Most likely to eat you when you're dead
A few weeks ago a few of the pathology residents and I were chatting in the residents room, and the conversation turned, as it usually does, to the topic of pets that eat you when you die. One of the residents is particularly interested in forensics, and has done a lot of work at the medical examiner's office, and this is what she has to say on the subject:
What is the dog that is most likely to eat you when you die?
The dachshund.
The weiner dog.
Yes, that tiny, elongated, vaguely comical dog will eat out your eyes if you die. "They are burrowing dogs," Tracy the future medical examiner said, "Don't ever die naked around a dachshund." They will eat into your soft bits and dig themselves into your body. Medical fact. She has seen it.
A golden retriever, on the other hand- those guys are often found starved to death, lying next to their fallen companions. Such noble, loyal friends. Not the shifty-eyed little weiner dog. They are found plump and healthy at the scene of the crime, blood dripping from their viscious little mouths.
But then again, if you were a dog and your owner died and your were trapped inside a cold apartment - wouldn't you?
god, i love a golden retriever. I picture Dr. Franklin Hughes as a golden retriever. Loyal, loving, smart, gifted creatures. p.s. this entry is really disgusting. AWESOME!
This is my bottom line: I don't want some pansy ass dog at my side. I want a survivor. If my dog died and I was trapped in a cold apartment, I'd eat it. I'd eat a baby too. I guess that's easier said than done, but I thought I'd put it out there.
I'd eat a human. No question. I'd eat a dog. I'd eat a baby. If its their dignity (if such a thing can be found in death) versus my survival, i'd vote for me not starving to death any time.
Now, if I was stuck on an island, or a raft, or down a mine shaft with a my best friend (or my mom, or my honey), and we knew that we would both die of starvation unless one of us was sacrificed for meat... now that's a tough spot to be in.
Scarily, one of the regulars at our favourite coffee house, is a half-demented, eccentric lady, who has at least four dachshunds.I have an awful premonitory feeling since I read your blog... She loves them so much, though, I bet she'd be happy if they survived by tucking into their departed Mamma. I just feel for the poor soul who has to deal with the aftermath...
What if I die face down? What's she gonna burrow into then?
Well if you are naked... what do you think?
I have a dachshund--oh, yes--and I have to say that he's got strong teeth for such a little guy, but he hasn't shown any burrowing instincts yet. He actually seems a little claustrophobic, thank god. Just to be safe, maybe I should start weaning him onto a vegetarian diet.
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I have dachshunds. Always have.
I'll consider myself lucky if they wait until I'm dead, frankly...
uhh ya...i also have a dachshund and sometimes when i am sleeping i can tell that he is checking my breathing to make sure if i am dead or not. then when i jerk he acts all innocent like he wasn't up to anything....but i know better!
Its all too sick for me.
Not all dachshund's are the same just like not all whites or blacks are the same. I have owned weiner dawgs all my life and they are the most loyal animal around even more so than people. Its sad you put information out there to the public that is not true and making these dogs out to be what they are not. Shame on you Dumbass