Location and Hours

Moxie's on Main
1929 Main Street (map)
Vancouver, WA 98660
(360) 750-1784

Monday - Sunday: 10am to 6pm

Free Wi-Fi!

Moxie's Guide To Great Soda

"Moxie's is America's #1 soda shop. We carry over 320 varities of pop from across the nation and around the globe. With so many choices you may feel a bit overwhelmed. So we've created this Soda Guide (PDF) to help you navigate and enjoy our coolers."

Thanks to Cabel for shooting the video!

DorkbotPDX - people doing strange things with electricity
Jesse Fox - the blog of the musician and engineer
LEMUR - League of Electronic Musical Urban Robots
Antheil.org - Celebrating the revival of George Antheil's amazing 1924 composition

Geography

The city is split east and west by the river and the numbered avenues go up from the Willamette river. There is a general slope up from the river in both directions, so you know when you are going up hill, the number will be going up, downhill, the numbers are going down, towards the river.

The city is split north and south by Burnside, a street with a bridge going over the river.

So this street and bridge and that river cuts the city into four parts.
SW (downtown)
NW (the new 'pearl' district and the posh-ish/apartment world of nw 21st and nw 23rd),
SE (ex-hippy and ex-grunge, now "have-a-kid-and-a-house" land),
NE (blacks being displaced by 'punks' being displaced by 'bohemians' being displaced by bo-bos).

There is a "5th quadrant" which is made by the fact that the river does not run perfectly north-south, but veers west, creating a bunch of land west of NE portland but still on the east side of the river. this area is called "North Portland."

Here are some blogs that can be interesting to people just moving here to get you started:

Unabashed Portland historic nostalgia:
Stumptown Confidential.com
Cafe Unknown

Unabashed Portland neo-growth excitement:
UrbanHonking's own Portland's Future Awesome

Hawthorne blvd is Portland's funky, chunky, hippy, dippy HQ. From the funky bars at the bottom of Mount Tabor on hawthorne and se 50th, down through the thick of it between se 39th and se 32nd, on down into the se 20 blocks, and all the way to the weirdly re-named hawthorne strip (formerly known as dino's) extremely run down strip club on se9th or 10th, hawthorne blvd exudes portland counter-culture. from import stores selling chimes, incense and tibetan tapestries, to a splendorous mid-century movie theater revamped into a brew and pizza second-run movie grind-house, hawthorne blvd could be considered the most "portland" of all of the portland shopping streets. its certainly its most smelly, what with all the hippies and their fucking dogs. Check it out! you just might find your favorite shop in portland!!

Things To Do

Outdoors

NW: Go for a walk in Forest Park, it is beautiful like dinosaurs could be in there.

NE/SE: A fun way to learn about the city and its bridges and the development of SE in particular is the eastbank promenade or whatever its called, which is a cool new trail with placards all over it that goes along the Willamette river from the Rose Garden above Burnside, all the way down to OMSI (the oregon museum of science and industry). you can learn when each bridge was put up, get great views of down town and check out the weird warehouse industrial/train tracks/I-5 world of the "central eastside industrial district" one of the last remaining weird run-down warehouse areas in portland.

SE: Belmont is the street that runs east from the morrison bridge, one bridge south of the burnside bridge. there are other things on the way in the 46 blocks between this video store on 47th and the river, including a couple of record stores, many cafes, a grip of thai restaurants, quite a number of bars, and some other stuff, including a nickle arcade/kids movie theater and a historical brick fire department. worth a bike ride to check out the whole thing.

Arts

PORT - Comprehensive local art blog (very comprehensive!)

Movies

Go to the Laurelhurst or the Bagdad, get a piece of pizza and a cool microbrew and watch "Jaws" or whatever cool old movie they're playing for like $3. BEST THING IN PORTLAND!!!!!!! Fancy old theaters with beer and pizza (and good popcorn with nutritional yeast you can put on it!) showing cool old movies, also regular second-run movies.

Movie Madness is one of the top video/dvd rental stores in the nation with tons and tons of hard to find movies, cool curation, etc etc.

