Recipes: July 2007 Archives

Being brunch geeks, hollandaise sauce has caused us a great deal of pain. The evil goo of egg yolks and clarified butter escapes any true vegan interpretation. Still, we’ve settled on a replacement we’re quite happy with: creamy polenta jacked with vegetable stock, shallots, garlic and fake butter. The enveloping amoeba-like blob of the polenta acts almost like true hollandaise skin overtaking a runny egg. Even if the taste isn’t accurate, it’s damn fine.

We’ve prepared it two ways below: Eggs Benedict (protein heavy) and Eggs Florentine (produce heavy). Both are sticky, salty, rich and belt-loosening breakfasts to be sure. For the Benedict, leave the polentaise a little soupy (more liquid), for the Florentine a little firmer (less liquid). The recipe for "polentaise" will make enough for 8-10 people but we suggest putting leftover polenta in a can or jar where it can congeal. Then simply cut off pieces for meals later in the week.

“Polentaise” Sauce

1 head garlic
1/2 white onion
4 shallots
1/4 cup vegan margarine
4 cups vegetable stock
1 tsp. Tapatio (or comparable hot sauce)
1 cup polenta meal (not the instant shit)
Sea salt and black pepper to taste

1. Peel and finely chop the garlic, onion and shallots. Add both to a large pot on medium heat with the margarine. In a different pot, bring 3 cups of water to a boil (to create a double boiler for later.)

2. After 4-5 minutes of cooking the onion mixture, add the stock and bring to a boil. Dash with hot sauce and stir. Then add the polenta slowly while continuing to stir, and when evenly distributed remove from heat.

3. The other pot should be boiling by now. Place a large metal bowl that fits snugly on top of the boiling pot. Dump the thickening polenta into the bowl to continue cooking in the double boiler.

4. Begin whisking thoroughly every few seconds for about 10-12 minutes. The mixture should thicken into a batter-like consistency. After 5 minutes if it seems a little too cakey, if it’s sticking to the whisk, add a couple Tablespoons of the boiling water from the pot. Repeat as necessary until the granules of the polenta are dissolved and you’re left with a creamy goo. Season with salt and pepper. Serve immediately.

Eggs Benedict

2 English muffins
2 cloves garlic
2 Tbs. extra virgin olive oil
1 large tomato
4 1-inch thick slabs extra firm tofu
1 tsp. smoked salt
1 tsp. smoked paprika
1/3 cup soupier polenta
1 green onion, chopped

1. Separate and toast muffins.

2. Sauté the garlic in oil using a small pan. Cut 4 thick slabs of tomato and toss in pan. Cook on one side only, for about 4-5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Remove and set aside.

3. In same pan, sauté tofu slabs until brown, about 2 minutes on each side. Season with smoked salt and paprika before flipping.

4. Set muffins on a plate, placing a tomato slice on each followed by tofu slab. Then douse in polenta sauce. Garnish with green onion and add dash more of smoked paprika for color.

Eggs Florentine

2 English muffins
2 cloves garlic
2 Tbs. olive oil
1 large tomato
1 Tsp. smoked salt
1 Tsp. white pepper
1/4 cup stock
the zest of half of a lemon
1 Tbs. apple cider vinegar
2 cups spinach, washed
1/3 cup thicker “polentaise”

1. Separate and toast muffins.

2. Sauté the garlic in oil using a small pan. Cut 4 thick slabs of tomato and toss in pan. Cook on one side only, for about 4-5 minutes. Season with smoked salt and white pepper. Remove and set aside.

3. Heat the same pan again and add a dash more oil and the stock. Season with salt and pepper and the lemon zest. Add the vinegar and toss in spinach to cook for 2-3 minutes or until wilted but still green.

4. Set muffins on a plate, add scoops of thick polenta. Place one tomato on top of each followed by a plop of spinach.

Beverage: Lagunitas’ Saison
Soundtrack: Juice Team DJ’s “Rodcast #4”

If you think we're turning on the fucking oven in July, you're nuts. However, a man cannot throw a pizza party on macaroni salad alone, so we did this. And it worked! Thanx to Lesley, Michael and Greg "Summer Babe" Buss for making this happen. Tips on how to actually do it below. In the meantime, familiarize yourselves with "Chelado-style."

Smoked Pizza

1 serving of pre-made dough
1 Tbs. corn meal
1cup fontina and parmesan cheese (optional)
1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 head garlic, peeled only
1 lbs. asparagus spears
1 lbs. crimini mushrooms
3/4 cup marinara
6 - 8 1-inch rounds of fresh mozzarella (optional)
1/4 cup mixture of fresh rosemary and lemon thyme
Sea salt and black pepper to taste

Equipment:
Grill, tin foil, spatula, swimming pool

1. Since you're going to be placing this pizza on a hot-ass grill for no more than 5 or 6 minutes, the dough needs to be pre-baked. Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees. Pound it out (or buy it store-made) and stretch it onto a large pan or pizza stone that you've oiled and tossed with a pinch of cornmeal. If lactose is cool, throw on 1/4 cup of the shredded fontina and parmesan for that "it's not delivery, it's Digourna" look. Bake for 15 minutes.

