ch ch ch ch changes
I do not do well with change. That is fact number 11 or 12 about Willow: She does not do well with change. The summer before I left Denver for college, I got ulcers from the worry. During my two month gradual return from Dublin to Portland I cried almost every day, even though I was so happy to be headed home. And when my heart was last broken, I threw up every morning for a month. I used to yell at my mom when I was packing for camp, and anyone who has ever helped me move houses can attest to my nervy nerves. I do not do well with change!
Rereading that intro, I think it would be more accurate to say that I do not do well with uncertainty. I'm not good at "winging it," or "rolling with the punches." Tomato, tomato.
Which is unfortunate, because I am entering a period of great uncertainty. Classes end in a week and a half, and I'm cool with that part. I feel like a highly trained teacher. The part that's got me all tied up in knots is the whole job hunting part. We did a resume workshop yesterday- two cohorts combined- and while it was helpful it was also completely overwhelming. The other cohort is obsessed with Making An Impression in the 30 seconds they'll talk to district reps at job fairs- meaning they'll all be in pink power suits and color-of-confidence lipstick or whatever. The stress/anxiety level of my cohort pales, just pales in comparison to their collective intensity.
I'm actually not THAT worried about getting a job. I make a good first impression, I have a lot of experience, I interview well, and I'm a really good teacher. I'm mostly worried about the PROCESS of getting a job- the job fair registrations, the memorization of district information, the sending of many thank you notes, the mapquesting directions to suburban convention centers. I am not good at these things! And I need to make a portfolio! Circuits.... Burning....
I'm trying to keep my stress contained. Which is to say I'm trying not to take it out on my boyfriend. I hate acting like a grouch- it makes me feel so guilty! And I'm trying to be good about examining the source of my grouchiness before I grumble. I want to keep my expectations reasonable and appropriate. And not overreact to miner stuff. Basically I'm trying to be a good girlfriend and not a total ding dong.
I took the day off today because I've been feeling almost-sick for the last little while. I've been run-down, headachy, and slightly queasy. I thought I was on the verge of coming down with something, but now that I think about it it's probably just stress. On the plus side I'm not vomiting, and I don't have ulcers, and my crying jags are happening in around three day intervals. So maybe I'm managing it all a little better than I used to.
My life is not hard! I need to stop being such a baby!
Dear Willow,
I also have a tremendously difficult time with change. Job hunting is extremely nervewracking for me and I hate all those petty things you have to do to make a good impression--like interview thank-you notes. However, all this stuff is quite necessary.
To make it easier, I do recommend before starting the whole process to gather all your supplies together--address stickers, matching envelopes and paper, stamps...because sometimes if you don't have the tools you don't end up doing anything at all because it's so hard!
As for change? I think you're doing a good job. Definitely a BRILLIANT idea to check in with yourself before grumbling at the boyf--I'm still working on that one, but luckily B. has a thick skin and understands when I am stressed.
willow... just be yourself... yknow... "willow".
you always knock peoples socks off. so i dont think it should be a problem for you to find a place to teach some little brains. if only half the teachers were willows...
"And not overreact to miner stuff."
Black lung is nothing to be overlooked.
Also: you always get a killer job. Always. You will rock the job fair.
You, Willow, are never a ding dong. Repeat after me. "My name is Willow and I am NOT a ding dong."
But you're kinda cute when you fret, like the way your curls bounce as you give your head the tiniest of shakes!
"My name is Willow and I am not a ding dong." :) Thanks, friends. Lucy, good call on the thank you note prep work. I will do those things.
Black lung? What?
awesome.
that black lung comment was so, so my humor.
thanks for making my day liz.
Miner, Minor. Got it. Very good.