At one point in the evening, describing the position the Portland Beavers and Portland Timbers were in upon buying the teams, owner Merritt Paulson says "now, I don't want to speak ill of the previous management..."

Before he can finish, however, a chorus of "Please do!"s erupt from our table. "Our table" in this case is the de facto Timbers Army table, four of us doing the representing (two hairy, two non, if you must know) at a cozy chat over brews and finger food at the Bridgeport Brewery. To an audience of about 25 people for just under two hours, Merritt took questions with aplomb and grace on everything from MLS, MLB, his Treasury Secretary father, even touching on the Blazers at points, and reminded us just how much of everything the previous owners did wrong.

"I don't think absentee sports ownership works," he says, explaining his decision to jump in with both feet and change his zip code to the 972's. Later he will repeat his quote from the Tribune feature, "the community owns the team," and it seems Paulson takes that to heart in just about everything he does for the teams.

But enough exposition, you want some updates on the Timbers, right?

The Teasing

- The Timbers are in negotiations to bring two Mexican teams, one English team, and one Spanish team to Portland for exhibitions. Only one of these is confirmed signed and will be announced, the others are in the works.

- The entire Timbers defense will return for 2008. This surprised us a bit, and we weren't sure regarding Leonard Griffen (who left to fulfill his contract with the Columbus Crew) whether he meant Leo would return or if it was a forgotten omission. Regardless, Merritt was very bullish on the Timbers roster for '08, and Justin Thompson will be back!

- The team has signed an asian international who's scored World Cup goals! One easily found on youtube! And a "young guy," not on the tail end of his career! Touted as the biggest signing in Timbers history, this one set the intertubes ablaze with rank speculation. Did Togo score any goals last time around?

The Pleasing

- Paulson laid a lot of groundwork to set the context for his MLS plan. Merritt has been looking for an MLS opportunity for years. Contrary to what we in the TA suspected, that Paulson bought a baseball team, found out he had a soccer team and got hooked, Merritt painted a picture of having his eyes open for an MLS deal, and then saw the opportunity with Portland. Most specifically, Merritt saw PGE Park as a leg up in having a facility ready as fast as possible for MLS. (It should be also noted that Paulson had very high praise for MLS, calling it the best opportunity in sports right now, and specifically praising the work of Don Garber and Mark Abbott.)

- Merritt's MLS economic plan is practically ready, and it "all will be out there in a short amount of time." Paulson stated again that he would pay the MLS expansion fee and associated costs, but is looking to "raise about $100 million" to make it work. Some of this would be for adding the east side stands and converting PGE to a horseshoe instead of its current boomerang layout, and the rest (probably majority) of that would go to building the Beavers a 8-10,000 seat park of their own (which would be upgradeable for MLB, of course). Paulson's group has four or five sites in mind, but didn't want to name specifics for fear of the debate over locations overtaking the discussion at hand.

Paulson contrasted this $100 million figure against the cost of a new MLB team and park starting at around $600 million. Merritt was unequivocal in his assessment that Portland is not ready for MLB, and even if it were, Paulson wouldn't really be the guy to do it. He's here for the MLS action.

- Many conversations have been happening in all directions between MLS, the City, and Merritt's group. Even though Merritt hasn't been talking to the mayor (it is an election year, after all), he has been very engaged with the city. There shouldn't be much surprise on 4th Ave when the plan finally hits the street.

- There are a number of different funding options, and Merritt has been approached by more potential partners than he can conceivably include. This tells me that Portland's business community would get behind the MLS Timbers rather quick.

- MLS "may" tolerate sharing PGE Park with the Beavers "for 5 years" or so. I read this as "will tolerate" myself, but that could be wishful thinking. The Trib reporter who quasi-moderated led off with a question about MLS policy requiring "soccer-only stadiums" and Paulson called that "a simplification," going on to explain that the league would most likely work with the teams co-existing on a short-term basis.

- PSU Football is very enthusiastic about the plan. The horseshoe configuration helps them as much as it helps the Timbers, and the stadium is a good selling point for recruiting, believe it or not. Increasing the number of 50-yard line seats is gravy for them, and they may be a good ally to have as this plan winds through city hall.

The Confirming of Our Worst Fears

- Jordan and Wicks are gone. Merritt couldn't disclose what we got for them, but did confirm they were gone and that the team was well compensated. I wake up this morning to find that Bob's already on the case.

Big props to Merritt for taking our questions.I haven't been this excited about MLS to Portland in a long time, and I put it down to the enthusiasm and organization of Merritt Paulson, . He's incredibly bullish about the league, about Portland, and about the Timbers, and it sounds like he's done his homework and has a plan of action. There's no question that we couldn't have asked for a better owner to lead us into this challenge.

