Long, unfunny post Yesterday, one

Yesterday, one of my coworkers told me that her friend went into labor a week early and the doctors blamed it on stress from the election. That sounds like an article in the making: election day induced illness. I’ve been kind of a mess myself, with a sore locked jaw (clenched teeth at night?) and stomach spasms. Some of it is from the election, but I’m considering it the cherry on top of the stress sundae (mmm anxiety sprinkles) that’s been building for a while.

There’s the worry about this ongoing project I’m involved in that requires me to talk to Important People and get them to agree to volunteer, but if they can’t volunteer or don’t get back to me, I have to deal with The Big Important Person and that fills me with a very multi-faceted anxiety. See, even writing about this makes my stomach hurt. I’ll stop this paragraph now because no one likes reading veiled references and Capitalized Pronouns.

There is also the wedding planning that is freaking me out. All I want is nice and simple. Dancing and drinks. A few flowers, a few photos. This turns out to be a monstrous undertaking because we want to do it in Brooklyn, are on a budget, and don’t own a large empty house and yard for 120 people to mill around in. I just really don’t want to stress about it, but now I’m talking to caterers and I never wanted to be talking to caterers and they have all these rules and taxes and you must have cocktail tables and ack.

And perhaps the biggest thing weighing on my heart is a tragedy. We found out last year that my mom’s friend’s son, who was 28, was diagnosed with cancer. It spread very quickly and he never became well enough for the surgery they had hoped for. It all seemed so bleak and unfair. I can’t wrap my head around how prevalent cancer has been in my life, affecting people I know with such startling thoroughness. But this was the first time it was someone my age. I never met him, but got updates through my mom, so came to really pull for him. J and I sent him a Brooklyn Superhero Supply shirt and a can of anti-matter for fun. He steadily declined, and last week he knew he wasn’t going to make it. He decided he wanted to propose to his longtime girlfriend and his mom ran all over town to get the heirloom diamond set in a ring. The girlfriend accepted and they exchanged vows shortly afterwards. He died an hour later.

I can hardly process the love and sadness there, so it has set up somewhere in my chest and comes out for a sad commercial or election results. I didn’t really know him, so it’s not a loss I’m experiencing, but more of a quiet look at a piece of life that is sitting heavily next to me right now.

La.

Tomorrow I am planning on sleeping way in, dragging myself to yoga, and making homemade pizza. Small things I’m hoping will help loosen my jaw and unclench my stomach.