Any how, here is my review of Salt from the week it came out on video.

I watched SALT. Oh, sweet lord alive, it was bad. A gamine Angelina Jolie, even with the full thrust of some plurfy wigs, slim cut suit pants, high kicking her way through impression of an anorexic girl in a lunchroom fight–all teeth and bones a-gnashing–well, it never achieved that level of spectacle you wish for in a big budget Hollywood thrillride. No thrill, hardly any ride to boot. From the opening scene, where she is forced to gargle gasoline, bloodied, twisting and begging in her Maidenform bra, I already knew I did not care, as this one is 4 Tha Patriarchal Rape Fantasy N U. Those pesky fake North Koreans should have made her drink the damn thing and then given her a curbie–that would have shown people what an action movie is. Skinhead gang style violence in the first 30 seconds! And shame of shame, I downloaded it legally! FOR MONEY! What can I say? It was the weekend! Documentaries and subtitles are for the workdays, but like most Americans, intellectually, I am a real piglet on the weekends. I prefer the Bourne trilogy, where someone is bound to yell “Shut it down!” or “Take him down!” every 2-3 minutes, which just rachets up the pace and lets you know an explosion is going to happen and someone is going to walk away from it like they didn’t notice. Indifference to explosion is something I love in an action film.