I love Messi as much as any futbol fan, but i relenquish the True Fan title for the moment to this intrepid young lady:

ouch! On the local front, the True Fan crew had a great night last Saturday at SLABTOWN watching our mighty mighty Timbers crush the California (Give Us A) Victory inside of 20 minutes. There wasn't much to report from the second half, but it didn't matter as spirits were high and chanting was full voiced. Thanks to the implosion of the Virgina Beach Mariners, the Timbers' schedule has been overloaded with fixtures against the (Can't Get A) Victory, and this Friday, not only do they get another crack at them, but on Fox Soccer Channel no less. Kickoff is moved inexplicably to 8pm, as it usually is when FSC comes to town, and as a bonus, the first 2,000 fans will be presented with a bobblehead of the legendary Timber Jim. Man, do I want me one of those. Then, Sunday at 6pm, the show starts all over again, and the (Please, Please, Just One) Victory are brought to the felt-on-asphalt slaughterhouse.

My beloved UrbanHonking AC has been on a slump of late, to my dismay. Granted, our last two losses have come to the undefeated title contenders Brooklyn Park Pub and Fut-ccers (and all of us were fairly happy about our performance against the latter despite the loss), but now we find ourselves in lowly eighth place and a difficult four games left to rectify things. This week will be no picnic as we face down arch-rivals Marraige Records/CEID/Oak Street/Eastside Esplanade Lightnings tomorrow (Thursday) at 9:15pm. You can't dismiss any team in Portland Futsal's 3rd Division (case in point, the helium-like rise of Lonely Shepards FC), and the Lightnings bring a tough game and fierce supporters when playing the UrHo boys.

Finally, we've been keeping an eye on Laurie Sanchez' work on transforming Fulham from Team America to Team Northern Ireland (with Chris Coleman picking up the reigns at Real Sociedad, speculation is afoot that Sociedad will pick up the Team USA title from Fulham). Looks as if Clint and Carlos will have plenty of competition for spots. With McBride having won a firm place in the Fulham faithfuls' hearts, I won't be too disappointed if he finds himself playing out the final year of his contract and returns to MLS for a hero's welcome.

But for Dempsey, this year has to be the one where he takes it to a new level. He's won himself some time by scoring that momentous goal against Liverpool, but there's only a small window to prove he deserves a place on team full of new faces, and on a team that looks to be building around a completely different style than his own. Carlos should do well, always dangerous on set pieces, but now that Aaron Hughes has made the move from Villa and more defenders likely to follow, Boca could find himself on the outside looking in very quickly.

ok, i'm new at these blog callout thingys, so bear with me for a second, this will probably be awkward. Spoke apm:

(Benny Feilhaber scored off of a corner in the 72nd)

that's it? that's all you can bring yourself to say? i realize you guys don't really care for your own country's team, but i thought at least as Fans Of Beautiful Football, you'd take a line or two to appreciate the sheer beauty of that strike. Let's see it again:

That's a moment of utter perfection! You mean to tell me that if Messi or Kaka or, hell, even Teddy Sheringham scored a blistering, one-touch volley to score a game winner, in the final of the tournament that decides your region's champions, against your deepest and most historic rivals, that you'd reduce this single defining moment of the game to a bland parenthetical? That you'd spend more time on the "club-footed, hacking" defenders? Does Jon Spector lose those club feet when he puts on the West Ham shirt?

I'm not saying you have to like the US team, or even that the US is a world-beater or is known for the joga bonito, but that moment was quality, and deserved a bit more than a half-mention. I literally couldn't remember the last time the US successfully fought back to win a competitive match after giving up the first goal. To do it in such a dramatic fashion against Mexico in the final encapsulated so much that is beautiful in this game. A little respect is due.

Tomorrow night! True Fan's and apm's One True Love the Portland Timbers travel up the corridor to take on Seattle Sounders in the US Open Cup. SLABTOWN will have the Official Timbers Army Listening Party (oops, did I say official? strike that, pending TA approval) for this game, and video for Thursday's regular season game away at the California (Give Us A) Victory. Happy Hour runs right up to kickoff (due for 7pm), so you can get warmed up early and full voiced for what should be a spirited game.

The Portland Timbers currently have 11 points for the six games we have played this season (USL Div 1 Standings). Now that we've seen them in action is seems like it's time for some sweet, sweet predictions!

Looking at the upcoming schedule we've got three away games and two home games this month. I bounced the next five games off the other UrbanHonking Timbers Fans:

This puts the number of points UrHo is predicting for the Timbers June games between 5 and 10. (You can post your predictions in the comments below.)

Ooh, a stadium that's neither in the city nor on any public transport lines? Tantalizing. You Californian real estate developers really know how to charm us. Might there be a nearby Crate & Barrell to shop at in this new development? SOLD.

EDIT: also, read this very nice story.

Start the morning with everything on the up and up, looking forward to this week's matches, and end the day being four degrees separated from geedub hisself.

Totally True Rumor: Paulson is going to move the Beavers to Reno and sell the Timbers to Mike Keston, who then enters them as the Columbia Gorge SalmonRunnerz in MLS 2008. No, wait, make that... FC Troutdale Albion.

Also: This week! Hot Playoff Action at Portland Futsal! Tuesday! Argentina Conference Champion Albina Going against Brazil Conference runners-up Sofa Kings! Thursday! My beloved UrbanHonking AC take on the Brazilian (Conference) champions Kiss My Pass! So much at stake!

Timbers vs. Rochester, May 13th:

Holy. Who was that?

Oh. Thanks.

May is such a lovely transition month, don't you agree? Aside from all that prattle about showers and flowers, the Euro leagues wind down and we unabashed US footie fans can finally enjoy the action in the flesh. With Fulham safely out of the drop zone thanks to our boy Dempsey, I can finally put aside the secondary distraction of the London goings-on and revel in the quest for redemption from my beloved Timbers of Portland.

As mentioned before, a Chinese excursion (planned well before the USL schedule was released, of course) prevented me from attending the home opener. And although I did catch a couple of Chinese Super League games on Guangxi Sports, and caught a glimpse of the bird's nest stadium that will be the centerpiece of the 2008 Olympics, I had to accept that spectacles of a sporting nature were not why I had come, and that the Timbers unfortunately would have to wait.

Which makes me very happy to report the wait was worth it. Despite the wrenching heartbreak and backstabbery of seeing Hugo depart to the northern bastards, and losing Byron, Mamba, and Guti (who despite the real lack of minutes was one of the few high points of last season for me), I'm forced to admit that Gavin's rebuilt squad has good potential, if presently unrealized.

Oh wait, I write something like this every year, don't I?

last year, you could almost taste the desperation and yearning, the frustration of a stilted system, questionable substitutions, and no creativity in the midfield. ... They might not be screaming out of the gate, but there's a fertile scent on the wind. The days ahead are full of promise, and undefeated at home is not a bad way to start.

Such tortured prose! That first sentence was originally about Bob Howe's last season, and ended up being even more applicable to the terrible Agnello experiment. OK, patience, must have patience and tempered enthusiasm.

Yesterday's match against Mexico's Club Necaxa, while really not a comparison of similar fruits owing that both squads fielded mostly reserves, showed some second half spark that was promising for the Timbers fan who perennially starts spring with boundless enthusiasm and ends autumn in alcohol-soaked tears of disappointment. After a middling first half that saw Necaxa deep in their shell and no creativity from the Timbers forwards, Necaxa began to push forward around the 40th minute, and forced new keeper Josh Wicks to dive low and fast to save their best chance of the game so far. Things began to get a bit more physical, and the yellow cards referee Brian Hall produced might have reminded the players that there was an actual contest of athleticism going on.

But really, i think Gavin put some horse adrenaline in the Gatorade at halftime, because 30 seconds into the second half, Bryan Jordan stormed out of the gate, slipped between two defenders on a give-and-go, and buried his shot in the lower left corner. Ah, what a welcoming feeling it was, to be engulfed by the sound of 107 erupting in pure bliss. I imagine seeing a video of oneself in these ecstatic moments would be even more off-putting than seeing yourself during sex. Less awkward moaning and head tossing, and more cackling and I-just-killed-a-wild-boar screaming. Or perhaps vice versa. Whichever, it was good to be in that sweet embrace in the afterglow.

Wicks was called on to make a few more saves in the second half, as the Timbers' Scot-Thompson-less defense blundered more than once to give Necaxa breakaways. Good to know that central defense and striker will continue to be problem spots for this club, so I can be prepared when it costs us something bigger. I should also mention that there were sparks of inspiration in the Portland midfield, matched pretty evenly with blasé passes and poor trapping. Having left both my telephoto lens and binoculars at home, I didn't get to see who our left winger was in the second half, but he provided some of the Timbers' few pretty moves to break into space, usually cut off by a foul or errant shot.

