I'm eating a tofu smothered
Posted by: Liz | From: January 26, 2004
I'm eating a tofu smothered in BBQ sauce. I didn't know they made such a thing, but they do. The "steaks" are much like regular tofu except much denser, which is what makes them a steak, I suppose. I like to think of it as a textured way to bring BBQ sauce to my mouth. It's a little more responsible than spooning it directly in.The steak is leftover from Saturday night dinner party fun: this girl, this girl, J, and I put together a feast of steaks (tofu and non), salad, broccoli, cheese-laden twice stuffed potatoes, homemade sesame seed encrusted bread, and apple pie with ice cream. Damn, you are probably saying to yourself, and you would be right: damn.
There's a little community theater across the street (literally, like 4 doors down) from our apartment, but J and I (and previously Kelly and I) have managed not to make it to any of their shows. Perhaps it has something to do with the awful hand-painted signs they make for each show. I guess I thought it was a children's theater or something. That's awful isn't it? I should be much more supportive of Park Slope performances of "Chess." Or, say, this weekend's performance of "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown."
So on Friday, some of us shelled out (had their boyfriends shell out) $15 and sat down for a rousing two hours of the worst musical ever conceived. Seriously, who thought of this? I realize it was a big Broadway hit at one point, but who decided this? I believe all the old people and cat-sweatshirt wearing women--the same people who clip Family Circle cartoons for their fridge, and laugh indulgently at Garfield's penchant for lasagna, and who think "Oh, that rascal, Fred Basset is at it again!"--are the people responsible, the ones who must have sat through all those productions of this and made it a big deal. It can be described succinctly as: Peanuts brought to life. And not charmingly in the form of a cartoon, but eerily in the form of actors.
Everything was off in a weird way: The actor playing Linus gave him a nasally nerd voice and the demeanor of someone just pulled away from their Magic the Gathering game; Patty was not Patty at all but a goofily smiling, blonde, pigtailed, bandaided, girl with a jump rope (we think the character of Sally was meshed into this non-Patty person); and most disconcerting of all was Snoopy played as a gay dog with a Blanche DuBois/Snagglepuss complex. Yeah.
If you are in a drugstore and you are waiting in line and you are next to all the Valentine merchandise, take a look a round. If you happen to see, what looks like a plush ghost holding a Valentine's Day heart, take a minute to wonder at why there is a Valentine's Day ghost. Is it left over from the manufacturer's Halloween merchandise? Curiosity, not sated, take a minute to press the little button that says Try Me! He will sing a little song for you (to the tune of "You are my Sunshine") that will sound like: "My little bon pie, my only bon pie..." Wonder WHAT the fuck is a bon pie. "You make me happy on Bon Pie Day." Realize, oh, he must be saying "Valentine." Press the button again, because now, even though you know he says Valentine, it will still sound like Bon Pie, and it is funny all over again. Call your significant other Bon Pie from this point forth.
Are you cold? I am! Not my coworker, though. She ordered warmies and a hat from Ariel. They're adorable! Everyone likes handmade, original gifts. Go here, too!
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