All I Need
In my dream last night, I worked somewhere where the boss gave everyone a $60,000 bonus if they rolled (like on the ground) to work when it was 61 or 65-degrees outside. I didn’t like the job, but I kept saying, “All I need is one 61-degree day, and then I can quit!”
I blame all the numbers in that dream on Lost, wholly and completely.
You want to know what true love is? True love is when you miss most of ANTM because you are having a lovely dinner with your friend and you call your husband from the bus on the way home and he gives you a blow-by-blow of the last twenty minutes of the show. Don’t you wish you’d married him? Too late! I like to think there was at least one other person on the bus that watches the show so my blurtings (“Danielle can’t go!” “What do you mean they all lost?” “They would never let Jade win.”) meant something to someone.
There is masking tape on the floor of my office surrounding my desk because we’re trying to figure out the dimensions of a new wall addition. But some people just came in for a meeting and I had the thought that it looks like a little masking tape fence outlining areas I’m allowed to walk. Liz must be contained! She is wild in her wandering.
Ok, opinion time! Say someone was going on a 5th date or so with a lady and he feels he wants to bring her a quirky gift. He comes across Self Magazine’s 2006 Healthy Beauty Awards and decides on bringing this lady a bottle of the Best All-Around Shampoo. Which FOR SOME GOD AWFUL REASON happens to be a dollar bottle of White Rain shampoo. Appropriate?
Sadly, my Eats of Strength participation has been scaled back from panelist to audience member. Something about scheduling and a format change. On one hand, I no longer have terrified butterflies in my stomach. On the other, now what will my uncle in Tulsa have to tape? Back to the first hand, I can now have a bloody mary before the show, as there seems like there will be a van full of bloody marys at our disposal. (I don’t know.)
AHAHA - oh White Rain - a classy gift for all occasions.
Please tell me the White Rain is a joke. A terrible joke. Why would he? No really. WHY. WOULD. HE???
If I were to receive such a "quirky gift," my eyes would ask "do you hate me?"
Yeah, you just can't buy the cheapest shampoo as a gift, no matter what some dumb awards say. Just like you can't buy Busch beer for your lady on your first date, even if Slate Magazine says it's the best beer in a blind taste test.
Later? Go for it. But you're still reassuring the other person that you're normal and a desirable mate (which means, among other things, "not a cheapskate").
But what if the person offered to wash my hair with the White Rain shampoo. I say yes.
You know what would make a better gift than White Rain? A VAN FULL OF BLOODY MARYS. Where can I get one of those?
ooohhh, good call, Rebecca.
Appropriate? Lemme think...NO! Is he saying her hair is dirty, but he doesn't even like her enough to buy expensive shampoo? Never buy a cleaning product for a girl you like unless you're madly in love, getting married, and you have some private joke. Really. Don't.
ug, totally awkward gift idea! Even if it was fancy shampoo, it would still be weird and inappropriate to give a lady *shampoo* as a gift.
(Unless there had been some preceeding conversation specifically about that kind of shampoo- maybe funny then)
Yeah, I gotta go with no on the gift, too, alas. Although the explanation would make it better. But whatever happened to the good old Mix CD?
Rolled to work! Where does your head come up with this stuff!?
Where's the wall going!?!