Music

if you are into independent youth culture in general, the clubs to go to are:

towne lounge (local and touring, slightly left of center, mostly rockish or pop-ish with occasional electronic)

holocene - local and touring electronic, DJs, dance nights, slightly left of center, many gay and lesbian nights, occasional touring and local rock bands, theme nights, occasional experimental music

for all ages shows now there is the artistery. different vibes for sure, but times are also different. it is a rad place, (though i miss the old artistery with the geodesic dome shows in the back yard....)

Food

The Extramsg METRO FOOD TIP SHEET AND DINING GUIDE.

La Bonita has good burritos: 2839 NE Alberta St.
Tonnallis has amazing doughnuts on 28th and Alberta.

Go to the Vita Cafe and get vegan fettucine carbonara in memoriam of me, who you do not know, but who misses it so every day of her life.

For those who like food, there is a "slow food" revolution not-so-quietly happening in portland as we speak! In the last decade, Portland cuisine has gone from fried saloon fare and standard steak and fish houses (like the legendary Jake's) to some of the finest and most adventurously refined dining experiences found in any city in America.

One could even say there is somewhat of a style or aesthetic that is truly in the spirit of the northwest that is being developed influenced as much by the french avant guard as by the north west's dedication to ecology, "sustainability", and local pride. One might even venture to joke that "sustainability" is the new "grunge" up here in the northwest as the trend spreads nation-wide. "sustainable cuisine" and the "slow food movement" means fresh, carefully prepared local vegetables, meats, wines and all ingredients, organic, foods, furniture art etc made locally and often out of "recycled" stuff. some of it is legit and some of it seems like whole foods lifestyle branding trend hopping grossness. for a real cool deal i would suggest Navarre, on the strip of SE/NE 28th ave that stretches on both sides of east burnside, right across the street from the laurelhurt movie theater that rimsy mentioned. the owner is a nice legit man and he makes weird cool foods which are ordered tapas-style. but this is just one of many many many weird cool kind of neo-portland advanced fancy food places to eat these days.

the best donuts in the greater area: SESAME DONUT (in beaverton)

if you eat meat you should go to this place called the acropolis, they have the most amazing lamb gyro and frys for $3.50. there is a cover charge to see the naked ladies so if you don't want to pay that you can ring the bell around back and this dude will pop out and be like "what do you want?" Acropolis is owned by a cattle farmer, hence the cheap, yet high quality, steaks or that is the local legend...

The last time i visited before moving here, i ate at the delta, and let me tell you, i had a blast. chilled 40 of pbr and southern food. heaven. i'm pretty sure they were playing some radiohead remix album too.

For a lil' bit o' portland punk rock history, a legendary all-ages venue once stood where the second half of the delta now extends to (the bar part). it was called 17 nautical miles, it was run by Todd P (who now does toddpnyc.com and basically books anything cool in new york ) and it was FUCKING SWEET.

Drink

For the fucking OG portland bar experience, go to My Father's Place. unless you come from a state where there is no smoking in bars, in which case you might freak out and have an asthma attack. never-the-less, its about as unchanged as anything can be and feels quintessential to anyone's quest to understand portland bar culture or night life scene. some newbys are scared of the food, but trust me, its edible. and the drinks are extremely cheap.

for a straight shot of portland's independent youth culture on the loose partying like there is no tomorrow, check out 'the tube' a small bar built by a weird international architect to be some sort of very fancy tube shaped techno bar, but then taken over by ex-olympia punks and made into a cool place to get a fancy drink, listen to extremely loud music of all sorts (the only premise, perhaps, would be that the music should scare away lame jocks) etc. lots of youngsters sporting the hottest in Portland street fashion. its where the coolest of the cool let their hair down and hob knob. you could probably score some cocaine there if you needed it, too.

The holiday gift giving season is upon us, and thanks to your friend The Internet, it's easier than ever. This guide will be updated as we find new things!

$150 and Up

$220.00 FREE! TiVo 80-Hour Digital Video Recorder
Not only is TiVo a revolution in watching television, but with the rebate the TiVo Digital Video Recorder is free! A free TiVo! This is CRAZY! This is a great gift. (Note: TiVo service requires a subscription fee; $12.95 per month.) Get this for anyone who has TV, but doesn't have a TiVo. Especially if they have cable.