And on the ensuing free kicks, it slammed home the unfortunate fact that there was a Hugo-sized hole in our midfield. Hugo's free kicks were a thing of beauty at times, and the thought of those Seattle rat bastards using that against us makes me want to puke. Having not really kept track of Gregor's track record on free kicks (although, two missed penalties in the first game? oh dear), I suppose there's the possibility that we'll do okay in this department, but I'll need some proof this weekend.

Er, tomorrow! Sweet Lord, it's already tomorrow that those pig fuckers make the trip down I-5 to tarnish us with their presence. Well, the Verdiblancos (totally gonna steal that from Zach, no shame... but should it maybe be the Amarilloblancos now?) held on to that one goal lead, the moment of initiative from Jordan winning out on the night as the play descended more and more into gruff displays of physicality. It's a great feeling to have some confidence in your bench going into a two-game weekend and meeting your bitter rivals. Tempered enthusiasm, tempered enthusiasm.

(psst. kickoff's at 8pm on Friday, hour later than usual. kickoff's at 6pm on Sunday, hour earlier than usual)

So I missed the season opener. Sort of bummed about that, but I was out with a very pretty girl at a very fancy place, so it wasn't that difficult of a decision. I did however jump online as soon as I got home to check the score. After reading about the team and people's expectations I was hoping so hard that we managed to at least tie... when I saw the score I just mumbled an expletive, in a good way.

The Timbers won 3 to 1!!! I got so excited about that. And while I know it doesn't matter much after only one game, seeing Portland Timbers at the top of the standings is a pretty awesome feeling.

Bob Kellet has a great wrap up on the OregonLive Timbers Blog where he mentions Andrew Gregor, Troy Ready, and The Timbers Defense as the stars of the game. Kellet also estimates the true attendance was closer to 5,000 and not the 7,805 that PGE Park claims.

The next game is May 5th in Seattle, and then there is a very exciting long stretch of home games through May.

Over at the OregonLive Timbers Blog Bob Kellett is profiling the 2007 team! He started today with the goalkeepers, Bayad Elfvin and Josh Wicks.

Josh Wicks #23


Bayard Elfvin #1

Our beloved Timbers home and season opener is fast approaching (April 21st), and nothing gets me in the mood like hearing a hott pop-punk cover of Green is the Color and a teaser trailer for the new Timbers Army documentary "We Are Mental." Unfortunately, your intrepid UrHo Timbers Beat reporter will be travelling abroad during the opener, but keep your eye on this space for some season previewing shortly.

The announcement i've been dreading for weeks has finally come. Hugo is gone, signed up with some outfit from Kitsop. Byron is not expected to return, either. Is Gavin determined to have a Latino-free Timbers or something? I know he's not the creative-player type, but surely it wouldn't kill us to have at least one guy with some skill with the ball at his feet?

Everton have enjoyed the benefit of USA goalkeeper Tim Howard all season, leading them to one of the best records for clean sheets and goals allowed in the Premiership this year. By playing week-in-week-out first team soccer, Tim has really benefitted in form and minimized those oocasional painful lapses that got him benched at Man U.

So it's no big surprise that Everton consummated the loan deal into a permanent one: a 5 year contract with an undisclosed fee, that soccernet reports is somewhere in the £3 million range. I think this is great for Tim and Everton alike, and should solidify Tim as the first choice keeper for the national team in this summer's tournaments and the 2010 World Cup cycle. Congrats to both!

Well, that was a big fuss over nothing. Oh wait, that describes most of the internet.

Although, it did look like something was in the works that got blocked at the last minute (arsenal not willing to give up trademark rights, maybe?). But I'm feeling a calm wash of relief that one of the better team names in MLS is staying put for now. As for the partnership, Chelsea had a big announcement last year that they'd partner with the Galaxy, and Real Madrid has a similar partnership with their Salt Lake namesakes. Both of these have amounted to little else than the occasional friendly. It'll take a bit more than an Arsenal Center of Excellence for the Rapids to really reap anything from the Gunners. Although, with the team training in London next month, there's still the chance that the Rapids could have a bit of class rub off on them. We'll see the proof when the new-look Colorado takes the field in April.

There's a press conference scheduled today (in about 20 minutes, to be exact) that should outline the "new identity" and "new partnership" of the Rapids with North London's Arsenal. I won't be able to watch it, but you could do so at the MLS site if you're so inclined. in the meantime, here's what the Arse's official site has to say about it. Some interesting tidbits in there ... coaching knowledge exchange probably being what Colorado needs most right now, but no mention of a name change to go with it.

More this afternoon when all the dust has settled.

BigSoccer is aflame with a previously password-protected website staging ground being released into the wild. The talking point? That yet another MLS team will change its name from a Not Very Bad American Sport Name to a Shameless Cry For Acceptance By The Kool Euro Kidz.

No confirmation of the truth of these rumors, but for the moment, one can see the damage at http://www.coloradoarsenal.com/. The first page has a nice animated logo saying Colorado Rapids, in the new team colors (shown to hardcore fans at a supporter's summit earlier this year), but click further into the site, and the logo changes to the one above. Please let this be a hoax.

UPDATE: well, that was quick. the site's been pulled once again. The news item declaring "Colorado Rapids Unveil New Team Identity" was future dated Feb. 23rd, 2007. Might have to wait until then for the bad news.

These are the moments in a professional footballer's life that make all the blood, sweat, and tears worth it.

I guess it doesn't get more definitive than that. Gooch is now officially on loan to Newcastle United. Initially, it seems weird that it's a loan deal, but it makes sense when you consider Newcastle probably doesn't have the money, but desperately need defenders, and Gooch figures that he shows well for 6 months and gets the attention of a Big 4 club.

Oddly enough, even though he didn't sign for Fulham, he'll probably debut for NUFC against Fulham this weekend. Tragically, this game is only on Setanta Xtra, which as far as I know, is carried by absolutely no one. Curse you, International Soccer Television Gods!

Well, it looks as though Gooch will be bring The Stare back to France, this time for Marseille, where he'll play alongside the likes of Ribery and Cisse. As sad as I am not to see him suit up for Fulham, Marseille should be an excellent environment: G-14 club, Champions League possibilities, southern French coast... could be worse. Of course, it may get worse if those Sven Goran Eriksson rumors are true. *shudder*

Fulham put a nice cap on their decent transfer window showing by getting the signature of Russian veteran Alexey Smertin. It's been a while since I've seen Smertin... in fact, it was either in that dreaded Chelsea kit, or shortly before he was unceremoniously dropped from the Russian nats due to a spat with the coach. Well, regardless, I always have a soft spot for non-billionaire-oil-tycoon Russians in the Prem, even more so when they play for Chelsea's rivals. Davai, Alyosha!

UPDATE: Go to bed with one story, wake up to another. Gooch might still be going to yet ANOTHER club, this time up north at Newcastle. Three more days, Gooch, make up your mind!

First of all, a brief shoutout of good luck to my beloved UrbanHonking AC, who take on (are probably taking on as I type this) Dudes FC in their second Rivals Cup fixture, because I'm unable to join them tonight. Godspeed, gentlemen.

So your intrepid author, stereotypical Oregon hippie that he is (vegetarian? check. SE Portland address? check. socialist leanings? check. big head of hippie hair plus beard? check.), types these words from a corporate-sponsored Hilton suite, deep, as they say, in the heart of lone star steak country. Said author's travelling companion is a Chicago native, obviously the original inspiration for Da Superfans, who planned his travel itinerary such that not a single moment of Da Bears playoff spectacular would be missed this Sunday. If this is beginning to sound like a bad 90's remake of The Odd Couple, you're not too far off the mark.

Being along for the ride anyway, I decided to accompany him and attempt to at least remember if not re-live some of the excitement I once had for the Broncos as a youth growing up outside of Denver. American Football and I have had a rocky relationship over the years. Loved it as a kid, played it in High School even though I knew in my heart the love was fading, swung to active hate during college, and faded back into mild indifference in the present as I race headlong towards my 30th birthday.

Kickoff commences, and the first thing that comes flooding back to me, other than the realization that my "ceaser" salad is sprinkled with bacon bits, is that I forgot about the commercials. Oh dear. I know how clichéd this sounds, but there is literally 30 seconds of action followed by 30 minutes of commercials. I don't know how such a terrible oversight occurred on my part. Having been tivo-enabled for the last 3 years or so, i've thankfully banished even regular length commercial breaks out of my life. I'm not equipped with the intestinal fortitude to make it through football-sized commercial breaks.

