Gimpy Pigeon
Posted by: Liz | From: March 1, 2007
I had been feeling blue. This blueness, I decided was due mostly to the fact that I left all my close lady friends on the east coast (except Willow, who's camped out on the west coast), and had no one to meet for happy hours or brunch or shopping or pedicures. But then, like a heaven-sent answer to my loneliness, I was invited to join a ladies-only drinking club that focuses on raising money for worthy causes. I mean, they focus on drinking, but in-between making fancy drinks and hosting get-togethers with themed hors d'oeuvres, they host some charity events and do things that are generally good for the community. So I got an all-in-one package of 1) lady friends, 2) drinks, 3) food, 4) theme-based gatherings, and 5) volunteer work. DID I FOUND THIS GROUP AND JUST FORGET?
To balance out all this extra drinking, I've been going to a boot camp class at the gym. What happens is this: an instructor yells at you for 30 minutes as you do more crunches and push-ups and squats than you've ever done in any exercise class you've ever taken in your life. Combined. Then you are free to go unless the guilt trip that the instructor lays on you works, and then you stay for an additional 30 minutes of punishing. I was suckered into staying for this second half once, and now he knows I can do it and won't let me skip it. It hasn't been so bad in the past, as we've focused mostly on doing odd circuits with jump ropes and bosu balls.
But then, last week? He was all, "Let's go outside. FINALLY!" And I realized with a sickening feeling of dread that this second half of the class--that I was just barely getting through--usually takes place outside. Where they run. Up and down stairs. A LOT. Only the snow on the ground had trapped us inside and forced us to do lesser things like jump rope for five continuous minutes. But I was stuck in his authoritative instructor beam and couldn't say no. (I tried a feeble, "But I don't have a jacket..." and some girl in the class who wasn't affected by beam of guilt was heading to the recumbent bike was all, "Here, borrow mine!" Bitch.)
Yoga and pilates are good. They give you strong muscles and good balance; they help you have pretty push-ups and are teach you excellent skills for focusing during endurance events. However, when you are running up flights of stairs and trailing behind ex-track runners during sprints, you realize maybe you should have been focusing on some aerobic activities, too. You realize this as it seems like someone is punching you repeatedly in the chest, as your lungs collapse in on themselves, and as your stomach remains in "nauseous" mode the rest of the evening. You think of screaming, "I can do headstands, motherfuckers! I'm very flexible! I can almost do king pigeon pose! Can you hear me?? KING PIGEON!" But they can't because they have finished their sprints about ten minutes before you and are heading back to the gym already.
I'm going back tonight, but only because there is snow on the ground.
Wow, you must be in great shape. If only I were flexible, I think I'd like yoga. As it is, I want to shoot it. Not very yogic. Also, I would shoot the stairs.
Posted by: Real Girl at March 1, 2007 6:43 PM
I would last about 8 seconds in that class before the crying started.
Posted by: Sally at March 2, 2007 11:13 AM
Post a comment:
That sounds like a great group. And you have to admit, raising money for a good cause is reason to join enough. Not to mention the drinks involved! ;)
Posted by: eMM at March 1, 2007 3:21 PM