Maybe guillotining cookie likenesses would be a good way for Martha to fire people

I got to Krista’s early last night, just as she was finishing up an episode of Lost that I haven’t seen yet. I ran outside and wandered around in the cold for ten minutes rather than accidentally overhear something. I called J on his cell, only to find he had also stopped by early and took cover in the streets, lest he find out the whole plane crash thing is really just Jack’s dream as he lies in a coma somewhere.* J was comic book browsing, so I used the time to frantically scan the nearby bodegas for signs of pumpkins. The party tonight is actually a pumpkin carving party, wherein we are supposed to bring pumpkins to carve, and wherein none of us have done that yet. Even though when we did this a few years ago we learned the hard way that the stores try to purge their pumpkin supply right at Halloween so they don’t have a bunch of rotty leftovers come November 1st. From my quick approximation, we will have exactly one sunken-in pumpkin to choose from for tonight. Cross your fingers for a hearty untapped supply out in Sunset Park.

After regrouping at Krista’s we started right in on the cookie decapitating. This was mostly a lot of fun, as you could decide that your victim was a clown or a prostitute or a vampire stripper and dress them up all nice with shiny icing outfits and pretty sprinkle “skin conditions”…then draw a fat red icing mark across their necks and take a pointy cheese spreader guillotine to ‘em! It was great fun. There’re pictures somewhere, so prepare yourselves for the sugary carnage and I’ll get them up as soon as possible.

Honestly, are you a little bored with Apprentice? I mean, I realized right off the bat that there were no secret monsters or Creepy Ethans or even a plane crash in the episode, so that might have factored into my boredom, but still, I was a bit: eh. UNTIL! The best boardroom ever! I know they always say that, but this one really may have been the most satisfying firing since Stacy R. got the hatchet. I especially enjoyed watching Jennifer’s hair, which she parts somewhere around her ear, and then sweeps it over her whole head in a glorious cowlick. I don’t know if this is how Miss Oregons’ always do it, or if it was done in some sort of homage to Trump’s own sweepy do, but it is quite a style to behold. It’s all I can do to keep from lunging at the television in an attempt to tussle her hair up good. Anyway, the more upset she got last night, the more the hair began to fall down and over from it’s sprayed wave, like even the hair could sense that Jennifer’s battle was futile and the whole thing was about to end. In case you missed it, he fired four people at once. FOUR! And to make it even better, they all walked out together and climbed into the back of the cab together and stared silently past the camera filming them in the front seat. Best cab ride ever.

*God help the writers if this ends on ANY sort of “It was all just a crazy hallucination!” note.

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