Each time they return, my sphincters unclench a bit and my mind resets into sports absorption mode again, but right when my bile has lowered and i'm ready for something exciting to happen, the requisite four plays are past and the advertising beast must be fed again. Hearing me groan once again, my companion says, "See, this is why soccer will never be big in America. Advertisers can't make any money when there's no breaks." Watching a Rock-Em-Sock-Em Robot take on a pickup truck for the 9th time, I think that's probably best for all parties, but instead I mumble something about MLS approving ads on the front of jerseys and pitch-side ad boards.

As the game progresses, I'm reminded how cut and dry American Football is. Since each team has, I think, 3 chances to score before "time" runs out, every possesion is either pure glory or utter failure. Or a field goal. (I'm told that one of the teams has two kickers. How much does it suck to be one of those guys? You would get 3 chances to touch the ball, but now you have to share those with some other guy. I bet he cries himself to sleep at night. On a pile of $100's.)

This also leaves no grey areas. How do NFL message board geeks get by on this? In soccer, one fan's Maradona is another fan's Joey Franchino, and neither get much definitive proof either way. Other than those two exact players, soccer talent, and soccer games, play out so much more elusively, on a long gradient from blah to bellissimo. There are fewer ways of quantifying what makes a soccer player "good", and the moments of pure joy in the beautiful game sometimes happen far away from the goals. And don't even get me started on the subject of stats unless you're ready to hear A Grumpy Old Man.

Eventually, we finish lunch, and my third Shiner (oh how woeful it is to be anywhere where the best beer available is Shiner). The Saints have crawled back into the game off of one moment of individual excellence from Reggie Bush. The Loch Ness Monster has attacked 5 more pickup trucks. My travelling partner either takes pity on me, or seriously wants to finish the game in his hotel room. I don't care which, because whatever game drama is beginning to solicit genuine interest is washed away with the salivating thought of checking my email.

So I wussed out. I wasn't man enough to take on the big boys. Although, apparently I didn't miss much afterwards, as New Orleans decided they were done for the evening. All I was left with was the thought: MLS needs "saving" so it can be more like this? Can you pass the sepukku knife?

Let's all give a hearty Yanks Abroad cheer (I can use that phrase without infringing copyright, can't I?) for Yank Abroad Jay DeMerit, who scored the game winner for Watford today against Yank Abroad Brad Friedel's Blackburn. That's probably one of the few times you'll see two Americans alone in the BBC's match photo. Good on ya, Jay! (I don't really know what that means, but that's what you're supposed to say, right?) That also puts DeMerit nipping at Shevchenko's heels for total Premiership goals this season, and I can't tell you how thrilling that is to write.

Watford have been the underdog's underdog this year, putting in gutsy performances but always being shown up in the end. With this only being their second win, they have a desperate need for strikers to start putting in goals. At the heart of defense, Jay has acquitted himself admirably with partner Danny Shittu, but Watford keep losing games they have every right to win because they couldn't score (as the saying goes) in a whorehouse with a fistful of 20's. I'm holding out every hope that they can stay up this year, but the clock is certainly ticking, and they're 7 points away from safety.

More coming later on the soccer fan's journey through the gauntlet of that Great American Sporting Ritual, the NFC Championships.

I think it's no coincidence that this weekend is sunny and warm after a good old-fashioned Portland "blizzard." It's merely [your preferred creator]'s way of showing [his/her/its] pleasure that UrbanHonking AC has finally snapped a torturous 8 game regular season losing streak (9 games in all competitions!).

And what better way to do it than against current Rivals Cup holders Albina Going FC? UrHo lead the entire game, the first of the regular-season Rivals Cup matches, after Josh Berezin once again started off the scoring (he's starting a tradition within a tradition, scoring first against the Unicorns). Albina fought back mercilessly throughout the fixture, though, and in the dying minutes, with the boys in green leading 5-2, unleashed their secret weapon: their keeper.

Not 20 seconds after switching spots with a field player, their 6-foot-14-inch keeper found net TWICE in 90 seconds. Being on the bench at the time, i gave the boys my best Sam Allardyce, berating them mercilessly for not bunkering in to salvage the game. Lady Luck would shine on us, though, as we managed to weather the dying seconds and sail through to a 5-4 victory. Huzzahs rang out across the city, and were it daylight out, you would have seen the break in the dark clouds announcing the dawning of a new day for UrbanHonking AC.

Speaking of new days, it was a pretty decent new day for the Deuce as he made his debut in the last 10 minutes for a 10-man Fulham (Helguson having received a second yellow for what was reportedly a rather soft tackle). having spent 45 seconds assessing the lay of the land, Dempsey picks Robbie Keane's pocket, delivers a "cheeky backheel" to Michael Brown, who passes to McBride. McBride's shot is handled in the box, and Montella converts the penalty. 1-0 Fulham, with the entire play set up by Dempsey!

Unfortunately, Tottenham struck back 4 minutes later off some shoddy keeping and the game ended in a draw. Dempsey really didn't have a chance to shine otherwise (interestingly, McBride's debut for Fulham was also against Tottenham, but he put in the game winner), but I'm salivating at the thought of him actually being match fit. Deadspin has a short bit that says he ran wind sprints after the game, even. Keep it up, Deuce!

And finally, has there ever been a more goofy transfer season for a Yank Abroad than the rumors currently swirling around Gooch? Linked with both Milans, Lyon, Fulham, and now those fucking blue bastards are after him. Gooch, I understand turning down Fulham if you think you've got a chance at a top level outfit (though I come down firmly pro playing-time-in-mid-level-club side vs. riding-the-pine-for-a-champion), but honestly, you're fucking dead to me if you put on that Chelsea kit. Cheers!

And lo, did BigSoccer thus have the world's largest collective, simultaneous tantric orgasm.

Yes indeed, sometimes Dreams Come True. *sniff* it's so beautiful.....

internet rumors around the fulham boards say gooch is either about to sign or is considering Italian courtiers, depending on who you choose to believe. Cookie, now that you're the new shadow USMNT coach, allow me to be the first to introduce you to a terrible and overplayed american cliche:

GIT R THE FUCK DUN!!!!11!!!.

Yes it is indeed true, however unfortunate. Valiantly we fought, but those black-hearted Unicorns managed to snatch away the inagural Rivals Cup trophy with four unanswered second half goals.

I was incredibly proud of our boys' performance. They showed terrific resolve right out of the gate, and we were rewarded for the efforts with the very first Rivals Cup goal, scored by Josh Berezin. Remember that name, because the 'Zin has lightning quickness and reads the game well. With his steadily improving technical skills, UrHo AC expects Josh to be a major contributor in the club's future.

As the first half drew on, Albina found net multiple times and clearly unsettled us, but we dug in and fought our way back to tie it up at the half. Players and coaches can all attest to the psychological importance of pulling back an equalizer before halftime, and the optimism in the Honking locker room was palpable. Unfortunately, we fell out of our rhythm at the beginning of the second half, and once we found it again we lacked the finishing touch. Still, though, our lads put together attack after attack and showed tremendous resolve to the end. Congrats to Albina Going for a well-fought match, but don't get too used to that trophy, because in two short weeks Unicorn vs. Pegasus kicks off the season-long race for the next Rivals Cup holder.

UrbanHonking was also pushed on by the "sixth man", our throng of deafening supporters, who cheered our double-stepovers and erupted in raucous noise at another diving save from keeper Gene Merrill (who had some beautiful clutch saves on the night). To our fine army of fans, we thank you and promise you honor and hardware very soon.

Special thanks also are due to the wonderful Paul Lomanto, owner/operator of Portland Futsal, for overseeing the festivities, and then getting his soccer-geek on with me post-game over drinks at the Brooklyn Park Pub. Whether talking about El Matador Byron Alvarez's past, present, and future, Gavin Wilkinson's probable upcoming squad, Bataan-Death-March-esque Training Camps for 14 year old futsal prodigies, or Bob Bradley's chances for success as the "interim" nats coach, Paul is an enthusiastic fan as much as he is a player, parent coach, and entrepenuer, and we're thrilled with his support of the Rivals Cup.

UrbanHonking AC kicks off their Winter II season against Sofa Kings, Thursday, Jan. 19th at 7:25pm.