$100 - $150

$129.82 Nintendo DS Lite
If you are some kind of veteran Wii Hunter, then you have your gift already figured out. But if you can't get your hands on a Wii consider a Nintendo DS Lite. It's the UrbanHonking handheld game of choice. Lighter, brighter and more fun than the original Nintendo DS, the Nintendo DS Lite is smaller than the original, with brighter screens and adjustable backlighting. The best part is the social aspect of playing games together, so you really should buy two.

$60 - $100

$79.99 Apple 1 GB iPod Shuffle
I have a Nano, but the new Apple 1 GB iPod Shuffle is so small and cute! It holds 240 songs and is incredibly simple to use (perfect for technophobic parents). This thing is so small it will freak you out. From the product description: "Using either witchcraft, fairy dust or highly gifted engineers (we're not sure which), Apple has created an iPod Shuffle of an almost impossibly small size."

$40 - $60

$52.80 David Byrne: E.E.E.I. (Envisioning Emotional Epistemological Information)
I haven't actually bought David Byrne's E.E.E.I. (Envisioning Emotional Epistemological Information) but I still very confident recommending it. Why? Well, it was made by David Byrne and it's PowerPoint presentations as art, which is something that is very close to my heart. $50 may seem steep, but you're getting a book of images and essays, plus a DVD which plays 5 of his PowerPoint presentations accompanied by original music. Everyone I know would love this.

$41.85 Zojirushi Mr. Bento Stainless-Steel lined Lunch Jar
All you have to do is check out the Flickr group Mr. Bento Porn (no worries, it's safe) and you'll be craving a Zojirushi Mr. Bento Stainless-Steel lined Lunch Jar so you can eat lunch with the cool kids. It's time to make your lunch as awesome as this or as this.

$20 - $40

NEW! $35.95 Lomography Fisheye 35mm Camera
Sometimes it's just nice to go analog (sounds crazy, I know). The Lomography Fisheye 35mm Camera is a very wide way to look at the world, and seems like it has to be one of the most fun cameras you can buy for only $35.95. Plus, if you give this as a gift you are guaranteed cool pictures of Christmas.

$24.95 We Love Katamari T-Shirt
If you know a videogame player, you can get them a Katamari T-Shirt from Panic. They're cute, and all seven designs were created by the man who made the game, Keita Takahashi (or his assistant)!

$24.75 Worldchanging: A User's Guide for the 21st Century
While I haven't yet read Worldchanging: A User's Guide for the 21st Century, it's at the top of my list of things to buy, and I've read only positive things about it from all over the internet. If you know someone who got a lot of Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth then this is a pretty bet!

$16.02 Candyfreak : A Journey through the Chocolate Underbelly of America
I saw Steve Almond speak at Powell's when we was touring with Candyfreak : A Journey through the Chocolate Underbelly of America and he brought all this obscure candy with him and gave it to the audience! Unfortunatley I had to leave early so I didn't get any candy. After reading Candy Freak I feel like I'm a little closer to understanding Jona. (Has he read this book? This would be a perfect gift for him.)

$10 - $20

$17.99 Sandwiches That You Will Like (DVD)
Rick Sebak's Sandwiches You Will Like is one of the best documentaries ever made. No geo-politics, global warming, or evil corporations here, just a tour around America looking at great sandwiches. This is one of the documentaries that really affected how I see the whole genre. Rick Sebak is as serious as anyone making movies, but he is covering things he really feels positive about. It's really inspiring.

$12.00 House Blend (Organic, Fair Trade)
Give the gift of better coffee! Stumptown's House Blend is blend of high grown Latin American coffees roasted to perfection. This coffee's medium body, low acidity and lively, clean finish makes it perfect for any time of the day. As Josh says, "If you're giving it to an out-of-towner, it's going to be such a step up from what they're drinking!" If you are thinking about giving some Oregon wine, choose this instead!

Under $10

$8.00 Music From States' Rights Records
States' Rights Records is a young label based in Portland, Oregon. They are interested in representing and documenting the new and exciting music being made by the people around us. This music is beautiful and it cannot easily be described, but it may be called New Genre/No Genre and it also can be called RIL music. The label is the dayjob of UrbanHonking co-founder Steve Schroeder, who will literally be packing up and sending anything you buy!

