August 2004 Archives

I have finally found a Next Blog gem that I will revisit. They had me at Khorkina. --------

I’m sure there is someone at Pitney Bowes who got a nice pat on the back for thinking up celebrity designed envelopes that will auction on Ebay for literacy charities. This person probably envisioned some famous people taking time out of their busy schedules and pulling out those broken cray pas and charcoal, and spending a little alone time really creating something. This person maybe even thought that the celebrity would welcome the chance to express themselves artistically while doing something nice for the world.

I’m sure this same person at Pitney Bowes is now getting the heavy sigh, shake-of-the- head eye roll from their boss. Oh, person at Pitney Bowes. You seem to have missed a crucial part of the equation: the celebrities should probably actually BE literate for this to work out well. Let’s take a look at some of these wonderful works of “art”, created by our very own celebrities.

Mike Meyers

Time spent on art: 12 seconds.
Will sell on Ebay for: $15
Amount literacy program will get: $1.12
Pitney Bowes intern having Mike Meyer’s email address on file and getting bragging rights over drinks with friends: priceless.

Adam Sandler

He went for the ol’ college look here. Also known as: my assistant did this. I don’t know about you, but I could really go for some ransom note stylings on MY envelopes. I’m especially fond of the way they detail all of Mr. Sandler’s movies without actually implying that he was responsible for the art, so your correspondents can really feel the full effect of your apparent obsession.

Brittany Murphy

Wha-huhha? Is she serious? Maybe I’m misunderstanding this whole thing and these are drawings INSPIRED by celebrities, but executed by 4-year-olds. What the hell is this? A heavily make-uped dead smiley head in heaven? Who’s in love? I’m sad for your concept of literacy, Brittany.

Lindsay Lohan

Linday kinda took the Adam Sandler route with the listing of the movie titles and all, but managed to clarify it a little by drawing a representation of herself in a pink kidney bean with the movies veining off into girly hearts. She may be legal and have big breasts, but this apparently doesn’t hinder her from plopping down with a stale pack of scented markers and pumping out a real work of art for charity. I picture her with her hand crooked over and her tongue stuck out in concentration.

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Here is my contribution to Brent's call for guest Violent Stick People art. I highly recommend you turn your daily angst into a violent cartoon. Who remembers Microsoft Paint being so fun? --------

Well, I'm doing it: I'm leaving the city. I'm actually going on an honest to god vacation where there are no family members, no obligations to be anywhere at any particular times, and there is a pool and mountains involved. Our initial plans to hit up a friend's beach house fell through and I began to despair that my trade off for having a good job, nice apartment, and loving boyfriend is that I COULD NEVER LEAVE THE CITY AGAIN. But apparently there's some loophole in that contract I signed, because next weekend J, Krista, Jennie and I are busting loose and heading up to the Catskills. We're staying in Phoenicia, a town my aunt called "quite rustic." I don't know whether this is hiking and mountains and organic coffee rustic or your toilet is that bucket rustic. But you know what? I do not care any more. And am frankly? I am looking forward to the bucket and also the pump from where our bath water will come. Because I am vacation Liz and everything is a-ok by me. And also we will have beer and a swimming pool.

After this vacation, J and I will come home for a day and a half and then we will repack and head to Tulsa. Because we thought we could wind down from the relaxation and head to the town of all of my dad's family where everyone is a little crazy and guessing how people are related is a fun family game we call "We Don't Talk About That." Yea! We are looking for someone to stay in the apartment and watch the kitties, so if you're interested let me know. I probably have to actually know you, like in real life, for this to be an option. So if you've just landed here because it's where Next Blog threw you: sorry. I mean, I'm sure you're awesome, but I don't think we're at that stage in our relationship where I can intrust you my precious live things and the contents of my dresser. On the other hand, aren't you impressed I'm capable of capitalization and punctuation? Aren't you glad this isn't in Spanish? Aren't you excited this isn't the test entry in a blog that was later abandoned?

Here is a new hell for today's adolescents.

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