You know how it goes

You know how it goes when so much happens in your real life that you have trouble translating it to the sweetened condensed blog version? It’s not even big things that happen, just a series of little stories and excitements and observations that add up to one intimidating post. Which would be why I haven’t posted all week. That and the busyness. Oy, the busyness. I’m up to my eyeballs in wedding all of a sudden, but I think I’m enjoying it.

There is also the sadness of all the London tragedies, which makes me feel less like I should be writing about wedding showers and choreographed dances and more like I should be writing about my anger and helplessness in the face of this terrorism. There’s also the New Yorker article I just read—about interrogation practices at Guantanamo—that made me feel like the people in charge are going about things in such a dramatically wrong way, that eventually the resulting pain will be because of what they’ve done, in spite of their belief they are helping cease it.

But we must keep marching along, and there are much better blogs than this one to go to for political damnations. I mean, let’s face it: you’re here for reality TV recaps and funny stories. At least that’s what I’m here for. Though of course the reality TV river runs low in the summer, so we’re really hunting for the funny stories. Here are a few highlights:

My mom loves to feed people. She’s particularly attracted to men of the Fill-up-my-plate and come-back-for-thirds variety, and not having much in the immediate family, she goes a little bonkers when we get a hungry guest. What usually happens is she lobs approximately 73 choices at you while you stand bewildered in the kitchen, a little jet lagged, a little hungry, and not able to process the frenzy that is my mother shoving brownies and cheese and crackers into your arms. My friend’s husband was at the center of one of these feeding fits while in Denver last weekend. My mom had pulled some cookie dough out of the fridge to pop some in the oven and offered us some. Though I love the stuff, it’s usually in a spontaneous way, rather than a come-and-get-it way. We all demurred. Several seconds later she came over to the table with a glob of dough on a little plate and placed it in front of us.

My friend Joey was in town with me and we have a bad habit of lapsing into our high school selves when left to our own devices. He showed me a Napoleon Dynamite soundboard he found and we proceeded to lose our shit and call everyone we knew and have Napoleon leave long, conversational messages for them. We also found the Pedro soundboard and worked that in, too. Seriously, you would have rolled your eyes at us, but we could not catch our breath we were laughing so hard. Here is the #1 reason why prank calling now is different than before: caller ID. Every single time we left a message for someone, they’d call back approximately seven seconds later and go, “Liiiz…is that you?”

The bridal shower went fabulously. There was food and wine and a punch made of HEAVEN (and vodka) and also one million gifts. I thought it’d be all nighties and earrings, but it was all ice cream makers and dishes, which, yea! Although we had to return most of it to the stores in Denver and I’m picking the same stuff up here in the New York stores. I think that’s the closest we’ve gotten to teleportation.

The wedding was a blast. Aside from Spiderman shaving, there was also the awesomeness that is the choreographed dance. We all learned the dance the morning before the wedding and surprised the couple with it later. A friend pretended he was giving a toast and then: wham! Dancing. Best. Thing. Ever. I kept going, “This is MY dream for MY wedding!” Aahh.

On the flight back, I sat next to a screamy toddler who kept trying to sit in my lap, despite weak protests from her mom. Then the mom gave her a bottle full of Dr. Pepper. Then the flight attendant said there were lots of empty seats and we were free to move around, and I don’t think I even bothered with an excuse as ran out of there to an empty row.

Lastly, there is now a 7-11 on the corner near work. They were handing out free donuts and coupons and I felt myself drawn to take everything. I tried to give the free hotdog one away to the old lady in front of me

Liz: Do you eat hotdogs?
Lady: No!
Liz: Me either.
Lady: I don’t even know why I took this.
Liz: Ha ha. Me either.
Lady: I don’t even want this donut!
Liz: I don’t really want mine either.
Lady: I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Also, does anyone own a digital camcorder? What’s the best one for the best price?

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