Bush Wins is slang for

I thought we all needed a little cheering up, so I’m sharing with you some little gems J and I found while on planes last weekend. Here is my favorite ad from SkyMall (which, by the way, is about one lewd shirt away from Harriet Carter).

There are so many awesome things here: the mandatory, albeit totally irrelevant, intro line, the baffling definition of a common word, the fact that a dog would most likely pick this thing up like a stick. And, like, it’s kinda pervy.

Moving onto the safety instruction pamphlet

You’ll notice that they’ve decided to veer away from the traditional cartoon renderings and go whole hog with some striking character actors. I wonder if these were paid models or whether they were unwitting volunteers who work in the art department in corporate headquarters. In any case, let’s take a gander at this scene:

Now, stripy shirt is doing an awesome job. He looks totally freaked out, but also a little like he’s hoping to take off and fly. Purple Shirt back there…well, J says she is just preparing to slide with her arms in the proper about-to-slide-calmly-out-of-burning-death-trap stance. But I don’t know…I think she may have pushed Stripy out of the door because she is motivated by self-preservation and HELL if slow ass ugly shirt dude is going to keep her from getting out alive.

And if we look a little closer:

…we’ll see that she has in fact jumped over him and is well on her way to safety in that green field over there that was not at all created in Microsoft Paint.

Hey, dog eat dog, man.