Team Krystal Killers Lives Up to Name
By Liz and Krista from October 29, 2006
We really hope you were home glued to your ESPN2 (or at least to your TiVo later) for the Krystal Square Off on Saturday. The nation witnessed some real world class eating when Kobayashi polished off his 97th slider, with Joey only half a Sackful behind, slaying the world record by 30 burgers. Impressive.
Even more impressive was the total efforts of the Krystal Killers, who ended up beating the Squeezable Buns by over a hundred points. I know this might seem like a sound beating, and we guess it was, it was only because a lot of people performed even better than our expectations!
We broke down the score card into some hard numbers, tallying the amount of burgers each player ate, comparing it to their personal best, adding in points for the sign-toting fans, and giving players points for pulling into the lead. Points were deducted if players ate under their personal best or had any small reversals. Subjective points (1-5) were awarded for how well the players fulfilled the positions given to them by their coach (or how well they coached). Points were also given for how well the teams' bonus players seemed to add to the overall effectiveness of the team. A subjective one point deduction was taken away from any player who had a "look of defeat" and while we were going to originally deduct for prolonged dunking or general sloppiness, we thought it was too hard to judge based only on who the camera was focusing on. Although we will say that Kobayashi is very neat eater, while Joey had a bit of a burger buns facial.
Here's a look at the final score card (click to enlarge):
We thought by giving players points for how many over their personal best they did would really give an advantage to non-Koby players, but holy crap if Koby and Joey both ate about 30 over their personal best, making Pat's super achievement of doing the same look negligible on the score card. We would like to note that Pat (Squeezable Buns) made the best improvement, eating 58% better than his personal best. Joey rounds in second (he can't catch a break!) with a whopping 47% improvement, while Kobayashi held on to a 41% improvement. Those are some serious numbers. Almost every eater made an improvement on their personal best, except Seaver (ate one less), Justin (ate the same), and Sonya, who had a 15% falloff.
True Fan extends big congratulations to all the Krystal Square Off stars this year. The way things are going, we know we have group more powerful than ever heading into the winter eating season, and we can't wait to be there for it all.
<< | Posted on October 29, 2006 at 8:51 PM | >>
It was so hard to see the action! The camera seemed to fluctuate between Koby and Joey for most the tourney, and we even missed the moment when the world record was broken because the camera was stuck on the "helmet cam", which is never as cool as you think it's going to be. Also, not getting to hear Shea's amazing commentary really hurts the TV viewing experience.
But even with those complaints... wow. This was more amazing and fun to watch than Nathan's.
Posted by Mikey @ October 30, 2006 11:15 AM
I second Humble Bob's kind words for the terrific True Fan gals. I knew Bob was a great coach when he acted as Stu Birdy's corner man in the Rice Pudding Off of '98. I've never forgiven Hollow Hal Schimmel for feigning that sprained elbow that lead to Humble Bob outcoaching me then. He did the same Saturday, leading the Krystal Killers to new fantasy heights. However, this time I am placing the blame soley on "Super" Paul "Bonebreaker" Barlow; "The Krystal Ball". Knowing that I would be distracted by the Krystal counting girls, I put him in charge of the SQUEEZABLE BUNS pre-game speech. Who knew he would assume that Chattanooga's happy hour pricing would apply to the eating contest. He told us that we would all get two-for-one credit with the tasty burgers... So everyone ate 1/2 as many as they were capable of, saving room for a few cocktails at the after-party. Eater X was so hungry he started knawing on his arm in frustration. Never leave the important coaching decisions to your mascot. That's what I learned. Plus "Super" Paul "Bonebreaker" Barlow; "The Krystal Ball" drove off with all the leftovers. Last I saw The Locust was running after him and the van. Rich was so distraught we had to give him a sixteen and half-cent popsicle to calm him down. Congrats to the Krystal Killers, The Squeezable Buns, and everyone else who eats in fantasy.
Me? I'll return to reality, but only as a visitor.
