New Yorkers: I need your

New Yorkers: I need your help. Our office is trying to pick a place to have our annual holiday lunch and we are all drawing blanks. We’re looking for a place with slightly adventurous cuisine, a fun atmosphere, a little fancy (but more hip than stuffy), and that has some vegetarian selections. We went to Craft two years ago and Artisanal last year. Any suggestions? I know you have something tucked away in your brilliant little heads.

Okay, so TONIGHT is the actual Apprentice finale (wherein I maintain Trump will hire both finalists). Due to confusing programming notes, we went into last week’s episode in full-finale mode, only to be denied at the end. We even celebrated by making a cake. Somewhere in the middle of the afternoon I got it into my head that I NEEDED some Funfetti Frosting, which was perplexing. Who needs Funfetti Frosting? It was strange, but I try not to deny myself bizarre cravings. I got Krista on board, even though she had never heard of Funfetti Frosting, and we bought a celebratory box of chocolate cake mix and the can of frosting. Having been the receiving end of an endless parade of cooking and baking supplies for the past several years, I find myself taking others’ ownership of said supplies for granted. Months ago, I finally gave Krista one of our (millions of) wooden spoons because every time I’d bake something at her place I’d go, “You don’t have a WOODEN SPOON? How do you SURVIVE?” Now she has a wooden spoon and I bake things for us and everyone is happy.

Last week, however, I had just finished adding the eggs and oil and was beating the batter, when I asked Krista to grease the pan. There was a pause, then a look. This look is called “Oh, shit I don’t have the kitchen supply/ingredient Liz needs and now I will be chastised.” She searched, but only turned up a small glass dish that would optimistically hold half the batter.

Liz: What happened to the metal cake round you had?
Krista: (ominously) It went bad.
Liz: ?
Krista: It had to be thrown away.
Liz: You really don’t have anything?
Krista: Well...there is the penis pan.

You remember the penis pan, don’t you! Anyway, it turns out this was our only choice, so we cooked up a big chocolate penis and covered it with Funfetti Frosting. We tried to make it Trump-themed in some way, but the attempts were only half-hearted. The cake, though, was delicious.

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