Yesterday i spent all day

Yesterday i spent all day filming the last scene of the rock opera. Again. They had watched the whole thing in its entirity and realized that the last scene didn't fit at all anymore. It didn't make sense, it was cheezy, and it just didn't follow the artistic flow of the rest of the film, so they say. And I agree. It was so long ago when we shot that. So we redid it completely with a whole new ending.

And guess what the new ending required- me crying. I had to cry! God, it was so weird and awful. And during the crying i was supposed to come to this moment of realization, of transformation from being closed, angry, and isolated to being open, alive, one with the world. Me! Too bad I can't act. It was so intense.

I made everybody leave so no one would watch me. They set up everything and then ran around this little mound and waited for me to call them back. Reed and ritchey and andrew were really supportive and patient. The funny thing is that where we were filming was in eagle creek very close to a hiking path, so people kept walking past and looking at me, wearing my weird black costume and mike's tanker boots, standing beside the creek with all of this film and sound equipment pointing at me.

Oh yeah, and it was even weirder because they want to use live audio for this scene. No music. Just the sound of me sobbing. Its going to be so painful to watch.

I ended up doind 4 takes.

I though a lot about what I could do to help make me cry for the camera. And I'm totally a crier - someone who cries so easily at movies, at stressful situations, and anytime i feel frustrated or singled out or threatened in the least. When i was little i cried during hair cuts because the hairdresser would ask me questions. I cried during math tests when I couldn't get one problem (and we're talking high school here). But it is so different when you are supposed to cry. On camera, no less.

So what to do? I brought an onion, thinking that if nothing else i could atleast induce fake tears. But that didn't work (even though it always seems to in my kitchen). So I resorted to something so cheezy and endearing and embarassing... and it worked. I read a letter mike wrote me. I was in australia, he was home, blah blah blah. But it made me cry when i first got it, and pretty much everytime after that. So, in that scene, while i am supposed to be looking down at my dead sister and at my hand that has just crushed an animated eel, I am actually reading the letter and thinking of mike.
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