Poisonous Snakes (on a plane, or otherwise)

Instead of getting much boards studying done over the weekend, I spent my time reseaching venomous snakes. I'm sure there will be numerous questions about this topic on the exam, so my time is well-spent (and should in no way be considered a procrastination tactic) . And when I arrived to the Poison Center on monday, I insisted on getting a poisonous snake lecture for our post-lunch activity (yes, the other students LOVE me). Here are some basics:

There are 7-8000 venomous snake bites per year, of which 5-6 result in death. In North America there are 4 kinds of venomous snakes, comprising 20 different species. There are Rattlesnakes, Cottonmouths (aka water moccasins), and Copperheads, all of which are pit vipers (Crotalines). Then there is the coral snake, which is its own special entity (it has red, black and yellow stripes). In Oregon the Western Diamondback Rattlesnake (or "rattler" as I like to call 'em) is the most common.

The only states without venomous snakes are Alaska, Hawaii, and Maine. (Mike, your parents had the right idea). If you want to avoid venomous snakes, do not under any circumstances go to Australia - they have like 20 different kinds.

Here's an exciting fact: The bite reflex is so strong in snakes that they are able to inflict bites even after they are dead or even decapitated! So don't pick up recently killed snakes. Come on now, surely they could have worked that into Snakes on a Plane? "I just chopped this motherfucker's head off with an axe, see - AAAH! Motherfucker's decapitated head just bit me on the ass!" Samuel L, I'm counting on you for this in Snakes on a Plane 2, or Snakes on a Cruise Ship - Revenge of the Pit Vipor.

My favorite quote from the New England Journal of Medicine article on snake bites: "The most common reaction to snakebite is terror, which may cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, syncope, tachycardia, and cold clammy skin... Autonomic reactions related to terror must be differentiated from systemic manifestations of envenomation."

So who gets bitten? The classic story is just someone who was out innocently wandering through the desert, minding their own business, when out of nowhere a snake exploded through the bushes and viciously attacked them. This may or may not be the case, but in emergency medicine there is a Rule of T's that describes who gets bitten:
Testosterone (victims are almost always male)
Twenty-something (average age is 17-24)
Too much to drink (and we're not talking water)
Toothless (maybe they're all on meth?)
Taunting the snake (so much for the "minding my own business" theory)

Point is, snakes are mostly terrified of you and will not bite you unless you drink a bunch of Miller High Life and corner it against a wall and poke sticks at it to impress your buddies (trust me, we've all been there). The general exception to this rule is when hundreds of snakes are secretly loaded onto a plane and exposed to hawaiian leis soaked with "pheromones": this causes them to be incensed into a blood-thirsty frenzy. Snakes in this situation should generally be avoided.

But then what do you if you or your buddy gets bit by a rattler? If you were to base your first aid technique on Snakes on a Plane, you would be a hot young latina mother who learned how to deal with snake bites while growing up in the desert; you would take a knife and slice into the wound on the ridiculously swollen forearm of the adorable blond little boy who was bitten by a king cobra, huge amounts of fluid would gush out, and then you would apply your lips and attempt to physically suck the venom out of the wound. Onlookers would invariably find this incredibly sexy. Because, as we all know, there is nothing in this world that is sexier than a woman sucking poison out of the oozing, swollen arm of a small child.

This is exactly what you are NOT supposed to do. IMPORTANT NOTE: Do not apply tourniquets, do not incise the wound, do not attempt to suck out the poision, do not apply ice. These actions are strongly discouraged. Instead, keep the person warm, immobilize the injured body part below the level of the heart, take off any rings, watches, or constrictive clothing, and transport the person to the nearest medical facility. Oh, and call the Poison Center so they can get the anti-venom ready.

Which brings us to venom. Venom is basically an ultra-concentrate of the snake's digestive enzymes, designed to immobilize and then digest a small rodent before swallowing it. It is comprised of complex mixtures of many different proteins, many of which are enzymes that break down cell components. These proteins damage the walls of blood vessels, causing fluid and electrolytes and blood cells to leak out. Venom can cause toxic damage to every organ system, and the effects in humans range from localized swelling to shock, generalized bleeding, and death.

Its a good thing, then, that a Brazilian doctor name Dr. Brazil invented anti-venom. Seriously - that's his name. They inject a horse or a sheep (the sheep are better) with the venoms from different snake species, and then wait for the sheep to create antibodies. The sheep serum is then removed and the antibodies are filtered out and chemically altered a little bit. Several vials of these processed antibodies are then injected into the body of a human snake-bite victim, and they bind to the venom proteins and deactivate them. The antivenom available here is effective against almost all poisonous snakes native to the US.

Now you know. But you should still consider watching Snakes on a Plane.