Neither the transit strike nor

Neither the transit strike nor the giant ice storm managed to manifest themselves today, and instead us New Yorkers are being treated to extra fast trains and a balmy 50-degree afternoon. Fine with me! I like it when you’re wrong, news. I am supposed to go to a party after work and left the house in a sweater and jeans, somehow forgetting entirely that the party is supposed to be “celebrating retro glam style” and that “fancy dress is a must.” Whoops! I foresee some quick shopping after work.

The real Apprentice finale party was penis-cake-free, I’m sorry to say. There were Mallomars and chips but really, what’s the comparison? Good thing there were provisions, however, or we might not have come out of that excruciatingly long 2-hour finale alive. Holy, that was a long episode. I know it wasn’t any longer than any other finale show, but my “I don’t care” meter was really going crazy around the 75-minute mark. Like, I get it: Rebecca broke her ankle and Randal’s grandma died, WE’RE WITH YOU. Making fun of Rebecca’s power blush or the fact that Randal looks just like a koala was fun, but not as fun as Tana hiding out in a parking garage hunched over a bowl of pretzels squawking, “I paid for these bitches, I’m gonna take ‘em!” Sigh. THAT was some good time.

Anyway, I mostly want to point out that my prediction that Trump would hire two Apprentices was completely DEAD ON. Ha! I mean, except for the fact that he only hired Randal, but that was Randal’s fault, not Trump’s. I’m sorry that Randal got all frantic and ultra-competitive at the end and took away Rebecca’s job. If he were a little smoother, he could have worked out a way to phrase his answer so Rebecca could also have received a job, but not the title of winning Apprentice or something. I really liked Randal the whole time, and when he denied Rebecca I felt like he’d failed some test of being a good person. Like he’d walked past the bleeding man on the sidewalk in one of those old psychology tests.

Uh oh, my “I don’t care” meter is kicking in again.

Best phrase of the evening belongs to Toral, speaking about Rebecca: “She’s like a diamond in a haystack!"

Yes. Well said.

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