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The other day we came home to a care package from a dear buddy who's been traipsing through distant Chinese cities. We sliced through the wrinkled, brown-bag wrapping. Three small plastic baggies of nubby brown husks and fine orange powder fell to the kitchen counter.

The stash was mostly whole, unadulterated and, presumably, illegal Sichuan peppercorns. Let us explain, officer!

Yes, sichuan pepper became illegal the same year as LSD - back in 1968, the FDA banned it because of fears it would infect our citrus with a rare canker disease. That ban was lifted because the stuff imported to the U.S. is now treated with a blast of bacteria-hating 160-degrees heat.

Not this stuff: there were no signs that the spices we were holding had ever been near a customs officer, let alone a sterilization blaster. Kitchen contraband. Score!

So what exactly are Sichuan peppercorns? Funny thing is, they are not related to black pepper or hot chilies at all. The spice is actually the outer seed pod of a tiny low-hanging fruit that Chinese and Tibetan cooks have been working with for centuries. Known for a mild and anesthetic heat that makes your mouth numb in large enough quantities, the stuff powers hot pots and sizzling woks. Even though the spicy cuisine that gives these little balls their name is synanomous with "searing pain," don't expect Sichuan peppercorns to spice up your cooking. Prepare for the opposite, in fact.

Sichuan pepper numbs your buds. Think the gummy numbness of high-powered cocaine rubbed sloppily on your teeth and lips.

Throughout the week, we've experimented with the best way to harness this weird fruit. We cracked it raw on salad and brussels sprouts. We threw it into sauerkraut. And toasted its dust for hot nuts. But far and away the best way to cook up with this shit is to purely infuse your oil. The first thing we learned is that the citrusy, perfume it gives off only comes out in food if you toast Sichuan peppercorns. Here's a play by play of how to get numb.

4 Tbs. Sichuan peppercorns
4 Tbs. grapeseed or canola oil
fine mesh strainer or coffee filter

1. Toast

Place the whole peppercorns in a saute pan on medium-high heat. Once you smoke, lower to medium and toss every minute for about 5 minutes. Do not burn. Once fragrant and well toastes, remove from heat and rest for a few minutes.

2. Grind

Dump peppercorns into a mortar and pestle and pulverize for one minute, until just coarser than a dust. If chopping by hand, set peppercorns on a cutting board and chop well.

3. Infuse

Put the fine peppercorn dust back into the pan, return to a medium heat and drizzle in the oil. Let cook for another 3 minutes or until you see tiny bubbles where the oil is frying the pepper. Remove from heat and let sit 5 minutes to fully steep.

4. Strain

Place snugly a coffee grinder into the lip of a small bowl or jar and slowly scrape out pepper oil into the filter. It should slowly drip a mostly clear liquid, catching the pepper grounds.

5. Use

Use 2-3 tablespoons of this frying oil in recipes in place of normal olive oil.

Worshipper or non-believer, you got to respect the holy substances of the high holidays: frankincence, myrrh, and fatty carbohydrates! The latter, which encompasses staples like mash potatoes, stuffing, and even figgy pudding, is far more humble than all that bling that Baby Jesus got delivered.

This season, we've been obsessing over a new Christmas carb: call it yuletide risotto.

Spiked with a few eggnog spices like fresh nutmeg, and creamified with unsweetened pumpkin, this pumpkin risotto can be a side dish or an entrée -- stuff whole squashes with it.

This actually came in quite handy over Thanksgiving, when one of us was airlifted in to help cook an 18-family member feast and had to come up with a veg option that even jerky teens would gobble. We made a pot of this risotto and stuffed braised Portobello mushrooms with it, topped by smoked mozzarella. The reaction? We barely even got one ourselves after the carnivores were done clearing the plates!

Even better is that if you by some weird chance are left with too much the next day, it's even better as arancini. That would be deep-fried risotto balls. Without further ado, not one but two holiday dinner saviors...

Pumpkin Risotto

(Serves 10)

1 Tbs. olive oil
2 Tbs. unsalted butter (optional)
1 white onion
1 shallot
1 zucchini
1 yellow squash
10-12 fresh sage leaves
2 cups Arborio rice
3 1/2 cups Riesling, or other sweet white wine
1 Tbs. red chili flakes
1 tsp. turmeric
1 tsp. nutmeg
1/2 tsp cinnamon
4 cups vegetable stock
1 15-oz can of 100% pumpkin (unsweetend)
Kosher salt to taste

1. Place a large pot on high heat and lube with oil, followed by butter. Peel and finely chop your onion; mince the shallot. Once butter has melted, toss onion and shallot into the pot and stir.

