As this report will be, if not the last, most likely second to last in Beaver coverage for the Portland Sportsman, I will be bringing back old faithful. Baseball Report, Ecstatic Truth Style, or “the one with the innings”.
Warning: Some of the names of the sections of this article may or may not have been lifted directly from the 1973 Academy Award winning, con man classic, The Sting.
Inning 1: The Players
I know what you are thinking. I’m that good. You reader are thinking, “Hey I think I know my American geography but I have no clue where the hell Round Rock is.” Well Round Rock is in central Texas about 20 miles north of Austin. The Express are the AAA affiliate of the Houston Astros and as recently as earlier this year had Astros regulars, third baseman Chris Johnson and starting catcher, Jason Castro. There aren’t any super exciting prospects left in Round Rock, but the kinda exciting ones will be covered later. Oh, this guy played for the Express earlier this year too:
Whimsical Trivia: Can you name another sports team, college or professional, whose name ends in “S” but is not a plural noun?
Inning 2: The Set-Up
Misquote of Benjamin Franklin about beer:
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
Franklin was actually talking about wine, but the quote was co-opted by beer lovers.
Feeling like late summer in multiple ways, another verse in the swan song of the Portland Beavers was played at Thursday’s game against the Round Rock Express. This particular baseball contest was the last cheap beer baseball game of the 2010 season and therefore the last thirsty professional baseball game to be enjoyed by Portlanders for the foreseeable future.
Normally, the term bittersweet seems to me to be a bit maudlin for occasions like this. After all, it is just AAA baseball we are talking about. But bittersweet may be appropriate as Thursday night felt like a real baseball game at PGE. Sure, the beer garden was full and the douche quotient was elevated, but being one of 8,000 rather rowdy attendees watching the Beavers on Thursday did fill me with a little sadness as well as excitement.
Sadness because there should be more games like this during the year for baseball. Also, because there are only five home games for the Beavers in Portland. That means five more chances to, as one spectator called Allie remarked, “watch Kyle Phillips run the bases like he’s got something extra in his drawers.”
Inning 3: The Tale
Unlike some sports that are timed affairs, baseball’s time is governed by the 27 outs each team is given. This difference can lead to some interesting developments. Thursday night’s game provided one scenario where, especially against the 2010 Portland Beavers, the game was largely decided within the first twenty minutes after the first pitch.
It is commonly stated that certain starting pitchers have a tendency to have “one bad inning” that otherwise undermines their quality appearances. But you, the sensitive baseball observer, know that “bad innings” can come in different forms. There are four run innings that could come directly from bloop hits, bad defense, seeing eye grounders. Cesar Carrillo, starter for the Beavers, gave up four runs in the first inning of Thursday night’s game. His four runs against were not the result of these previously mentioned outcomes.
Leadoff man for the Express, and fairly interesting prospect, Jack Shuck singled on a sharp ground ball up the middle. Cesar Carrillo got the first out on a flyball to center. That was where it got interesting (euphemism) for the Portland starter. Carrillo got his second pitch up in the zone to Andrew Locke, and Locke, with much distaste, smashed a screamer onto the boardwalk above the left field wall at PGE. The subsequent batter, Brian Bogusevic got a 3-1 fastball on the inner half and straight up jacked it over the right field wall, bouncing the ball off the PGE lightbulb guy in right center (that’s far away). Carrillo gave up a RBI triple later in the inning and just like that the Beavs had a large (and in retrospect, insurmountable) deficit to overcome.
The Beavers threatened on a couple of occasions however. Held scoreless for six innings, the Beavers hit three consecutive singles to load the bases in the 7th inning. With nobody out pinch hitter, and resident slow guy, Dusty Ryan grounded into a double play, scoring a run and immediately killing a potential rally.
The Beavers loaded the bases again in the ninth but were unable to push across any runs, which otherwise would have made the game a little more interesting. With the bags full and one out, Round Rock closer, Gary Majewski struck out Sean Kazmar and Mike Baxter to end the rally and the cheap beer era for Portland.
Inning 4: The Hook
The following is an actual headline written after a recent Round Rock Express vs. Tacoma Rainiers game in Tacoma WA:
Ozzie, Express Mount Rainiers 2-1
That’s at least a triple entendre!
Well played Express press release writer, well played.
Inning 5: The Wire
Mike Baxter, right fielder and sometime 1st baseman for the Portland Beavers is having an 2nd half to remember. Ever since the AAA All-Star game in mid-July, Baxter has had Locked-in Syndrome. I don’t mean the one where you have to blink at hot French nurses to write books. In the past 35 games, Mike is slashing .389/.476/.651 for the Beavos. On Thursday, he was 2-5, but did strike out as the tying run in the ninth for the Beavers.
Side note: Radio voice of the Beavers, Tim Hagerty mentioned that Baxter was the hottest hitter in professional baseball. Mike Baxter has been impressive but I would urge Hagerty and y’all to check out Joe Mauer’s recent numbers. They’re Insane!
I won’t even make you look ‘em up
Mauer since the break:
Games: 29
Batting Average: .427
On Base Percentage: .489
Slugging Percentage: .658
Holy Crud that’s awesome!
Inning 6: The Shut-out
Let’s be honest with each other. The Beavers offense is, if not offensive, pretty anemic. The only regulars with an above average wOBA this year are Mike Baxter, Kyle Phillps and Cedric Hunter are above average. And as I discussed with a certain employee of the Beavers, Cedric Hunter is the only prospect among them.
What’s wOBA you asked? It’s a statistic that measures both on-base percentage (OBP) and slugging percentage in a way that weights OBP more heavily than slugging. Because OBP is generally is more important in terms of team run scoring as opposed to slugging wOBA has been shown to be a more sensitive measure than the more commonly used OPS (on-base plus slugging).
Thursday, the Beavers were shut out for six innings by the Express pitching staff though they recorded more hits than Round Rock. For comparison however, 9 of the 10 Beaver hits were singles while the Express jacked two dongers, two doubles and a trip-piece.
Inning 7: Stretch
Chicagoan or not, this is awesome: (posted by a guy in my ridiculously nerdy fantasy baseball league):
Dandruff, Tons!
Inning 8: The Sting
As professional baseball in Portland comes to a close, at least for a while, I just wanted to take a moment for a little self-indulgence and thank Mike Merrill, other Sportsman contributors and readers for having the intestinal fortitude to read these baseball articles for the past year or so. It has been fun as all get out and I hope that it came across in the words written here.
Inning 9: Foul Balls!
Press Box Menu: Sponsored by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Pizza Party!: Cheese, Pepperoni, Fancy Sundried Tomato Spinach, Garlic Chicken
Various sweets: Brownies, Cookies.
Fruit Plate
Awesome Spinach Salad with Red Onions, Pistachios, Dried Cranberries.
Soundtrack: Partially Automobile Related!
For Those About to Rock (We Salute You)- AC/DC
Life Is a Highway- Tom Cochrane
Green Onions- Booker T and the MG’s
Shake it Up- The Cars
Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car- Billy Ocean