This is how lame I am

So we are supposed to do this project. There is no formal exam at the end of this, my rural primary care rotation, but instead we have a community project. This is supposedly something that we will have worked on for the entirety of our stay in ruraltown, USA, and should reflect our investigation into the complexities of rural medicine while at the same time actively contributing something to the community.

People in the past have studied domestic violence and come up with a resource guide for patients. They have surveyed patients about the use of complimentary and alternative medicine. I recently ran into a friend who honestly organized a focus group at the local high school to address the high rate of teen pregnancy in that county.

So what fabulous project am I doing? What contribution will I be offering to the community of Astoria, Oregon? Well, I'll tell you. It is honestly the lamest, incomprehensibly boring, pointless endeavour that this program has ever known. My project consists of me pulling patient charts in my clinic and analyzing a lot of stupid lab numbers to assess how well patients'diabetic follow up care complies to national recommendations. It is awful. I was in the clinic til 11 pm the other night flipping through charts and writing down numbers. It is embarassing. It makes me feel bad. I get a sinking feeling when I think about presenting this project to a panel and getting graded on it.

Why couldn't I have just made a brochure about resources for alcohol treatment? Or done an assessment of gun safety? Or investigated contraceptive availability for young people? Well, because those things take time and effort and foresight and are incompatible with the laziness and procrastination that seem to be the hallmark of my completely un-motivated life. Very very lame. Ugh.