What else should you buy? Well, we'll be updating this list as we find more cool things and you can help by making recommendations in the comments. I want to put more local things on here, especially things made by Urban Honking! Happy Holidays!

Curt and I are going to be blogging all over UrbanHonking, plus on his blog, Flickr, and hopefully vimeo too. So we're making an entry here on MIH to be the hub of all the posts we do, and we're going to try out this new platial map that allows us to display the location of each entry we make!

Sept. 2 - KmikeyM: The Eastern USA Tour
Sept. 6 - North: Revving Up
Sept. 11 - KmikeyM: Road Trip Rules
Sept. 12 - North: I would drive 400 miles...
Sept. 13 - KmikeyM: An Excuse For Vimeo Clips
Sept. 15 - North: Bourbon festival
Sept. 15 - UHX: What song should we listen to on repeat for hours
Sept. 15 - KmikeyM: Bourbon Day
Sept. 17 - KmikeyM Riding The Spirits
Sept. 17 - KmikeyM Garfield's Hometown
Sept. 20 - KmikeyM: Out of order: Faith
Sept. 20 - North: Welcome to New York
Sept. 25 - True Fan: Krystal Square Off Qualifier
Sept. 25 - North: Road trip data: Numbers and Music
Sept. 25 - PFA: NYC's Past Awesome

I also made us this sweet seal:

Meanwhile, deep in the bowels of the Urban Honking labs, which exist more as a state of mind than an actual underground lair (though we do have lab coats), we have developed a few theories about subliminal programming. First, let's recap the experiment:

Better Bowling Through Listening, March 15, 2006
a joint research venture between North laboratories and Make It Happen labs, a division of Urban Honking

While research has shown subliminal suggestion to have little or no effect, we believed that the subliminal tape would give a slight increase in performance if for no other reason than you are at least thinking about bowling more often.

So we bowled. A lot. Each week we bowled three games. This new hobby led to the start of the Internet Bowling League, as well as an aggravated injury to my middle bowling finger. After a few weeks Curt started listening to the tape and I kept right on bowling.

Curt: "Listening to the tape was fun at first, mostly for the novelty of it. But as the days went on, it became harder and harder. I'm rarely in a place where I can listen to music for a continuous hour. I had to consciously block out an hour to listen to the tape most days, which was just a hassle. Also, the tape got really dull after listening to it every day and by the end of the second week, I actively dreaded pressing play."

The results are startling.

As you can see on this graph Curt created, the effects of the subliminal tape seem to have no noticeable effect on Curt's bowling (in red).

Curt: "I didn't expect to dramatically improve after listening to the tape, but I did expect to at least become more consistent, neither happened."

While many of you may be thinking, "This is stupid," and are waiting for ZeFrank to post his next video, we didn't stop there, because science is like a freight train with a drunk conductor and will push on until all the burning questions are answered. And this isn't answering any questions to us. This is just creating more:

1. Where did this subliminal tape come from?

2. What is this subliminal tape really doing?
The purpose of a subliminal tape is to re-program the mind. While I'm sure there is money in re-conditioning the mind to be a better bowler, it seems like a perfect opportunity for an evil scheme (Manchurian Candidate anyone?). Curt will be observed for any erratic behavior.

3. Does the MP3 format harm the effects of a subliminal tape?
A number of techniques are employed during MP3 compression to determine which portions of the audio can be discarded. MP3 audio can be compressed with different bit rates, providing a range of tradeoffs between data size and sound quality. Perhaps the elements that are deleted are essential to the effect of subliminal programming.

4. Did Curt's bad attitude toward the tape affect his ability to receive the messages?

5. Will the cute girl at the coffee shop go out with Curt?

6. Is Curt immune to subliminal suggestion?

In order to answer these, and other, questions, a more extensive study is required. To that end, we are now issuing a request for proposals. We seek a study designed to definitively measure the effect of subliminal suggestion on bowling skill as well as proposals to answer any of our followup questions.

Experiment related photos available on our Flickr pages.

