You should call my agent...

After talking with a friend about a so-so date she had, where what she really wanted to be doing was going on a date with one of his friends, and how she now has to navigate the dating world of etiquette and acceptable language and time passage, it occurred to me that what she really needed was an agent. A dating agent. In fact, if everyone had a dating representative, think how easy all the transactions would be. I would keep a dossier on potential dates for my clients and negotiate appropriate dates and procedures for the evening. There could be an agreed up on payment structure (“Your client agrees to pay for dinner. If the evening extends to a bar/club/cafe afterward, my client agrees to buy the first round of drinks and/or dessert.”), negotiated physical contact, and set time frame. Contact and other personal information could be relayed through the agents, so some weirdo doesn’t have your IM name.

Then, of course, the best part would be that when you got to the end of the date and it was only so-so, you could be very forthright about that to your agent, who would shoot off a cordial phone call or letter to his agent ("Thanks for giving us the chance to consider Jean-Bernard, who was a fine date with outstanding manners and very lovely eyes. That said, unfortunately our client just didn't feel as romantically inclined by the end of the evening as we had hoped, so we will be unable to offer an extended dating contract at this time. We know Jean-Bernard will find a wonderful woman to share his life with and we thank you for his time. Best of luck!") before engaging Jean-Bernard’s friend’s agent and arranging a date the following weekend. Jean-Bernard’s agent would break the news to him quickly and gently, before talking to him about another range of possible upcoming dates.

Can you tell I just read The Little Lady Agency?

I just finished organizing a wonderful panel for 826NYC and realized it will be on the same night as Cringe, the old-journal-reading night I was very much looking forward to going to. I’m hoping I can sneak out a bit early, because I’m really excited about by sharing my deluded haze of middle school thought to smart people I’ve been dying to meet. Nothing quite like embarrassing yourself in front of a room full of strangers. In case any of you AREN’T up for that, but totally want to learn about publishing your novel, you should call 718-499-9884 for reservations to this great seminar:

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