Oh god. I think Fulham's finally decided to out and out corner the market on Yanks abroad:

Chris Coleman is on the verge of beefing up Fulham's defence by signing rugged USA centre back Oguchi Onyewu from Standard Liege in a deal worth £1million. Onyewu, 24, who played in all three USA games at the World Cup, was attracting interest from Manchester City as well but is keen to link up with international team-mate Clint Dempsey, who is due to sign for Fulham this week. They will be joined by another forward, Roma's former Italy striker Vincenzo Montella.

Look, Chris... can I call you Cookie? Thanks. Cookie, you have this thing in your hands right now. It's called my heart. Now I know Fulham and I have been seeing each other for a while now, and I think we both feel there could be something special here. You've brought quite a bit to the relationship, I admit. I know it's not your fault your best assets get plucked by the prettier belles of the ball, but you always manage to find those charismatic diamonds in the rough (with perhaps a bit of the rough brought in with it for show, that's ok).

But here you go promising the moon and the goddamned stars too. Gooch and Boca on the backline? Dempsey providing service to McBride? Are you trying to make me cream my pants?! Even the mere rumor has reduced me to a gibbering idiot, concocting lineups in my head all day.

Cookie, if you're playing fast and loose with my heart, you're tempting fate. Dempsey's still got that war crimes tribunal to get through, and for all I know, this Gooch rumor is some intern at the Evening Standard yanking my chain. When the window closes, if they're both at Craven Cottage, well then, you could say our relationship might get a bit... closer. Perhaps even .... exclusive? Who knows?

All I know is that that very nice Manchester City team had Damarcus Beasley score a game-winner and get an assist in the following game. They seem very welcoming to us Yanks. And Timmy Howard's such a clutch player for Everton isn't he? Wasn't David Moyes the first to sign McBride? Heck, those literary lyricists at A Pretty Move seem to want some company in the West Ham camp, don't they? And West Ham has Jon Spector....

Well, all these clubs could certainly be warm, inviting shelter for us, Cookie. I don't think you want that, and frankly, I'm not sure I do either. But if you play fast and loose with my heart, Coleman, I might even forget you beat Chelsea last season.

I just caught myself idly wondering if i'd fit into a large size Clint Dempsey Fulham replica jersey. This has got to stop or Deuce will start replacing Volzy in my dreams.

UPDATE: classic. but you gotta suspect they can make an exception for the guy who was the nat's Player of the Effing Year.

Like the proverbial rented mule, UrbanHonking AC was beaten soundly last night by a mercy-rule mitigated 12-5 (Portland Futsal house rules dictate that a team cannot lead the game by more than 7 goals). We were, for lack of a better word, dreadful. Physically dominated, unable to close down the midfield, marking with more holes than a cheese grater, and a hesitancy to ask any questions of the opponents' keeper whatsoever (ok, i'm exaggerating on the last point. Curt had several shots saved, and i had a weak shot while falling backward that was an easy save. w00t).

Yours truly gifted our Bayern-Munich-replica clad adversaries their very first goal, after an ill-advised attempt to dribble out of the backfield. Who knows what the hell I was thinking. The first half was pretty well summed up at the buzzer, when a last-ditch cross in front of our net—that probably would have sailed harmlessly past had I not been in front of it—hit my forearm and was redirected into our net. Had I not been there, or had we delayed him 2 seconds longer, the half would have ended poorly enough. A harsh mistress indeed.

There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth afterwards at the hospitable Brooklyn Park Pub, our Official Post-Game Public House And Tavern, and hopefully our surgically extracted humbling will see us "digging deep" and "finding strength in adversity" and recognizing we "got to want it." With the thanksgiving break next week, we have a double-edged sword. Having no game will give us more time to work out the defensive kinks, but as far as fitness is concerned, Thanksgiving is the worst holiday to be facing now. I fear for my muscles, for they will be trapped between the fire of physical exertion and the ice of our nationally shared lethargy. As the saying goes, they're going to be like lukewarm water.

But in the meantime, I'll be softly weeping while curled under my desk in a fetal position.

oh, True Fan, i'm sorry. I haven't been your best contributor. Remember those days of wine and roses, when i'd post warmed up leftovers from Eleven Devils and A Pretty Move? yeah, i didn't think so. It's been a while since we put any soccer at all up here. We even had the gall to leave you derelict during the World Cup.

Believe me, we were doing you a favor, True Fan. There were so many Portland-themed soccer blogs taking up that mantle, that posting whatever shoddily-analyzed dreck of a match report I could write would have actually lowered—nay, destroyed—your bloggy credibility. It would even have tarnished your rep in the competitive eating community, and that is one audience you Cannot Afford To Lose right now.

I can't even guarantee that this is the start of a comeback, either. Maybe the first of a series, but don't you see that if i promise you nothing, your heart won't be broken when those promises aren't kept? Let's just take it one baby step at a time.

First of all, there's this UrbanHonking AC thing. Yeah, i know, this is True Fan, not True Playa. But this is, literally, your team! a team playing for perpetual UrHo glory! a team to carry the impeccable style, verve, and other je ne sais quois of the Urbane Honkers onto the indoor pitch. We'll kick off our debutante season tonight at 6:20pm against some motley crew of obvious ne'er-do-well rapscallions named AC Felonious Kick. Whether this is some reference to Straight, No Chaser, or merely refers to the criminal underground that must fill out their roster, these felons will have a challenge before them tonight. They'll do well to be especially wary of my "Viper Attack", which, actually, only involves me shrieking like a little girl who just saw a viper.

Oh, and remember MLS? you remember, American soccer. No, no, they did away with the shootout. And the clock counts up now, just like the rest of the world. Come on, you haven't forgotten Shalrie Joseph, have you?

Well, he's back in the big game. MLS Cup 2006 features returning chumps New England against the San-Jose-of-the-Atlantic Houston Dynamo. You should watch, if only for the fact that if Clint Dempsey is healthy, it could be your last chance to watch him and Houston's Dwayne DeRosario languish in MLS before they go languish on some mid-Colaship squad next year. No, really, you should watch it. It's on ABC at 12:30 PST this Sunday.

So yeah, I agree, this post was both parts mildly familiar and awkward. Kind of like having sex with your cousin, or so i'm told. I'll try harder, True Fan, I really will. Can you forgive me?

More photos on Flickr

The first thing that really confounds any newcoming fan of the USL, after they stop snickering over the name Ragin' Rhinos, is that the the schedule appears to be put together by a drunken, angry spider monkey. It metes out punishment randomly, wantonly, only pausing briefly to check that there are not 37 days in July.

Of course, this is a tortured intro to saying that the Timbers head into a back-to-back series with the Preston Burpo-less Kitsap Sounds Of The Seventies. Two games without a day for rest? With a 3-hour bus ride each way? YOU WILL SHUT YOUR PURTY MOUTH AND TAKE WHAT THE SPIDER MONKEY HATH GRANTED YOU.

It's really going to be a shame watching the Kitsap JV squad without Burpo this year, having left the northwest to clean the goat stables at Chivas North Country. Of course, the celebrated be-nosed and be-neck-bearded Burpo is a treasure trove of comic relief and pedophilia wherever he goes, such as when he played right into our hands by breaking the nose of Bremerton forward Maykel Galindo. Obviously, Burpo's nose saw an evolutionary competitor to its alpha nose status. (details in this match preview by the excellent Allison Andrews.)

When it comes to the Tukwila Tugboats, you really have to feel for the players most of all (I mean, underneath the seething bile). When they're not being targeted for Burpo's hospitalization express, they're forced to play for pittance in front of crowds so small, even their families find better things to do. If that wasn't enough insult, you have a "fan" "base" that continually approaches new Kaufman-esque heights of self-parody each week (warning: youtube link). After a few months of the star treatment, these guys are ready to throw themselves in front of the Burpo Bus and end it all, and that can't be good for the Development of the American Soccer Player, can it? Of course, once their flight to the burbs is complete, they won't be developing anything anytime soon.

Zach is right. There's no fun in denigrating a team from Kitsap. It's like beating up a 9 year old. Would you really do this to us, Shittle? Who would we hate if you weren't here? Vancouver? it's just not the same, and some of us actually like that city, what isn't Whitecraps-tainted, at least. Puerto Rico? Virginia Beach? Please. The Rochester Raging Allegories of Sexual Frustration? OK, at least there's potential there, but don't make us stoop to that level. We need you to focus our hate. You need us, to.... well, you need fans. And you need a stadium. And a city that's not a train wreck. But let's not bite off more than you can chew right now. Suffice to say, you're a mess. But that's nothing that a move to the burbs can fix.

The Mighty Mighty Timbers travel to Starbuckistan tonight, and then face the Team With No Name, Home, Or Fans at PGE Park on Saturday, kickoff at 7pm.