See, when an opportunity presents itself, you have to take advantage of it. And here was an opportunity to drink ALL the beer that Half and Half had as soon as they opened up on Saturday morning. While admittedly ridiculous, this is what legends are made of.

Everyone came together to attack the beer they had on hand, planning to start the party at nine in the morning. "A foolproof and brilliant plan", I thought, estimating we'd have to each drink between three and four beers. There were two elements which caused us to fail. 1. Getting people to meet up at 9am on a saturday to drink beer is easier said than done, and 2. We had bad information, and they had more beer hidden away.

In a way, I'd say it was a half victory and a half defeat, which is appropriate for a place called Half and Half. We did set a new record of both "Most Beers Consumed Onsite" and "Earliest Beer Purchase" and I think that while we were unable to out-drink them, we made a very strong dent in the beer supply and a strong impression on the staff. But yes, in the end we lost.

This time.

The other unfortunate side-effect was that in leading this endeavor I drank more by 11am than most people drink all day. This is not a good thing, as I felt like crap, and continued to feel like crap throughout the entire day and evening. I don't think I was alone.

See all the action on Flickr. Just look at the tag Beer Pirates.

ABSTRACT

Studies have shown the practice of subliminal suggestion to have little or no effect. However, other observations suggest that our unconscious, shaped by life experience, is more effective than our conscious mind at making important decisions and performing in "clutch" moments. This project aims to test the effectiveness of subliminal suggestion.

HYPOTHESIS

Can listening to an audio cassette containing subliminal suggestions improve bowling performace? Because bowling, like many other activities is a combination of physical and mental acumen, I expect a slight improvement in bowling scores to be attributable to participating in a subliminal program.

MATERIALS

"Bowling: Subliminal Tape Program" cassette
Various bowling establishments and equipment
Audio/Visual recording equipment to document progress

PROCEDURE

Stage 1: Baseline
Two subjects will bowl a standard three-game series according to Professional Bowling Association (PBA) rules. Subjects will use house equipment (balls and shoes) based on their comfort level. The scores from each game will be added together to form the baseline score for each subject (900-point maximum). The baseline games will be played concurrently at the same venue. This will take place during the week of March 27 while both subjects are in Las Vegas, Nevada, host of the PBA West Region doubles tournament.

Stage 2: Calibration
Each subject will bowl a three-game series at the venue of their choice once a week for four weeks.

Stage 3: Testing
After the final series of Stage 2, Subject A will begin listening to the subliminal program cassette for one hour each day. Both subjects will continue to bowl a three-game series each week for four weeks.

DATA

Subjects will provide the following data for each three-game series rolled
- Bowling Venue
- Lane Number
- Scores of individual games
- Total score for three game series
- Weight of ball(s) used
- Size of shoes worn
- Photo of shoes worn
- Time of first ball rolled
- Time of final ball rolled
- Number and type of beers consumed on game day (ending after final ball is rolled)
- Number and identification of bowlers accompanying subject
- Photographic documentation of score sheet

VARIABLES

There are many factors that may affect the subjects' performance.

Equipment:
The calibration period will allow subjects to find the most ideal equipment available. Though it will be impossible to use the exact same ball and shoes for each game, the subjects will naturally choose equipment that most closely re-creates their ideal equipment choices. The effect of equipment will therefore be minimal.

Alcohol consumption:
The effects of alcohol consumption on physical dexterity are widely known. However, the fraternal atmosphere of amateur bowling requires moderate levels of beer consumption. The subjects will effort to consume consistent amounts of beer on performance days in order to minimize the variability of the effects of alcohol consumption. Subjects are prohibited from drinking alcoholic beverages other than beer on performance days.

Varying lane conditions:
It will be nearly impossible to play each game on the same lane of the same venue. Subjects will bowl only at venues that also host league bowling events, operating under the assumption that league organizers will maintain their lanes according to consistent guidelines. Although minor variations may still appear, a skilled bowler must learn to adapt to these varying lane conditions as part of the game, therefore any effects due to condition variation are beyond the scope of this experiment.

Bowling subliminal program:
This is the key variable for this experiment. One subject will listen to the cassette according to the directions and the other will bowl without the aid of the auditory subliminal messages.