2. Cut zucchini and yellow squash in half and chop finely. Add them and cook all veggies until onion becomes transparent, about five minutes.

3. Roll the fresh sage into a cigarette and chiffonade them, adding that to the pot along with the Arborio rice. Start to a regiment of vigorous stirring at this point: stirring for 20 seconds and resting for 10 seconds. Cook this way for another two minutes and then splash with the white wine, making sure the wine nearly covers the veggie and rice mixture. Continue stirring frequently for 5 minutes.

4. Once the wine has cooked down add the chili flakes, turmeric, nutmeg and cinnamon. Stir.

5. Add broth in four installments: 1 cup of stock and stir until the rice has absorbed the liquid.

6. Repeat step 5 several times. On the last addition of stock, also add the canned pumpkin.

7. Once the Arborio rice kernels are starting to lose their individual identity, you are done. Remove from heat and let sit. Salt to your taste and -- you guessed it -- stir!

Pumpkin Risotto Balls
(Makes 30-40)

This is a classic way to use leftover risotto. We've done porcini mushroom balls for a wedding, but this slightly sweet and spicy risotto is more potent because the flavors all pop in just one bite.

The idea is to create a cheesy, molten core so this dish is no longer vegan. Fontal works great because its mild and melty. The ideal cheese will become a string of goo connecting you r mouth to your hand.

4 cups leftover risotto
8 oz. Fontal, or other melty cheese
1 1/2 cups plain bread crumbs
2 liters canola oil

1. Remove the risotto from the fridge about 30 minutes before so its not too frigid. Meanwhile, put a large pot (for frying) on high heat with your canola oil.

2. Prepare your cheese by slicing the block into finger-width slices. Quarter these so you're left with a bite-size chunk of cheese.

3. Place breadcrumbs in a shallow bowl or plate and start assembling your arancini balls. Take about 2 Tbs. of risotto and gently mash it flat. Stick a cheese chunk in the middle of the rice patty, and mold it into a ball so the cheese forms the center nucleus. Roll each ball into a perfect orb and coat well in breadcrumbs.

4. Make as many as you desire and start frying. (First drop a breadcrumb into the oil to test its temperature. You want a hefty sizzle.) Very carefully drop 4 or 5 balls at a time using a "spider" or other metal instrument, like a slotted spoon, to fish them out. Prod the balls to keep from sticking in one corner of the pot. Let fry for about 3-4 minutes or until the exterior is more than golden brown.

5. Remove and rest on a paper towel for a minute or two before eating.

Beverage:Goose Island's Christmas special ale
Soundtrack: Smashing Pumpkins, "Cherub Rock"

Sometimes we have a helluva time trying to keep fresh herbs from the ravishes of death. Death by waterlog, or freezer-burn, or simply old age. We profess a tendency to neglect them in the fridge until it's almost too late.

But one of the best ways to keep the reaper at bay, when it comes to your herbs anyway, is to give them a second chance. As dip. Pulsed with garlic, good quality oil, and a flick of lemon usually does the trick. Not being slaves to tradition, we're quick to call just about anything treated this way as "pesto." Even if basil is nowhere to be found and you choose to exclude the parmesan reggiano.

Recently, we were gifted a couple pounds of pine nuts (what with Chinese tariffs driving the price of pignon sky-high, this was a grateful windfall) so our minds were set on using these oily little morsels to help preserve whatever herbs we were close to killing. Some withering spinach and forlorn sage leaves stared back at us from the crisper. Voila! Sage and spinach spread. Nutty and musty, the gunk went wonderfully on Yukon gold gnocchi and equally well by itself on croutons. Just don't be tempted to toss more sage into the mix or you'll end up with one skunky dip.

Winter Pesto
(Makes about 4 cups)

2 1/2 cups pine nuts
1 1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
2 cups spinach leaves
1 shallot, chopped
6 fresh sage leaves
4 cloves garlic
1 Tbs. nutritional yeast
1/2 tsp. fresh grated nutmeg
Zest of one lemon

1. Place the pine nuts in a blender or food processor. Add one cup of olive oil and a splash of water, if needed, to move the mixture. Puree for a minute. Roughly cop the spinach and add to the mix. Pulse again.

2. Finally toss in sage, garlic, nutritional yeast, garlic, shallot and the last bit of oil. Keep pulsing. Grate fresh nutmeg and lemon zest into the blender. Add salt and pepper to taste. Pulse a final time and remove with a spatula.

Beverage: Stone Special Collaboration Holiday Ale
Soundtrack: The Misfits, "Death Comes Ripping"