegscough) kept insisting Corey Feldman would reside as guest judge, the real judge was in fact eater Ray "The Bison" Meduna. In keeping with the movie's tradition, it was a no-hands competition, the first of its kind to be sanctioned by the IFOCE. In the rules sent out beforehand, it was stated that water would also have to be consumed sans hands and that the competitors would be required to eat at least 3/4 of a pie before moving on to the next one.
Pat Bertoletti, the third ranked eater in the world, won the competition with 9.17 pounds of pie. There were some surprises in the follow-up order, suggesting that a perfected technique in this unorthodox competition counted for a lot. Rookie of the Year candidate, Tim "Gravy" Brown came in second with 8.47. Third place went to Mongo Marquez with 6.56; fourth to Kevin Ross with 5.58. Crazy Legs and and Erik "The Red" Denmark tied for 5th with 4.88.
True Fan caught up with Pat after the competition to get the lowdown.
Were there any reversals, any castor oil incidents?
Crazy Legs and I did in fact buy castor oil before the competition and champagne for after the competition, but we had no reversals.
Was Corey Feldman really there? Were there Coreys present?
The Coreys were not there.
So it was a lie?
I did cry at first. Crazy Legs was a little devastated; that's why his score was a little lower than expected.
Oh, I see. The "No Corey Syndrome"--happens to the best of us. Tell us a little about the technique. Did the "no hands" rule make it really hard?
It did. It was hard because the top layer was kinda dry. You could drink water, but the straws were too short for the water bottles, so you had an assistant behind you who could give you water.
Like in a boxing ring?
Yeah, they'd put it to your mouth. Then if you needed to have your face wiped, they'd wipe your face, {laughs} which I thought was absurd...
But people utilized it?
Yeah, I did at one point because I got a blueberry stuck up my nose. I turned around to my towel-holder--I kinda did one of those, when your dad, when you have a bloody nose and your dad holds the towel up to your nose.
Were these male pie assistants or female?
Mine was male. But he was cheering me on the whole time and I could hear him through my headphones.
Was it difficult to judge? With lots of detritus and messy faces and pie and hair?
Crazy Legs had about 18 oz. of pie stuck in his dreadlocks. We rang out the dreadlocks after the competition. [laughs] No, I did have some debris, but the Bison was really good about that. We had a pie scare, like we weren't going to have enough, but we ended up having enough in the end. I had to go back to my first pie at the end, but that was alright. You couldn't really get all the pie out; it was hard getting past all the crust.
So the Bison did a good job judging?
The Bison did an excellent job.
What was the crowd like? Were they all excited for the competition?
It was awesome. The crowd was really good. There was probably like 500 people there? It was packed. They had about four sections up on a hill. It was really cool.
Did people dress up like characters?
There were a lot of people in weird-ass antelope hats. [checks with people in car] The Benevolent Order of the Antelopes.
Did anyone chant "Lardass?"
No nobody did.
What are your plans now?
We're going to go back and shower. Then we're going to go back and see the movie.
At the weigh-in, I found myself next to Gersh Kuntzman's young daughter, Jane, who was right up next to the stage, ball cap on and pen and paper poised in imitation of her reporter father. I couldn't help sneaking a peek at her notes to see what she had deemed worthy of taking down for posterity. It was only two words, written in bubble letters: "hot dogs." There was a tiny heart over "dogs."
And though this was the beginning of the busiest and most exciting two days of my trip to New York, by the end of it all I would feel like I had been hit by some fantastic storm that left me reeling a bit, and left my notes in an eerily similar state as Jane's. I learn more at each competition I attend--more about the eaters, more about the sport, more about the politics--and find there are less things I'm taking notes on. I'm not sure if that means my reporting skills are slipping, but in some cases I know its because I'm getting more interesting information. Though maybe in the end, "hot dogs" is all you really need to know.
But what am I talking about? I'm making it sound like this wasn't the most exciting upset to hit the competitive eating world in a long time. So let there be no mistake: this shit was edge-of-your-seat from the beginning. There was a lot of hype before the competition surrounding Kobayashi's jaw and whether he'd be in competition condition by the 4th. I heard everything from TMJ to "jawthritis," but the final and most plausible explanation I heard was that he had been having jaw pain and they removed a wisdom tooth to try and relieve the pain. This happened approximately eight days before Kobayashi was scheduled to compete in his biggest competition of the year and defend his title against the man who recently smashed his hot dog world record.
Everyone at the weigh-in, held on July 3rd at City Hall as a way for press to get a sneak peak at the competitors, was anxiously holding their breath to see in what condition the champion would show up. His usually upbeat demeanor was noticeable dampened as he climbed the stage to be weighed in at 154 pounds. He goofed around with the Frankster, who was in high form the entire day, but the lighthearted enthusiasm that was behind his eyes at last year's weigh-in was definitely not there. When they brought him and Joey Chestnut face-to-face for the traditional stare down and single hot dog eating for the cameras, Joey downed the dog easily, while Kobayashi visibly struggled, mushing the bun into his cupped hand rather than in his mouth. After the cameras had their shots, Koby removed an intact, uneaten dog from his mouth and rubbed his jaw.
