Mashed potato and gravy soda.

Mashed potato and gravy soda. I think I threw up a little in my mouth. Note to Jones: throw up, though comprised of foodstuffs, is also not a good soda flavor.

Aaaand speaking of vile: Raj and Stacy R? Sick. Seriously, folks.

Current Mysteries at Casa de Liz and J:

Air Fern

While at Lowe's awhile ago, J and I were sidetracked by the plant department. I was on the hunt for a basil plant, but when none were forthcoming we started browsing through all the greenery. That's when J came across the air fern. It was a small, very light plant of bright green coloring inside a tiny ceramic holder, and had a sign boasting that this plant was, in fact, a "miracle plant."

The sign went on to say that the air fern "thrived on neglect" and didn't need any water or sunlight to live. For someone who completed accelerated biology in ninth grade, you would think that this would have been my first indication that perhaps something was a bit funny with the ol' air fern, but we were taken in. Plus J said it smelled exactly like clean dog and who doesn't like a plant that smells exactly like clean dog? The fern did seem to thrive--in that it didn't die, and retained its color--but I needed some google to tell me more about it. That's when we discovered this miracle plant is less "plant" and more "dead, dyed skeleton of a marine animal harvested from the bottom of the English Channel". And there was also some infomercial on it we missed.

I don't think Lowes should be selling this in the plant department. Unless the buyers at Lowes were hoodwinked as well! Conspiracy!

Smelly Shoes

Pinky is a very nice and docile cat who cuddles and prides herself on being sweet and cute. Max is totally nuts. He needs attention all the time and if you don't give it to him he climbs up on stuff he's not supposed to climb up on and knocks breakable things over. Or sometimes he becomes obsessed with a spot on the wall and tries to claw his way up to it to KILL IT and we have to pick him up and show him that the spot is a clump of paint that dried funny. So we are either to conclude he is an interior design fanatic with a penchant for clean surfaces and quality paint jobs, or a total pain in the ass. Guess which we've picked?

His latest thing is a complete obsession with J's shoes. He was snuffing around them and sticking his head inside and loving them like someone and a box of Reese's Pumpkins. We thought this was all fun and games because when he is obsessed with shoes this keeps him from interrupting us when we're watching television. Because how can I cry about JJ's family thinking he's dead in Vietnam and also the blind autistic kid getting a pretty room, when I'm trying to shoo him off the bookshelves. People: I cannot. So smelly shoes = good.

But honestly, what did he step in? I don't know of any catnip patches growing around here. We started to get concerned when Max moved from snuffing to actual licking, and from licking to chewing. Our final guess is that he might be smelling banana remnants that were all over the street, leftover from the marathon. He does like produce.

Maybe Jones should market a smelly shoe soda for cats.

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