magdalen – PLAZM

More Things I Can Say About MFA Writing Students Now That I’m Not Taking Their Money

magdalen — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 00:59:00 +0000

Bitter MFA Dude chastises the whiny MFA memoirist

by E. T. Moreno

I recently left a teaching position in a Master of Fine Arts in creative writing program. I had a handful of students whose work sounded like something I myself might write. The vast majority, unfortunately, were literally not me. (And yes, I did just use the word “literally” in 2015, outside the context of a marketing meeting—even though I’m a Great Writer.) Here are some things I learned from these experiences.

Writers are born with talent.
I know this because I was there, in the delivery room, when each of my students was born. I easily recognized the ones who were destined to write memoirs that would make me cry, because they popped out within the first two hours of labor, holding first edition hardcovers of Pynchon novels, using umbilical cords for bookmarks.

If you didn’t decide to take writing seriously by the time you were a teenager, you’re probably not going to make it.
Talent is baked in, hardwired, God-given—if the Fates didn’t see fit to bless you with lyrical skillz like mine while you were in the womb, chances are you did something really bad in a previous lifetime. The gods may also see fit to curse you with being nonwhite or female. They may place you in a poverty-stricken home or stick you with uneducated parents; they may subject you to war, abuse, or ill health. Don’t try to write about it past age 19. If you deserved better, you would know by the time you hit high school.

Conversely, if you did take writing seriously as a teenager, you have probably made it by now. This is why we have so many successful, full-time literary authors in America. Every single one of those teenagers who adored writing and dragged a notebook with them everywhere is now a household name and literary rock star. Just like me.

If you complain about not having time to write, please do us both a favor and drop out.
I went to a low-residency MFA program and later taught at one. “Low-residency” means I spent a couple intense weeks in face-to-face workshops with my students, and spent the rest of the semester critiquing their work via carrier pigeon. My experience tells me that MFA programs attract people who have no business picking up a pen (much less a cool vintage typewriter): People who insist on doing an unsavory activity they call “working,” parents with small children who invariably contract inconvenient illnesses that disturb the semester’s schedule, spouses of soldiers whose unpredictable deployments wreak havoc on proper writing rituals, and cranky middle-agers endeavoring in the all-consuming work known as “caregiving” for a distasteful class of humans called “the elderly.”

On a related note: Students who ask if they’re “real writers” are obviously poseurs or they wouldn’t have to ask. A real writer is born confident, with the knowledge that his voice will be heard and listened to by others, given the privilege of his birthright. All around him, his culture has taught him since Day One that his is a point of view everyone else should listen to; after all, most of the experts, famous authors, scientists, etcetera he reads about or sees giving speeches look and sound remarkably like him. If you’re not born with a lightning-shaped scar on your forehead, don’t enroll in Hogwarts! Put that wand down, you Mudblooded poltroon!

If you aren’t a serious reader, don’t expect anyone to read what you write.
Without exception, my best students read the hardest books I assigned and asked for more, often after pulling down their pants to expose their buttocks and asking, “Please, sir, may I have another?” One student finished his assigned books early. I assigned him several long books written by clever guys whose protagonists faced the same life issues as I did, and who told their stories in narrative styles that felt relevant to me. Unlike my whinier students, this guy didn’t waste his time volunteering for charity, changing diapers, going to medical appointments, having relationships, helping friends, building things with his bare hands, growing his own food, swabbing out bedpans—whatever it is, exactly, that bad writers do when they’re not reading Carver and DeLillo. He had time to submit an extra-credit essay, too. That guy was the Real Deal.

Conversely, I’ve had students say they weren’t into “the classics” as if “the classics” was some single, aesthetically consistent edifice of a reading list, dominated by upper- and middle-class, white, male authors with access to education, connections, and platforms for their ideas. It’s inconceivable how my students got that idea. One student even admitted she didn’t like The Great Gatsby. I almost quit my job on the spot. (Luckily for my students, I hung on for a few more years.)

No one cares about your problems if you’re a shitty writer.
I worked with a number of students writing memoirs. One of my Real Deal students wrote a memoir that actually made me cry. He was a rare exception. For the most part, MFA students who choose to write memoirs are narcissists using the genre as therapy. They want someone to feel sorry for them, and they believe that the supposed candor of their reflective essay excuses its technical faults. Just because you were abused as a child does not make your inability to stick with the same verb tense for more than two sentences any more bearable. In fact, having to slog through 500 pages of your error-riddled student memoir makes me wish you had suffered more.

