Crazy Legs and Juliet: Wherefore Art Chow

The Nathan's table will hold at least two women this year, as Juliet won the Norfolk qualifier over the weekend with 26 HDBs, and will be sitting alongside Sonya and the big guns this year on the 4th. As a woman, she joins an elite few who have made it there, and she is surely in contention for the Rookie of the Year Award, which Joey walked away with in 2006.

This interviewer must have had one drink too many over the weekend, because I don't even remember calling Crazy Legs to talk to him about his win at the Minnesota Mall of America Nathan's qualifier with 24 HDBs (a personal best). Luckily for me, he was kind enough to transcribe our conversation:

MOA (Mall-On-Arrival) True Fan Interview

Liz,

Here is the transcript from our lengthy interview, thanks for calling. Sorry for running up the long distance bill.

Long Winded Answer to first question:

What better place to have a roller coaster of emotion than a 4 million square foot mall with two actual roller coasters in its glass ceiling center. The pressure was more than just on my stomach; with the DVD release of "Crazy Legs Conti: Zen and the Art of Competitive Eating" all lot of folks were hoping that I would be on stage for the big eat July 4th. Plus the movie is in Taste-O-Vision. Years ago Kobayashi told me that focus comes from thinking about the contest every moment of every day. For the 007 hot dog qualifying campaign, I would say I was more haunted, consumed, and overwhelmed than simply focused.

So after four months of agonizing waiting, mindflips and stomach butterflies, I found myself moments before the Minnesota qualifier. Four tiers of fans packed the Rotunda; in the distance a ferris wheel slowly turned above their heads. I excused myself from the circle of Mall of America eaters and sat on a plush square and stared away. I felt the nerves tighten in my throat. Trying to relax, I made a mental checklist of the last words of advice from Badlands, Hungry Charles, X, The Bun Fairy, and my Uncle Dinshaw, but it wasn't helping. My eye caught the display in the bookstore. Appearing at this very spot tomorrow was going to be Sid Hartman, author of the book on the display, "Great Minnesota Sports Moments." I couldn't see the thickness of the book, but I thought, "Hey this hot dog contest could be another one." I mean, Mongo Marquez is no joke. Any wing specialist who can turn his knowledge to the hardest discipline and put up great numbers is not to be loved, but feared. Frank Wach, Justin Mih, and The Hammer (Cookie 2.0) all solid doggers too.

I thought, all right Sid, it's you and me, "We are gonna make this Minnesota sports history." I took a walk to the bathroom and was overcome by that electric feeling of confidence. I'm just walking and talking to my main man, Sid. We are gonna make this happen, You and me, Sid.

I walked back, just before my introduction and was curious, as to how thick really was Sid's book. It wasn't very thick, plenty of room for more great Minnesota sports moments. Then I noticed Sid had written another book; this one called, "Sid." Wait a second, Sid's book, "Sid" was a lot thicker than the Minnesota Great Moments Sports book. How could Sid have the hubris to think that "Sid" should outweigh all the great Minnesota sports moments in history?

And then, I noticed that Sid didn't even write "Sid" by himself. He only co-authored it.

I heard Mike Castellano calling my name, but I just stood and stared at the book display. I thought to myself, "Screw You Sid, I'm gonna eat these hot dogs by myself."

And that's what I did. Then I went to aquarium in the Mall and petted a shark (rough) and a sting ray (smooth). I also rode the roller coaster, but not the spinning one due to my assessment of my stomach and the large group of school children on the log flume below.

Shorter answer to follow up:

Of course, it's hard waiting to eat so late in the qualifying circuit and seeing the numbers skyrocket. Especially this year. I mean, Colonel Hall Hunt with 28 1/2 , My God! I may need to start going to Church or at least start wearing a, "Jesus is my bun dunker" tee shirt. And Shredder and Denmark? Those guys are animals. It's no wonder I passed on a two dollar metrocard trip to Shea Stadium and had to fly a thousand miles to the Midwest. I knew what Philben and Juliet Lee were capable of, but some of these other guys are standing on Joey's shadow looking for the sunlight. It's got to be demoralizing to those of us who can only improve a couple of dogs a year. If I don't get to thirty by next year, I'm going to be like Dennis Hopper's character in, "Hoosiers".

Can I get a word in edgewise as the interviewer?

How do I think it will affect the rankings? Well, as we have seen in the past a lot of emphasis is placed on Hot Dog season. I generally never cared about the IFOCE rankings, but those historical archivist have probably noticed that I debuted in 2002 at #15, bounced around to #13, dropped to #17 and then have spent around 3 1/2 years at #11; more than anyone one else in the history of the sport. Do I think I can crack the top ten and realize one of my last competitive goals? I think it depends on what happens on the 4th. The corn title certainly helps me, but I wouldn't begrudge the Halls and Denmarks who if they hit thirty on the 4th would certainly get the nod. I suppose it would be nice to be in the top ten, that way, when all the bogus internet pundits bash the MLE, saying, "It's only worth it if you are in the top ten...or Crazy Legs" at least they no longer would have to mention me by name. I'd already be included.

Last question due to exasperation (I called you, but I really have to get off the phone. I have a life you know):

Prediction for the fourth? Of course the record will be broken and really it's the only record that matters...the record number of eaters, fans, families, bunnettes, grandmothers and groupies attending the official hot dog contest after-party @ Ruby's on the Boardwalk. Everyone's invited.

Ice cold drinks, light food. Eat (and at the after party and after-after party drink) all you can.

Ruby's Bar and Grill
Coney Island - Boardwalk
between Stillwell and 12th
JULY 4th. Coney Island, USA
1:33PM
www.coneyisland.com