The Sports Blog Equivalent of Sinbad's "See, Women Be Different Than Men..." Bit
By wise from January 25, 2007
First of all, a brief shoutout of good luck to my beloved UrbanHonking AC, who take on (are probably taking on as I type this) Dudes FC in their second Rivals Cup fixture, because I'm unable to join them tonight. Godspeed, gentlemen.
So your intrepid author, stereotypical Oregon hippie that he is (vegetarian? check. SE Portland address? check. socialist leanings? check. big head of hippie hair plus beard? check.), types these words from a corporate-sponsored Hilton suite, deep, as they say, in the heart of lone star steak country. Said author's travelling companion is a Chicago native, obviously the original inspiration for Da Superfans, who planned his travel itinerary such that not a single moment of Da Bears playoff spectacular would be missed this Sunday. If this is beginning to sound like a bad 90's remake of The Odd Couple, you're not too far off the mark.
Being along for the ride anyway, I decided to accompany him and attempt to at least remember if not re-live some of the excitement I once had for the Broncos as a youth growing up outside of Denver. American Football and I have had a rocky relationship over the years. Loved it as a kid, played it in High School even though I knew in my heart the love was fading, swung to active hate during college, and faded back into mild indifference in the present as I race headlong towards my 30th birthday.
Kickoff commences, and the first thing that comes flooding back to me, other than the realization that my "ceaser" salad is sprinkled with bacon bits, is that I forgot about the commercials. Oh dear. I know how clichéd this sounds, but there is literally 30 seconds of action followed by 30 minutes of commercials. I don't know how such a terrible oversight occurred on my part. Having been tivo-enabled for the last 3 years or so, i've thankfully banished even regular length commercial breaks out of my life. I'm not equipped with the intestinal fortitude to make it through football-sized commercial breaks.
Each time they return, my sphincters unclench a bit and my mind resets into sports absorption mode again, but right when my bile has lowered and i'm ready for something exciting to happen, the requisite four plays are past and the advertising beast must be fed again. Hearing me groan once again, my companion says, "See, this is why soccer will never be big in America. Advertisers can't make any money when there's no breaks." Watching a Rock-Em-Sock-Em Robot take on a pickup truck for the 9th time, I think that's probably best for all parties, but instead I mumble something about MLS approving ads on the front of jerseys and pitch-side ad boards.
As the game progresses, I'm reminded how cut and dry American Football is. Since each team has, I think, 3 chances to score before "time" runs out, every possesion is either pure glory or utter failure. Or a field goal. (I'm told that one of the teams has two kickers. How much does it suck to be one of those guys? You would get 3 chances to touch the ball, but now you have to share those with some other guy. I bet he cries himself to sleep at night. On a pile of $100's.)
This also leaves no grey areas. How do NFL message board geeks get by on this? In soccer, one fan's Maradona is another fan's Joey Franchino, and neither get much definitive proof either way. Other than those two exact players, soccer talent, and soccer games, play out so much more elusively, on a long gradient from blah to bellissimo. There are fewer ways of quantifying what makes a soccer player "good", and the moments of pure joy in the beautiful game sometimes happen far away from the goals. And don't even get me started on the subject of stats unless you're ready to hear A Grumpy Old Man.
Eventually, we finish lunch, and my third Shiner (oh how woeful it is to be anywhere where the best beer available is Shiner). The Saints have crawled back into the game off of one moment of individual excellence from Reggie Bush. The Loch Ness Monster has attacked 5 more pickup trucks. My travelling partner either takes pity on me, or seriously wants to finish the game in his hotel room. I don't care which, because whatever game drama is beginning to solicit genuine interest is washed away with the salivating thought of checking my email.
So I wussed out. I wasn't man enough to take on the big boys. Although, apparently I didn't miss much afterwards, as New Orleans decided they were done for the evening. All I was left with was the thought: MLS needs "saving" so it can be more like this? Can you pass the sepukku knife?
