This Dream, It Begins

oh, True Fan, i'm sorry. I haven't been your best contributor. Remember those days of wine and roses, when i'd post warmed up leftovers from Eleven Devils and A Pretty Move? yeah, i didn't think so. It's been a while since we put any soccer at all up here. We even had the gall to leave you derelict during the World Cup.

Believe me, we were doing you a favor, True Fan. There were so many Portland-themed soccer blogs taking up that mantle, that posting whatever shoddily-analyzed dreck of a match report I could write would have actually lowered—nay, destroyed—your bloggy credibility. It would even have tarnished your rep in the competitive eating community, and that is one audience you Cannot Afford To Lose right now.

I can't even guarantee that this is the start of a comeback, either. Maybe the first of a series, but don't you see that if i promise you nothing, your heart won't be broken when those promises aren't kept? Let's just take it one baby step at a time.

First of all, there's this UrbanHonking AC thing. Yeah, i know, this is True Fan, not True Playa. But this is, literally, your team! a team playing for perpetual UrHo glory! a team to carry the impeccable style, verve, and other je ne sais quois of the Urbane Honkers onto the indoor pitch. We'll kick off our debutante season tonight at 6:20pm against some motley crew of obvious ne'er-do-well rapscallions named AC Felonious Kick. Whether this is some reference to Straight, No Chaser, or merely refers to the criminal underground that must fill out their roster, these felons will have a challenge before them tonight. They'll do well to be especially wary of my "Viper Attack", which, actually, only involves me shrieking like a little girl who just saw a viper.

Oh, and remember MLS? you remember, American soccer. No, no, they did away with the shootout. And the clock counts up now, just like the rest of the world. Come on, you haven't forgotten Shalrie Joseph, have you?

Well, he's back in the big game. MLS Cup 2006 features returning chumps New England against the San-Jose-of-the-Atlantic Houston Dynamo. You should watch, if only for the fact that if Clint Dempsey is healthy, it could be your last chance to watch him and Houston's Dwayne DeRosario languish in MLS before they go languish on some mid-Colaship squad next year. No, really, you should watch it. It's on ABC at 12:30 PST this Sunday.

So yeah, I agree, this post was both parts mildly familiar and awkward. Kind of like having sex with your cousin, or so i'm told. I'll try harder, True Fan, I really will. Can you forgive me?