And don't call me Shirley

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Am I allowed to gripe about maternity clothes yet? Why are there so many bows and floral prints? Why are pants so hard to find and fit correctly? Why is all the really hip stuff super expensive? I'm mostly cranky because I currently only own one pair of jeans and two pairs of capris that fit me and it got cold here all of a sudden. You know what you need at work when it's cold? Not jeans and capris!

I have the bella band but it starts look a little bulky there once the pants are completely unbuttoned and unzipped. I know, I know, Gap, Old Navy, Target, blah blah blah. But the truth is, those stores have their off times even when you're not restricted to a tiny area in the corner. So if you scope them all out and don't find anything, there's not really a nice Banana Republic or Anthropologie to run to. There are lots on Ebay and Craigslist, and I'm getting some borrowed stuff, but it doesn't mean everything actually fits right or is exactly your style. Not to mention your body's a little different every time you go to put something on.

I guess this is part of the sacrifices one makes. It's not enough to carry a baby around in your guts for nine months, you gotta do it in a puffy smock with bow. Ha ha.

* * *

Listening to radio
J: Is he saying "shorty" or "Shirley"?

Liz: What? "Shorty"!

J: Who's Shorty?

Liz: You've never heard "shorty" before? It's slang for a girl. It's mentioned in like every hip hop song. How have you never noticed this?

J: I don't know.

Liz: In like every hip hop song this radio station plays.

*pause*

Liz: You've heard it before. What about that awful Shaggy cover of "Angel" that they played nonstop for years. Shorty, you're my angel, you're my darling angel... You know that song.

J: Yeah. I guess I thought they were saying "Shirley."

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10 Comments

Aaron said:

This lack of knowledge about "Shorty" also means you guys have clearly not watched "The 'Burg", which is pretty amazing (as far as web tv shows parodying Williamsburg go).

sally said:

Would it be rude to point out that when I bitched similarly about maternity clothes, you basically said that there were plenty of options out there?

Sonja said:

Oh, I feel your pain. Wait till you shop for nursing bras. *SHUDDER*

Krista said:

Ouch, Sally busted Liz.

Also, I think this post proves J is really about 84 years old.

Bri said:

I have a big bag to give you next month, but that obviously doesn't help you right now. I truly found lots of good stuff at Goodwill--brand names that weren't totally moo-moo-ish. Just a suggestion, I feel your pain! Just remember it will all pass quicker than you think. I'm dying about the Shirley thing, that's hilarious.

liz said:

Ah, but I was *asking* if those shirts would work. What did I know then? Nothing. The correct answer would be, "No, Liz, those shirts are totally not long enough in the front and will shrink because nothing you thought would be supereasy and cheap with maternity clothes is correct." But you were nice and just saved the moment for this exact post :-)

Bri, you are the best. You know I'm excited for the borrowed clothes; at least they've been screened by a reliable source.

"The Burg", eh? I will have to check it out.

cindy w said:

Is there a Burlington Coat Factory anywhere near you? I was surprised to find out that (a) they had a maternity section at all, and (b) I found some cute, relatively cheap stuff there. Good luck. Btw, I *hated* the Bella band. It felt like control top pantyhose to me. So not what I wanted on my burgeoning belly. I think I only wore it twice. Total waste of $30.

Meghan said:

8 months pregnant here and feeling your pain. I hate the poofy shirts. I had a lot of luck buying large amounts of stuff from Old Navy and Gap online and then returning most of my order (no in store maternity close by). Gap pants turned out to be the only ones that fit me. Returns on maternity are free, and you can use the same bag they ship in to mail back--just drop it in any random UPS bin. Also, free shipping on orders over $100 if you have the Old Navy or Gap credit card. Ann Taylor Loft pants fit well too but much pricier, and returns are a pain.

Sally said:

It was easier just to wait for the proper moment to pounce.

As for pants, I have to recommend the elastic band all the way around the pants. I have a couple of pairs of pants that only have the stretch in the front (which made me feel like a big girl with my almost-real pants), but then I got bigger and now they cut off my circulation. I also recommend hanging any maternity jeans to dry because the elastic tends to get all twisted and wonky if you dry them all the way in the dryer.

Also: Motherhood Maternity, while vile, has great stretchy knit skirts that I live in right now. (The worst part about that store is the fact that they scream "welcome to motherhood!" at you when you walk in.)

grace said:

Bri has the right idea. I just had my third child and had the best wardrobe this time around simply by avoiding the (overpriced and obnoxious) mall stores and shopped at Goodwill. I bought loads of name-brand, like-new stuff for way less money than I would have spent otherwise. JC Penney is the other place I found some of my favorite things. Good luck!

Also~ I still can't believe it but found the most functional and comfortable nursing bras at WalMart. They're pink, too:)

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