ANALYSIS

Once the data has been collected, researchers at North laboratories will examine the records kept by the subjects and attempt to determine whether or not the subliminal audio program was effective. Since the two subjects may not have the same level of bowling acumen, the net change in scores will be considered in order to compare the levels of improvement achieved by each subject.

BUDGET ESTIMATE

Bowling: $135 (3 games per week for 9 weeks per subject at $2.50 per game)
Shoe rental: $36 (9 sessions per subject at $2 per session)
Beer: $189 (3 beers per subject per week at $3.50 per beer)

Total: $360

SOURCES

Gladwell, Malcom. "Blink." New York City: Little, Brown and Company, 2005.
"Bowling Rules." Professional Bowling Association,
http://www.pba.com/resources/basics/bowling101.asp
"Subliminal message." Wikipedia. Wikipedia Foundation, 12 March 2006.

UPDATE: Results

Welcome to the long awaited final installment of the Mustache Competition. It is, let's be honest, the episode we've all been waiting for. And no scrolling to the bottom to see the winner! That's cheating! It's been a long five weeks and I know a lot of us became quite attached to our new looks.

The Final Week

The final meeting was held at the office, because we planned on celebrating the geekiest stache of all, Mario, with the recent release of Mario Kart DS. It was quite the inspiring event, with everyone at maximum growth. We took pictures to be cropped for the judges, so that the ratings would only be based on the stache, and not the general hotness of the men involved. Can you guess who is who?

You'll notice there are less images than competitors featured throughout this contest. I was really hoping Jason would make it to the end, as he came into the competition a week late and still had a great stache, but was forced to clear it out when he caught the flu and suspected the invading germs were hiding out in the jungles of his upper lip.

And then the noble and highly anticipated Noby left the competition early in an unfortunate end-date miscommunication where he thought he missed the deadline and SHAVED IT OFF! We regret his departure from the competition and wish him well.

The job of the growers over, we sent the images off to be judged. Before we jump into the judging, I'd like to give a "shout out" to the inventors of Just For Men mustache coloring agents. After the official portraits were taken a few of us took advantage of their fine products to enhance our masculine and I have to admit, much sexier, appearance.

Thanks JUST FOR MEN (note: no photoshop trickery was used, these photos represent the actual change in color w/o altering the levels or contrast*)!

The Judges

Now it's time for the judging! Before we begin, let's meet our panel of mustachio magistrates:

Marjorie Skinner is a California conquistadora who came here expressly to go to Reed College, but discovered upon graduation that she didn't have enough money to move back to her native San Francisco. She hates rain. Since then, she has been refusing to either grow up or wear shoes to work, finding employment at the Portland Mercury, a newspaper that caters perfectly to these demands. Recently promoted to Managing Editor, Skinner has appeared on reality TV dating shows, manufactured her own kidnapping, test driven sex toys in Beaverton, and gone undercover as an Insane Clown Posse fan. She also enjoys boxing, shopping, and plotting schemes.


Lisa Radon is a freelance writer who writes primarily about style and culture for a number of publications. She is the editor of ultra (http://www.ultrapdx.com). On the flipside, Radon employs words in non-linear, non-explicative fashion in abstract poem performances in which syntax is often AWOL and sound rules.

Brede Rorstad has the best looking mustache of any man under 40. He is a mysterious and quiet fellow, but his appreciation for the mustache cause brought him out as a judge. His stinging critiques are as ruthless as his fierce ping pong game (sorry about that misspelling of your name on the ping pong page!).


Ken and Bev Merrill are my parents, which you would think would give me an advantage in this contest, but you would be wrong. Upon accepting his position as a judge my father said to me, "I'm afraid with your genes you may have a handicap. I think I was 40 before I could grow one that did not look like I just forgot to wipe my mouth after eating a chocolate donut." My parents are very knowledgeable about the mustache, as my father is a retired state trooper and my mother has been married to him for over thirty years.

And finally, the results, from lowest to highest:

Ian: 9th Place with 8 points.

Marjorie: Sparse - I could grow a thicker 'stache than that!

Lisa: I'm sure this gentleman looks quite handsome sans mustache.

Brede: Try a mullet instead perhaps...?

Ken: "Sorry Charlie" – the little follicles that couldn’t.

