Barf-o-Rama (without the barf)

Once in awhile, the IFOCE sponsors a competition that's just really cool. Don't get me wrong, all of them are interesting or fun in their own right, but when it gets down to it, a pizza competition in a mall will never hold a candle to a reenactment of the blueberry pie eating contest in the classic movie, "Stand By Me." This is the scene in the movie where Gordy tells the story of Davy "Lardass" Hogan, who seeks revenge on the town that ridiculed him by entering a local blueberry pie competition. Except he secretly prepped for the competition by eating a few raw eggs and downing some castor oil, thus bringing about the most famous barf scene in all of cinema history when his reversal triggered a "barf-o-rama.

Yesterday, the town of Brownsville, Oregon had a "Stand By Me" Celebration, complete with dead body scavenger hunt, movie showings, and--of course--blueberry pie competition. Though someone (coughCrazyLegscough) kept insisting Corey Feldman would reside as guest judge, the real judge was in fact eater Ray "The Bison" Meduna. In keeping with the movie's tradition, it was a no-hands competition, the first of its kind to be sanctioned by the IFOCE. In the rules sent out beforehand, it was stated that water would also have to be consumed sans hands and that the competitors would be required to eat at least 3/4 of a pie before moving on to the next one.

Pat Bertoletti, the third ranked eater in the world, won the competition with 9.17 pounds of pie. There were some surprises in the follow-up order, suggesting that a perfected technique in this unorthodox competition counted for a lot. Rookie of the Year candidate, Tim "Gravy" Brown came in second with 8.47. Third place went to Mongo Marquez with 6.56; fourth to Kevin Ross with 5.58. Crazy Legs and and Erik "The Red" Denmark tied for 5th with 4.88.

True Fan caught up with Pat after the competition to get the lowdown.

Were there any reversals, any castor oil incidents?
Crazy Legs and I did in fact buy castor oil before the competition and champagne for after the competition, but we had no reversals.

Was Corey Feldman really there? Were there Coreys present?
The Coreys were not there.

So it was a lie?
I did cry at first. Crazy Legs was a little devastated; that's why his score was a little lower than expected.

Oh, I see. The "No Corey Syndrome"--happens to the best of us. Tell us a little about the technique. Did the "no hands" rule make it really hard?
It did. It was hard because the top layer was kinda dry. You could drink water, but the straws were too short for the water bottles, so you had an assistant behind you who could give you water.

Like in a boxing ring?
Yeah, they'd put it to your mouth. Then if you needed to have your face wiped, they'd wipe your face, {laughs} which I thought was absurd...

But people utilized it?
Yeah, I did at one point because I got a blueberry stuck up my nose. I turned around to my towel-holder--I kinda did one of those, when your dad, when you have a bloody nose and your dad holds the towel up to your nose.

Were these male pie assistants or female?
Mine was male. But he was cheering me on the whole time and I could hear him through my headphones.

Was it difficult to judge? With lots of detritus and messy faces and pie and hair?
Crazy Legs had about 18 oz. of pie stuck in his dreadlocks. We rang out the dreadlocks after the competition. [laughs] No, I did have some debris, but the Bison was really good about that. We had a pie scare, like we weren't going to have enough, but we ended up having enough in the end. I had to go back to my first pie at the end, but that was alright. You couldn't really get all the pie out; it was hard getting past all the crust.

So the Bison did a good job judging?
The Bison did an excellent job.

What was the crowd like? Were they all excited for the competition?
It was awesome. The crowd was really good. There was probably like 500 people there? It was packed. They had about four sections up on a hill. It was really cool.

Did people dress up like characters?
There were a lot of people in weird-ass antelope hats. [checks with people in car] The Benevolent Order of the Antelopes.

Did anyone chant "Lardass?"
No nobody did.

What are your plans now?
We're going to go back and shower. Then we're going to go back and see the movie.