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The Portland Mercury Replaces Julianne by J. Berezin and M. Merrill We'd been hearing rumors about Julianne's replacement for some time. We were shocked and delighted to find that the PM had chosen Portland's best music writer, Zac Pennington. We sat down in his beautifully decorated home with a mint julep and asked a few questions. Congratulations on the job. Do you know how many people they were considering? We at the PMUGYG had heard this was a national search! Thank You, PMUGYG. Though the exact numbers of the job search have not been divulged, my (admittedly weak) deductions suggest that a healthy approximation would land somewhere between one and one hundred applicants--which, at last count, was significantly less than the number of unemployed music journalists around this nation. Will you keep the title, "Arts Editrix"? Though quite comfortable with the emasculating suggestion your question poses, I'm afraid that my duties, unlike Ms. Shepherd's, will remain focused primarily on that of music--making the umbrella title of "Arts Editrix" somewhat obsolete. Didn't I see you in Fader magazine? What's Fader Magazine? Many people said Julianne was one of the strongest pillars of the writing in the Merc, and her blog was even featured in the Willy Week! Do you feel like you can fill those shoes? No. No I do not. Why don't you like Hilary Duff? Though my animosity for Ms. Duff is rooted primarily in observance of my years-long affection for the now, admittedly, slightly chafing Lindsay Lohan, the evidences of Hilary Duff's unfortunate teen tyranny stretch the length her young career. From her painfully addictive television series, in-fighting with Avril Lavigne, playing love interest opposite Frankie Muniz, and now seemingly dating that shithead from Good Charlotte (some 10 years her senior, no-less), Duff's life has been marred with bad decisions (sans her only good turn in Human Nature) that are far too frequent to be the work of a bad manager. Oh, and also -- have you seen that "our lips are sealed" video? Is she promoting incest among our nations youth? I could go on. What do you bring to the Merc that the other candidates lacked? Do you have a direction or a plan? What should we expect from a ZP byline? My "qualifications" are largely clerica l-- as I am a former employee of Index Publishing (the parent company of the Mercury), I was already in their payroll system, and was familiar with their proof and style policies. My direction is taking shape slowly, but I definitely have a vision for the way I want a music section to read -- one that I'm slowly working to build over the next few months. One that will hopefully generate more hate mail. As for a Zac Pennington byline: Quantity over quality, average spelling ability, and lots of parenthetical tangents. Also, largely: loose-ended conceptualism, failed profundity, and ill-informed, non-committal critique. Thank you so much for your time. We look forward to your work.

Linking? Use This URL! Zac Pennington Recently in the PMUGYG: Where In The World are the Girls of the Portland Mercury? Portland Mercury Users Group Yahoo! Group Members Assist in Tracking the Auctioned Date By Rip City Investigations Steven Humphrey's Laptop! As a promo for the Wm. Steven Humphrey chat, we get a close up of his computer! By PMUGYG Staff The PMUGYG Photos of the Mercury's 3rd Anniversary Note: Must be a member of the PMUGYG By PMUGYG Staff