Postscript: Recently, we were able to get our grubby little hands on a copy of Ax To The Head, unarguably a paragon of sports reporting and fandom testification. If I were you (and let's be glad for both of us that I am not), I would get one as fast as humanly possible and let money or dignity be no object.

MLS announced today the name and logo of its 13th team, Toronto FC. The team will be operated by the Maple Leafs Sports & Entertainment Group (MLSE), the same group that runs NHL's Maple Leafs.

Don't have much comment here, other than to say that i like the logo. Classy. Someone with actual graphic design knowledge should do a post about team logos. Logos both wonderful and cringe-inducing exist in plentiful supply even in just the MLS or USL.

As for the name, Toronto FC, my first reaction was "cop out." But then I remembered that the online rumors had it pegged to be the vomit-worthy "Inter Toronto FC." In light of that, I'll just sigh and go with the flow, because when the day is done, at least we still have a (top flight) league.

Chad, meet Portland. Portland, meet Chad.

After a stint at OSU, Chad decides he wants a tryout with the closest pro team. So he calls coach Agnello, emails him ... nothing. "I get at least 20 calls and e-mails a day," says Agnello. So Bartolomé does what every ambitious, driven professional does. Shows up at the front door and demands that he be hired.

And four hours after officially being signed to the Portland Timbers, Chad Bartolomé decides that the prudent course of action would be to score a goal for his new club, and Byron Alvaraz provides him the opening, placing a pacey shot to the keeper's lower right. The resulting deflection bounces right to an oncoming Bartolomé, who touches it into the goal, and only has to step over the sponsor banners to receive the eardrum-splitting accolades from section 107, and say "hello, Portland."

Although the weekend began on that strong note, it wasn't all smiles for the rose city. A defensive misstep allowed Vancouver's Tony Donatelli to strike a laser-guided shot past Josh Saunders and tie the game (where it would stay for the remainder), and the Minnesota Thunder would only be defeated 2-1 by a scrappy game-winner from Troy Ready.

But here's the crazy takeaway from this weekend's games: Hugo can disappear from a game for long stretches and the team doesn't suffer. Last year, if Hugo took his game down a notch (or was triple-marked out of the game), sea floor level pressure was placed on the Timbers' back line, and the forwards were left to wither, like desert nomads searching for an oasis.

This year, we got options. Guti looks dangerous in the middle, bringing that much-needed South American flair to these northern realms, and Luke carries the ball with the confidence of someone completely unaffiliated with a certain Utah-based MLS team. Combine that with the veteran Byron up top showing newcomers McAthy and Bartolomé how to strike, and the Timbers look very, very promising.

I said to Josh at halftime on Saturday, buzzing from overpriced Widmer and season-opener adrenaline, "I don't think I care if this team is middling all season. They're already tons more fun to watch in these first two games than all of last season." Sure, Jacobi had some slips, and we let both teams back into the game after getting a first half lead, but last year, you could almost taste the desperation and yearning, the frustration of a stilted system, questionable substitutions, and no creativity in the midfield.

I feel something new with this team. Oh, I know what it is, it's the absense of feeling that I could personally strap on my boots and play better than the guys wearing the Timbers jerseys. Ever since Agnello was hired, it's been a breath of fresh air (and not without controversy, of course, I'm not going to pretend Agnello's a savior who does no wrong), and this team feels rejuvenated. They might not be screaming out of the gate, but there's a fertile scent on the wind. The days ahead are full of promise, and undefeated at home is not a bad way to start.

Download the match schedule for the World Cup in the iCal-friendly .ics format. I set it up with time-zone support enabled, so all times should be local, no matter where you are.

Now you can plan your long lunches accordingly.

Oh dear lord, it's finally here.

such a long cold winter. reading the rediculously detailed updates from Bob. listening to each audio tidbit, interview, and discussion from the 107 report. waiting forever to finally see the revamped team, purged of dead weight and grafted, cyborg-like, with youthful newcomers. Scot, Hugo, and Byron are the core skeleton, and Luke, Drew, Michael, and who knows, Mamba, Guti, Orel could all be the adrenaline shot plunged into the sternum with a stab--stabbing motion.

yes, how it was a long, difficult slog, our only spots of warmth coming from watching the UP women beat the pants off, well, everybody and bring home the championship, and the US men beating Mexico 2-0 to qualify for Germany 06. OK, there were probably some pretty enjoyable EPL mornings at the Horse Brass. Oh, and how could i forget how it warmed my heart to see Fulham stuff Chelsea like a rag doll full of newsprint. Fuck Chelsea, man. Chelsea is where good talent goes to die.

but i digress. it certainly was a long winter of discontent (go with me on this), but now spring has begun and THE FUCKING TIMBERS ARE BACK!!!! YEAAAAHAHHHHHH!!!1!!ONE!!!1! and it's TWO games, back to back! God, will my throat be sore and my liver ready to go on strike. Friday, May 5th, it's Vancouver, who always are tough to beat (the Timbers unfortunately lost a tough season opener away at Vancouver last week 1-0, video highlights here), and Saturday, it's Minnesota coming into the piggy, who are pretty unknown this early in the season, having undergone their own episode of Pimp My Soccer Team.

Oh, and i can't forget, this year an industrious Army member has developed their own Official Timbers Army Intoxicating Beverage, the No Pity Pale Ale. *sniff*.... It's so beautiful, i can't hold back these tears. these tears of joy. These are truly The Best Fans On The Goddamn Planet.

Friday, May 5th, PGE Park. 7pm kickoff. Scream until you die.

(for a better, less fanboy preview, check the timberlog)

Short piece in today's Trib about the Portland Timbers upcoming season. Their first game is on April 22nd in Vancouver, and the first home game is Friday, May 5th, against Vancouver.

While in Las Vegas, I took advantage of the opportunity to spice up the watching of the 2006 FIFA World Cup. The Hott Denn has been anticipating the 2006 World Cup for quite time, even considering making a trek to Germany to see the action in person. Now outfitted with a new TV and with the plan to get cable to be able to watch as many games as possible, the Hott Denn is being redesigned as World Cup HQ.

Steve picked up the odds on the teams and I stepped out of the sports book and went to work calling people to make the following bets (I was wondering if this was legal, as they do make cell phones restricted, but Steve was pretty sure it was):

• Argentina 4/1 $10.00 KMM ($50.00)
• Germany 9/2 $50.00 EGM ($275.00)
• Italy 6/1 $20.00 JEB ($140.00)
• France 7/1 $15.00 JJA ($120.00)
• England 4/1 $20.00 JEB ($100.00)
• England 4/1 $10.00 WSM ($50.00)
• Spain 10/1 $5.00 KMM ($55.00)
• USA 10/1 $10.00 RLW ($110.00)
• Sweden 35/1 $5.00 WSM ($180.00)
• Japan 100/1 $5.00 WSM ($505.00)

It was really fun to bet $150.00 on a game that isn't going to happen until July, and I'll now have a lot more interest in the actual outcome of the matches. Of course, now I have to collect on all these... does this make me a bookie?

Portland, the best biking city in America*, has a long history of whimsical bike lane stencils. Now our own UP

Queens of Soccer get their very own stencil.

I think this is a great way to thank them for their hard work and celebrate their fame in a uniquely Portland way. It can be found up on N Willamette Blvd. Maybe they'll even bike on it!

(*College "cities" need not apply--we're talking real cities!)

There's some pretty good choices in the veritable cornucopia of story arcs to this year's MLS season. You've got Carlos Ruiz missing the All-Star game to open a Hooters in Guatemala, Chivas USA finding new definitions of the barrel bottom each week, the beautiful footage of ESPN's SkyCam doing its impression of a falling asteroid, an MLS "select" team sacrificed like mewling lambs in a 5-0 loss in Real Madrid's home opener; the list is long indeed.

But of course most of those stories ignore what happened on the field through most of the season. That's why for my money, the best on-field story this year is the rise of Herculez. After only playing 5 minutes in the 2003 season, Herculez Gomez was sent down through the bowels of USL division II, only to re-emerge as the LA Galaxy's clutch player. With Landon Donovan missing on national team duty for several games, it was Herculez who took up the slack, leading the Galaxy to a US Open Cup win, and almost single-handedly kept his team in the playoff run. Although he's been quiet through the playoffs, the Galaxy owe him the big bucks for making sure they had a chance at all. Heck, he deserves to make the big bucks for making keepers look like fools all season long. That's entertainment.