<< | Posted on January 25, 2007 at 7:44 PM | >>
thanks, gene, i'm glad you commented, because you're the biggest NFL fan I know. I totally agree that tivo/DVR'ing football changes it entirely. I mentioned that to my coworker, that i could find it a much better proposition to see every play back to back. it seems so stultifying and hateful to tease the viewer with a 1:10 action-to-break ratio.
as for playoff structure, I agree also. I haven't heard of anyone besides the MLS brass that think their playoff system is any good.
So I guess the takeaway for me is, don't ever watch football live. Perhaps I'll catch the superbowl on DVR delay at your place?
Posted by wise @ January 27, 2007 8:05 PM
Gene pretty-much summed it up, but I'm afraid you've drawn the wrong conclusion again. The lesson here isn't "don't watch the NFL live" (in fact, an actual live game - in the stadium - rocks), or even "don't watch the NFL on live TV."
The lesson here is "don't watch a team that's a defensive giant, with a piss-poor quarterback, 'cause 3-and-out football blows goats."
The Bears are exactly such a team, which means the average Bears game viewer will see more commercials than God, because the NFL rule is that you show commercials after every change of possession, and the Bears 'D' is good at forcing those from the other team, while their 'O' is good at giving them to the other team. Since in a normal game, one never knows exactly how many commercial breaks there will be, the network only has 10 or so to run - which means after the first three breaks, you've pretty-much seen them all - twice. At least with competent offences (or incompetent defenses), the ratio drops to something more even (the average successful drive takes something like 4-6 minutes of game time).
My condolances that your re-introduction to the sport was a Bears game. The Superbowl won't be much better frankly, except possibly in the quality of the commercials. I would reccommend you try watching a game with good offensive teams playing one another next season. I'll try to get Gene to give you a heads-up in advance. That, and if I'm not writing a column for a fantasy football site next season (which I'm in negotiations about now), I'll be writing here again, so you might at least pick up some appreciation for the little things that I talk about - assuming you can stand my writing.
Oh, yeah, and two more things to add to Gene's list:
10) Every team has at least one Zidane or Beckham (though without quite as much money, in the latter case)
11) It's not the freaking NBA.
Posted by Jos @ January 27, 2007 9:30 PM
not to stir the pot, but what's wrong with the NBA? i don't mind basketball at all, other than the last two minutes of any game (cf. play stoppages and commercials). not to burst your bubbles, but i'm much more inclined to be an NBA fan before an NFL fan.
josh berezin.. paging josh berezin to the impending flamewar in TrueFan....
Posted by wise @ January 28, 2007 12:23 AM
I know "The Zin" has read this because he commented on how my cup of NBA-haterade overfloweth at a recent poker table he shared with yours truly.
My guess is that he is formulating a devastating fisking of my comment as we type.
Posted by gene @ January 29, 2007 9:55 AM
Oh, and yes you should come over to my house about 45 min after the scheduled kickoff to enjoy Super Bowl XLI in all it's HD DVR glory. We will choose which commercials to watch on our own terms, damn it!
And the reason the NBA sucks can be summed up in two words: guaranteed contracts.
Posted by gene @ January 29, 2007 10:01 AM
Post a comment:
The ads are terrible, granted. But with a quality HD DVR (I recommend the VIP620 from Dish Network) the sport is watchable, nay enjoyable!
Reasons to like American football:
1) It's not the NBA.
2) What other sport fields a team that includes four 6'2" 360lb lineman that could place in a sumo wrestling competition, a 5'10" 215lb pound track and field star, and a couple 6'6" 190 pound wide receivers who could play basketball professionally?
3) Who knew baseball would have a bigger problem with doping? (Whew, that really takes the heat off for a while...)
4) It's not the NBA.
5) Lack of (non-PPV) HD soccer in the US. Well, hardly any. World Sport, the odd HDNet MLS game... anything else?
6) The post season structure rocks. MLS needs to pay attention here. A regular season where every game counts and playoffs that reward the top seeds. The cream rises to the top at the end of the season. The MLS playoff rounds feel like a coin flip.
7) There is a ton of strategy once you learn to watch the battle in the trenches, and know the teams enough to understand their tendencies. And with the new camera views you can look down field with the QB and see the complexity of the passing game.
8) Superbowl commericals as pop art.
9) It's better than watching the NBA.
Posted by gene @ January 26, 2007 10:52 AM