Bev: Nice try. Don't give up! A few years will make a tremendous difference.

Tim: 8th Place with 11 points.

Marjorie: No comment.

Lisa: Bad grooming choice. The vast space between the nose and the mustache killed this one. Raggedy lower edge seals its fate.

Brede: Shaved by a robot - flat on top and flat at the bottom. No dynamics.

Ken: Maybe when it grows up.

Bev: You’ve got a cute mouth... forget the mustache.

Mike: 7th Place with 15 points.

Marjorie: Points for creepiness; that's a total rape 'stache.

Lisa: Mustaches require combing. Uneven lower edge makes me want to get out my scissors.

Brede: Nice shape, but needs work on texture. Eat your vitamins.

Ken: Folliclly Challenged - might make a good democrat politician.

Bev: Colorful, nice horizontal shape. Length of hairs seem uneven giving it a somewhat ragged appearance.

Josh: 6th Place with 19 points.

Marjorie: I never knew a mustache could have a widows' peak.

Lisa: A mustache is not an art project. Mustaches must never be trimmed to the outline of the lips. Never.

Brede: Confident and sleazy. Seagull-shape must go.

Ken: Disturbing - might be seen on a poster in the Post Office.

Bev: Unique sassy shape with a hint of gothic style. Well trimmed and creative.

Dave: 5th Place with 23 points.

Marjorie: Nice symmetrical winged shape, and good density—it even has a center part.

Lisa: Fine growth with haphazard grooming. Potential.

Brede: Good growth, needs trim.

Ken: Would rate higher with another couple of weeks growth time.

Bev: Good soup strainer. Length of hairs seem a bit uneven.

Steve: 4th Place with 24 points.

Marjorie: The downward curling on the ends compliments the roundness of the chin.

Lisa: A shape with personality, shaped a stitch too thinly.

Brede: Good intentions and good effort, but shape needs revisions.

Ken: This will make a great cookie duster.

Bev: Nice hairs, appears warm and fuzzy. A little ragged on the edges.

Wade: 3rd Place with 36 points.

Marjorie: I love the triple boldness of color, size, and shape.

Lisa: Great growth and color, but if one is to have a handlebar mustache one must swing for the fence.

Brede: Delightful form and a lovely hue.

Ken: Points added for unique coloring!

Bev: Warm color, strong hairs, nicely groomed and trimmed.

Cabel: 2nd Place with 39 points.

Marjorie: Perfectly ’70s porn director. Any caterpillar would be charmed.

Lisa: Super healthy and glossy, kind of wild man...untrimmed in a good way.

Brede: Robust and firm, topped off with a subtle flirt with the wild side.

Ken: Full and nicely colored, but lacks grooming.

Bev: Full and fluffy but needs careful edging. Great color.

J. John: 1st Place with 41 points.

Marjorie: This actually looks natural, not affected.

Lisa: Distinguished variegated coloring and very nearly haughty shape with luxuriant growth.

Brede: Very elegant, yet solid and convincing.

Ken: Best over-all, Full, nicely colored and well groomed.

Bev: Good shape, good length, thick, nicely filled out and trimmed to perfection.

Congratulations John! Your mustache has been victorious, and the image of your stache will be immortalized on a case of Jones Soda! (arriving soon at the Hott Denn)

For The Cheaters Who Scrolled Down

*statement may not be actually true

Welcome back to the mustache competition! In this episode we're going to see week 3 and 4, where the stache is really growing in!

Week 3

For week three we went to Jake's Grill for the classic Portland happy hour. The place was pretty crowded, but we all managed to squeeze into a booth.

In the third week, there was some definite separation of the "men" from the "boys", but still way too much soul patch, beard, and other extraneous hair going on.

Week 4

Originally we planned on going to Uptown Billiard's Club for Week 4, but when we arrived it was closed for a private party of dentists! So we relocated to a nearby McMenamin's pub, but in honor of the gentlemanly game of billiards, here are the growers in a standard 9-ball formation:

Just one more short week of growth before the FINALE, which will be unveiled, along with the mystery judges, in the NEXT and FINAL EPISODE of THE MUSTACHE COMPETITION! Stay Tuned!