Which is why I'm doubly pleased to see that Bruce Arena has also been paying attention and gave Herc a callup for the US friendly against Scotland this Saturday. Only thing is, is that Herc's got this little MLS Championship to play on Sunday. Still, it's good to think that we can have some depth and variety up top with McBride, Donovan, Beasley, and Twellman.

On the eastern side, New England and Chicago decided to have a bar brawl in lieu of a conference championship, which is odd for New England, since they've been the team with the most attacking flair this year by far. Their specialties have always been threefold: 1) quick one-touch passing through the center that makes defenses look like they're standing around, 2) Noonan (or Ralston) crosses to Twellman for header goals (I swear, sometimes Taylor's feet don't even touch the ball all game), and 3) Shalrie Joseph being someone not to be fucked with. He may look like a coal mining Pippi Longstocking, but the man is solid. Let's take a look:

honk.

crunch.

hi freddy!

Again, a man to be fucked with, he shall not be. The Galaxy take on the Revolution for the United States MLS Cup Championship Title Soccer Game of 2005 on Sunday, 12:30 Pacific Time, broadcast live on ABC.

A tip of the hat to the timberlog, for bringing the ecstatic news of the resignation of Timbers General Manager Jim Taylor and the dismissal of Coach Bobby Howe (text of the press release here). It had seemed to many that Bobby's time was far past overdue, as each game's tactics seemed to rest on a never-ending succession of long balls through the middle, subbing out the team's best striker, or not subbing at all and giving up crucial points in the last minutes of games.

Taylor's resignation comes as a surprise to many, though, and has been greeted with varying amounts of dismay from the Timbers Army. Despite the much-hashed-over headbutting from the end of last season, the general consensus held that Taylor had been a crucial supporter of the team to upper management, and that the team and fans have much to thank him for over the past five years.

Where the team goes from here is anyone's guess, although at the least, we hope that this news means that Byron and other team members who were thinking of leaving due to differences with Howe will reconsider. On our TrueFan wishlist once the next coach (Arsene Wenger or Rafa Benitez, natch) is hired: a fast striker or two, a deft midfielder to match Hugo on the left, a whole new back line (especially for when Scot eventually leaves), and a pony.

When we last left our heroes and villains, the last playoff spot hung in the balance, and cracks were beginning to show in the normally united front the Timbers Army (which is not to downplay the many subcultures and groups already within the Army). The question hung in the air like an overcast Portland sky. What would the last two home games of the regular season bring?

Thursday's matchup against the Atlanta Silverbacks did see the stepped up security and police presence as expected. But despite the fear that most Army members would be ignorant of the "boycott" of the Shed and PGE concessions, 107 stood empty, parted like the Red Sea, save for a handful of fans. Most of the dispersal went to neighboring sections 106 and 108, but a medium-sized crowd gathered at the eastern gate waving flags and banners.

Tension was high as the Timbers took the field. Coach Bobby Howe decided to line up with Antoniuk and Conway pressing forward, saving Byron Alvarez for the moment. The game's first 15 minutes saw Hugo Alcaraz-Cuellar in typical form, slicing and dicing the right wing and putting up crosses reliably. A free kick from Hugo to Antoniuk went just over the bar, and then Dizzy tried a beautiful bicycle kick that missed by inches.

The Timbers were certainly knocking on the door, but it wasn't until minute 43 that Dizzy turned a chest trap from Scot Thompson and rocketed it into the net. First blood, Timbers! Smoke poured out from the east gate, reportedly enraging the blueshirt security while PPD officers merely smiled and looked on. In fact, most of the police presence seemed more interested in watching the game than the fans, quite probably having a keener perspective on the absurdity of their position than PGE Park management. On the Army side, it was evident a slow change in chant wording was underway, but with half the members shouting the original words and the other half shouting something completely different, it was hard for anyone to make out anything, much less who was swearing. Hmmm, a new tactic in the language wars?

Unfortunately, two minutes after the goal, the veteran Paul Conway slid into a shot that hit the side netting, and in the fall dislocated his right elbow. Conway went straight to the locker room for treatment, and the Timbers played the rest of stoppage time a man short while Byron warmed up.

The Silverbacks had a few chances throughout the first half, but standout keeping from Josh Saunders would deny them all. One only needed to glance at the halftime stats to see the foreshadowing. The Timbers were outshooting Atlanta 12-1. Then, only six minutes into the second half, Alvarez would once again display his finess by poking the ball through Atlanta's back line and slipping one past keeper Joe Barton (mpg video courtesy of Allison Andrews' always excellent match report). Barton was able to get a deflection on the ball, slowing it enough that defender Machel Millwood could attempt to clear it off the line, but it was too late, as the linesman judged it to have already crossed the line. 2-0, Timbers.

The Silverbacks were able to get some semblance of their shit together for about 5 minutes, when after moving the ball down the right wing and crossing it into space with a dummy, Alex Pineda-Chacon found himself unmarked from 12 yards out and beat Saunders to the upper corner. A small melee ensued when the Tarnishedbacks rushed in to grab the ball, presumably for the quick restart, but Scot Thompson had already grabbed it. Thompson got a shoulder to the face for his trouble, and Edwin Miranda picked up a puzzling yellow card for what appeared to be an attempt to keep the peace. But the more important question on the lips of Timbers fans everywhere: was it a fluke, or would we see yet another late-game breakdown for the Timbers?

It hung in the balance as Milwood would get a header requiring another save from Saunders, and at the other end, Miranda's stiff shot nearly broke Barton's nose.

The white board in 106 went up: At the 75th minute, it commanded, flood 107.

But the flood gates on the field were opened in the 72nd minute. Dizzy. Miranda. Miranda again! Dizzy for the hat trick! 6-1 Timbers!! Unfortunately denied in the goal run was a brilliant step up by Scot-with-one-T Thompson, who after defending a ball and beating a man, saw no one in front of him and decided to break forward with his patented blistering speed. Apparantly dispensing with conventional defending, Silverback Kristopher Stone bulldozed Thompson to the ground just outside the box, earning a flat-out red card. Stone's thuggish style would be indicative of how Atlanta coped with their slow-motion meltdown.

By the end, 107 was more lively than it had ever been, drumming, singing, and trumpeting the team to victory (okay, i know that photo's from the richmond game, but he totally was at the Atlanta game, OK?). It seemed the Army was one big happy family again. Awwwwww.

Well, it was one down, and one to go. There was a chance Portland could make the playoffs regardless if Puerto Rico were to lose to Toronto the following day, but when PR stuffed the bottom-feeding Lynx 3-0, the Timbers' task was all the more clearer: Beat Richmond.

And beat them they did. Although Richmond, sporting their Arby's chef uniforms, looked a much more menacing team than Atlanta, the Timbers' boost of confidence and home field advantage proved too much in the end. Some early back line mistakes saw Richmond getting shots in that Saunders, Thompson, and crew had to work doubletime to save, and most of the first 15 minutes were wasted as Portland tried to find their rhythm again.

It wasn't until the 35th minute that the Timbers' Defending Poet Scot Thompson stepped up to a Hugo free kick and headed it through to the waiting net. In fact, the Timbers proceeded to give the crowd a clinic on proper heading, getting all three goals on headed crosses. Dizzy's height was no match for his marker at the 84th minute, and Byron closed the game out in the 88th, receiving beautiful service from Hugo, and marching straight to the beer garden to receive his accolades.

Hugo's exemplary play throughout the year was recognized both by the Timbers fans voting him as Timbers Supporters Player of the Year, and by the league itself as the year's Assist Leader.

So with a 3-0 sweep of the Kickers, the Timbers took full control of 5th place, and earned their spot among Montreal, Rochester, Vancouver, Seattle, and Richmond in the first playoff leg. First up, a home-and-away series against archenemy Seattle, starting this Friday, Sept. 16th at PGE Park. The return leg will be Sunday the 18th in Tukwila, and will be televised live on Fox Soccer Channel. Viva Los Timbers! Vaya con Timber Jim!

The perfect storm, or a tempest in a teacup? It has proved to be a breakout year for the Timbers Army, bolstered by cover stories and "Best of Portland" shoutouts, which helped exponentially grow the fiercly loyal group until their numbers spilled into neighboring sections 106 and 108. But it has always been a double-edged sword for PGE Park and the Timbers management. One one hand, the TA takes care of the word-of-mouth canvassing and advertising that the apparantly anemic Timbers marketing office can't be bothered to do themselves, but part of the appeal of a Timbers game is the raucous crowd with salty language, to the extent that much of the TA growth can be attributed to newcomers that are there as much or more to see the TA spectacle than what's happening on the pitch.