You don’t need my help to get published.
All you really need is a self-publishing platform, a couple thousand dollars to pay someone to format your book properly, maybe a thousand for a copyeditor, assuming you can’t find one who wants to do it “for the exposure.” In addition, you’ll need an extra 30-80 hours a week for publicizing yourself via social media, booking radio interviews, and scraping for attention on blogs. You can also wander aimlessly the Internet, looking for an independent editor, book doctor, or writing coach, praying you happen to find the right one. You don’t need my help for any of that, though I do know a thing or two about being an Internet troll.

It’s not important that people think you’re smart.
Writing that’s motivated by the desire to give the reader a pleasurable experience is better than writing that tries to make the author sound smart and edgy. For example, if I write something dismissive, intolerant, and petty about writing students, it will make people everywhere feel happy and inspired. Writing for my classes is not about you, your pleasure, or your process. It’s about the reader: Me. I told a few students over the years that their only job was to keep me entertained, and the ones who got it started to enjoy themselves, and the work got better. You should put your ego on the back burner and focus on giving me a wonderful experience. (I’m always trying to explain that to my girlfriends, too.)

It’s important to woodshed.
Students are invariably disappointed to learn that becoming a certified RealDeal Writer requires locking oneself alone in an ivory tower or mouldy garret. Just as Dickenson, Wilde, Joyce, Hemingway, Austen, Byron, Woolf, Bishop, Lowell, Beckett, Hardy, Colette, Miller, Nin, Vonnegut, Flaubert, Molière, and St. Paul of Tarsus eschewed epistolary communication with other humans, so too should you avoid the Interwebs. If you’re able to continue writing while embracing the assumption that no one will ever read your work, it will reward you in ways you never imagined. If you’re lucky, you may even end up writing clickbait for an alternative weekly.

—
Epiphany T. Moreno received the Pretentious Git Prize for Literature for her promisingly quirky debut novel in 2004. Her authority goes unquestioned.

—

This post was written in response to that Bitter MFA Dude’s recent piece in The Stranger.

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Plazm at Liquid Space PDX: Drinks, design, & discussion

magdalen — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 06:23:59 +0000

As Plazm exhibit inaugurates Liquid Agency’s experimental gallery in Portland, three luminaries of the city’s creative scene engage in conversation.

Join Plazm art director Joshua Berger, artist Kate Bingaman-Burt, and Namita Wiggers, director and curator of the Museum of Contemporary Craft, in conversation at Liquid Space PDX.

February 5, 2014
6:00-9:00 pm; discussion at 7:30 pm
Liquid Agency
910 NW Hoyt Street, Portland, Oregon

Silkscreened posters designed and printed by Bijan Berahimi will be given to guests on a first come, first served basis. Beer courtesy from Fort George Brewery will also available for free. Come join the conversation! Video: Every page of Plazm magazine with E*Rock soundtrack.

100 x 100 for Josh: a PICA celebration & fundraiser on Feb 24

magdalen — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 00:49:12 +0000

Hello, people of Plazm… On February 24, our friends at PICA are very kindly putting on an event for Josh due to his bike accident, with help from many wonderful friends and compatriots. We hope you’ll come. There’ll be art from 100 artists and designers, from Milton Glaser to Storm Tharp to Kristy Edmunds, with music from Sam Coomes of Quasi, e*rock, and others.

As you may have heard: Plazm art director & Liquid Agency creative director Joshua Berger was in a serious bicycle accident last May, and sustained a TBI, aka Traumatic Brain Injury. He will be there to say hi to everybody—though keep in mind it will be pretty overwhelming for him and he will spend some time resting elsewhere in the building. His recovery is still ongoing, but going very well. He’s now working ten hours a week, bicycling (!!!)*, and continuing his speech-language cognitive work and other therapies.

In addition, if you’d like to participate in the “Art Dash” that’s happening in lieu of an auction, the organizers ask that you please oh please purchase your art-ticket as soon as possible. You can be part of it even if you can’t be there in person. The Dash described below, but basically? You spend $100 and walk home with a work of art. Tickets are available at www.tinyurl.com/joshpica (Brownpapertickets).

