I’m sure there is someone

I’m sure there is someone at Pitney Bowes who got a nice pat on the back for thinking up celebrity designed envelopes that will auction on Ebay for literacy charities. This person probably envisioned some famous people taking time out of their busy schedules and pulling out those broken cray pas and charcoal, and spending a little alone time really creating something. This person maybe even thought that the celebrity would welcome the chance to express themselves artistically while doing something nice for the world.

I’m sure this same person at Pitney Bowes is now getting the heavy sigh, shake-of-the- head eye roll from their boss. Oh, person at Pitney Bowes. You seem to have missed a crucial part of the equation: the celebrities should probably actually BE literate for this to work out well. Let’s take a look at some of these wonderful works of “art”, created by our very own celebrities.

Mike Meyers

Time spent on art: 12 seconds.
Will sell on Ebay for: $15
Amount literacy program will get: $1.12
Pitney Bowes intern having Mike Meyer’s email address on file and getting bragging rights over drinks with friends: priceless.

Adam Sandler

He went for the ol’ college look here. Also known as: my assistant did this. I don’t know about you, but I could really go for some ransom note stylings on MY envelopes. I’m especially fond of the way they detail all of Mr. Sandler’s movies without actually implying that he was responsible for the art, so your correspondents can really feel the full effect of your apparent obsession.

Brittany Murphy

Wha-huhha? Is she serious? Maybe I’m misunderstanding this whole thing and these are drawings INSPIRED by celebrities, but executed by 4-year-olds. What the hell is this? A heavily make-uped dead smiley head in heaven? Who’s in love? I’m sad for your concept of literacy, Brittany.

Lindsay Lohan

Linday kinda took the Adam Sandler route with the listing of the movie titles and all, but managed to clarify it a little by drawing a representation of herself in a pink kidney bean with the movies veining off into girly hearts. She may be legal and have big breasts, but this apparently doesn’t hinder her from plopping down with a stale pack of scented markers and pumping out a real work of art for charity. I picture her with her hand crooked over and her tongue stuck out in concentration.

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