Incident Control

Here is something very funny.  In the labs at the VA hospital, they have these emergency guidelines for what to do in the event of a toxic exposure.  And they have tried to make it a catchy acronym that everyone will remember, but they totally fail!  Check this out:

R.I.N.S.E.

Rescue - if applicable and safe to do so.
Incident Command - provide first aid to spill victims, control access to spill area
Notify - dial #20 and report the situation as a "Code H"
Suppress - contain the spill as much as possible
Evacuate - when the HAZMAT team arrives

Incident command! "Oh my god.  Jimmy spilled Xylene all over himself. Ok, RINSE. Think RINSE.  Somebody needs to rescue Jimmy.  Ok Jimmy is safe. Ok. Ok. Oh my god!  What does the I stand for?  What does the fucking I stand for!? Nobody move.  Put the phone down, Rodgers. We need to figure out what the I stands for, ok?  It.... In..... Incident?  Incident Command!  Incident Command! What the fuck!!?  Somebody command the incident.  Now.  Oh my god.  Jimmy is totally going to die."

I really want to make one up that's even more ridiculous and obscure.  Like "T.O.X.I.C. - A.L.P."

"T"erminate behavior
"O"ptimally survey the area
clean up "X"ylene, or other dangerous chemicals
"I"nitiate call to authorities
"C"arefully suppress the spill and rinse eyes
dial x4900 "A"nd report a Code Red
"L"isten
"P"lan ahead for a future spill and take necessary precautions

Oh my god.  I am laughing so hard.  People keep asking me - what is it? Something good?  Yes. I am writing an entry that is so funny that I can't stop laughing at my own comic genius.

Oh my god.