=== EVENT DETAILS =====

100×100 for Josh
Sun . Feb 24 . 3-6 pm
PICA (Portland Institute for Contemporary Art)
415 SW 10th Ave, Suite 300, Portland
503.242.1419

Short musical sets from Sam Coomes (Quasi, Heatmiser), Ray Reposa (Castanets, Raymond Byron & the White Freighter), Tuvan throat singer Enrique Ugalde (Soriah), Grey Anne, WC Beck, and a special guest. And the inimitable e*rock will spin, too. Performative auctionary experience by AC Dickson. Beer from Fort George Brewery, food from Tastebud, love and good vibes from all of you.

All ages
Suggested donation $10-20
Pre-purchase Art Dash tickets for $100 (includes admission) at tinyurl.com/joshpica (links to brownpapertickets.com)

==== ART DASH ====

You can be part of the Art Dash even if you can’t come to the event. The dash involves donating $100 and when your ticket number is called by the inimitable AC Dickson, you select a piece of art off the wall. You choose from 100 works by artists like Storm Tharp, Ed Fella, Cynthia Lahti, Milton Glaser, Harrell Fletcher, Susan Seubert, and Kristy Edmunds… depending when your number gets called! Nan Curtis and Marty Houston are creating a special series of portraits of Josh as well. If you can’t be there in person, PICA will assign a proxy to dash for art on your behalf. More artists are listed below.

===== MORE INFO & YEP, JOSH WILL BE THERE =====

Back when Josh’s friends and family first began planning this event, we didn’t know when or whether Josh would able to walk or work, much less show up at his own party. His recovery is going well, so he’ll be there to say “hi” to all of you. His family has been blessed with incredible support of all kinds from friends, family, and community, but they’ve experienced medical expenses and a significant loss of income, and are grateful to PICA and friends for making this happen. Josh’s recovery is documented erratically at getwelljosh.com

===== THANK YOU! =====

Enormous thanks to PICA, Melissa Delzio, Tastebud Farms, Fort George Brewery, Pushdot Studios, AIGA, Premier Press, Derek Ecklund, Rebekah Scheer, Thomas Bradley, Jeremy Bittermann, Sarah Cline, Jon Raymond, Liquid Agency, and all the donors, sponsors, volunteers, artists, organizers, musicians, and friends who’re making this possible.

===== FEATURED ARTISTS & DESIGNERS =====

Adam Garcia

Adam Sorenson

Alexis Mollomo

Alfredo Muccino

Brad Simon

Chris Haberman

Chris Johanson

Chris Knight

Christina Seely

Clare Carpenter

Corey Lunn

Cynthia Lahti

Dan Attoe

Dave Walsh

Ed Fella

El Rey Del Art

Erik Stotik

Erin Holcomb

Gabriel Liston

Gus Nicklos

Harrell Fletcher

Heather Watkins

Jason Bacon

Jeff Foster

Jeff Jahn

Jeffry Mitchell

Jennifer Armbrust

Jeremy Bittermann

Jeremy Pelley

Jerry Ketel

Jolby

Jordan Domont

Jose Cabaco

Kathryn Lippert

Keegan + Meegan

Kristan Kennedy

Kristen Rogers Brown

Kristy Edmunds

Lloyd Winter

Malia Jensen

Marcus Swanson

Mark Faigenbaum

Mary Kysar

Melody Owen

Michael Brophy

Michael Buchino

Midori Hirose

Mike King

Milton Glaser

Nan Curtis & Marty Houston

Neva Knott

Patrick Long

Paul Fujita

Philip Iosca

Robbie McLaran

Sam Guerrero

Santiago Uceda

Sarah Cline

Sean Healy

Stephanie Snyder

Steve Sandstrom

Storm Tharp

Susan Seubert

Thomas Bradley

Tom O’Toole

Tsilli Pines

Vanessa Renwick

Will Bryant

Zak Margolis

* – worried exclamation points courtesy of Josh’s wife and Plazm co-editor Tiffany

Plazm Design Week Exhibit at MoCC Extended Through This Weekend

magdalen — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 05:36:10 +0000

If you were unable to make it down to the Museum of Contemporary Craft during last week’s Design Week 2012 festivities, you have a little extra time to check out the Plazm exhibit. As part of Design Week 2012, Plazm was asked to do an installation featuring twenty years of Plazm magazine ephemera. Josh Berger selected and installed the materials. MoCC is keeping the installation up through the weekend, well, Saturday, because they are closed Sundays, so get on down there and check it out.

