I have this real thing

I have this real thing against these signs that hang in the subway cars called “Subtalk.” They are little safety advisories and warnings against walking between trains or holding the doors open or whatever. But the people who are in charge of actually writing the copy for these signs? Monkeys with typewriters would be a KIND guess. There is always something just a little off in the syntax or grammar or errant stab at humor or even just the ridiculous picture they choose to accompany the warning that really sets me off. And of course, if I’m staring at a Subtalk poster it is because I’m stuck in a train with nothing to read and my eyes end up glued to this heinous poster for the entire train ride because it is TOO AWFUL to turn away.

Every time there is a new one I think: “That’s it. That’s the worst one. I hate life.” My brain usually does me the kind service of disallowing me to remember the exact phasing of the signs, but this latest one was such an aggravating puzzler that it has been stuck in my head for the past week. The sign, posted in an otherwise unremarkable subway car, read:

You are standing in one of our new high-tech subway cars. If you’re not, we’ll talk to the person who put up this sign.

Are they trying to be funny, and if so, what’s the joke? That the subway car isn’t really high-tech? Are they laughing at us for wanting all trains to be sleek and well-lit and informative like the 6 trains? And who is “we” and “the person”? Aren’t they both the MTA? I don’t understand the world in which this sign was created, manufactured, and displayed. My brain is throwing up.

Speaking of throwing up, I ate a lot of sugar this weekend. A lot a lot of sugar. Krista and I did a workshop at 826NYC where we had a bunch of Japanese candy with wrappers removed, and had the kids write mini-reviews. The kids were really hilarious and game to try a lot of strange sweets, including a green tea chew that tasted more like gummy Veggie Booty than anything else. After that there was a trip to Target that involved the purchasing of the new Harry Potter book (which comes enchanted with its own spell that makes it very difficult to put down after opening the front cover) and the purchasing by Krista of a new iPod for J (aww!) and the continued purchasing of Icees. And on Sunday there were the cupcakes of heaven and mojitos of paradise to eat and drink. Long story short: I closed the weekend in some desperate need of leafy green substances and foods with fiber and protein.

I took my bridesmaids to see “Wedding Crashers” last night so they could learn from this informational film what to be on the lookout for at the wedding. Purely educational. The theater was packed for the 7:10 showing, with lines snaking around the lobby for the 9:30. Crazy, I tell you! The movie had its funny parts. Nothing to write home about, but apparently worth writing on your blog about.

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