During the question and answer session, when asked if his jaw was up for the challenge, he was only able to say that it would be a game day decision. They asked him to demonstrate how wide he could comfortably open his mouth at this point and the reporters swarmed in to get this pic:
But even if Kobayashi was a bit down, the mood was still heightened for the rest of the competitors, who had all worked hard to make it there and were eager for the next day. Erik "The Red" Denmark confided that this was the worst day, really. Stuck in a city with some of the best food in the country with some of the best eaters in the country, and trying not to ruin your stomach for game day.
There was also more sad news from the international front. The Indian giant who was slated to appear on stage, was not able to make it after all. After a nasty fall, a test showed he had a blood clot and he was unable to travel. When I expressed skepticism about the Indian giant's existence, Dale Boone whipped out his camera and showed me a picture of himself next to a very tall man. I can only attest to the fact that Dale Boone does in fact know someone who appears to be an Indian giant, but I hope he is an eating champion, and I hope he recovers successfully.
* * *
On the morning of the 4th, weather was the topic on everyone's minds. Before leaving the house, a local newscast pretty much went back and forth between the two big stories of the day: whether or not the storm prediction and cloud coverage would prevent the fireworks display and whether or not Kobayashi's jaw would prevent him from winning. Reports were coming in that the champ was planning on competing after undergoing a series of acupuncture treatments, and everyone revved themselves up for a real competition.
The gray skies weren't keeping away the crowds, and Coney Island swarmed with people hoping to get a good spot to see the hot dog competitors tear into their HDBs. Near the front, by the stage, family, friends, and other VIPs milled around, catching up with one another. "Beautiful" Brian Seiken was there, in spite of threats that he wouldn't attend this year if he didn't get a good spot to view the competition, along with Cookie Jarvis in his coat (more flowing than ever), and Don Lerman, dressed to the nines in his bright yellow Nathan's outfit. The area set aside for these lucky folks (and one non-bunnette-status blogger) is a strange one. Set off to the left of the stage, it allows people close to the action, but at such an angle that a clear view of the main action is almost impossible.
We all had excellent seats for the hot acts prior to the competition. There were many things included in last year's line-up that never made it to the stage due to time constrains, but this year, it was all about stalling. When the big clock was about to start the one hour countdown, the crowd noticed and began chanting down the numbers. Unfortunately, there was a groan where the cheer should have been--instead of heading into the final hour, the clock suddenly had 20 minutes added to it. Which is great if we're talking about getting to finally witness the presentation of Joe Mullen's teeth or Clogtastica!, two events in particular that Krista and I had been sad to not see last year. But let's just say there was a moment where George Shea danced with the three Bunnettes to "My Humps" that might have reeked a little bit of sheer desperation to fill time.
But before that had to happen, there was the presentation of Rookie of the Year. Three strong contenders were up for the distinction: Arturo "The Natural" Rios, who we met at last year's Thai qualifier, "Beautiful" Juliet Lee, the amateur pizza champ, and Tim "Gravy" Brown, who had had strong showings all year (and who, in a gray suit, looked either ready to take a meeting or slip into a Beastie Boys video). Though I have to admit my money would have been on Juliet, the first female to break through on the competitive eating scene in a long time, the award was presented to Arturo, who looked beyond thrilled.
Okay, let's back up and talk about the Bunnettes. As you probably know, I tried out to to be a Bunnette, and was denied in light of Nathan's decision to use professional models. First of all, everyone I ran into in New York had only the nicest things to say about my entry video. Seriously, I was blushing the entire time. My personal highlight of the day was Eric "Badlands" Booker getting on stage to sing his new hit, "She's My Bunnette" and dedicating it to me and Dani, who was Koby's Bunnette last year and who submitted a great video to the competition (four words: "underground lesbian pinata parties."). Take that, hot leggy models! Oh yeah: there were some hot leggy models. Yawn. No, actually I'm lying when I say "yawn" because what I really said was, "Holy shit, that Bunnette was on America's Next Top Model!" It's true!
Bunnette #1 = Sara Racey Tabrizi from cycle 2.
Besides that being exceptionally hilarious for me, the Bunnettes on average were...average. They did what they needed to do (though I noticed our ANTM friend flipping the numbers the wrong way a couple times before catching herself--don't worry; they're not actually counting, just reflecting the referees' counts). My main issue was that there were only three, one for Joey, one for Kobayashi, and one for Pat Bertoletti. I don't think that traditionally there's been a Bunnette for every eater at the table, but three seemed like an exceptionally sparse showing. Why wouldn't the crowd be interested in knowing how the other eaters are doing? In a situation like this, the organization dictates the public's interest; if there are no Bunnettes, and no announcement of totals, then the people can't care how the other eaters are doing because they have no means to. Especially when there were willing dog counters in the audience :-)
The word on the street is that the Bunnette videos will be kept around for a future competition in the fall. Hmmm, Krystal burgers have buns...