Museum of Contemporary Craft
Tuesday through Saturday 11 am to 6 pm
Open 11 am to 8 pm

Plazm editor Jon Raymond & Chiasmus editor Lidia Yuknavitch at Wordstock

magdalen — Sat, 13 Oct 2012 05:03:18 +0000

Tomorrow at 2pm Plazm editor Jon Raymond and Chiasmus editor Lidia Yuknavitch are slated for a joint speaking appearance at this year’s Wordstock Festival.

Lidia is the author of the debut novel Dora: A Headcase, and the memoir The Chronology of Water, both from Hawthorne Books. She has contributed to a few issues of Plazm, most recently a short story for “the end of war” series in Plazm #29. She has published three books of short stories and is the recipient of an Oregon Book Award 2012, a PNBA award 2012, and grants from both Poets and Writers and Literary Arts Inc. Her fiction, nonfiction, and critic fiction are widely anthologized and have appeared most recently in The Rumpus, The Sun, Ms., The Iowa Review, and Mother Jones. She teaches writing, literature, film and women’s studies in Portland Oregon and is the Editor of Chiasmus Press.

Jon has been the editor of Plazm since 1998 (I teamed with him and art director Joshua Berger in 2006). In addition to his glamourous work with Plazm, Jon is the author of the novels The Half-Life and Rain Dragon, and the short story collection Livability, winner of the Oregon Book Award. He is also co-writer of the films Old Joy, Wendy and Lucy, and Mildred Pierce, and the writer of the film Meek’s Cutoff. His writing has appeared in Tin House, Artforum, Bookforum, The Village Voice, and many other publications.

Saturday October 13, 2012
2:00pm – 3:00pm
Wordstock Festival
Oregon Convention Center
Faceout Studio Stage (OCC, Room D-135)

Plazm at Design Week Portland

magdalen — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 06:07:40 +0000

Check out all the sweet Design Week Portland events.

http://designweekportland.com/

Plazm is participating with an exhibit sampling 20 years worth of Plazm magazines, posters and assorted ephemera at the Museum of Contemporary Craft. The display was selected and arranged by Joshua Berger. Details here.

Museum of Contemporary Craft (2nd floor)
724 NW Davis Street, Portland, OR 97204
October 9-13, 11am-6pm.
OPEN HOUSE at the museum: THURSDAY, 3-6pm, $4 museum entry or free with your Design Week Portland passport

—

Also, check out Design Crush celebrating the diversity of creative thinking within the local print publishing culture. Peek inside the studios of influential art directors from a range of local publications and presses, from art + design
magazines, to weeklies, to comics and book publishers.

Featuring: Bear Deluxe Magazine, Bitch | Feminist Response to Pop Culture, Dill Pickle Club, Portland Monthly, Timber Press, Tin House, Top Shelf, Topaz Design, Portland Mercury, Willamette Week. More details here.

Before Social Media, there was Virtual Community. Before Facebook, there was The Well. And it’s for sale.

magdalen — Sun, 01 Jul 2012 00:16:38 +0000

Before Social Media, there was Virtual Community. Before Facebook, there was The Well. And it’s for sale. Tell the most recent owners, Salon.com, to give The Well a flippin’ break before dashing it on the rocks and selling its domain name, well.com. Salon may or may not listen at their salon.com/feedback link.

Bruce Sterling (pictured) asks, “Will some sensible person or institution please buy the WELL so I can keep my time-honored email account? Thanks very much. — bruces@well.com”

If you got anything out of the Tiffany Lee Brown interview series in the latest Plazm magazine, then you’re the kind of person who should follow this development. Exploring digital media, the death of print, and neverstopping social online, interviewees were Bruce Sterling, Douglas Rushkoff, Sherry Turkle, Erik Davis, Amber Case, Nicholas Carr, and Kevin Kelly, most of whom had or have a connection to The Well.

Welloids have reason to believe that this time, Salon is going to kick us to the curb. More at the New York Times.