Posted by Crazy Legs @ October 30, 2006 1:51 PM
At least I showed up for the final...the loveable,talented, shrinking but absent Badlands Booker was somehow awarded more points than me. Was this addition by subtraction? Also, our team thought the post-party beverages consumed were to be added to our totals. If this would have happened, The Squeezable Buns surely would have cruised to victory.
Rich Lefevre informed me he thought the post-party food devoured also would be part of our totals. This explains his consumption of 17 lbs of pasta, along with his generous gulping of previously mentioned beverages.
I also need to mention, we thought the beverage consumption speed was part of the fantasy process. Again, this would have added greatly to our cause.
And one more thing....my Krystal total for the day was 42(same as my ranking)...this is the amount I ate while enjoying the carnival games, watching the eater introductions-the actual contest-waiting for the post-contest interviews to end-and sitting in the hotel lobby while everyone got cleaned up and cleaned out their system. How many Krystals did their mascot eat??...what's that I hear?...none!! If anything, Badlands needs to have a negative score, while mine should be multiplied!!
With this being said, and using the correct scoring combining the elements mentioned above, it's obvious the real winner is The Squeezable Buns team.
One final thought...that was not me driving off with the leftovers...as I drove home that night in a slightly hap-hazard fashion, the only thing I had with me were aspirins, and lots of water-not to stretch my stomach, but to avoid the hangover I still got the next day.
Posted by SuperPaul Bonebreaker @ October 30, 2006 5:35 PM
At least I showed up for the final...the loveable,talented, shrinking but absent Badlands Booker was somehow awarded more points than me. Was this addition by subtraction? Also, our team thought the post-party beverages consumed were to be added to our totals. If this would have happened, The Squeezable Buns surely would have cruised to victory.
Rich Lefevre informed me he thought the post-party food devoured also would be part of our totals. This explains his consumption of 17 lbs of pasta, along with his generous gulping of previously mentioned beverages.
I also need to mention, we thought the beverage consumption speed was part of the fantasy process. Again, this would have added greatly to our cause.
And one more thing....my Krystal total for the day was 42(same as my ranking)...this is the amount I ate while enjoying the carnival games, watching the eater introductions-the actual contest-waiting for the post-contest interviews to end-and sitting in the hotel lobby while everyone got cleaned up and cleaned out their system. How many Krystals did their mascot eat??...what's that I hear?...none!! If anything, Badlands needs to have a negative score, while mine should be multiplied!!
With this being said, and using the correct scoring combining the elements mentioned above, it's obvious the real winner is The Squeezable Buns team.
One final thought...that was not me driving off with the leftovers...as I drove home that night in a slightly hap-hazard fashion, the only thing I had with me were aspirins, and lots of water-not to stretch my stomach, but to avoid the hangover I still got the next day.
Posted by SuperPaul Bonebreaker @ October 30, 2006 5:37 PM
Wow, shut us up! Touche, team Squeezable Buns. If we had been there to better judge the post-game consumption of beverages and Krystals, I'm sure we would have been impressed and added points for team spirit. Maybe not 177 points, but surely some.
Posted by Liz @ October 30, 2006 6:20 PM
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I want to thank Liz and Krista for giving me this opportunity to captain and lead what may be the greatest Competitive Eating Fantasy Team ever assembled. I can not take all of the credit though. At a Team Krystal Killer meeting at noon on Saturday, the team dicussed and voted on our strategy. We decided that Chip, Seaver and Arturo would step back and allow Takeru and Joey to have the limelight. I am sure that Chip, Seaver and Arturo all could have easily eaten in the nineties (the area reserved only for Team Krystal Killers), however we felt that it would look more impressive if only two of our eaters finished with those numbers. Having an entire starting team in the nineties kind of takes some of the shine of off it. Next contest, Takeru and Joey have agreed to take their turn in the rotation and allow the other members their day in the sun. Thank you once again from Team Krystal Killers.
Posted by Bob @ October 30, 2006 7:01 AM