All in all, a great night to be a Timbers fan, made even better by returning home to find my 2008 season tickets awaiting me. Mmmmm, the smell of fresh Timbers tickets.....

Soccer Links

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Freakonomics links to a post about Applying Economics into Malaysian Football.

And an amazing map of the 1969 moon landing transposed onto a soccer field to show how much of the moon was explored.

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J League Soccer

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Roberto once dished out the goods regularly with large portions over at OregonLive, and things were good. Then he left to concentrate on building The Offside, and things were less good for Timbers fans, but were good for Soccer fans far and wide. And then Roberto stepped aside again, to concentrate on building Open Meadow schools, which didn't concern soccer fans at all, but still sounds pretty cool (and some of those students are probably players and fans themselves, i'd bet).

And since Bob left that blog pulpit at the GoryOnion, there's been a vast gulf between the blogging that PDX soccer fans need and the blogging they've been getting. Don't get me wrong, Donald bleeds Timber green and does a fine job at the helm, and talktimbers is still the first source for breaking news, and this blog is... um.... still around, i guess? But Bob wrote with gusto, timeliness, and detail, with a workrate that is and was unmatched.

All of which is a long-ish way of throwing double devil-horns and pumping our fists that Timbers Roberto is back where he belongs, enshrining PTFC at the top level of The Offside team blogs, and getting off to a cracking start already. It's almost like he never left! Welcome back, Bob! The Timbers season just got a bit easier to follow.

Competitive Cookies

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By Krista

Someone blue and furry once said, "Sometimes me think what is love, and then me think love is what last cookie is for. Me give up the last cookie for you."

Truer words have never been spoken...unless you are in the midst of an eating competition, in which case you can't give up your last cookie...because then it would be cheating.

It had been a long time since Liz and I had covered and eating competition together. A really long time, but boy did it bring back memories. Awesome memories of meatballs and Atlantic City, grilled cheese in Time Square, and corned beef and cabbage in Boston. This weekend found us in yet another location: Denver, Colorado among mountains...of cookies. Chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies to be exact. And there were even more differences. This contest wasn't being photographed by the Associated Press and Badlands Booker and Crazy Legs were nowhere to be found. In their place was a trio of Asian brothers, aged 7 - 15, and the only cameras snapping photos were those attached to family and friends of the contestants.

Stiff Competition

The contest took place at Olde Tyme Drafts and Dawgs and anyone could enter as long as they donated $5 to charity - in this case the charity benefitted was Operation Smile. Liz had been to one of their eating contests before, so thought it would be great if we all went this time and perhaps even got one of our friends to enter. So who to ask, who to ask....well there was really only one choice and that choice was Micah.

Micah, who I happen to think is the bees knees, can eat mad quantities of food. He usually finishes all of my meals, meaning once he eats his, he then proceeds to clean my plate as well. I think he may have been a seal in a past life...a seal who couldn't swim...or something like that. Anyway, he wakes up hungry and he goes to bed hungry. This man seems to never feel full. I would think he had Prader-Willi syndrome, but he's never eaten so much he has made his stomach explode, so he does seem to have a handle on it somewhere.

So Liz and I somehow talked Micah into entering the contest. I think it had something to do with the words chocolate, chip, and cookie. However, I don't think he expected us to take it as seriously as we did. As soon as Micah agreed, Liz proceeded to contact tons of professional eaters for advice for him. Micah got a little scared, but I assured him on the drive over, we would love him unconditionally if he lost, which funny enough was Tim "Eater X" Janus' advice.

I also told him that Liz and I don't do things half-assed. If we are gonna do something, we are gonna DO something. Besides, who would turn down advice from someone at the top of the field? Crazy people that's who! Who wouldn't want to know that Pat Bertoletti, ranked 2nd in the world, thinks you should try to fold the cookie in half like a slice of pizza and suggested bringing warm beverages to dunk the cookies in. Which we totally did. Before we left Liz's place we made two containers of mint tea. Eric "Steakbellie" Livingston also offered advice in the way of "don't over stuff your mouth" and "dunk". Wise words.

While we were gearing Micah up for the competition we never thought the competition would include Marco "Mongo" Marquez, currently ranked 20 in the world or Andrew "Skinnyboy" Lane, ranked 35. Eeek. But in they walked. It was terrific to finally meet them, but bad news for Micah. However, we still had faith that our little eater had the guts to give them a run for their money. Other contestants included the three brothers mentioned above, one unnamed man who disappeared quickly after the contest, and a big-boned woman of a certain age, who seemed to enter the contest just to sit quietly at the corner of the
table and slowly eat and dunk a few choice cookies.

