Urban Honking

An accurate assessment of Closer, and its “ludicrous belief that displaying unremitting cruelty is somehow the same thing as telling the truth.” Katie’s therapist said she thought Closer was “funny,” after which Katie promptly fired her.

Perhaps it was my time as Portland town steward (or pariah, depending on who you ask) spanning the entirety of Bush II Chapter I, but now that I know my way around NY a little, and that the triangle in front of Trump tower actually has a name (which I now cannot remember), and also […]

The 3 train uptown, 6 pm, the smush of strangers. People, mostly besuited professionals hoofing it home from Times Square rush hour, are pissed. Crazylady in headphones sings loudly, off key, “Yeahhh You can go your own way–go your own wayyy-ayyy-ay.” This lone section of chorus; her favorite part, I suppose, because she’s crowing it […]

Two totally unrelated people called me today saying, “Happy Purim, it’s your fave Jew in the world!” For real.

Q: “I totes saw my husband AT THE DINER BY MY HOUSE AGAIN THIS MORNING. WE MADE EYE CONTACT AS I WAS GETTING MY COFFEE. I hope he lives in the neighborhood and we fall in love and get married.” A: “Dude, he stuck with Erykah for a year even though she would not have […]

You think you’re seeing eye glasses, but I just see spectacles. Don’t even think about stoking the fire without bringing your blazingest blaze. HUBBA HUBBA

Artist Workshops: Click here for info on the Point Community Development Corporation’s 2nd Annual Women in Hip-Hop Female Flavor Conference, this saturday, five bucks. In the Bronx. Includes an installation for Pebblee Poo! I have no idea what that entails, but omg!

One of the truly stupidest things about New York’s hell-machine of transaction/ascension is the idea that, in certain circles, cultural capital can render one more or less datable, i.e. “He’s everything I’ve ever wanted, but he’s only second-tier editorial!” Or the idea that some dudes would not date a woman that wouldn’t garner them the […]

live in Portland, OR or Vancouver, WA, and have an open room, my dear friend Nate is looking for you. And you are definitely looking for him: he is clean, stays hydrated, rides bikes and plays bass in the only performative, drum-machined, party-black-metal band you’ll ever want in your basement. email nate@groadies.com! he is O.G. […]