The storm clouds began to gather three weeks ago, when Timbers General Manager Jim Taylor made a plaintive post to the TalkTimbers board. The Saturday, Aug. 20 match against Seattle was also planned to be Oregon Youth Soccer Association night (OYSA kids would get discounted tickets), as well as a Timbers 30th Anniversary celebration. With all of the expected children in attendance, Taylor argued, couldn't the TA find it within itself to curb the blue language? Because really, won't someone think of the children?

Between the fact that only a small percentage of Army members actually read the TalkTimbers board, the general proclivity of an attitude of teenage rebellion among the TA, and the fact that the Timbers were playing their deepest rival Seattle, Taylor's request (also distributed in hard copy at the game itself) was roundly ignored, and the F-bombs did floweth like water.

Picking up on this storyline was the Oregonian's Abby Haight, who covers the Timbers beat, and on the 23rd, the front page of the sports section ran this story (oddly enough, Timbers match results don't even make the front page of the O's sports section), painting the army as an "increasing headache for the team's management." The story portrayed the plight of the beleaguered suburban soccer mom forced to never return to their one Timbers match per year, and how the TA is daring to hold back attendance figures with their willful flaunting of FCC regulations.

As one would expect, a torrent of debate was unleashed among the TA, or at least those regulars of TalkTimbers. Calls for boycotts, the heads of Jim Taylor and the entire PGE Park front office, enjoinders to retire the stale and lifeless "You Suck Asshole" goal kick chant, pleas to not let this be the Army's Yoko era. Feelings were hurt, longtime Army members began to openly wonder what had happened to the nice folks they had stood by and cheered with for so long.

Really, it was all just brewing under the surface, waiting to erupt.

The Timbers Army has always had tenuous relations with Timbers management. The team appreciates the fact that the TA does all the marketing footwork, but has never appreciated any of the in-game contributions, demanding over the years that the TA refrain from standing on the dugout in front of 107, or cease lighting flares and smoke bombs after goals are scored. Since the Army has never had organization, and never had a leader, negotiations have never been easy. The language issue has always been a point of contention, especially since soccer in America has yet to throw off the yoke of its "family friendly" reputation. None of this, however, has stopped PGE Park from selling their own overpriced Timbers Army t-shirts in the merchandise store at games.

The next week, Taylor went to meet with Army members at the Bullpen and explain the POV from the front office. Reporting that people above him, presumably the team's ownership (still unclear at this point, since the deal is caught up in financing), PGE Park officials, or possibly even city officials have given him an ultimatum, Taylor told the gathering that there would be increased security and police presence at the next home game, and they would be authorized to eject, after a verbal warning, any fan engaging in organized swearing. Taylor claimed the higher-ups had wanted to shut the Army down completely, even cordon off 107 entirely, or charge exorbitant prices for that section only and enforce seating assignments.

Again as one would expect, this inflamed some Army members even further. Some talked about wanting to forget the Timbers altogether and start their own fan-owned team. Some argued that the Army should come to grips with reality and just lose or alter the 4-5 chants with adult language. The largest consensus seemed to agree on a general boycott of 107 and PGE concessions for the next home game. some Army members would move to other sections for this game, others would mass outside the park's east gate overlook on 18th avenue.

Quietly, while all the sound and fury was going on in Portland, the Timbers (the actual soccer team, remember?) had a mixed showing on a long road trip, leaving them tenuously holding on to sixth place in the league standings, the last slot available to earn a playoff spot.

So whither the Timbers, their Army, and their management? Many many questions, and few answers. These last two home matches are the final regular season games for the team, and with the ownership deal still unresolved, the team's fate on the field and in the park still is up in the air. Without a clear consensus from the Army on whether Taylor's message to them is merely a glove slap or a full on clothesline, the simmering tensions will be out front and vocal. And with increased security goons and PPD officers present among a fiesty Portland crowd, almost anything could happen.

The Timbers take on the Atlanta Silverbacks tomorrow, September 8th. On September 10th, they'll play their last regular season game against the Richmond Kickers. Both games are at PGE Park and kickoff at 7pm.

Over at the Hott Denn we tuned in to 1010 AM KZNY to listen to the Timbers play the Atlanta Silverbacks. Near the end of the game Dan Antoniuk got a red card because he threw a ball at one of the Silverbacks? The Silverbacks player got pissed and was also red-carded. So both teams played without one player for the end as Atlanta tried to score an equalizer.

WE WIN 2-1! Dan Antoniuk made two goals then gets a red card? Ouch.

This bumps the Timbers up to 6th place in the league, which means a playoff spot!

The next Timbers vs. Silverbacks is here in Portland on September 8th.

Growing up in the twin cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minnesota, I was fortunate to follow such entertaining soccer clubs as the now-defunct Minnesota Strikers (who played in the Major Indoor Soccer League--one of their homegrown stars, Gregg Thompson holds great camps where I learned to play) and the still operating Minnesota Thunder. I remember going to Thunder matches in their inaugural season of 1990, when they were still an amateur team before joining the professional ranks a few years later.

In 2001 I moved from Minnesota to Portland (for the 2nd time) and was excited to find out there was a new soccer team playing in downtown, the Portland Timbers. At the time I knew little about the history of the Timbers and the old NASL days, but I enjoyed the quality of play and the urban environment (Thunder matches were played in the suburbs). Previously the Timbers were in the "A-League" of US Soccer, and now they are currently in the first division of the United Soccer Leagues along with 11 other clubs, including the Thunder. Basically just a name-change, the "A-League" to "First Division" switch is more in keeping with the traditions found in Europe with multiple divisions within a country in which a club can be promoted or relegated based on performance. In the US, the top division is Major League Soccer.

I continued attending Timbers matches over the years--a particularly memorable match occurred in 2003 when newly acquired Byron Alvarez, unable to be paid due to some immigration snafu, was subbed into the second half (during a promotional free-hat day) and proceeded to score a hat-trick, prompting many to throw those fresh caps onto the pitch. In 2002 I attended a Thunder-Timbers match at PGE Park and instinctively cheered a terrific long-range Thunder goal, prompting many around me to wonder what the hell I was doing. However, last year I fully committed to becoming a Timbers fan, attending 7 matches and making an attempt to understand more about the now-burgeoning rowdy fan-base, the Timbers Army.

Camping out in the traditional spot behind the north end of the goal, I initially saw this group as an embarrassing attempt to adapt European and South American chants to a US audience without any of the underlying history. However, as I attended more matches and read about their dedication in multiple articles (the Willamette Week has been covering their exploits on a regular basis) I began to understand that their support was legitimate and endearing. Sure, some of the Army are probably more interested in getting drunk and making fools out of themselves--but most of them are incredibly passionate and knowledgeable about the game.

Now it's 2005 and I am finally standing, chanting and cheering with the Army. Check out my flickr photos and be sure to read the Timbers blog (in a new blogspot home) for up-to-date info, and join me in Section 107!

The True Fan says:

(by Ryan Wise)

Sure, it's cool about the Red Sox and all, and I'm glad they broke the 100-year-old Curse of the Zombino or whatever, but I'm paying attention to a different set of playoffs. Yes, i confess, I'm an out of the closet Major League Soccer fan.

OK, honestly, I know it isn't great soccer. It quite often has jumbled gameplay, not much finesse, and only has a handful of truly great talents, but there's one key difference for me that separates it from the Premierships, the Eredivisies, and Bundesligas. It's our jumbled, finesseless league. Growing up as a young soccer player in Colorado, I really wanted a local team to root for at the professional level, and MISL wasn't doing it for me (or most of the country, for that matter). I follow the league today because I still want to see US professional soccer taken seriously by this country and the rest of the world. Who cares if all the best talents eventually get sucked over to Europe? That just makes our national team that much better, raises the level of esteem European fans have for US players, and makes room at home for rising college stars and yes, the occasional Freddy Adu.

So what's the lay of the land today? In the east, we have Freddy's team DC United taking on their arch-rivals (and winner of the Worst. Team Name. Ever. award) the New York/New Jersey MetroStars, while the New England Revolution meet the Columbus Crew.

DC United is, along with San Jose, one of my favorite teams in the league. Their passing game is clean and they can show a lot of cleverness on the ball. Jaime Moreno and Alecko Eskandarian, their two main strikers, have shown a talent for finding the net, but also the restraint and unselfishness to dish the ball out when they don't have the shot. In their first meeting with the Metros (semifinals consist of two separate games where total aggregate goals determine the winner), DC scored first when Earnie Stewart received the ball deep on the right wing, in a play that everyone, including Stewart himself, thought was offsides. But the flag stayed down, and Stewart hammered it into the top corner. To put the game away, Eskandarian pulled a split second window away from his man and slotted in a corner goal in the last minutes.