After the tables were set up with one glass of water, one glass of whole milk, and 2 plates containing 20 cookies each, the contest began. Micah came out swinging and nearly ate 10 cookies in no time flat. In fact, he seemed to be keeping pace with Mongo, the front runner. Could this be happening? He was doing everything we told him to: dunking, drinking, not overstuffing his mouth, not rushing too fast at the beginning. Before you knew it, he hit 15!

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And then we saw it. The pause, the hand to the stomach, and the look of pure agony. It reminded me of the look Joey Chestnut gets late into every contest. The look that seems to say, I can go no further, yet that's what makes Joey a champion. He hits that wall and just charges through, Micah on the other hand, knew it was the end. He wasn't going to push through. It called an end to his brief flirtation with competitive eating. He's not willing or able to push past that internal wall that screams, No Mas!

In the end Mongo won with 26.5 cookies, Skinnyboy came in second with 22. Micah came in an impressive 3rd with 15.

Micah recovered pretty quickly after a night of laying on his side and watching TV with vows that it would be a long time before he ate another cookie. However, the next day while going into the fridge and grabbing one for me I asked him if he wanted a cookie. His reply: "Yeah, sure." Spoken like a true champion.

See Liz's Westword blog post about the competition!

PSU Viks & the EPL?

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While watching the Fulham/Blackburn/GoTeamAmerica match on tape delay today, Ryan, Gene and myself noticed something interesting in the crowd of Fulham FC supporters after the match. First, there were the usual members of Roy's Army:

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then this woman appeared at Ewood Park:

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That looks an awful lot like the Portland State University Vikings logo, as seen here:

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Is someone from PSU cheering on our boys in the EPL? Ryan suggested it could be a Kasey Keller relative/fan, but then we agreed they would most likely be sporting a Pilots hat. Hmmm, anyone know the answer to this mystery? Curt Kentner care to investigate?

Pop quiz, hotshot: what sport are we playing in this monstrosity?

yegods, Nike, get a goddamn clue! Read this, please, and go back to the drawing board.

And Adidas, what are you doing to the new DC United shirt? where are the iconic stripes?

This is my sad face. And I'm not even a DC diehard, i just think they play teh pretty football.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew he would hang up the saw and slab for good. But I didn't want to believe that it would be anytime soon.

Timber Jim is retiring.

"I have loved celebrating with Timbers community throughout the years,” said Serrill. “Words simply fall short in summarizing my experiences. I have truly been blessed."

No, Jim, it's we who have been blessed. I can't think of anyone who has such enthusiasm for life and his team, and no one more synonymous with the Portland Timbers. You have left behind some sequoia-sized shoes to fill.

You'll get your last chance to pay respect and see the man in action at the Timbers' home opener against Puerto Rico on April 17th. Tribute thread on TalkTimbers is here.

Yank #5 comes to Fulham: Eddie Johnson's work permit is approved. But more on that in a bit.

Gallons of ink has been spilled, by better writing talent than I, about the woes of supporting a terrible team. Teams that try your patience. Teams that fill you with malaise and ennui, yet you still spend too much of the day refreshing news sites and message boards for bits and scraps of hope. Teams mired in relegation battles, constancy found only in the giant sucking sounds they make each game. My English team, Fulham (yes, i stopped denying it to myself, they are my team after the Timbers) has been the embodiment of the team only a mother could love. and only lowly Derby County have kept Fulham from last place.

Watching Fulham is already hard enough when they aren't on FSC. I've hauled myself over more than once to the local Frat Guy Sports Haus in the Pearl District because it's the only place i can find a free TV with setanta. If they drop to the colaship, i'll be reduced to listening to poor quality audio streams each week. For which i will probably obsessively make time for. sigh.

A few numbers to lend perspective: 13 games without a win. 2 wins in the entire season. 4 wins from the last 40 games. haven't won away since 2006! and just yesterday, went scoreless over 120 minutes, losing on penalties to a team two leagues below! who are in 18th place in that league two levels down! How much farther can the slide go? Lynda and Derek, what was it like last year for West Ham fans? At least you guys had your illegal player to bail you out at the last minute (no, i'm not bitter).

What's most infuriating and depressing to me about the situation is how spectacularly Lawrie Sanchez ran the ship against the rocky coastline, resulting in complete demolition. It was a strategy that really had no middle ground, shipping out a fair number of the existing team in order to bring in half the Northern Ireland side (where Sanchez had just managed them to some acclaim) and talent unproven in the Premiership. On top of that, he enforced a truly repugnant style of football that the players were ill-equipped to execute. I can't describe the exasperation i was feeling seeing Bocanegra or Konchesky hoof the ball up once again to absolutely no one because the boss insisted that square passes were a waste of time. Once Brian McBride went down, the gig was up.