Update on Josh Berger’s Recovery from Traumatic Brain Injury / Bike Accident

magdalen — Sat, 09 Jun 2012 21:16:38 +0000

Josh’s health is improving daily. Many challenges and months of recovery ahead of him, but making beautiful progress. For info, to help out, to keep updated on new stuff and photos:

www.getwelljosh.com

Thanks, everybody, for the amazing support you’ve shown, and the good wishes and prayers and fabulous vibes from all over the world. They seem to be working. Keep ’em coming!

Joshua Berger is a co-founder of Plazm and art director for, oh, like twenty years. Here’s his official bio:

Joshua Berger, Creative Director
Joshua Berger is a founder and creative director of Plazm. Recognized by numerous design publications and award shows, he received the Gold Medal at the Leipzig Bookfair for his collaboration with John C Jay on the book Soul of the Game, and the Gold Medal at Portland Design Festival for XXX: The Power of Sex in Contemporary Design. His art and design work have been exhibited by The Museum of Sex in New York, ZGRAF Festival in Zagreb, Croatia, the Portland Institute for Contemporary Art and featured in Eye, Graphis, Communication Arts, Idn, and IDEA. He was recently a finalist for the Contemporary Northwest Art Awards at the Portland Art Museum and is a board co-chair at the Rock ‘n’ Roll Camp for Girls. Contact: josh [at] plazm.com.)

Plazm’s Josh Berger in Serious Accident

magdalen — Tue, 29 May 2012 17:35:22 +0000

Joshua Berger, art director of Plazm magazine, was in a bike accident in Portland eleven days ago. He has been in trauma wards at hospital ever since, and is making steady improvements. However, he has sustained considerable Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI) that will likely take months of recovery. Perhaps years.

Please keep Josh and our family in your thoughts, wishes, prayers, meditations, whatever it is you’re into. We’ll update this site with more info and ways to get involved, and send things out on the Plazm newsletter (sign up at plazm.com top of page) & facebook page.

Visiting is still very limited. We’ll let you know as things kind of open up for more visitors.

With love to all the amazing friends & collaborators Josh has out there,

Tiffany
(josh’s wife / plazm co editor / etc.)

Image: Josh working on his Collateral Damage ongoing art piece at Place. At some point he’ll be able to tell me the photo credit.

Wordstock Weekend: Go Here Now.

magdalen — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 23:28:00 +0000

Plazm and New Oregon-related Authors at Wordstock

*2 pm Saturday, Oct 8: “The Death of Print and Humanity in the Digital Age.” Join Plazm editors/creators Tiffany Lee Brown (moderator), Jon Raymond, and Joshua Berger along with Born magazine’s Anmarie Trimble and Urban Honking’s Mike Merrill. A New Oregon Arts & Letters adventure. Wieden+Kennedy Stage, Oregon Convention Center.

*4 pm Sunday: “From Playboy to the Bible: Adapting Writing for Screen and Image.” With Andy Mingo, Mark Russell, Nora Robertson (moderator), Shannon Wheeler. A cartoonist, a humorist and a filmmaker sit down to discuss collaboration between writers and artists in visual mediums.A New Oregon Arts & Letters joint. Oregon Cultural Trust Stage.

12 pm Saturday: “My Censor, My Self.” Plazm contributor and “Chronology of Water” goddess-author Lidia Yuknavitch with Ben Moorad, Kerry Cohen, and Lynn Connor. Writers often suppress their own work before reviewers, readers and relatives have a chance to pass judgement. How to get around the snarkiest critic of all? Wieden+Kennedy Stage.
 
5 pm Saturday: Colin Meloy & Carson Ellis. Author and illustrator of middle reader book “Wildwood.” Maybe you caught their very first Wildwood appearance at the Plazm 20th Anniversary VIP event. Mr. Meloy (of the Decemberists) read, and Ms. Ellis donated a drawing of the book’s cover. So we heart them. If you missed it then, catch it now! McMenamins Stage.

1 pm Sunday: “Mean Girls.” Plazm contributor Lisa Wells joins, Chelsea Cain, Moira Young, and Karen Karbo to discuss: What is it about mean girls that we love to hate? And how do writers make a mean girl we care about? Wordstock Community Stage.