The other eastern game had a somewhat surprise upset, when the New England Revolution, coming off a terrible regular season performance, upset the league leading Crew with one rocketing shot by Avery John from almost 25 yards out. I think the Crew can and will come back this weekend, and we'll probably be seeing a Crew/United Eastern Title face-off.

Over here in the West, I'm very focused on the returning champions, the San Jose Earthquakes, and their current battle with the KC Wizards. San Jose, even though having somewhat of an off regular season, can be extremely fun to watch, and the Landon Donovan/Brian Ching partnership has really proved to be effective for both club and country. With Donovan probably leaving MLS after this season to join Bayer Leverkusen full time, San Jose may have that extra desire to grab the MLS Cup a second time in a row.

The Earthquakes handily beat Kansas City, out-passing and out-challenging them until Dwayne DeRosario's fluke cross/shot was deflected into the net in the 40th minute. San Jose put the game away after the half on a corner kick that saw second-string keeper Bo Oshonti blocked by a sea of players in the 6-yard box, allowing Craig Waibel to easily put in the far post shot.

The other Western Conference game, the LA Galaxy vs. the Colorado Rapids saw LA continuing to implode despite their management's best efforts to eke out something in the playoffs. Jean Philippe Peguero put the game's only goal past keeper Kevin Hartman in the 30th minute.

The next leg of semifinals starts tomorrow with both Western Conference matches and the DC/NY game. San Jose vs. KC will unfortunately be tape delayed until Sunday, the same day as the LA/Colorado matchup happens live (this week and next, all the games will be on Fox Sports World, or my TiVo if you guys want to join me!). Next week will see one round of Conference Finals, and then the MLS Cup Final happens on Nov. 14th on ABC.

For my money, the most exciting final would be a San Jose/DC match. The two best passing games, with the two most recognizable soccer talents in this country (Donovan vs. Adu, setting aside the fact that Adu would probably see little game time) could prove to be an action-packed game. Also, while San Jose can run with the ball and has lots of great speed, most of their goals come off set pieces, while DC has shown that they can score with improvisation and slicing open the defense. Who would win? I couldn't call it, but I'd be rooting for San Jose in the end. Y'all should come on over and root with or against me November 14th!

I went a USL match between the Kickers of Richmond (Virginia) and the Silverbacks of Atlanta this weekend. The Silverbacks were triumphant over the Kickers in their first two match-ups of the season, but they just couldn't hold it together Sunday night.

The Kickers scored the first goal less than 2 minutes into the game because their striker was unmarked, and for the rest of the first half, Atlanta played like they were gun shy. The ball rarely made it into the offensive zone because everyone wanted to play defense. The second goal came on a penalty kick. The penalty also marked one of the Silverbacks' second yellow card of the match, leaving Atlanta to play a man short the rest of the game.

Richmond almost scored a third time in the first half, but the ball bounced of the post and Atlanta was able to clear before the Kickers could get a rebound.

The second half marked a new beginning for the Silverbacks. They returned to the field with new-found energy (I'm sure the coach had some choice words in the locker room), and despite being a man short, they were able to control the ball much more than they had in the first half. They still had trouble getting set up for shots, but they managed to keep Richmond from having much time to set themselves up.

The Silverbacks only goal came from a penalty kick, and it almost didn't. The shooter kicked the ball almost straight at the keeper. The ball bounced off the keeper's chest, but he couldn't hold on, and the shooter was able to get the rebound and put the ball into the net.

The last 15 minutes was a solid back-and-forth as the Silverbacks looked for an equalizer and the Kickers tried to clinch the victory.

There was a brief scuffle amongst the players, but the referee separated the groups. I was surprised no one was carded for the altercation. I was also surprised how many substitutes were allowed -- there were at least five, maybe six, which is a significant departure from World Cup rules, which allow only three per game.

Overall, I would call it a decent soccer game. Not one I will soon forget, but that's mostly because my ass still hurts from sitting on the concrete stands for over 90 minutes.

Eight teams have advanced to the quarter-finals of Copa America. "Wait!" you say, "There were three groups with the top two advancing, that makes only six teams." Well, it would be hard to end up with two final teams if only six were in the quarterfinals, so in addition to the top two teams from each group, the two best third-place teams also advanced.

From Group A: Columbia and Peru. From Group B: Mexico and Argentina. From Group C: Paraguay and Brazil (Paraguay upset Brazil in the last game of Group C to take the lead). The third-ranked teams to advance are Uruguay and Costa Rica.

Quarterfinal Predictions:
Peru vs. Argentina
Peru scored at least two goals in every first-round game, but two of the three ended in a draw. Argentina has scored 10 goals in the games, although 6 of them were against Ecuador (the lowest ranked team in the tournament). Argentina last won the Copa in 1993. Argentina's under-20 team won titles in 1995, '97 and '99, so the blue-and-whites had a strong field of players to choose from. Host nation Peru is looking for it's third Copa title (the first two came in '39 and '75). Argentina earned 6 points in group play and Peru earned 5. I predict a close match, but I think Argentina's offensive game will get the better of Peru before the final whistle.

Colombia vs. Costa Rica
Colombia was the highest ranked team in Group A. Costa Rica is the lowest ranked team to enter the quarterfinals. I think most anyone would agree that Costa Rica will need to play nothing short of a miraculous game to knock-out Colombia, who won the Copa tournament in 2001.

Paraguay vs. Uruguay
Paraguay beat Brazil yesterday. Uruguay won only one game in first-round action. Much like the previous match, I think Paraguay will be mopping the pitch with the Uruguay players.

Mexico vs. Brazil
This is a match-up worthy of the final. Mexico and Brazil are two of the most recognized teams in football. Mexico made it to the final match in 2001, and Brazil has six Copa titles (not to mention the most recent World Cup, in 2002). Of all the games in the tournament this is the second most important game to watch (the most important being the final). I'm not going to try to guess who will win this match, but whoever does will likely be seen in the final.

Paraguayan teammates celebrate their July 8 win over Costa Rica.

Group A
There are still two games remaining in this group: Peru vs. Columbia and Venezuela vs. Bolivia.

Columbia is going to the quarter-final round no matter what happens.
Venezuela can't advance no matter what happens.

Peru needs a win or a draw against Columbia to advance.

If Peru loses and Bolivia wins they'll have the same number of points (4 each), and the goal differential will determine who advances. If Peru loses by one goal, Bolivia will need to win by three in order to advance. If Peru loses in a penalty kick shootout, Bolivia will need to win by four. Peru has scored 5 goals in two games, though, so Bolivia's got pretty slim odds to advance.

Group B
Group B also has two games left: Mexico vs. Ecuador and Argentina vs. Uruguay. Every team has a chance to advance (even if it's a slim one).

In order for Ecuador to advance, Argentina has to lose by four goals and Ecuador has to beat Mexico by seven goals. Ecuador lost to Argentina 6-1, so I don't feel bad about removing them from the equation and giving Mexico the W, thereby advancing them to the next round.

With that settled, Argentina needs to beat Uruguay to advance. Uruguay can get by with a win or a draw. Argentina lost to Mexico earlier and Uruguay tied with Mexico, so the advantage goes to Uruguay, but this game could go either way.

Group C
Group C looks a lot like A. The final two games are Brazil vs. Paraguay and Costa Rica vs. Chile. Brazil advances no matter what (big surprise), and there's no situation that will get Costa Rica to the quarter-finals.

That leaves Paraguay and Chile. If Paraguay wins or draws, they advance. In order for Chile to advance, Paraguay needs to lose by one goal and Chile needs to win by two. Chile is playing Costa Rica, so they could pull off a two-goal win. And with Brazil playing Paraguay, it's definitely within the realm of possibility for Paraguay to lose before the game goes to a shootout. Both Chile and Paraguay have a shot, we'll find out who advances after the matches on July 14.

PS: I've only recently begun to follow football, so my analyses are for entertainment purposes only. Please feel free to correct mine or offer your own in the comments.

Although it may not be as recognized as Euro2004, The South-/Central American tournament is now underway in Peru. Copa America contains 12 teams, including multiple-World Cup-winners Brazil.

Columbia leads Group A (Peru, Bolivia and Venezuela), Argentina leads Group B (Uruguay, Mexico, Ecuador) and Brazil leads Group C (Paraguay, Costa Rica, Chile). There are still 10 matches to go in group action, so those standings may change before the elimination rounds.