This is just to say

This is just to say that I haven’t watched “The Bachelor” since the second season, and frankly find the show inherently nauseating. However, when they promised us the best season ever by bring on Jerry O'Connell’s brother on as the guest bachelor? They were totally not lying. Especially because it is apparent that by “best” they mean they have completely given up any semblance of seriousness and have thrown all their eggs in this satirical basket. Yes, I think The Bachelor is making fun of itself. And I don’t think Jerry O’Connell’s brother is in on the joke.

I only caught a rapturous few minutes, during which he unfortunately did not introduce himself as “The guy who was the fat kid in Stand By Me’s brother.” If you haven’t yet seen this guy, he looks amazingly like his brother, Jerry O’Connell. A half-baked, melted, semi-retarded Jerry O’Connell.

Some gems:

Girl: I’m a swimsuit model, but that’s only half of the time.
SRJO: Oh yeah, what do you do the other half?
Girl: I’m an investigator for the government.
SRJO: Huh.
[Off scene interview] SRJO: That’s crazy! Don’t tell me you’re a swimsuit model AND an investigator for the government! That spells one thing: psycho!
Girl: Can I give you a kiss?
SRJO: On the cheek.

[Crazy girl walks in on SRJO’s “date” with eight other ladies]
Crazy: Hey everyone!
Girls: [death stares]
[Off scene interview] SRJO: [drunkenly] Hugh Hefner has seven women, and I have eight! I mean, I already have one more than Hef can handle and then I get one more! That’s…nine women! Two more than Hef. Wooo!

A note of warning before you go thinking this is the best show you’ll ever see and put up a Craigslist add to see if anyone has a tape of last night’s episode they’ll loan you: I had to turn away and puke during the gratuitous close-up of the 30 second nasty French kiss SRJO gave some blonde woman. Otherwise, I have high hopes for the unexpected turnaround this season is promising.

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