Lucky for me, I was in the section where there were a lot of people who cared. Joey's family wore shirts with a lurking shark image on the front; Tim Janus's family came in face paint and matching shirts; Erik Denmark's family outfitted themselves with red headbands that matched his; Carlene LeFevre pressed herself up against the stage when her husband got to the table, yelling out "Rich! Rich! I'm over here!" until he turned and acknowledged her with a smile and wave. There were two entrances for all the eaters. The big splashy one with intro songs and rattled off stats for the crowd, and a more mellow one for the ESPN cameras.
The entrances are always a fun way for the crowd to get to know the eaters' personalities a little. Juliet came out and demonstrated her extreme flexibility with a little stretching, Dale Boone came out in his famous fur hat, waving an American flag, Pat Philbin did his usual goofy mugging, there was some serious muscle flexing between Erik Denmark, Hall Hunt, and Kobayashi, while Chip Simpson opted for some more dancey moves. There were also subtle dedications: Pat Bertoletti wore a headband bearing the name of his grandfather who passed away, and Erik Denmark wore the number 11 on his wristbands, in memory of his mother's birthday. The eater who managed to make his entrance the most controversial was Tim "Eater X" Janus, who came out with a sign that said, "And on the 7th day god created HARTFORD!" which got cheers. Then he flipped the sign over:
This got boos (though also a lot of laughter). The most common reaction I heard to the sign was a worried, "Does she really?" (Yes, America. J.K. Rowling, a secret competitive eating fanatic, decided that the sole copy of her unpublished manuscript should go directly to Tim. Boy did be blow that one!)
As the last eater joined the stage, George Shea officially began the competition. Pat Bertoletti was off like lightening and even led Joey and Koby briefly. The two caught up and headed neck and neck into the final moments. The Bunnettes flipped furiously, but when the final second hit, it wasn't clear who had won. Both cards showed a glowing 63, indicating both eaters had shattered the new record, but who had actually eaten more? Adding to the controversy was something I couldn't see from my spot: a slight reversal on Kobayashi's part. Though that can be grounds for disqualification, the eater contained the explosion and...uh..un-regurgitated it. There aren't hard and steady rules for something like this, mostly because there aren't very many instances where this happens. Usually if an eater suffers a reversal of fortune, they do so absolutely. Ultimately the judges decided that since the expulsion did not hit the table and since it was reabsorbed, Kobayashi would not be disqualified.
What I could see was Joey arguing definitively with his judges. He had an intense look on his face, and he would later tell me that he was keeping count of the number of plates he had eaten, so knew he had at least consumed 65 HDBs, which is what he was relaying emphatically.
This went on for a minute and then the arguing stopped. Joey closed his eyes and broke out into the the most heartbreaking smile. In that split second, I knew he had it. George Shea regained his composure and announced the new winner, with 66 HDBs and a new world record, Joey "Jaws" Chestnut! Confetti rained down against the cloudy sky and the Mustard Yellow Belt and trophy were brought out for presentation.
Kobayashi was gracious as always. Through his translator he said the new record was amazing and agreed that Joey is a true champion. When asked if he would be returning next year, he said, "Of course." And would he beat Joey? Kobayashi smiled for the crowd. "I will definitely beat him next year."
It's a day some thought would never come: yesterday the great Takeru Kobayashi fell to the superior eating skills of another, America's own Joey Chestnut. With the crowd chanting his name during a nail-biting pause for judging, it was finally announced that Joey had not only crushed the world record, but had beaten Kobayashi by three HDBs. Under the cloudy sky, the mood was nothing short of electric as everyone burst into elated cheers at the news of the soon-to-be-famous 66 HDBs. Kobayashi, always a good sport, said he was in awe of the number and can't wait for his next opportunity to try and beat it.
Full scores:
Joey Chestnut: 66
Takeru Kobayashi: 63
Pat Bertoletti: 49
Tim "Eater X" Janus: 43.5
Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas: 39
Bob Shoudt: 35
Chip Simpson: 35
Rich LeFevre: 31
Hall Hunt: 29
Juliet Lee: 26
Dale Boone: 25
Pat Philbin: 24
Crazy Legs Conti: 23.5
Erik "the Red" Denmark: 23
Tim Brown: 22.5
Arturo Rios, Jr.: 21
Allen Goldstein: 21
I forgot my camera cord and can't seem to figure out how to download my pics and videos without it, so a full write up with visuals will have to wait until next week. I promise to make it worth the wait!