September 2005 Archives

I told you previously about Sun Ming Ming's health problems. This young man, who has not yet entered the workforce, or the NBA, for that matter, couldn't possibly pay for the innovative ultramodern surgery he would require.

But people stepped up, and Sun Ming Ming had successful surgery on the tumor that was pressing on his pituitary gland. The doctor says he should have a full and rapid recovery, and should see improvements to his endurance and fitness very quickly.

I would just like to say thanks to all of you who gave, and gave, and gave.

Shaquille O'Neal, most dominant center in the game of basketball, assisted Miami Beach police in apprehending a man who harassed and assaulted a gay couple last weekend.

The man, a passenger in a passing car, yelled at the couple, then got out and threw a bottle at them. No serious injuries were suffered.

The man returned to the car and rode off. Shaq, in hot pursuit, flagged down a police officer, who made the arrest.

Shaq is cool. Shaq is going to be a good sheriff.

AP story here.

When we last left our heroes and villains, the last playoff spot hung in the balance, and cracks were beginning to show in the normally united front the Timbers Army (which is not to downplay the many subcultures and groups already within the Army). The question hung in the air like an overcast Portland sky. What would the last two home games of the regular season bring?

Thursday's matchup against the Atlanta Silverbacks did see the stepped up security and police presence as expected. But despite the fear that most Army members would be ignorant of the "boycott" of the Shed and PGE concessions, 107 stood empty, parted like the Red Sea, save for a handful of fans. Most of the dispersal went to neighboring sections 106 and 108, but a medium-sized crowd gathered at the eastern gate waving flags and banners.

Tension was high as the Timbers took the field. Coach Bobby Howe decided to line up with Antoniuk and Conway pressing forward, saving Byron Alvarez for the moment. The game's first 15 minutes saw Hugo Alcaraz-Cuellar in typical form, slicing and dicing the right wing and putting up crosses reliably. A free kick from Hugo to Antoniuk went just over the bar, and then Dizzy tried a beautiful bicycle kick that missed by inches.

The Timbers were certainly knocking on the door, but it wasn't until minute 43 that Dizzy turned a chest trap from Scot Thompson and rocketed it into the net. First blood, Timbers! Smoke poured out from the east gate, reportedly enraging the blueshirt security while PPD officers merely smiled and looked on. In fact, most of the police presence seemed more interested in watching the game than the fans, quite probably having a keener perspective on the absurdity of their position than PGE Park management. On the Army side, it was evident a slow change in chant wording was underway, but with half the members shouting the original words and the other half shouting something completely different, it was hard for anyone to make out anything, much less who was swearing. Hmmm, a new tactic in the language wars?

Unfortunately, two minutes after the goal, the veteran Paul Conway slid into a shot that hit the side netting, and in the fall dislocated his right elbow. Conway went straight to the locker room for treatment, and the Timbers played the rest of stoppage time a man short while Byron warmed up.

The Silverbacks had a few chances throughout the first half, but standout keeping from Josh Saunders would deny them all. One only needed to glance at the halftime stats to see the foreshadowing. The Timbers were outshooting Atlanta 12-1. Then, only six minutes into the second half, Alvarez would once again display his finess by poking the ball through Atlanta's back line and slipping one past keeper Joe Barton (mpg video courtesy of Allison Andrews' always excellent match report). Barton was able to get a deflection on the ball, slowing it enough that defender Machel Millwood could attempt to clear it off the line, but it was too late, as the linesman judged it to have already crossed the line. 2-0, Timbers.

The Silverbacks were able to get some semblance of their shit together for about 5 minutes, when after moving the ball down the right wing and crossing it into space with a dummy, Alex Pineda-Chacon found himself unmarked from 12 yards out and beat Saunders to the upper corner. A small melee ensued when the Tarnishedbacks rushed in to grab the ball, presumably for the quick restart, but Scot Thompson had already grabbed it. Thompson got a shoulder to the face for his trouble, and Edwin Miranda picked up a puzzling yellow card for what appeared to be an attempt to keep the peace. But the more important question on the lips of Timbers fans everywhere: was it a fluke, or would we see yet another late-game breakdown for the Timbers?

It hung in the balance as Milwood would get a header requiring another save from Saunders, and at the other end, Miranda's stiff shot nearly broke Barton's nose.

The white board in 106 went up: At the 75th minute, it commanded, flood 107.