So now Sanchez is out (a month too late) and Roy Hodgson is in and has had the squad for a number of games, how's that turned out? well, so far not too well. of course, when your first three league games in charge are Chelsea, Arsenal, and West Ham away, you don't expect to rack in the points, but being unable to beat Bristol Rovers over two games has to be a red flag. All i can hope is that Roy wanted the cup out of the way so he could concentrate on the league, and i wouldn't blame him if so. But on the other hand, this team needs a win so badly. ANY win. The squad has completely lost confidance and has no chemistry anymore.

The thing is, though, I'm still cautiously optimistic about Hodgson and Fulham:

- Before Roy was named, a somewhat usual list of managerial suspects was trotted out by every tabloid. Venables (eh), McClaren (dear god), Hoddle (dunno), Souness (run screaming), etc. The pick of Hodgson quieted some of the bigger fears because of two things: 1) experience at all levels: Blackburn, Inter Milan, Copenhagen, Switzerland, Finland, etc. this was definitely a man who wasn't going to panic because he's never been in a dogfight before. 2) because of that experience, he should have plenty of contacts to find new players in the January window.

- Those new signings are starting to come in, and though they're still not Premiership standbys, they show more promise than Sanchez' NI squad. Brede Hangeland is a 6'5" central defender with some size. Height has been completely missing from Fulham's back line. Andreasan should go a lot towards filling the gaping hole in midfield left by the departure of Papa Bouba Diop, and to a lesser extent, Luis Boa Morte. Why Sanchez thought Steven Davis and Danny Murphy could replace them is beyond me.

- which brings me back to Eddie Johnson. Eddie is the sort of player that's always infuriated me, much in the same way that Landon Donovan does. He's obviously talented and faster than all get-out, but he's traditionally played with a sense of entitlement because of his past exploits, and mentally takes himself out of games. I've never seen him in the McBride/Dempsey mold of battling hopelessly for 90 minutes, and that's actually what Fulham need a few tons of right now.

BUT, the other side of it is that he's faster and more of a goal poacher than anyone else at Fulham save McBride, who is probably still a month away from being back and match fit. Also, i think that partly what Landon and Eddie both have needed was a kick in the shorts from someone who really knows the game and knows how to develop young players with loads of potential upside. If Roy can provide that for Eddie, good things can and will happen.

- and finally, the single biggest thing that gives me hope is this: the league has spread the suck around. Usually, there's a handful of clubs that prop up the rest of the table, and the relegation fight is fairly limited. This year, slots #13-19 are separated by just 7 points! any two of Bolton, Middlesboro, Wigan, Sunderland, Birmingham, Reading and Fulham can conceivably join Derby in going down. Rather than being a foregone conclusion, it's a mad scramble for points.

Which makes next Tuesday's fixture at Bolton so much more important. It's an absolutely must-win game for Fulham, and just happens to be the first game that Hodgson's signings can get in. Bolton have just sold Anelka to the zombie army (terrible decision from Bolton's view if you ask me... where are their goals going to come from now? but i suppose you don't just turn down £15 million lightly), so there's nothing forgone about the fixture, 6 points are at stake. Here's hoping Eddie can score the game-winner in his debut!

(Bolton v. Fulham is on FSC Tuesday the 29th at 3pm Pacific time.)

And the Angels Sang Hosannas

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from today's Trib:

• Finally, PGE Park is getting a new artificial surface.

The plan is to begin tearing out the old NeXturf today, with a new FieldTurf surface expected to be in place by mid-February – in time for the Oregon State-Georgia three-game baseball series beginning Feb. 29. It’s a $1.1 million project that will benefit the Portland Beavers and Timbers, Portland State and the local high schools to no end.

The turf at piggy has been one of the single greatest obstacles to getting better soccer in Portland. No big teams will come to play on it, players think twice about signing for the Timbers because of it, and the terrible lack of absorbtion means games look like a ragged game of net-less volleyball. While grass is obviously every Timbers fans' first choice, almost anything is better than that peach fuzz crap that's there now.

On another note, I've been on record before about idiotic team names in MLS, and if you've prompted me "IRL", as the kiddos say, you've probably regretted asking my opinion of said names (short version: Burn, Mutiny, and Wiz are just as terrible as Real Salt Lake). But Emerald City Greens?! Are you fucking kidding me? I still can't stop laughing. Please please please don't be a rumor. Couldn't happen to a more deserving city!