No Drive-thru: February 2007 Archives

In Scotland there are entire eateries devoted to battering and deep frying pre-fab foods from chocolate bars to individual frozen pizzas. This truly encapsulates the seemingly-American-only-drive-to-obliterate-the-body through sumptuous trans fat overload.The third facet to the first No-Drive menagerie is likewise insane--an all fried plate. Instead of deep fat fried calamities like snickers bars and sausages, we took the three noblest of roots and cooked them to a crisp. Gracing your smorgasbord of psychotic saturated indulgence: sweet potato chips, fingerling frites, and pink tempura'd baby beets. Now would be the time to peruse our archives for ketchup recipes.

5 cups canola oil (or grape seed oil)
1 sweet potato
4 fingerling potatoes
6 baby beets, skinned and trimmed of leaves and stems
1/4 cup beet water (see below)
1 cup tempura batter

1. Heat a large pot of boiling salted water to boil. When bubbling vigorously, drop the baby beets in and blanch for ten minutes. Remove from the pot and cool them with ice cold water. Reserve 1/4 cup of the water used to blanch the beets, it should be dark purple in color, set aside to cool.

2. Using a mandolin, or the sharpest knife in your drawer, slice the sweet potatoes super thin. place in a bowl of cold water and agitate until the water turns cloudy. Drain the sweeties and repeat this process two more times. By rinsing away excess starch you will obtain a crisper product in the end.

3. Scrub the fingerlings and half them length wise, then cut into long strips about 1/4" thick. repeat the same process as above.

4. Heat the canola oil in a large wok on medium heat for five minutes.

5. While the oil comes up to temperature, place the tempura batter in a small bowl and ad the reserved beet water bit by bit, until the batter has a consistency that is movable but still very thick: you're shooting for a pancake viscosity, not crepe batter. Place the now cooled beets in the tempura batter and coat thoroughly.

6. Fry each vegetable in shifts, being SUPER CAREFUL to pat dry both the sweat potato chips and the fingerling frites with paper towels. Extremely hot oil hates cold water, and your skin hates errant beads of molten fat. Use a metal spatula or tongs to turn each root so it browns on all sides. Once nice and browned remove from the oil and pat dry with paper towels. Serve with appropriate accoutrements (beer is necessary).

One of childhood's trashiest pleasures, these Styrofoam packages of dehydrated non-nutrition tasted brilliant despite, even because of, their innovatively cost-efficient design: a self-contained bowl, light and aerodynamic ingredients with the simplicity of astronaut cuisine. Just add water. And never underestimate the importance of format when it comes to food.

Longing for the quirks of Cup o' Noodles and Top Ramen -- the cute, dried peas and cubed carrots, the unbelievably salty broth, the flakes of dried parsley and tiny nubbins of reconstituted chicken -- we stumbled upon a phó-like version that packs a punch in a smaller does, a shot o' noodles, if you will. We managed to substitute everything that could stunt your growth as a kid with healthy, real and totally vegan nutrition. And you still get the fun of watching your food grow!

Broth
2 cups vegetable broth
1 stalk lemongrass, sliced and crushed
1 jalapeño, sliced
1 bunch cilantro
1 green onion, chopped
1 bunch mint

"Dehydrated Veg"
1 cup frozen peas
1 lime, peeled
1 carrot, peeled
1 bulb young ginger, peeled
1 small block smoked tofu
1/4 cup bacon bits

Noodles
2 cups dry chow mein noodles
1 cup canola oil

1. Since you won't be using MSG, the best way to concentrate your broth is to add it to all the other ingredients in a saucepan and slowly bring it up to simmer. Let it bubble for close to an hour while you prepare the veggies and noodles.

2. Defrost the peas by placing in a bowl of hot water or in the microwave for 1-2 minutes. Leave them slightly crunchy for extra sentimental effect. Slice your peeled lime into four long pieces, turn and cube. Cut your peeled carrot into similarly sized carrot cubes (pickled carrot strips work even better). Repeat with young ginger. Toss together in a bowl and set aside.

3. Rather than use raw chow mein, heat up a wok to fry the noodles quickly. Once hot, drop them in and stir thoroughly. After 2-3 minutes or until crunchy and slightly golden, remove and press with paper towels.

4. After close to an hour of simmering, strain the broth of any stray ingredients, and set aside.

5. Chop the smoked tofu into small cubes.

6. In small bowls, plate the dry ingredients, first the crunchy noodles, then top with the cubed veggies, followed by the smoked tofu cubes and bacon bits. Pour a small serving of broth into a tumbler or snifter. Serve separate so that diner may add broth to soup bowl.