But the flood gates on the field were opened in the 72nd minute. Dizzy. Miranda. Miranda again! Dizzy for the hat trick! 6-1 Timbers!! Unfortunately denied in the goal run was a brilliant step up by Scot-with-one-T Thompson, who after defending a ball and beating a man, saw no one in front of him and decided to break forward with his patented blistering speed. Apparantly dispensing with conventional defending, Silverback Kristopher Stone bulldozed Thompson to the ground just outside the box, earning a flat-out red card. Stone's thuggish style would be indicative of how Atlanta coped with their slow-motion meltdown.

By the end, 107 was more lively than it had ever been, drumming, singing, and trumpeting the team to victory (okay, i know that photo's from the richmond game, but he totally was at the Atlanta game, OK?). It seemed the Army was one big happy family again. Awwwwww.

Well, it was one down, and one to go. There was a chance Portland could make the playoffs regardless if Puerto Rico were to lose to Toronto the following day, but when PR stuffed the bottom-feeding Lynx 3-0, the Timbers' task was all the more clearer: Beat Richmond.

And beat them they did. Although Richmond, sporting their Arby's chef uniforms, looked a much more menacing team than Atlanta, the Timbers' boost of confidence and home field advantage proved too much in the end. Some early back line mistakes saw Richmond getting shots in that Saunders, Thompson, and crew had to work doubletime to save, and most of the first 15 minutes were wasted as Portland tried to find their rhythm again.

It wasn't until the 35th minute that the Timbers' Defending Poet Scot Thompson stepped up to a Hugo free kick and headed it through to the waiting net. In fact, the Timbers proceeded to give the crowd a clinic on proper heading, getting all three goals on headed crosses. Dizzy's height was no match for his marker at the 84th minute, and Byron closed the game out in the 88th, receiving beautiful service from Hugo, and marching straight to the beer garden to receive his accolades.

Hugo's exemplary play throughout the year was recognized both by the Timbers fans voting him as Timbers Supporters Player of the Year, and by the league itself as the year's Assist Leader.

So with a 3-0 sweep of the Kickers, the Timbers took full control of 5th place, and earned their spot among Montreal, Rochester, Vancouver, Seattle, and Richmond in the first playoff leg. First up, a home-and-away series against archenemy Seattle, starting this Friday, Sept. 16th at PGE Park. The return leg will be Sunday the 18th in Tukwila, and will be televised live on Fox Soccer Channel. Viva Los Timbers! Vaya con Timber Jim!

Watching Sun Ming Ming from afar has been a little hobby of mine since I heard of him a few months ago. This is a Chinese basketball player who can dunk a basketball flat-footed. He's seven feet eight inches tall. Real tall, right?

He's 22 years old, trying to break into the NBA, but in tryouts with teams, they raised concerns about his stamina. It turns out he has a tumor pressing into his pituitary gland, which has helped create his ridiculous height, and also limits the production of testosterone, which affects his endurance. The man has a tumor, and it's going to kill him.

He needs surgery immediately, but it costs a hundred thousand dollars! We think of NBA players as rich dudes, but he is no NBA player yet. He's a Chinese basketball player that simply does not have a hundred thousand dollars.

Kind-hearted souls have started a fundraiser for him at SaveSunMingMing.com. I want this guy to live, and I want to see him in the NBA. He's a nice guy and a tall guy and he can dunk a basketball standing flat on the ground. Let's not let a tumor kill him off.

Thank you.

Lebron, Kobe, KG, Amare, Marbury, Wade, and many other awesome ballers are getting together in Houston this Sunday to play a benefit game for Katrina victims. This has all come together over the past few days. Kenny Smith is organizing this deal. He got everything donated, the stadium, TV time, a bunch of seats for hurrican victims.

It's gonna be on TNT, Sunday night at eleven pm, commercial-free. You can come over to my house and watch, gimme a call. Five dollar donation to Katrina victims at the door.

The perfect storm, or a tempest in a teacup? It has proved to be a breakout year for the Timbers Army, bolstered by cover stories and "Best of Portland" shoutouts, which helped exponentially grow the fiercly loyal group until their numbers spilled into neighboring sections 106 and 108. But it has always been a double-edged sword for PGE Park and the Timbers management. One one hand, the TA takes care of the word-of-mouth canvassing and advertising that the apparantly anemic Timbers marketing office can't be bothered to do themselves, but part of the appeal of a Timbers game is the raucous crowd with salty language, to the extent that much of the TA growth can be attributed to newcomers that are there as much or more to see the TA spectacle than what's happening on the pitch.

