The trip
Posted by: lucie | From: July 16, 2007
It had its moments. Mostly these occurred when the boyfriend and I managed to steal a bit of time for ourselves, which totaled about 2 dinners in 2 weeks if you don't count mid-day cooling off breaks in hotel rooms, most of which were spent stressed out and/or arguing about "the kids," as we came to call them.
It was like a family trip. A dysfunctional family trip with pouty teenagers who are constantly bored, don't want to try anything new, have little appreciation for anything you take them to experience, demand to be entertained, offer no suggestions as to what might make them happy and think it's always someone else's fault that they are having a miserable time.
Ice cream was the only definite winner. If you ever take your kids to Europe, plan some extra time in Florence, where the gelato may actually bring a smile to their frowny little faces. The Louvre, Arc de Triomphe, Eiffel Tower, The Last Supper and the Duomo in Milan, the entire city of Florence and most of Rome were summarily dismissed. They said "eww" to anything other than pizza, McDonald's or ham and cheese sandwiches. They got bored of St Peter's Basilica at the Vatican after about 10 minutes and sat at the back waiting impatiently for us to finish looking at whatever we needed so much time to look at. They insisted we spend almost an entire day at Charles de Gaulle airport rather than leave our bags at the hotel and walk around the city. Bags are so important.
They pouted when we did what they wanted, pouted when they didn't know what they wanted, and sulked wholeheartedly if we ever did anything they didn't want to do. They missed the air conditioning in their house. They missed the corn on the cob from home. They even missed their jobs. They made us miss our flight to Milan and then said they would rather go home than pay for train tickets to make up for it because "it wasn't worth it."
But most of all they missed having the boyfriend - the old boyfriend - to themselves all the time. Because that's what they came for. They didn't want to see Europe, experience new things, get a new perspective on the world or open their minds, which he was so looking forward to helping them do. They didn't want to see the amazing works of art or architecture or history he was so excited to show them. Their greatest wish was to have him 100% of the time, with 100% of his attention, hanging out and talking about whatever they used to talk about just the way they used to do it.
So they just wanted old times, he just wanted them to appreciate new things and evolve a bit, and I just wanted to be accepted and maybe have some romantic moments with my loved one in such romantic cities. If you think about it, the extent to which these great wishes are at odds is almost poetic.
They were nice to me when they weren't sulking, but only from a distance. It was clear they would have preferred me not to be there, and while I would have been happy to get out of the way once in a while, the boyfriend wouldn't stand for it.
I gained some insight into how stepmothers must feel, which is funny since I have one that I don't like very much either. And by the end of the trip I had resigned myself to what I imagine is a stepmotherly hope, far downgraded from my original aspiration for this trip: maybe they'll grow to like me later, if and when they accept that he loves me and that things change sometimes and people move on and move around and do new things. Maybe we'll get along someday.
Yikes! This makes me think you must REALLY like your guy, because the family sounds like a pretty big minus.
Posted by: freddy at July 16, 2007 12:33 PM
The one saving grace is that his family lives in a tiny little town in middle America and will almost definitely never leave it. So we probably won't see them more than once a year. My family is no Brady Bunch either, I guess. But yeah, it does make you second guess things to some extent.
Posted by: lucie at July 16, 2007 1:30 PM
Places change people. Some people belong certain places and others will never fit.
Try meeting them on their turf. (a modest suggestion)
Posted by: Jen Elliott at July 16, 2007 2:39 PM
You need a vacation from your vacation. It's good that you have a realistic view of the situation. I hope the boyfriend does, too. (That someday, BTW, may never come - they sound stuck and resistant. The question is whether he can resist the pull.)
~~Silk
Posted by: ~~Silk at July 16, 2007 9:59 AM