2. Peel your garlic, but don't chop, and sauté cloves on low in a sauce pot with olive oil. At the same time, bisect your asparagus spears, splitting in half lengthwise, so they're super skinny. Bring a pot of heavily salted water to boil and toss in asparagus for 2 minutes, so just barely tender. Strain and remove.

3. Cool your pizza crust and garlic (save the oil for something else) and cut your mushrooms, herbs and optional mozzarella. (If you're not using cheese, throw on artichoke hearts, raddiocchio or hearts of palm or other extra toppings that will go well with the smokiness of a barbecue).

4. Heat your grill. Take a dip in the pool and a hit of the bottle. Dry off. Put something more substantial than flip-flops on. Make sure coals have cooked off initial flames.

5. Prepare your pizza by covering with sauce, shredded cheese, veggies, mozzarella and herbs. Cover the grill with tin foil (do not grease!) and then transfer pizza carefully. Cover the grill and cook for about 6-8 minutes, checking often. Once dough starts to blacken in places on the bottom, you gotta move quick. Transfer back to a flat surface, cut and serve.

Beverage: Miller Chill (it's not good!)
Soundtrack: Boyd Rice's Music for Pussycats

The classic, wet, hot, American pool party would seem to be all about exclusivity. That sucks, a lot. So we brought a classy American side dish that tastes totally inclusive: even if you hate eggs and can't eat wheat without vomming (we keep meaning to throw more wheat-free recipes out there). This macaroni salad tastes best after a full night marinating in its own juices, but hey, sometimes the party can't wait. More disgusting pool potluck action on the way...

Macaroni Salad

Serves 8-10

1 Tbs. extra virgin olive oil
4 cups elbow brown rice pasta
1 cup veganaise
1 Tbs. Dijon mustard
1 Tbs. whole grain mustard
3 - 4 roasted whole tomatoes, chopped
3 - 4 hearts of palm, chopped
1 cup bread and butter pickles, roughly chopped
2 green onions, chopped
2 shallots, finely chopped
1 jalapeño, finely chopped
Sea salt and black pepper to taste

1. Cook your rice pasta with enough time to chill your finished salad for at least 2, and up to 24, hours. Bring a medium pot to boil with olive oil and a dash of salt, then add pasta. Stir immediately and every couple of minutes because rice likes to stick to itself. Cook for about 8 minutes or until al dente. Rinse and set aside.

2. Mix the veganainse and both mustards. Chop all other ingredients. Once pasta has cooled for a few minutes, combine all in a large bowl. Season and store in the fridge to get chilly.

Beverage: Tito's vodka w/ lime
Soundtrack: The Who's "Magic Bus"

People like steak and eggs. As we understand it. First there’s the gnarly char of a gristly piece of mediocre, trounced-on red meat. Then you top it with the ooze of some barely-above-temperature chicky eggs. Sounds to us, like kind of a nightmare. But hey, one dudes’ nightmare is another dude’s Saturday belly bomb.

Since we’ve had so much surplus seitan lying around lately (last Sunday we baked 6 loaves) it seemed the perfect time to whip up an alternative to the aforementioned greasy spoon staple.

In place of eggs we seared some firm tofu and topped it with slurpy, golden heirloom tomato slices. We’re still drawing up complicated design schemes for inserting the tomatoes into sliced tofu so look for that addition later.

Seitan and “Eggs”

Makes 2 servings

1 Tbs. extra virgin olive oil
2 1/2-inch slabs of seitan
1 yellow heirloom tomato
1 shallot
2 clove garlic
1 scallion
1 tsp. nutritional yeast
1 tsp. apple cider vinegar
1/2 block tofu
1 Tbs. vegan margarine
sea salt and black pepper to taste
1/2 cup mixed greens
pinch of dill

1. Add half of the olive oil to a medium sized non-stick pan, heat on high and sauté the seitan until its brown, for about 2 minutes on each side. Set aside while you prepare the “eggs.”

2. Slice tomatoes into four thick slices, cut shallots and mince garlic. Add the rest of the oil to the still-hot pan. Place back on medium heat and toss in tomatoes, garlic and shallots. Let cook for five minutes on one side so as to get a little gooey. Dice scallion finely and toss on top with nutritional yeast and vinegar (tilt pan to let vinegar cook off a little). Season with salt and pepper as desired. Then slide onto an extra plate to set aside.

3. Add vegan margarine to same pan and place on medium heat again. Cut two slabs of tofu to mimic the size of the seitan and add to hot pan. Saute the tofu for 4-5 minutes on each side while seasoning. Turn on high heat at end to get extra crispy skin.

4. Plate the seitan first, on top of a pile of mixed greens, followed by the tofu slabs, the pinch of dill, and finally the tomato with all of its juices. Dig in.

Beverage: 100% cranberry concentrate on ice
Soundtrack: Murder City Devils’ Empty Bottles, Broken Hearts