The storm clouds began to gather three weeks ago, when Timbers General Manager Jim Taylor made a plaintive post to the TalkTimbers board. The Saturday, Aug. 20 match against Seattle was also planned to be Oregon Youth Soccer Association night (OYSA kids would get discounted tickets), as well as a Timbers 30th Anniversary celebration. With all of the expected children in attendance, Taylor argued, couldn't the TA find it within itself to curb the blue language? Because really, won't someone think of the children?

Between the fact that only a small percentage of Army members actually read the TalkTimbers board, the general proclivity of an attitude of teenage rebellion among the TA, and the fact that the Timbers were playing their deepest rival Seattle, Taylor's request (also distributed in hard copy at the game itself) was roundly ignored, and the F-bombs did floweth like water.

Picking up on this storyline was the Oregonian's Abby Haight, who covers the Timbers beat, and on the 23rd, the front page of the sports section ran this story (oddly enough, Timbers match results don't even make the front page of the O's sports section), painting the army as an "increasing headache for the team's management." The story portrayed the plight of the beleaguered suburban soccer mom forced to never return to their one Timbers match per year, and how the TA is daring to hold back attendance figures with their willful flaunting of FCC regulations.

As one would expect, a torrent of debate was unleashed among the TA, or at least those regulars of TalkTimbers. Calls for boycotts, the heads of Jim Taylor and the entire PGE Park front office, enjoinders to retire the stale and lifeless "You Suck Asshole" goal kick chant, pleas to not let this be the Army's Yoko era. Feelings were hurt, longtime Army members began to openly wonder what had happened to the nice folks they had stood by and cheered with for so long.

Really, it was all just brewing under the surface, waiting to erupt.

The Timbers Army has always had tenuous relations with Timbers management. The team appreciates the fact that the TA does all the marketing footwork, but has never appreciated any of the in-game contributions, demanding over the years that the TA refrain from standing on the dugout in front of 107, or cease lighting flares and smoke bombs after goals are scored. Since the Army has never had organization, and never had a leader, negotiations have never been easy. The language issue has always been a point of contention, especially since soccer in America has yet to throw off the yoke of its "family friendly" reputation. None of this, however, has stopped PGE Park from selling their own overpriced Timbers Army t-shirts in the merchandise store at games.

The next week, Taylor went to meet with Army members at the Bullpen and explain the POV from the front office. Reporting that people above him, presumably the team's ownership (still unclear at this point, since the deal is caught up in financing), PGE Park officials, or possibly even city officials have given him an ultimatum, Taylor told the gathering that there would be increased security and police presence at the next home game, and they would be authorized to eject, after a verbal warning, any fan engaging in organized swearing. Taylor claimed the higher-ups had wanted to shut the Army down completely, even cordon off 107 entirely, or charge exorbitant prices for that section only and enforce seating assignments.

Again as one would expect, this inflamed some Army members even further. Some talked about wanting to forget the Timbers altogether and start their own fan-owned team. Some argued that the Army should come to grips with reality and just lose or alter the 4-5 chants with adult language. The largest consensus seemed to agree on a general boycott of 107 and PGE concessions for the next home game. some Army members would move to other sections for this game, others would mass outside the park's east gate overlook on 18th avenue.

Quietly, while all the sound and fury was going on in Portland, the Timbers (the actual soccer team, remember?) had a mixed showing on a long road trip, leaving them tenuously holding on to sixth place in the league standings, the last slot available to earn a playoff spot.

So whither the Timbers, their Army, and their management? Many many questions, and few answers. These last two home matches are the final regular season games for the team, and with the ownership deal still unresolved, the team's fate on the field and in the park still is up in the air. Without a clear consensus from the Army on whether Taylor's message to them is merely a glove slap or a full on clothesline, the simmering tensions will be out front and vocal. And with increased security goons and PPD officers present among a fiesty Portland crowd, almost anything could happen.

The Timbers take on the Atlanta Silverbacks tomorrow, September 8th. On September 10th, they'll play their last regular season game against the Richmond Kickers. Both games are at PGE Park and kickoff at 7pm.